The football focus last evening brought to my attention that we have lived through yet another decade.
2009 has been a year full of surprises, from school to travel to work and within my circle of family and friends.
As has been predicted right from the beginning of the year, 2009 is gonna be full of trials and tribunals for me. With 80% of my friends graduated from NUS and me left alone for my final semester with the HI-BYE friends, helpless is the word to describe. Fortunately, I made new friends in the course and the saying that old's always better than new apparently was proven wrong.
Going through the process of doing the thesis was indeed trying but the satisfaction attained upon the completion of the thesis and finally seeing the results were beyond my imagination. Looking back, I had always complained about how tough it is to survive in NUS with all the competition around me. Yet now that I am leaving the school, a sense of reluctance waves over me. I treasure the school holidays that accompanied the competition, the Exchange that would be made impossible without NUS, and the travelling and adventures that were non-existence if I had forgone my tertiary education in NUS.
Where travel is concerned, I have conquered 3 countries in Asia and the Oceanic region this year! Australia and Japan were out of my plans initially because it was America that I wanted to visit. I guess not going to America was a blessing in disguise. The money spent on America alone was sufficient to bring me to both Australia and Japan. Honestly, I had always wanted to visit Japan since young but it never crossed my mind that I would land my foot in the land of the rising sun this year. Perhaps the stories about the high standard of living had instilled fear in me such that if I do not have 50K in my bank account, Japan is not the place to go. :)
If Jules Verne had planned to travel around the world in 80 days, his 80 days is equivalent to my 30 years of life. His adventure began in London while mine originated from Bangkok. Landed my butt in Bangkok on my virgin trip in 2006 December and it has never stopped since. I do not deny that travelling can be really tiring and learning to travel with friends is an art to be mastered. But two is always better than one and I love having traveling companions. So I always count my blessings whenever I get to travel.
The decade adventure:
Bangkok, Thailand --> Various cities, Vietnam --> Genting, Malaysia --> Hong Kong --> Stockholm, Sweden --> Oslo, Norway --> London, Manchester, various cities, England --> Copenhagen, Denmark --> Amsterdam, Netherlands --> Brussels, Belgium --> Munich & Berlin, Germany --> Salzburg & Vienna, Austria --> Prague, Czech Republic --> Edinburgh, Scotland --> Rome, Pisa, Florence, Venice & Milan, Italy --> Athens & Corfu, Greece --> Madrid, Spain --> Porto & Lisbon, Portugal --> Marrakech, Morocco --> Barcelona, Spain --> Paris & Strasbourg, France --> Brisbane, Surfer's Paradise, Cairns & Sydney, Australia --> Osaka & Kyoto, Japan --> Taipei & various cities, Taiwan --> Tokyo & Nara, Japan --> ?????
With regards to handling family matters, I guess I have matured much over the years. Yes, communication bridges gaps between family members but trust is the word that can break down all barriers. The lack of trust entails dishonesty in communication. So when you communicate with someone yet deep in your heart, you do not trust the person entirely, you don't bridge gaps and differences in lives. :) I am glad within that small circle of my family members, the bond is strong and whenever we need to lend a ear to pour our sorrows or in times of need, no one is ever rejected.
The past decade has also seen me making friends who are bound to last a lifetime and also others who walk in and out too hastily. Whenever I talked to my students about their lifestyle, it brings me back to my own fond memories. Memories of the days when we idle at each other's house, roam the streets in Orchard and the town area, practically doing unproductive things like gossiping, ogling at eye-candies, window-shopping, etc. If I ever do such things these days, remorse will cloud over me for the whole day. As these habits grow out of my life, the friends who accompany these habits left me too. Nothing to cry over because I have learned the pain and struggles of having to say goodbye and that I will somehow get over it some day.
As I countdown to the new decade beginning 2010, I have mentally prepared myself for the transition from a student to a teacher. However, the little girl that I am lives in me and I am still the me that I was a decade ago. :)
It irks me when I feel that someone is doing something for the sake of doing it. It reflects a total lack of sincerity!
If that offer had come 3.5 years ago, I would have been exceptionally touched by it. Nonetheless, having MOE fed me for the past 3.5 years with more than $500 a month and me earning my own income, your offer to feed me for a month would be redundant.
The typical offer of $200 a month? You would be unable to provide me with the bare minimum of $500 yet if you ask me to settle for $200 a month, I would be better off not even getting a single cent.
I can only say, your offer came way too late to change things and make amendments.
I kept convincing myself not to check the exam results before I return to Singapore. But I find it hard to do so. My mind keeps revolving around the release of the results. Plus, with Linky constantly persuading me I finally clicked on the button....
The day started at around 8 a.m. in the morning i.e. 7 a.m. in Singapore. It has been freaking dinosaur years since I last woke up at this hour. Sometimes I really wonder if I will start to hate the teaching job some day, not because of the work and stress, but rather the routine of pulling myself out of bed early in the morning. I really hate waking up early!
So the boys, worried that Kim and I will oversleep, were very nice to come knocking on our door. There was even an announcement but because it was in Japanese, we weren’t sure if it was meant for us. All we knew was that it definitely woke us up!
So off we went to join the rest of the students to embark on our day trip to Kyoto. The day started really gloomy with rain splattering all over the streets of Osaka. People were really enthusiastic about the trip but the 4 of us, too weary from the long hours of travelling felt really chilled on the bus journey.
The tour guide spoke in Japanese but the other Japanese students were really nice to translate for us from time to time. The bus journey to Kyoto took around 1.5 hours and the 4 of us instantly became sleeping logs.!
The first stop was a tourist boat trip that resembled a white water rafting journey. The rain froze our ashes despite the 3 layers of clothing were being put on. There’s this really really funny Japanese student that never fails to make all of us laugh our asses off and kept us warm. Apparently, when you laugh, you feel warmer.
The 4 of us were split into two boats and Gabriel and I were lucky to be with this group of Japanese students who had been to Singapore in early November. Communication was made easier by the translator that the students have in their cell phones. Whenever we see a particular species of bird or plant, they will start to describe it to us and tell us the Japanese name of the bird or plant. Then they will discuss among themselves how to tell us in English. Fortunately, we had another professor from KG University who is quite proficient in English. However, his Japanese accent is quite strong so at certain times, it was hard to make out the words. I really appreciate his effort in guiding us along the way though.
The boat trip lasted around an hour and the boatmen commented that if we had been there a few days earlier, the scenery would have been much more perfect because by the time we visit, most of the leaves have already fallen. Out of nowhere, the professor and another student commented that I resemble a Japanese athletic, in fact a runner, Q-chan. I don’t remember her Japanese name despite them continuously chanting it and telling others.
“Do I really look like a Japanese?”
It is not the first time that I have heard comments about me being Japanese. When I was overseas in Europe, Australia, etc. people often spoke Japanese to me. Back then, I assumed it was due to the lack of recognition of the existence of us, the tiny red dot. Instead, the Japanese travel frequently and thus most people relate Asians to Japanese. Now that I am in Japan, even the Japanese themselves assume that I am Japanese!
The next stop was lunch and we went shopping for souvenirs! J Kyoto is a really beautiful place. If I had gotten my facts right, Kyoto used to be the capital of Japan! Correct me if I am wrong. J I love the old school buildings, traditional Japanese style! Because of the rain, this kind-hearted Japanese student actually sheltered me with his umbrella! I see the rain as a blessing in disguise because he himself is from Kyoto thus along the way, I was able to get a good reception and introduction about Kyoto. I bet he utilized every single English vocabulary that he knew while explaining to me about Kyoto. At certain times, I think I asked really intriguing questions and though he knew the answer, he wasn’t able to respond to my question because he couldn’t find the right word to put it across!
