Takeaways from work from home

Unknowingly, it has been 1.5 years since I started working from home. It has truly been a dream come true and although I do miss social interactions, I cannot brush off the benefits of working from home either. I definitely miss the occasional coffees / walks which I used to take with SM, VV, back at my old firm and they gave me so much comfort during my analyst years. People who absorbed my grouses and constantly encouraged me to face up to problems, etc. Needless to say, I miss all the discussions I had in the office with C. D. bouncing ideas off each other and going through pitchbooks, models live, etc. In the new environment, I am also fortunate enough now to be seated beside a new analyst who is jovial and the occasional jokes that we crack always make my day and make me appreciate being back in the office a lot more. 

However, one should not deny the benefits of working from home still. I feel that when you work from home, people judge you purely based on the work that you produce and that should be what it is, isn't it? When you are in the office, you go for coffee with others, from time to time, you pick up your phone and text your loved ones, etc. but every little thing that you do as a result gets judged! If you are away from your desk for more than 15 minutes, people start to form judgment of your commitment, focus, efficiency, and neglect your work. People also judge your demeanour, your dress sense, the food that you eat, the number of times you go to the bathroom (even), etc. which in no way should discount the QUALITY of the WORK that you produce. Everyone likes to say, "I do not care about Facetime" but the truth is whoever is not at his / her desk always become the topic of discussion, ain't it? That is what the workplace is made for - for gossips, for people to judge others to make themselves look good. This is something that I have noticed ever since returning to office. I never had to worry about all of these while working from home. I only had to focus on the work that I produce! 

That said, the ship has sailed when it comes to working from home. We are on course to normalcy from C, which is a great thing and soon, we will all be back into the office and continue to be judged for things that are unrelated to our work. 

5th country in 1.5 years

Unknowingly, 1.5 years have passed since I left home for my Masters. This is the 5th place that I have relocated to and maybe I am just tired from all the moving. I have not been able to secure a permanent place to stay even if I am willing to pay, because rent contracts here are for a year. In addition, I have had some bed bug scares since yesterday and now I am really missing home. I guess it really makes a difference when you know someone in a foreign country compared to not knowing anyone. When in NY, at least I had Alina to talk to. I am entirely comfortable with living by myself but when you first arrive in a foreign place, you really need some help to settle in. For now, I am just praying that I will find a place to stay asap so that I need not worry about lodging. I badly need a place near to my work place so that I do not have to walk long distances or be caught in the bad traffic here. I have never imagined moving can be so difficult. It should get better as you move more frequently, isn't it? How is it that I feel that it gets tougher to have to relocate as I do it more frequently? It was not easy for me to land this job so I guess I just have to bite the bullet and finish these 6 months of my contract, at least. #countingdownstarts

14th

#14: Noisy passengers on Swiss trains

Every country is famous and infamous for certain things or behaviour. The trademark characteristics of a Singaporean are 'Kiasu' and 'Kiasee' i.e. afraid of losing out and afraid of dying but damn efficient (partly because we are 'kiasu' so we want things to be done fast!). I used to take this very seriously and am very conscious of such behaviour be it when I am at home or overseas. However, the more I travel, the more I realise that everyone, regardless of their nationality, is kiasu. It is just the degree that differs. The only country that I find an exception is Japan. Their need to conform to a group identity makes them less likely to overreact in situations and they are the most polite and considerate people that I have ever met in my entire life.

Most people have this idea that the westerners are very chillax and are the least kiasu people around. They are very gentlemanly and considerate as well. I want to correct this stereotype in this post. While travelling on the Swiss trains on this trip, I met two different groups of Swiss nationals who were extremely rowdy in the train cabin, talking, screaming, laughing like the entire world was deaf to their conversations. Once, it was early in the morning at 8 am and the other time was around 8 pm at night. Even when I put on my earpiece and blasted music up to a volume of 80%, I could still hear them. They might be the black sheep among the lot but still, people generalise. Only a handful of Singaporeans are kiasu and kiasee but it has become a label on the people from our country. After this trip, I no longer think that these Europeans are considerate or superior in behaviour to us.

