You are your own limit

I have been diligently keeping to my one post every fortnight since November and being in isolation does help. It frees up time for me to do things that I would not be doing otherwise. Imagine a typical long day at work, consuming my brain cells for 14 hours and after work, I simply want to relax and play some games or scroll through social media. Now, I can spend 2-3 hours a day on the piano or the guitar. 

This topic that I would like to write about came to mind this very morning although I constantly discuss about these issues with my sister on what we can potentially achieve in life or how far one can go in life. Some people feel that one's achievements in life is highly influenced by their family background i.e. resources while others believe that they can create their own future? Do you believe in fate or destiny? Do you have a head start in life compared to others such that when you are struggling to learn in school, your parents can afford to get you external help and support? Do your parents have the right networks for you to leverage on as you age? I have always been more on the side of capitalism and hence, erred on the side of a free market mechanism for the economy to function and chose it as the way of life. The downside of capitalism is that resource rich entities tend to have a higher starting ground and might lead to wider income inequality and the wealthy ones get to perpetuate their dominance. 

What then would allow one to break out of poverty? Can one really break away from their family background? Resources - either you are born a genius (super smart) or you have resources / networks to get you to where you are. You might have higher cognitive ability such that you can handle more complex tasks, think more deeply into issues and find opportunities in the real world to differentiate yourself and break out of the vicious cycle that your family could be in. It is not uncommon for you to see families of doctors, lawyers i.e. children and grandchildren who take after their parents or grandparents and makes you wonder - if I am born poor, does it mean that I will always be poor or middle income? I ponder over this topic for years, while in my previous job and also today. My conclusion is that "You are your own biggest enemy". 

More often than not, I feel that it has to do with the expectations that you set for yourself in life and whether you believe in what you can achieve. Do not blame it on your parents: Having come across parents of different extremes; some who want their kids to reach for the skies and some who only expect their children to get by in life, be happy and comfortable. No doubt your parents can have a huge impact on what you set out to achieve - if your parents are professionals like doctors, lawyers, bankers, etc. would you then endeavour to emulate them? What if your parents are entrepreneurs - would you then not be able to become a doctor or an engineer? A child does not know what to expect in life - he or she emulates his /her parents' behaviour and at a young age, adopts parental guidance. I feel that as a parent, do not belittle your child; help them build confidence but at the same time, do not be overly demanding as it can create too much stress. However, I also come to realise that life is meant to be stressful. With great power comes great responsibility. If you want to become someone powerful, someone who commands, then it means you have to shoulder huge responsibilities. The ability to handle stress and withstand pressure is a daily affair for high performers. Do not be envious of someone in a powerful position because you do not know what stress he goes through everyday. No one can be ordinary and powerful. Every word that you utter gets put into different context when you become someone powerful. I feel that I have been treading this line very carefully. I believe that I can achieve in life hence I pushed myself hard for a long period of time. When I finally got to somewhere far in life, I start to belittle myself and feel inferior to some others. For 2021, it is time for a change and I am going to try to challenge myself to scale greater heights. 

My thoughts are reflected off my surroundings. Seeing some parents pushing their children really hard and putting them through a lot of stress - I asked myself: is that right or wrong? Will the kid really feel stressed out or will he simply see it as a daily routine to go through countless enrichment classes and homework to become smarter and better than others? Does hard work always translate into results? Will the kid have a nervous breakdown? Should we then not push a child too hard? I seem to have lost my bearings on what is the right direction? I was having a conversation with a friend working in China and this came to mind - the Chinese are investing into the future generation. Many of my Chinese friends are multi-talented - they take music classes, sports training, art, dance, etc. and their parents invest into cultivating their minds from a young age. They also excel in their studies and are extremely intelligent. Will they grow up to be more successful than the others who do not have similar exposure? I feel that if their parents did not try to mould them, their future is equivalent to tossing a coin - can be good or bad. However, when their parents try to invest in their future, they are trying to turn the odds in their child's favour. I then wonder about my own country. I feel that the average SG-ean is smart because of our rigorous education system but being book smart is different from being street smart. Life is a long journey and a lot of lessons simply cannot be picked up from books. You need to meet people, interact and keep learning throughout life. I once read an article about how we excel as a nation and is known to have one of the best education systems in the world - but why then have we not produce a single Noble Prize winner? Being smart and being creative are too different things. I hope I can lean onto the latter more some days. 

Lastly, I would like to touch on the topic of resource curse. Many poor nations that we observe today are experiencing what we call a resource curse whereby because they are blessed with resources, they do not see the need to work as hard as others who do not have the same privileges. Sometimes I see it in some of my smartest and richest friends. They are really smart but they are leading a very ordinary life and I do not belittle this ordinary life but I feel like they have not realised their full potential. I can attribute it to a few reasons: 1. Fear of failure - because they are smart, they are more afraid of failing because they do not want to be judged by others. 2. Taking shortcuts - they do not feel the need to work as hard because they feel that they would achieve the same results as someone who is less smart with half the effort. Over time, it becomes a habit to take shortcuts but if you are forever taking short cuts in life, you cannot go too far either because some roads are meant to be long and arduous and you just have to go through the grit. 3. They are more easily contented with what they have because they can achieve things so easily when they are smart. It is tiring to keep trying to get to new heights - you have to constantly fight and get better. 4. They stay in their comfort zone too much. Some of my richest friends live in comfort. They can afford everything and anything that they want that they do not feel the need to fight for something. 

The purpose of me writing this post is to remind myself all of the above: 

1. You are your own biggest enemy and the limit to your own achievements. If you set out doing something with the mindset that you will fail, then you will definitely fail. 