Over lunch, gab asked Yuki a question, “Do you like shopping?” and he answered, “Yes, I DO!” So we made fun of him by telling him that you only say that when you are agreeing to marry someone. It was something that a girl would give in response to a guy’s proposal. So we went on to asked them if girls in Japan propose to guys and how guys in Japan propose to girls? Apparently it wasn’t that difficult to answer the question and Japanese guys, according to them, ain’t romantic so flowers and a ring get the job done. No kneeling, no candles by the beach, hilltop restaurant proposals, etc. It was the first question that set the table rocking because Kim wanted to demonstrate how the question would be put forth in the Singapore context, as they didn’t understand our question. Ended up, the girl repeated whatever Kim said and asked Yuki if he will marry her? It was so hilarious! Ended up, the answer was more of a “NO, Japanese girls don’t do that.”
After lunch, it was time to board on the old school train. The train is operated for coal miners if I had gotten the explanation correctly and it is a technology that was imported from Germany. It was really noisy cause it operated in an underground tunnel but it is a really nice experience.
Our last stop was Isetan in Kyoto. J It is a wonderland for girls I assure you! The whole building is 10-storeys high and the escalators were sloped down in a single direction. Since Christmas’s round the corner, you expect to see a lot of ongoing Christmas sales but we hardly shopped. The YEN is getting stronger with each passing day thus everything was considered expensive! The basement can be voted to be the best place to hang out because there were so many Japanese snacks, sashimi, sakae, plum wine, etc. waiting for us! Ahhh! Went around trying the sakae and I have to tell Linky that the sakae in Japan is way better than the one we had at Raku, impromptu over lunch!
Dinner was the bomb as we were brought to a really high class Japanese restaurant! It was traditional Japanese dining where everyone were seated in an U-shape with their shoes taken off and kneeling on the ground! Apparently girls and guys are supposed to be seated in different postures with girls literally kneeling on their knees and guys free to sit cross-legged like how we do it during morning assemblies in primary or secondary school. However, Kim and I were totally unaware of it so we simply did it the guy’s style. Haha! Forgive us and it is not that we are uncultured or uncivilized but rather, it was awkward having to change our positions halfway during the meal!
I am not a big fan of red meat, especially beef, thus I only consume beef when circumstances require. Nonetheless, if I get to consume beef of that quality during normal meals, I don’t mind eating beef every single day! The beef simply melts in your mouth (oh not like M&M’s) and after you chew it, it makes you linger for more! One lesson I took home about the Japanese culture is that, THEY REALLY LOVE RICE! They hardly eat udon, ramen, soba as proper meals, rather these are more of side dishes to them! J Every meal comes with a bowl of rice! I bet I must have put on a few kilos from that 2 days, pampered to every single detail!
After dinner, it was time to head back to Osaka and part ways with some of the students who reside in Kyoto! However, the programme did not end. We were sent back to our hostel to shower and we were heading out for the night, for some drinks and karaoke together with the Korean students and some of the local students.
The Koreans can really drink! We had Japanese plum wine, sakae, Korean Soyu (can’t remember the name) and we did bottoms up in three different styles. The Koreans taught us their way of “Cheers” – it was like kallang wave but in drinking fashion. The first person bottoms up first then the person on the left will then continue and so on and so forth. But I still like the Singapore style best. We did the “YUM SENG” as loud as we could and the whole atmosphere in the drink house was lifted up, real high and rowdy! Finally, as a tribute to the Japanese students, we did the Japanese way last. By the completion of the 3 rounds of drinks (Neat or On the Rocks), some of the students were feeling drowsy, others flew high, talked at the top of the voice but it was really merry!! I love the feeling of how everyone who had just been acquainted instantaneously mingling together. The few drops of alcohol definitely helped.
It was already 1 a.m. by the time we left the beer house and we headed for karaoke. I thought I loved singing and am passionate about Karaoke but I was so wrong. The Koreans and Japanese totally beat Kel, Gab, and I flat down! Every single Korean song, which had some English words, had a few dance steps that accompanied the song and the 3 of us could only afford to laugh our asses off. The Japanese on the other hand were screaming at the top of their lungs like metallic rock bands! When we were made to sing, it was the ballads that were being brought on stage. The Japanese love Teresa Teng and so do the Koreans! So a modern jukebox like me was forced to turn time back and sing some oldies for them. I thought I sang really badly because my throat was hoarse from all the drinking!
Karaoke ended at around 3.30 a.m. and Kel and I decided not to sleep because we had flights to catch at 945 a.m. and 10 a.m. respectively. It was really good to have a companion because we could have breakfast at the airport and did some shopping before we fly off to our own respective destinations!
I wrap up the whole trip by specifically mentioning two people.
First is Sayuri, the graduate student, who arranged our accommodation and sent us to the airport on the 4th morning. Japanese girls are really sweet and subservient! She speaks really softly, and pastes stickers on notes that she writes for us! Don’t you think that’s damn cute?! I can’t even recall when was the last time I used stickers, for goodness sake! She even brought us a few packets of Japanese snacks and everything was so beautifully wrapped up that you can’t even bear to remove the wrapper!
Next is Yuki, the Kyoto boy, who showed us around and made us laugh frantically over his expressions and jokes! He was very nice to shelter me all the way from the harbour to the restaurant and then from the restaurant to the coal miner’s train station. We had to cut through woods and forests and all the time, ¾ of the umbrella was over my head and half of his body was all wet.! I felt quite guilty about it and offered to hold the umbrella so that I could give him more shelter but he refused to let me hold it. On the other hand, gab shared an umbrella with a Japanese girl and the girl actually held the umbrella for him!!!!!!!!! The girl volunteered and gab actually allowed her to do that.!
Gab and Kel kept complaining about how Singaporeans girls like Kim and I are demanding and that we should learn from the Japanese girls. But we kept reiterating the point that it is the culture that sets the difference and of course, stereotypes. If Kim and I were to start pasting stickers, people would think that we are trying to act cute! They even criticized us for not putting enough powder and having our eye lashes all curling in the same direction! So we kept emphasizing on the point of “NATURAL BEAUTY”
So what about the Singaporean guys then? Letting a girl shelter you is an act of gentleman-ness? Yeah, Japanese guys may be more chauvinistic compared to Singaporean guys but at least they never let girls do the physical chores (from our two days’ of observations). So just give and take and don’t complain about us, Singaporean girls. Likewise, we won’t complain about you guys too in future!
----- Looking forward to being back in Japan ------
Finally have the time to sit down and blog about Japan.
The group of 4 of us met at the airport at 11 p.m on the night of 1st December, ready to plunge in an unknown world on our own. Although 3 out of 4 of us were already seasoned travellers, we kept discussing about the type of clothing to pack etc. As usual at the airport, everyone else's family was there with them except me. I am kinda used to it. In addition, though I was supposed to travel for 23 days, my luggage was unusually smaller than everyone else.!
After check-in, we proceeded to rehearse once for our presentation but perhaps it was too late into the night, none of us were processing whatever that we were mumbling about and it was pretty much of a disaster. Thus, we decided to rehearse once more the next morning.
SIA is definitely one of the best airlines around this world. The comfort, the service, plus the food! Nonetheless, I was quite disappointed with the in-flight entertainment and leg room. Perhaps the A380 that I took on the Sydney-Singapore leg really altered my expectations of SIA. The screen and leg room on the A380 was simply incredible!
Upon touching down in Osaka, we were immediately impressed by the Japanese way of life and efficiency. Every procedure was very well relayed to tourists even though you didn't understand Japanese. The queue at the immigration counter was also well-organised. Once we exit to the departure hall, the people at Kwansei Gakuin University was right there waiting for us. It was one of their administrative staff and a graduate student who picked us up. With their limited command of the English language, communication did break down occasionally but they were so meticulous and sincere in helping us arrange everything that we could find no reason to be petty over communication.