Next, while flying, there were so many instances of them rushing to queue up to board the plane and after the plane has landed, they were all rushing to stand up and open the overhead compartment to retrieve their belongings to disembark. The worst experience, IMO, is their inconsiderate act of squeezing their coats into the overhead compartment. Isn't the overhead compartment meant for cabin bags? A coat does not have a fixed shape and can be easily placed on one's lap. If you find it uncomfortable to hold on to the coat, think about the next person who has to carry his or her cabin bag with him or her throughout the entire flight. That happened to me. Just because my cabin bag was a bag pack, I had to carry it with me because this one passenger refused to remove his coat from the overhead compartment and allow cabin bags to be placed instead. It is not that people in Asia do not behave in a similar fashion but that thankfully we never have to carry big coats with us while flying.

My conclusion is that these people are so kiasu because there is a price to pay for losing out. Circumstances shape a person's behaviour, not the country of origin. The westerners have enjoyed way too much comfort and freedom for way too long when they have strong economic fundamentals and financial strength to back them up. They can afford to be chill about things because they have never had to compete.

I am not pro-Asian or anti-Westerners or whatsoever. I strongly believe that every country has its own culture that we must respect. We must appreciate a country for both its good and bad. My point is that if we all behave in the same way, why do we then choose to despise our own races and celebrate the superiority of another?

That said, I am not complaining. I just wanted to share positive and negative things that I have come across during the trip and not paint a picture that life is a bed of roses. :)

I missed tennis 3 times in a row!

I hate the weather! Hate hate hate!!

I wanted to play tennis around 6.30 p.m. and the sky was clear and sunny all afternoon up till 5.30 p.m. So I made alternate plans to play tennis in the afternoon at 3.45 p.m. the next day. Great, the lightning risk is on at 3.30 p.m. Now it is really F the weather to the max! ARRRGGHHH!!!

Copycats

"Wah! You have a nice bag. I want to buy one too. Where did you buy it?" .....

Some time later....

I see her carrying the same bag as me.....

I hate copycats! People who envy me and then try to impersonate me consequently. Oh please, get a life and live out your own style and wishes. Not everyone pulls off an LV well (like I do, Bleh just joking). I hate lc people who overcompensate and try to live it up and buy branded so that they can look good. If you are lc, you are lc!

If you are ugly, you are ugly. A pauper looks ugly when she tries to act atas. Somemore, she's so FAT and she carries an LV bag! She totally destroyed the image of LV! Can she just f**king dump the bag away? Have you ever seen a fat woman with an LV bag and yet look good in it? NO! NEVER!

Oh well well well, some people just simply do not know their limits and where they stand.

She makes me puke whenever I see her with the exact same bag as me! When I carry the bag, light shines on me and there is an aura about me with the bag. When she carries the bag, she looks exactly like a fuddy-duddy. She just spent half of her pay on an LV bag. Idiocy indeed has no limits! No matter how many branded bags she purchases, her other features will betray her. You are fat and poor, admit it! You can never go from rags to riches no matter how hard you try.

Hates copycats, MAX! Pardon me for being mean.

Unfortunate.

History was rewritten today. Yes, today has to be the unluckiest day in my memory. I woke up to my biggest horror only to realise that my left eye lenses were missing in the contact lens holder! In an attempt to search for it since it has only been missing for less than 12 hours (and I suppose no police will entertain missing cases that have not passed the 48-hour mark), I stumble and fumble upon my own clothes. :( Crap!

Anyway, due to time constraint, I still didn't manage to find it and I doubt I will ever be able to find it unless it decide to reappear miraculously! So I hurriedly bumped off to school. It was pure coincidence that my brother left home at the same time as I do so I actually didn't have to use my own keys to unlock and subsequently lock the door. While I was at my own cubicle in school trying to locate my tiny bunch of keys amidst my colossal tennis bag, all I found was nothing but clothing, shoe bag, tennis racquets, wallets, and the usual stuff less the keys.