2. You are what you practise everyday. If you spend your time lying around and not doing anything, you will become the best lazy bum in the world. If you want to achieve something, keep doing it. 

3. Persevere - when I started playing the guitar, I felt like I could never be able to play a bar chord. It just looks impossible to me. I can now play the F-bar chord. It took me a long time but I am now able to do it at least. I will never become a pro because I am too old and my muscles are less conditioned than guitarists who start learning at a young age but at least I can play it now

4. Be happy - we strive so hard in life in pursuit of happiness, right? We climb the corporate ladder, we try to make more money, we try to become a better person because we think that will bring us happiness. what if the road to achieving all of these is an unhappy one? Should we then continue or give up? It is a tough call to make here. So many a times, I had wanted to throw in the towel doing this job but why am I still here? 

Something for a change

Trying to keep to my one post every fortnight...

I must say that work has been extremely busy these days that I am spending my free time chilling and catching up on my sleep whenever I can. My topic for discussion is "Change" - the only constant in our ever changing world I guess. 

People seek a change for a better or worse? More often than not, we do not what to expect when we leave our current status quo. I have always embraced change more readily than I expected and it has to be attributed to my childhood experiences. At the age of 10, I moved to a new school and had to adapt to a brand new environment - everyone in the class had their own cliques and as a transferee, I had to learn to fit into the different groups. Although I was too young to understand anything at that time, when I looked back at those times, I could understand my own fears and lack of confidence back then. Fortunately, I met people who extended a helping hand - Sam who brought me into choir, Charlotte who helped me so much and was my best friend in the school, had two odd but also kind-hearted neighbours sitting within my group - CP, WM, AZ, ZB. I failed to leave up to expectations early in life and despite being in the best class in the school, I went to a "neighbourhood" school and was the only one from my class who went to that school, when all my classmates went to top schools. That motivated me to strive and work hard in secondary school and also shaped my future endeavours and work attitude. You can be smart but you still need to be diligent to consistently perform in life. 

Then came the transition into pre-university. Though I did decently well to get into a JC, I chose a polytechnic and had to face a brand new environment alone once again. This did not stop even when I moved from the polytechnic to University and the first 20 years of my life had been all about facing the "music" all alone each and every time. It made me a stronger and highly adaptable person because I had to be more outgoing to meet new strangers while others had their own "comfort zone" of friends to navigate their freshmen years with them. As a result, I made many cliques of friends growing up though not all stayed in touch with me subsequently. However, some days, I do wonder if my life would have been much different had I chosen similar paths as my classmates at the different junctures in life and had a comfort zone which I could stay within? Would I be more resistant towards change as an adult and chose certainty over uncertainty in the next 10 years to come after university? 

This behaviour of having to adapt to change did not stop even as a working adult. I chose to leave my first career and further my studies, travel around the world to work and study and more often than not, I was always ALONE. The first few weeks or months of being in a foreign country or city was always painful, I have to say. Having to navigate a new city, figure out the way of life, culture, and trying to settle in and looking for a place to live in were filled with challenges but that did not deter me from constantly changing my lifestyle and career pursuits. In the last one year, I found myself stagnant and finally not changing. Being in the same team and same job and doing the same things throughout the last entire year. Everything was sucked out of my life - friends, hobbies i.e. badminton, sports, travel, etc. and all that I am left with in the last 1 year was basically getting out of bed, switching on the computer and started working then eat, shower, workout a little, play some games, watch some entertainment and back to sleep. I must say that it was quite interesting and enjoyable for the first few months when I finally could realise my dream of working from home but as time goes, it started to get really dreadful. You feel like you are an "outsourced" worker and people will send you emails and call you to get something done and if they needed nothing from you, you will not hear from them. It can be quite scary and you start to ponder upon your value in the team / firm, etc. You start to lose motivation as well because you do not see what others are doing and all you see is yourself buried under a pile of work. Work from home was supposed to be a "change for the better" in my mind whereby you have more work life balance since you no longer have to Facetime in the office but it seems to turn out otherwise. It has become so convenient for you to log on remotely so you are also expected to deliver much quicker as so long as you are not the one making the changes, every change is a "quick" one and should not take too much time! HAHA!

I once saw a quote - "You have to let go of the past in order to move forward". The burden of the "past" is what makes people reluctant to change. Regardless that the past is a heavy burden, uncertainty of the future after making a change is perceived as a BIGGER burden than the current one. This is what makes people stay at in comfort zone for as long as they can and not take the step forward. These days, I feel the same way too. I am comfortable where I am right now, should I change? What change should I be going for and will the change result in me becoming better than what I am today or where I am today? The older you get, the heavier the burden of the past, likewise is the perceived burden of change. That is why there is a saying that one bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. 

For me, I am comfortable in my current job. I know the floor well and know the processes and systems well. Why make a change? I will not be the best but I am definitely not the worst. 

For me, I am comfortable where I am living now even though there is no good heating and it is freezing during winter. I feel that I have my own privacy and my flatmate leaves me alone when I do not want to interact with her as I have experiences of flatmates who are so desperate to find someone to talk to all the time and bug you all the time. It is a distance from my office and it would be good / better if I find a place nearer to my office, with heating and also perhaps by the Thames with better view. 

For me, I am comfortable bunkering down in London until the situation gets better but I really want to go home too. I want to be able to walk the streets again without fear, go back to badminton/ sports and meet my family and friends in real life. If I were to just take the plunge and fly back to SG, I would then be able to have a more "normal" lifestyle but I just cannot pull myself out of my current comfort zone. 

It is 2021, time for a change, really.