They showed us the brochure of the workshop and it was then that we realise how grand and important this workshop is to the whole university. So immediately after I boarded the shuttle bus to Osaka city, I took out my laptop and started memorising all the points. They reserved rooms for us in their sports center, which is a student's hostel. The Japanese are so cultured that I earnestly rate them as high-class Asians. Before you enter the lobby of the hostel, you have to change into the slippers, absolutely no shoes allowed. But we weren't aware of it so we wore our shoes right into the lobby and the graduate student hastily reminded us.!
Shortly after we placed our bags in the room, we were brought to the KG university by foot to meet the professor who invited us, for lunch. The professor carried no airs at all and I salute his politeness and humbleness. He could speak English well and he had been to Singapore thus we had a lot to converse. :)
After lunch, we headed straight to the lecture rooms for the workshop. One word - Distinguished. Our group was second in line so we had some time to have a good feel of how the presentation should be conducted and also, the expectations of us. Before we even start our presentation, all the Japanese students in the room started to remind us to go really slow because their English wasn't very bright and it would be difficult for them to keep up with our pace of presentation.
Kim started the ball rolling and I thought her speed was commendable. It could be attributed to her nervousness too cause her hands were trembling very badly as she held the pointer. Gabriel was next in line and his pace was definitely the slowest among the 4 of us. By the time I started my presentation, the number of puzzled faces in the room was already uncountable. As usual, I just can't go slow when I present. So I entered the presentation at half my usual speed but still 2 times faster than the 2 of them before me. Kim started to whisper, "Ginnelle, slow down!" and I started to pause after every 3-4 words. Kelvin was last to go and I am certain by the time he started to talk about the learning points in a crisis, no one was listening already, except the professors!
When we ended our presentation, one of the professors actually tried to save us from embarrassment by saying that this is the normal speed in Singapore. He said that because one of the professors before him mentioned that he thought our presentation was a bit too technical and too fast for the audience to follow. We received numerous positive comments from the professors though. When we went back to our seats, the group of Japanese students behind us (they actually visited Singapore in early Nov this year) commented that we spoke too fast and they weren't following. :(
The whole workshop lasted for around 4 hours before we headed for the reception at around 6.30 p.m. These Japanese students are simply fabulous! Everything was arranged fine right till the details. There were a lot of speeches being made but they were all in Japanese so we didn't understand. Instead, the 4 of us just gathered among ourselves and chit chat about how slack and tired we were.
They had malt beer, orange juice and wulong tea for us to do their Japanese way of "Gan Bei". They had to wait till everyone in the ballroom was done before the toasts. Many a times, Kelvin and I thought it was time to bottoms up and we nearly finished one whole glass of beer. We took home one important lesson from this trip though. If you think Singaporeans are Kiasu, and that is unique to our culture, then you are SOOOO WRONG!! It was a buffet that was being arranged and the Japanese students actually told us that once the bottoms up ceremony finishes, we have to "RUSH" to the food! And I thought Singaporeans was kiasu! We totally lost out to them. In fact, I felt so embarrassed that I didn't take much. I merely stood there and wait for them to get the food that was being shared among the members at the table. :)
We were extremely lucky because our group was voted as the best presentation for the English session. Extremely taken aback! When Kelvin and I went on stage to receive our scroll and prize, our faces were burning hot! Everyone gathered, applause loudly but we had no idea about what was going on at all because the announcement had been made in Japanese. We merely followed the hand signals, have the photos taken and immediately rush back to our tables. However, that was not the grand prize. The grand prize was won by a Japanese group in another presentation room. Yet, shortly after everyone had their stomach fills, it was time for pictures among the students. I likened us to wax figurines in Madam Tussuad's wax museum because people, known and unknown to us, started to pose and take pictures with us.!
By the time the reception ended, we were all worn out and dried of our energy. To add bitter icing to the cake, Kim and I were in formal skirts and heels, with no leggings and we had to walk back to the hostel which was 20 minutes away. It was definitely Stockholm deja vu for us. But we felt so happy about the whole event that the cold failed to put up the flames that were already burning in us. And once again, I had my fair share of the malt beer, whisky, and alcoholic drinks. :) lol!
I really love Japan and the reception by the KG university students. Awesome!
Today marks the end of my NUS life. :) I don't know if I should feel happy or upset? Felt I didn't do well for the paper. Perhaps it's due to the power-packed soccer matches over the weekend. Portsmouth-ManU, Everton-Liverpool, Arsenal-Chelsea and the El-Clasico, Barcelona-Real Madrid. So I squeezed time out of my studying schedule to catch the matches! At the same time, I don't think that my underperformance in the exam was due to insufficient preparation. In fact, I felt more prepared than International Econs! The lecturer gave misleading hints. He said focus on the model and everyone expected the Tobin growth model! God knows he tested none of the Tobin growth model! I spent so much time working out the model!!! Sianz. I left 20marks undone in the paper. Insufficient time. Felt really bad about it. It was my last paper and I had to screw it up! :( Rumours and the discussion after the paper suggested that most people didn't finish it anyway. Hopefully I can be spared of a B! Really don't wish to see any B's or C's in my transcript.! Nonetheless, since it's over, I should just let it go. Bags packed, itinerary planned, in all-ready mode To be back to my real business, TRAVEL! YooHoo~~! Goodbye NUS, Goodbye my books, Goodbye my academic career! 嗨囉 Taiwan, Konichiwa Japan! :)
Truth to be told, I can't wait to move my butt to Japan and Taiwan !!!!!!!! Sick of having to study though it's the last 2 major exams of my academic career! In my mind, picturing myself putting on the winter wear once again in Japan ! :) Yoohoo~~! Honestly, I really LOVE travelling. If I can travel all my life, that would be the best. I would give up anything else just to travel. Even if that means no proper career, no stable family, no designer bags, no car, etc. As long as I get to see the different cultures of the world I will be more than contented! My mom says time is all it takes for someone to get sick of something. It applies to a lot of things in my life, Like how I dump aside my ex-favourite clothings, bags, idols, etc. And so travelling will be the only thing that I would never want to dump away :)
Some of my fav shots in Aussie Land..
The first sight of light in Cairns... :) We woke up at 5 to watch it..
Damn cool to just sit by the Opera House and chit chat. Remind me of the days when I was a frequent visitor of the Esplanade with a good old pal.. :) I guess I will finish blogging about Aussie some day when I am more free together with Japan and Taiwan! :)
Though I have not sat for my examinations, I am thinking about the date of release of my examinations already. I won't be in Singapore to click on the results, instead I will be clicking on it elsewhere.
This is the first time that I am clicking it overseas, hopefully it brings me good luck. Every time when I have to click on the button to view the results, my heart races! The amount of courage needed to click on the "view" button is humongous, way more than going on any free fall or roller coaster rides etc. I don't want to see results which I don't desire because I will be upset for the rest of the day. This time round, if I see back results for EC4401 Honors Thesis, I predict I will be sad for the rest of my life.
All the hardwork that I put in for the past 3.5 years of my life would be equivalent to nothing if I do not get my FCH, at least to me, this is how important a FCH means. :) Nothing can be done now and I am sure I have put in my utmost best in completing the thesis. If I don't do well, I can't find an excuse to forgive myself either.
Oh what happened to my savings plan? Met Rachel and Pauline for dinner today at Bugis. It's been a while since we last met and it's always nice to catch up with them. Rachel gave me really nice tips about the Taiwan trip! Thanks so much, Rachel! :)
However, I knew I shouldn't have stepped into Orchard ION. The SIA telephone operator told me to go to the SIA office to verify my credit card. So I moved my butt down to Orchard ION. God knows they said that Krisflyer members have their CC validated already. Thus, I made a wasted trip. Nevertheless, within the next 15 minutes, I debited $150 off my account. I happily stepped into Hilfiger and bought a skirt. I am supposed to save the money for Japan and Taiwan.! I should never have gone shopping before meeting the girls! Luckily I avoided the LV store. Otherwise I can't imagine my own reaction when I see my own credit card bill. Two air tickets + Hilfiger + LV? WOAH!
Yes, tomorrow is the long awaited thesis presentation! After tomorrow, I will never have to make a presentation in NUS again! Instead, I will be making presentations in a class daily.! Goodbye, NUS!
Truth to be spoken, I think I should just become a travel advisor or a travel planner in the near future. Be it side-tracking from my full time job employment or a future career! The past week has seen me searching through almost all the major airlines just for a flight that connects Japan and Taiwan or Japan and Shanghai and I proficient enough to tell you everything about the three cities! To an extent, I even made use of my Mac language translator to book the flight from Japan-Taiwan since the JAL website in English doesn't allow you to make bookings, only to check flight schedules. When you call the JAL international hot-line, which is outsourced to Hong Kong, the telephone operator will tell you they can't see any promotional airfares, only the flexible one. Instead, they will recommend you to book through a travel agent. HELLO! Which travel agent would help a Singaporean book a flight out of Japan, unless he or she is out of his or her mind! What a screwed up system, right? Fortunately, no hiccups in my bookings and I called JAL to confirm the flight, just in case I screw it up. Hope this good streak of luck continues to run when I am in Japan and for the rest of my life. Anyway, this might not be a bad thing since I am an ardent fan of travelling and would love to share all my travel adventures and experiences with anyone who's interested or planning a trip to the countries that I have visited. However, my knowledge, hitherto, is very much limited to only Asia, Europe and Australia since these are the only continents that I have stepped foot on. I am still crossing my fingers over beloved America!
The one lesson that I constantly go through is - Never try too hard for something.
I guess it just wasn't meant for us to go to Japan to do the presentation. There were so many hiccups along the way, indecisiveness by different group of stakeholders (not to be explicit) and we still tried so hard to work things out, especially Kel and I. Called numerous travel agencies, getting quotations for our air tickets, surfing all available airlines, just to get things right.
Spending days brooding over it, sending numerous emails, knocking on doors, waiting for our prof, worrying over others, etc. So what if I got it now? I seem to have lost the initial adrenaline rush over the fact that we are going to Japan to present our WORK! And once again, I have been taught the lesson: Never try too hard for something. Cause if it's meant to be yours, everything will fall in place nicely for you.
Unlike now, I cannot decide if I should book the tickets to Osaka, the flights out on 1st Dec are unavailable which I have no clue why? I haven't booked the limousine for my family from Taipei Taoyuan to the hotel, etc.
Ended up, I find myself in a lose-lose situation. I have to pay extra for the trip. And I end up ditching my family and leaving them to go on a guided tour for the first two days that they are in Taiwan. Screw me, I hate myself for making bad decisions sometimes. And it's too late to pull out now.!
And I question: Is it me that refuses to accept the fact that I am flying to Japan then Taiwan which is holding me back from clicking on the purchase button or is it the uncertainty that I am not sure if my friends are fine with the trip? Will there be any further hiccups?
I find myself contradicting and my life an irony at times. Two weeks ago, I was working my socks off to finish my thesis, projects, presentations and problem sets. Suddenly, I have nothing on hands except the presentation. I feel so free that I start to take out the long overdue books to read, surf the net for hours, play games on my iPhone non-stop, take afternoon naps, etc. But I guess I am used to being busy such that now I feel a sense of guiltiness lingering in me when I am not doing anything. Of course I still have the exams to work for and the planning of the trip to Taiwan.! :)
Plus, I am not enrolling into NIE yet! I still gotta wait till August before I can enrol into NIE. So I will be going for contract teaching for the first 6 months next year.... :( I wish to enrol into NIE soon honestly and get over and done with it!
Oh I totally didn't expect this to happen! I have already booked the air tickets to Taiwan in December. God knows our lecturer selected our group to go to Osaka for a presentation! The dates clash, I can't change my SQ ticket to Taipei. I can't book a direct flight from Japan to Taipei cause it's damn ex! The only way is to route through HongKong. Nonetheless, I have other things to worry about i.e. my siblings who are travelling with me Though they are old enough to take care of themselves, One can't help worry Now I am really undecided. One of my group mates might give up. If he gives up, then I need not fret cause it's either we go as a group or we don't go If he doesn't give up, then the burden is on me or rather the decision lies in my hands Perhaps I could talk to my lecturer about the SIN-OSAKA-TAIPEI-SIN leg Nonetheless, it's gonna be like 10 over hours of flight all the time. I seriously wonder if it's worth all the trouble? Or I should just go to Taipei and not be bothered about this At least Mom is supportive of me heading to Japan and them to Taipei first. Some assurance helps. :)
Yuppie, thesis submitted yesterday and I am now a free soul. It suddenly dawned upon me that I will no longer have to go through days of sleepless nights or inadequate sleep, give up my hongkong dramas, compromise with playing tennis, etc. Instead, I can be back to the weekly drinking sessions or mahjong sessions, the drama-after-drama days. Nonetheless, I have to start to work on my modules since I have been neglecting them for the past 12 weeks. My only focus was writing a good dissertation and a meaningful one. I have been spending all my time outside of tuition to work on my thesis and indeed it has been a fruitful journey. Especially towards the end, when Linken was vetting my thesis and Kheng started correcting my subject-verb agreement, I realise that writing a dissertation with perfect grammar is indeed trying. The problem does not lie with me being able to figure out the singular and plural but rather, the tenses almost drove me crazy. I was really undecided between using past tense or present tense to write the thesis! The work that was done by me has to be in present tense whereas work done by precedents have to be in past tense? Ended up I went to my professor and he simply told me to write everything in present tense. Linken was definitely picking on bones and very critical of what I wrote but I do not blame him. In fact, I was really happy about it because it makes me ponder over what I have wrotten and what I could do to improve on it. What's more, I need not hug my laptop to school everyday though it has become a habit that I kinda love it. Put aside the weight, it gives me immediate access to whatever that I want to know.
For now, I wish to publish my acknowledgements.
No words of appreciation can express my hearfelt gratitude towards my supervisor, Dr. Liu Haoming for his kind patience and guidance in helping me complete this thesis to mark my graduation. His serenity amidst my panic over my progress of writing this dissertation from deciding on a topic while he was still suffering from a jet lag to resolving the many data regression issues, and finally reading my draft has been extremely reassuring. Without his exceptional forbearance for all the major and minor knocks on his office, the completion of this thesis would not have been so smooth and I would not have developed an interest in doing research work. He is God's grace to me as a final year student.
Not to forget, I would like to express my appreciation towards Dr. Indranil Chakrabotry, Dr. Goh Say Song, and Dr. Gamini Premaratne who have given me numerous astute advices academically and have been instrumental to my learning journey in NUS.
Next, I would like to convey my sincerest appreciation to Linken, one of my best pal who has indeed shown me remarkable support by having a game of tennis with me when I needed to take it easy, listening to my whining, and most importantly, vetting my thesis despite his hard-pressed schedule. Further, I would like to thank my best buddies: Chris, WenXiong, and Tailon, people whom I seek to for comfort and for the mirth, fun, and laughter they brought to my life for the past decade. They are whom I call true friends. Added compliments to Chris for proofreading my thesis as well!
The final and most important, I wish to express my gratitude to my family; my Mom who loves me unconditionally and has been extremely supportive while I take on this last challenge in my academic career; my sister, Kheng, for correcting the subject-verb agreement issues in my paper meticulously, and also my brother, Michael, who constantly offers words of encouragement and astute advices for the past 23 years of my life. A BIG THANKS for playing a fundamental role in shaping up my character and showing incredible tolerance for my whims and fancies, and never stingy when it comes to showering me with love.
I am truly blessed beyond measures to have you guys as my family members.
Owing to space constraint, I was not able to thank all the people that I would like to so the blog is a more appropriate venue I guess.
I would like to dedicate this dissertation to my Brother, Michael and my cousin-in-law, Vincent. Prior to deciding on the topic, I was not sure if writing on such a topic would have been anything meaningful. However, the series of events made me realise that Health is Wealth and that without good health, you would have been denied access to the door of Happiness.
Next, I would like to thank Bestie, IatFai for his existence in my life. He need not explicitly encourage me to be better or listen to my sorrows but through the small chats we have during the gatherings, he made me realise that if one's dreams are shattered, it may be hard to swallow initially but we all move on. Seeing his attempts to live a fulfilling life despite living within so many constraints, I have more the reason to do so. All the conversations we had while I was on SEP also helped me stay in touch with Singapore and it was always nice to have someone you know to relate to when you experience any funny or interesting events while overseas. Thanks, Bestie!
Next, to my ex-boss and mentor - Augustine, for showing me the ropes to auditing and interpersonal relationship and for encouraging me when I first entered NUS that all I need is time to adapt to the NUS lifestyle. Those words of encouragement were instrumental to me graduating today from NUS!
Not to forget, my wonderful Econs friends in NUS - Pauline, Rachel and HuiYun. All the times that I was in NUS, I had their companion and we sat through all the boring lectures together, sat for the same exams and the little outings like Botanic Gardens, Dinner, etc. indeed brightened up my life!
To Joseph and Sharon - my first few friends in NUS who brought me so much laughter out of my embarrassment, thanks for helping me tide through the adjustment phrase in NUS.!
To WaiTeng for introducing the lovely sport, tennis to me, for constantly encouraging me when I felt really down and lost with my thesis, hall stays would have been much different without her!
To the two splendid friends I made from SEP - Kim and Monica. All the travels, living and culture experiences would not have been made possible without Kim's company and I wouldn't have the same feeling towards the various countries that we visited together without her. The days of cooking together, couching in her room on Sundays to watch movies, running to Lidl with our slippers and shorts during winter, long bus journeys, gossips, etc. are memories that will stay with me for life.!
And for Monica, the little chats we have in our room during SEP, the art of accomodation and lending an arm that she taught me, the constant encouragement she gave while I was working on my thesis were all priceless.!
And so, I thank God for bringing them to my life and on SEP.!
Last but not least, thanks to every single friend I made in NUS especially the Econs peeps!
Lastly, I would like to share any good luck that God has bestowed upon me for the past 23 years with my cousin, Benjamin, who is sitting for his 'O' Levels and my sister, Kheng, who is sitting for her 'A' Levels examinations. Also, I would like to thank my cousin, BiXia, for lending me her Macbook power adapter when mine refused to work on the very night before the submission of my thesis (Every single bit of effort counts.!) And my cousin, Wendy, for the weekly badminton sessions when I needed to destress and also being the responsible driver to deliver the power adaptor without moaning a single word! (I am not sure if she complained behind my back though! haha..Just joking!)
Simply can't believe that the semester is coming to an end. I am 99% done with my thesis! Only left with the vetting in the first few sections to be done by Linky Chris helped me to proofread the later sections already :) Thanks, Chris! Of course, I am left with the abstract (to be completed tomorrow) And formatting the page numbers. Was wondering if I should get more people to vet it so they can give me more opinions on how to improve it? Oh well well well, I am starting to miss NUS already........
I realised that I have been drowning myself in a life full of T's in the past ten months. Now what are these T's about?
Thesis.Tests.Tuition.Tennis.Travel.
Of course, tuition comes first since it started from January! Yeah, tuition's coming to a close in a week's time. Honestly, I have mixed feelings when it comes to tuition. Lately, I find myself flaring up at those kids so often that I start to hate myself as their teacher. Perhaps it's the ambitious expectations that I set on them or maybe it's my low threshold for imperfections. Some students do impress me with their work, their progress and I do not credit myself for the change in them. However, I realise I often take it very hard when they do not perform. I question my own ability to make them learn, to pull up their disastrous academic results but I never found an answer.
Imagine yourself spending 5-6 hours a week on a student, helping him with every aspect academically. Initially, a warm relationship develops out of goodwill and the genuine care and concern you show for him academically. After 3-5 months, you start to get tired of his excuses for not doing his homework, not being able to do certain questions and your tolerance starts to wear out. He doesn't do well for his first mid-semester examination so you sit down, have a good talk with him and try to fish out the reasons behind the screws-up. You constantly remind yourself to show a little more tolerance and faith so you never scrimp on your encouragement and praises him and convince him that he's capable of earning an A.
You see yourself bringing him back to the basics to explain every single concept in the next two months. That 2 months passes in the wink of an eye and though you see gradual improvement, you know that amount of improvement is insufficient to earn him an A. You get extremely fed up and lash out at him for the very first time. He feels tremendously awful for disappointing you and promises to work hard. Tuition starts to get a bit dreary but you still try to impart him your knowledge and all the examination techniques that you have picked up and have successfully earned you merit academically or even personally in life.
Finally the lap before the finals arrives. Despite your hard-pressed schedule, you never once gave up on him and always gave him priority, in hopes of seeing just an A in at least one subject but that wait refuses to end. He flung his exams once again and you can no longer contain the frustration and anger that have been accumulated in the past 8 months. The number of scoldings increases exponentially during the last month and your relationship becomes strained. You do not feel that he appreciates what you have done for him, doesn't reciprocate which explains why he complained that you are unconvinced that he earnestly desires an A too. However, being able to balance yourself better emotionally after seeing so many batches of students, you convince yourself that he needs an avenue to vent his frustrations and not to take it to heart.
But imagine yourself in my shoes, putting in your utmost best to help someone unconditionally only to see that your relationship ends up being strained. You burnt every single Saturday of yours and up till even the week before the finals arrive, you know he's still incapable of earning an A. You are certain you have exhausted all methodologies to make him learn and am at wit's ends.
Truth to be told, I do not need anyone to reciprocate what I have done for them because I am paid to do so but I am not like other tuition teachers who can detach themselves emotionally from their students' results. Now, I am simply crossing my fingers and waiting for the last round of tuition to come next week before I officially bid them goodbye. Whatever the outcome in Jan/Feb next year, I have already aligned my expectations and prepared myself for the worst. I am assured that I have put in 101% in trying to help them get good results and hopefully they can get into a course which interests them. Life's a game such that if you play it well, you open up different opportunities in life and if you screw it up, then you have to make do with whatever comes along even if it's not something which you desire. Make it or break it, I live it to their own fate and hands.
Tuition is not the focal point of my life, rather the thesis and tests are the principle focus for me right now. In NUS, there's an never an end to the various tests that comes week in week out. This semester, working on the thesis has taken up 70% of my time in school and now, I am one week away from my 1st submission, 2 weeks away from my 2nd submission and 3 weeks away from my oral presentation.
Whenever I need to take it easy, I turn to tennis for support. Tennis has become such an integral part of my life that I feel uneasy whenever I don't play it at least once a week. However, the past 2 weeks has seen this beautiful sport eluding me because I am simply glued to the laptop every single possible moment of my life, less the tuition, meals and sleeping hours.
And after the curtains draw, it's time for me to head out to my next destination. Travel! I guess that's the one thing that I will never get sick of. It's an expensive leisure but I love it so much that I'm willing to give up anything else for it. :)
Would you rather sleep 4 hours a night over two days or sleep 6 hours one night then 2 hours the other?
Indeed, the latter and abysmal choice of mine has directed the resumption of my mouse-slamming habit and my poor mouse, which is only 3-months old is beginning to protest and dying on me!
Great, 3 mouse in a year! "SQUEEZE YOU, GINNELLE LIM!"
Now I believe that you are supposed to take a 30seconds break after staring at the computer screen for 30 minutes.
I hardly have the time to catch a breath in the past two weeks! Every morning once I wake up, I power up my laptop and start working on the regression results then tabulation and finally piecing up them nicely onto my thesis. To make things worst, even my coursework requires me to use STATA so basically I have been breathing STATA every day in my life. Tons of assignments, regressions and reports plus a presentation towards the end. My eyes are tearing really badly due to the contact lenses as well. Save Me!
With each boot-up of my lappy, here's a breakdown of the total time wasted:
1. Logging on to Hotmail to check nonsensical mails, basically meaning clearing the junk inbox.
2. Directing to the web of Soccernet to read the latest juicy football news, especially gossips like who is joining which ever club blah blah blah.
3. Going to my favourite bookmark - Facebook to see some latest news feeds followed by typing maniac if I am feeling unhappy.
4. Plurk if I have something to say - short and sweet stuff.
5. Check my blog to see if I have anything to say, if I have comments to reply to (fortunately, no spammers yet!)
6. Singtel.com for Iphone or SIA for cheap tickets
By the things that I do, I realise I wasted half an hour to 40 minutes of my time every single day doing these stuff.
And the best thing is I nearly couldn't finish studying for my mid-term test last night because I was surfing all these garbage websites! Then I had to sleep for 4 hours and grab a McBreakfast and study at the same time at 730am!
So today's test was the first time in NUS I felt screwed for an exam because I was unprepared!
When I was 15 years old, I wanted to be a counsellor..
When I was 17 years old, I aspire to be an air stewardess..
When I was 18 years old, I was desirous of becoming an auditor..
When I was 19 years old, I hope to become a singer..
When I was 20 years old, I was brought back to reality and become a teacher..!
When I was 21 years old, I aim to become a diplomat..
Now that I am 22 years old going on 23, I realise I love research work more than ever..
At the bottom line, I discovered where my interest lies finally. I realise that my dreams and ambitions may have been redefined and reshaped time and time again however, the fundamental on which it has been based on has not wavered a single bit despite all the diversions along the way...
I want to be a policy maker in future, someone who can touch and change and shape others' lives. :)
Bring back, oh bring back.. Oh bring back my SOCCER to ME!
I really dislike the fact that Singtel has taken over the Champions Leagues' broadcast rights! With no MIO Tv at home currently, I am missing out all the good fun in the Champions League... To rub salt on my wound (still recovering), they had to rival Starhub for the BPL rights! WTH! If Damien sees this, he will probably gloat over my misfortune again since he used to mock at my MAC for not being able to stream the soccer matches online while his "amazing" PC does it effortlessly.!
Honestly, I need to sniff around for matches that can be streamed on MAC. I don't believe in this advanced technology age, such a task can't be accomplished.! When there's a will, there's a way!
... enjoying every moment I am at work. ... looking forward to every morning. ... talking to neighbors in the lifts. ... going reading up on Computational Intelligence whenever I am free. ... greeting the bus drivers. ... busy most of the time, but happy. ... mentalogically (the new word i coined last month) solving the data mining problem on the bus ride home. ... wanting to tell anyone about anything. ... taking part in case competition amidst the workload. ... spending more time talking to my parents. ... enjoying my friends' company. ... going for long dinners. ... running at night. ... letting hurtful remarks slide. ... baking cakes. ... in full control of my life. ... happier.
I found myself.
I seem to be in an exact opposite situation as my friend above. Just what is wrong with me?
Uber filled with outrage due to my prof! He always tries to embarrass our class's students in front of everyone else. As a lecturer, as an educator, you have to be more encouraging. Only that will make others attempt to try the questions in class. I have long gotten used to the silence that radiates from my tutorials All because of his uncouthness At least this is a lesson for me to take back. That I should never embarrass my students in future And be more reassuring. F* you, stupid Lecturer.!
I realise I am against appraisals or rather assessments like these. Yet somehow I have gotten used to it. Lecturers giving out problem sets or assignments to do. Assigning a grade based on those problem sets. Everyone discussing their answers to come to a similar conclusion. I did most of the work but I got a lousier grade than someone who "plagiarizes" my work But that's life isn't it? Of course if I were the one who had plagiarized his or her work, then he or she would have found it unfair too. I likened it to the huge debate over ManU's win last weekend. That too much extra time was given resulting in Owen's goal. If ManC was the one who had scored, then they wouldn't have shouted foul. At least for me now, I just wanna concentrate on my thesis! Do a good job to get the deserving grade and wanted grade. And graduate with FCH. Petty things like assessments no longer matter I guess. At least I know I am truly worthy and that I know my stuff well.! I know if I do graduate with FCH, I will be filled with disappointment and anguish Nonetheless, no one can write off the amount of effort I have put in my 3.5 years of undergraduate studies. I need to come to terms with not having control my own life in desperate times.
“Dong Dong!” There goes the dreary bell for French lessons once again.
Clarissa shuffled over to the classroom cupboard and hurriedly took out the files for the subject. As the French representative, it was Clarissa’s responsibility to ensure that everyone has his or her file for the lesson ready before the teacher enters the classroom. However, as this was only the fifth week of the semester, Clarissa found it unexceptionally trying to recognize all her new classmates’ name, especially when it came to Xavier – the one whom she secretly admires on the very first day she stepped into this new class.
To speed up the process of distribution, she decided to seek her best friend, Joanna’s help since she excelled in conversing French and was the chairperson of the class as well. Unknowingly, she came across that special name and despite recognizing whom that file belonged to, Clarissa was more interested in knowing how to pronounce the name then distributing the file. In her corner of her eye, Joanna caught Clarissa blushing as she stared onto the file.
“Oh my goodness! You can’t be interested in this guy, are you?” questioned Joanna.
Clarissa was taken aback and could not give an immediate reply. However, inferior as she was, she chose to deny her feelings and brushed Joanna off with an unyielding, “NO, of course not!”
Perhaps it was God’s will that Clarissa was to have this infatuation carved onto her heart for the rest of the life because not long after that file distribution incident, she started chatting online with Xavier. The two of them will log on to Hotmail’s Messenger Service every weekend to talk about anything under the Sun. Sometimes, the conversation revolved around gossips about their classmates, and other days they would then discuss about their interests, hobbies and their own families. The chats made Clarissa grew in confidence that she was not an ugly duckling whom love will elude her and that there is always someone for everyone out there. However, just when she thought the relationship would blossom, Joanna confessed her love for Xavier and tides took a turn.
As though it had all been rehearsed since childhood, Clarissa knew it was time for her to take the passenger seat next to Joanna once again. The latter had excelled in every aspect in life compared to Clarissa except for academic achievements. Thus, everyone labeled Clarissa the “nerd” while Joanna was often viewed as popular, street-smart and every other antonym of nerdy. She took on main leads in role-plays in schools, was voted a model student every year without fail and was endearing to boys judging by the numerous guys who tried to get into her good books since elementary school. Nothing would change the circumstances this time round too.
Aware that Clarissa regularly talks to Xavier, Joanna then exerted peer pressure on her by questioning their relationship. Never the girl who believes that love will embrace her, Clarissa gave in to Joanna’s request to try to bring together the two of them. It did not take long for Xavier to be attracted to Joanna’s bubbly and candid personality after a few chatting sessions with her. However, Xavier had not neglected Clarissa in the process. He still constantly drowned Clarissa with his sorrows but the incidences of his happiness being discussed over the Internet was moving north definitely and they all revolved around Joanna.
The day that sent Clarissa’s fate turning hundred and eighty degrees finally descended when Xavier asked her if it was the right move for him to get together with Joanna. Despite having prepared herself for this day, Clarissa found her tears falling uncontrollably as she stared into the red letter words being typed out by Xavier on the other end of the conversation. Whether Xavier will ever find out about her feelings for him was deemed no longer important anymore. Clarissa was determined to bite the bullet and move on with life. Indeed, this was also the very last conversation she had with Xavier.
Now, sixteen years down the road since that final exchange, Xavier and Joanna are still blissfully in love with each other. However, Clarissa was no longer the inferior and nerdy girl she used to be. She took steps to improve on her appearance, voice out her opinions whenever necessary to establish her presence and diligently climbed up the corporate ladder. Nonetheless, she found her heart and emotions in exile and it was her dreams and ambitions that kept her soul and body intact until she went to Mali.
Her love for Xavier was entailed in the form of seeing him basking in happiness and bliss even though it meant him holding another girl’s hands. It may sound out-of-date and obsolete to many others out there who advocate the freedom of pursuing true love yet Clarissa chose to uphold that belief.
Love, in the form of relationships, eluded Clarissa but God bestowed upon her the power of being extraordinary. Clarissa, single and still available, now works for the United Nations as an ambassador to Timbuktu in Mali. If Timbuktu meant "Nowhere", then this faraway land definitely helped liberated the exiled heart and emotions of Clarissa. It was right there in Timbuktu where the underprivileged and ill-fated children who struggled with meeting their daily supplements embraced her with their innocence and exemplify love in another form. In exchange, Clarissa learnt to love these poverty-stricken children unconditionally too.
Love is a blessing that transcends across boundaries, sex, nationalities and race be it you deciding to let go or embrace it.
[Author: Anonymous]
I wonder if it's a true story but at least it did touch my heart to read such a story, perhaps because I wanna go to Timbuktu myself!
Just another boring Tues afternoon but a gathering with the different organs of a pig definitely made it special and a note worth remembering.
I had gotten so used to the environment of NUS that I no longer remember how it was liked when I first enter the institution. The unfamiliarity, hopes of seeing a familiar face somewhere, sometime in lectures, trying to plan timetables together etc. Sharon, Joseph, Michelle and I had a good chill-out session at the Deck today. My first few friends in NUS, they brought me exceptional memories in NUS. Seeing us all matured and grown up after a mere 3 years and our lives steering in completely directions, I thank God our paths once crossed.
Joseph, the pig brain, is always the one doing all the stunts in module planning and bidding. Occasionally, he makes Sharon and I share his stunts. However, he sees through me all the time, about how I feel and the many implications in my life. At least, he was the one who gave me a lot of support and encouragement during the most torturous period in NUS - the adjustment semester. Not to forget, he embarrassed me in front of a cutie not once, but twice because of his APPARENT loudness and nonobservance to the surroundings. :)
Sharon, the pig leg (she is EXTREMELY against us calling her that), is a small little girl, young and innocent when we first met her and Jo always calls her a CHEENA girl putting on a smokescreen by majoring in English Language. She takes all kinds of insults from us all the time without retaliating too strongly, and we love her still. However, she was the one who stalk after the cutie, and perhaps girls always relate better. :)
Oh and yes me, the pig's liver! I got the name because of that famous "Bak Chou Mee" noodle podcast by Mr Brown and the uncontrollable and hysterical laughter that I pulled off after listening to it during one of the lectures. This nickname will stay with me through life. :(
But yes, these are my lovely friends from NUS and I heart them for all the support, laughter and precious memories for the past 3.5 years. :)
Perhaps many of us tried to be the perfect somebody to someone else. Will it ever work out?
I don't why but I feel so strongly for this suddenly. Some women spend all their lives searching for that perfect one guy while others waited their whole life for that one special one of theirs to become the dream guy that they conceptualized when they were young. Yet, many others give in to what God has in place for them and slog their lives out.
To me, of course I do not wish to be in any of the above scenarios but a quick review and glance of the people around me failed to be encouraging statistics.
Why do you wait for that perfect one? Why do you wait for the guy beside you to become the man of your dreams? Why do you admit defeat so easily?
Why not just learn to love the imperfections of that someone and make your life easier? Truthfully, I ponder over these questions a lot. Actions speak louder than words. So here I am blogging about learning to love the imperfections of others but there I will be, criticising about someone's else flaws. I am not driving the point that you should just make do and live with someone's else flaws but rather than dwell on it all the time, isn't it better to learn to love it before you decide to live with it? Only when you love something or someone genuinely do you start to ignore the little imperfections of him or her, right? Isn't that what the lesson of love meant to deliver?
Further, if that someone has been behaving the way he or she is for the past 20-30 years of his or her life, it will be a more uphill task for him or her to change those bad habits rather than for you who probably has only known him or her for less than half a lifetime to alter your expectations.
Waiting for someone to change will only end you in misery. I would rather be more proactive to change my own perspective. It is always easier to tune yourself than to tune others. Ultimately, there's no way you can influence someone's else actions or behaviours no matter how close the two of you may be.
Everyone should learn to love the imperfections in their own lives. May it be a small setback, may it be an unhappy past, may it be a hurdle that is stopping you from moving forward, take a deep breath and tell yourself, do when you learn to love your flaws, love your imperfections, love the setbacks in life, love the trials and tribunals God has in place for you will you emerge a stronger and deserving champion of Satan.! :)
I am extremely tempted to buy the new Iphone 3GS! Should I or shouldn't I? I am immensely obsessed with the Tiffany & Co. necklace! Should I or shouldn't I? I am awfully in love with the LV bags. Should I or shouldn't I?
I think I should give myself a tight slap to wake myself up!
Life's heading a different direction these days. I am glad there's progress with the thesis though it's really slow but at least it's "gradual". :) I find it to be a completely different learning experience from hitting books and am truly convinced that I should have embark on this journey of working on a research paper. At the end of the day, when I look at this product of my labour, I believe I will be truly amazed and satiated and impressed by my own effort. (hopefully) It's been almost 4 weeks since I started on deciding on the topic and though it way diverted from my initial area of interest - foreign employment, I am glad that I ended up doing this topic. The many events that have been taking place in my life these days, which explains my absence from MSN & Skype, made me realise that Health brings about Happiness. By losing your health, you have given up your privilege and entitlement to happiness.
You are no longer able to pursue whatever dreams that you have been talking about your whole life, your unhappiness radiates to people around you, a thick clout of worries and uncertainty hangs over you blah blah blah...
However, looking at myself, I am more like a part-time student and a full-time tutor.! I have tons of tuition calling on me and sometimes I really feel like not responding to any of the tuition calls. But a simple message on Monday evening cheered me on and motivated me to stay steadfast in whatever I had started out. One of my students actually text me a "Happy Teacher's Day" message and told me that he is really thankful for the patience I had shown him over the past two months and helping him to regain confidence and interest in a subject which he had already given up hopes on. I guess that is one of the many perks of embarking on a teaching career. At the verge of giving up or in desperation, some words of encouragement never fail to re-ignite the burning desire to educate, share knowledge and influence someone.
The emotional distress that teachers undergo is tremendous and it affects their health physically and psychologically. High incidences of high blood pressure and heart attacks strike them as well because they have to deal with the mischief of 40 students, lectures from a LH, SH, VP and the Principal. To add bitter icing on a piece of rotten cake, a teacher has to endure the enthusiastic parent who never stops asking for more and cajole nonchalant or demanding parents but each student only has to deal with crap from probably 8 teachers, a VP and a Principal. The Statistics paints the picture of LIFE AS A TEACHER! :)
In conclusion, teachers should be more highly-paid.!
I am glad I am back to my reading newspapers habit. Apparently, I have been procrastinating whether to read those newspapers that have piled up like a mountain at home, not forgetting my Economist magazines! :(
Came across this interesting debate or rather diplomatic issue between UK and the US over the release of Libyan prisoner held in Scotland over the terrorist attack on a US plane sometime back in the 1980s who took away at least 100 over lives. He had been sentenced to lifetime imprisonment in Edinburgh but the imprisonment seems to have taken a toll on his health and he is claimed to have been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Left with only three months of his life, the Scottish government decided to let him return to Libya to serve out his jail term till he dies so at least he could be near to his family.
Rumours claim that this was an implicit agreement between UK and the Libyan government right from the start that the Libyans will hand him over but there was a stipulated release date on medical grounds. This is in exchange for the UK government to tap the vast source of natural gas in Libya.
Having killed hundreds of Americans from his terrorising plot, his release stirred emotions of the Americans who had lost their loved ones 2 decades ago. He was relentless when killing the Americans and having cause hundreds out there to lose their love ones, now who is he to have the right to be near to his loved ones?
I found it to be very debatable and I believe everyone who reads this would have varying opinions on a very broad spectrum. Are you a socialist through and through or do are you more of a capitalist? Do you think that we should be compassionate when dealing with such a merciless killer on social grounds or do you think that everyone should pay the price for their wrongs and let the invisible hand punish the erred?
Honestly, I couldn't come up with a conclusion myself, kinda struck in between the two extreme. I thought I especially love the last sentence on the report:
"He could probably be on the plane now back to Libya thinking of how to write a best-selling memoir."
I had lunch with Linky in school today and he commented that almost 20% of the semester has gone by once again. This is my FINAL semester but I am more slack than before because I am only doing two modules and for the past semester and special semester, tutorials had nothing to do with the word "SCHOOL". Part of the justification was because I didn't know how to do those tutorials or either the lecturer simply uploaded the complete solutions. Hence, I have forgotten the feeling of having to do tutorials! :(
My thesis is still at the 0 word count limit, hitherto. I am lost. I don't know where and how to start?! Perhaps I should pay my professor a visit soon, yeah? I have been brainstorming for ideas to get myself going. Perhaps I should draw up a timetable, like Monday I shall read a certain number of papers or blah blah. I wonder if this kiddy primary school method of having a jockey by the horse to pull a reign will work for me - a horse that has been set free to roam and gallop on the pasture on the opposite side of the field.
My only consolation of being in school is perhaps having linky to lunch with me! Lol! From strangers to friends who can talk and blabber about anything under the Sun is really a miraculous process. Linky's personality is a stark contrast from his appearance and looks. We love digging at each other's sorrows, fish for compliments and ogle at the same designer brands and of course play tennis! If not for him, I doubt I will ever get down to learning how to play tennis.
I will make sure I work hard during these remaining ten weeks to ensure that my effort in the past three years go down the drain, never. Instead, it should generate the outcome that I have been anticipating the day I embarked on my NUS academic career.! :)
"UP" the movie rocks! Everyone should catch it. Friends close to me are aware that I am not an ardent fan of animations Yet I was the one who suggested catching this show this time round Well, it never disappoint me a single bit throughout the 102 minutes
Had anyone ever read the marriage vow? If you did, were you able to appreciate what was being read by the priest?
To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part
The past week had made me realise the importance of this vow That someone was living through the vow that she made Encouraged and endearing to see that Many a times, we say things without rumination for the consequences and of what lies ahead Marriage allows us to ADD our INCOMES, MINUS our NARCISSISM, MULTIPLY our HAPPINESS and DIVIDE our SORROWS Regardless of what lies ahead of the future, Reflect before you take the oath and recite this:
"Say YOUR (MY) vow" "Cross your (MY) heart" "Pledge your (MY) soul" and "Fulfill your (MY) Promise" Before you (I) ever say "I DO!"
Age in years: 22.67 Age in months: 272 Age in days: 8275 Age in hours: 198594 Age in minutes: 11915629 Age in seconds: 714937734 Age in Milli seconds: 71493773423 Age in weeks: 1182 You were born on : Thusday
DECEMBER * Loyal and generous * Patriotic * Active in games and interactions * Impatient and hasty * Ambitious * Influential in organizations * Fun to be with * Loves to socialize * Loves praises * Loves attention * Loves to be loved * Honest and trustworthy * Not pretending * Short tempered * Changing personality * Not egoistic * Takes high pride in oneself * Hates restrictions * Loves to joke * Good sense of humor * Logic
Recently, there have been too many happenings and events around me and triggered me to think about my existence so far and of course my life and the future.
First and foremost, the special sem gave me new insights into a friendship I once had. When you are far away in a foreign land and out of your comfort zone, you seek solace in friendships and of course your peers. However, upon landing safely i.e. returning back to your comfort zone, more often than not, you see yourself neglecting people or friends who had once lent a helping hand. But I was reminded of it during the special sem.
Then, one of my friends went on the Work & Travel USA programme to Yellowstone during Summer this year. I should have embarked on it if not for my own indecisiveness and the special semester. Now that she's back, I see that she really misses Yellowstone a lot still. She wrote an extremely emotional post about how badly she miss the people, the work etc in YS. I can relate to what and how she's feeling completely because I was once in that phase of my life a year ago. However, home is home and you do not need that much amount of time to adapt back to the Singaporean lifestyle. I wish her luck. :) Seeing her post reminds me of the times in Stockholm. It made me feel like I didn't treasure the days there well enough. Those were so precious memories that are gonna stick with me for life. Be it the good and sweet ones or the bleak ones (though they were limited in numbers), I treasure every single person who had played a part in shaping them. :)
Also, much fateful events had happened at home too and that made me pondered about life and what holds in the near future. Sometimes, we show too little tolerance for the people around us, take for granted the little things that they do for us, thinking that they will always be around to share a joke, have a meal or sing along. Only when disaster strike do we get jolt out of complacency and start to dwell deeper.
Recently, the feeling of having gotten lost in this journey of life has been haunting me. I seek and search aimlessly for fame, wealth and status. I've been blinded by my pride and the riches around me. Linky said by traveling with the income I earned, I turn myself from being cash-rich to experience-rich. That made me more determined and to a certain extent justify and convince myself that I should earn more and travel more.
I forgot how it was like to call my Best Buddies or pals to chat and see how they were getting along with life. The most common answer I gave to assure myself was:"They are strong and independent and will be fine."
I rather waste my precious time playing "typing maniac" or "spot the difference" or "pet society" and tried to fight for the top spot rather than get down to real business like reading up for my thesis. To justify my own actions, I said "All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl." But I'm no Jill and working non-stop with no play is justifiable in this case because I learnt much more from reading up the thesis than playing any of the above games.
I always spot someone's weaknesses rather than their strengths though I do not openly criticise anyone. Where was the praise and love that everyone needed to keep them having the faith in themselves? If needed, I definitely contribute little. :(
And now I question myself? I seem to have been lost about what I really want in life. Wasn't I so bent on all my dreams and ambitions and fulfilling all the prophecies?
This phase in my life is one that holds deeper implications. It made me ponder if life is all about being able to shop and buy all your favourite clothes and accessories? It made me contemplate life idling away, like what Benja terms as "having a life" equating to doing the things that you like - eat, sleep, play bball, watch movie and hang out with friends. It made me mull over the fact that I lost myself, that I broke a promise I once made to someone that I will never lose the innocence in me and be blinded by the pragmatism and cruelty of reality. However, dwelling on these life issues also knock sense into me as to how shallow others around me can be when all they think about are some meager issues in life yet their shallowness could also be attributed to the fact that they are trying to escape from certain stress or unhappiness or the feeling of emptiness in them.
I hate my life to be revolving around lies but I have become such a proficient liar myself in the process and contradict myself for hating liars, especially those who lie to me, yet even I myself failed to keep the simplest promise..
Adversity and the hurdles now made me face the real me living in my heart and soul and I know in time to come, I will shed my protective layer and emerge as a beautiful butterfly.... :)