The only blessing was that it was raining and I didn't have to rush down for morning assembly. Without the keys, I I would be denied access to my own cabinet! To think I thought it was a brilliant idea to hook my cabinet keys to my own bunch of house keys so that I will never forget about them.

In the most frantic fashion possible, I dial my sister's no. and got her to wake up to search for my keys. For your information, I had already harassed her and roped her in during the "search for the contact lens" movement earlier on. So twice, she was disturbed from her sleep to help me. LOL!

Luckily, the keys were right on the table else I can't imagine how pathetic my day would have been.......

Can the grands be allowed to grow?

Everytime the little grands in my bank account start to grow, my disobedient hands start to click on some exotic places to travel to. It happens over and over again. I seriously wonder when will this stop so that my little grands can grow into big ones?

Don't act like you know.

I have been leaving this space of mine pretty empty for 2 weeks.

I made certain decisions early in my life and honestly, I am starting to doubt my decisions. Perhaps everything would have been much smoother with the absence or presence of some around me. I get questioned over the minute little things that is in no way correlated to my existence and the way I behave.

I start to doubt myself, my decisions, and my morale is now at rock bottom. All thanks to one person whom thinks so highly of himself and try to steer others in certain particular directions.

I really wish all of these can come to an end quickly. I just wanna be away from all these nonsense.

Till the day that my tolerance has completely ran out, it will be d-day.

Don't make me retaliate, I will be ruthless I assure you.

325 post.

That's the tally for the number of posts that I have penned over the past 2 years.

Lately, I find myself questioning my own beliefs and values. Time immemorial do I recall myself doing that. It seems like I have found my footing in life and never have I been so clear of my path and directions. However, it just takes a few comments and statements to cast aside whatever that I held true to.

The Europa experience definitely gave me a new outlook of life and brand new perspectives globally and domestically. To make a judgment call as to Europe made me discover my inner-self or transform me into someone who merely daubs on an Asian appearance, I simply can't.

Back in Europe, I had the liberty to voice out my wants and opinions freely to the extent that I felt myself overdoing things. Now that I am back in Asia, I try so hard to keep myself in check and struggle with containing my own views. Neither am I trying to be critical of people or whatever that they are doing nor am I actually enjoying being placed under scrutiny whenever I vocalize my thoughts. I just felt everyone should be heard when necessary and appropriate. Anyway, how do you DEFINE "APPROPRIATE?"

A norm will always be a norm. When everyone voices out like you do, you appear normal. But when you are the odd soul who verbalizes your thoughts while everyone else has their mouths shut up, you are seen as ABNORMAL. I swear that I hate to whine, hate to complain, hate to make comparisons yet I am engaging in all these things that I hate to my inner core. I am simply whining too much these days, and sometimes I really wish I can play ignorance as a card in this game and jet off to faraway land. I don't exactly enjoy whatever that's being scaffolded right now and my active participation is indeed ironic! Whenever I have opinions about something, I find it hard to contain to myself. I simply need to relate it someone else and honestly, I hate myself for being the me that I am. The art of silence is one I have yet to master, to keep the long story short.

I really wish I had some insights into why I am in this shit. I definitely didn't sign up for all these shit!

The presence of some people unquestionably added bitter icing on this rotten cake. The day I got the phone call 9 months ago was an omen of the things to come today. But what did I do about it or rather what could I have done about it?

Pretentious is the thing I can't tolerate yet having a heart of gold is something I hold in high regard.

Having found the pundit of your life, and of who you are is a fortunate thing. I am glad I found at least two in my life, one 7 years back in a small little restaurant by the name Ben, and the 4.5 years ago in a reputable public accounting firm by the name Augustine. :)) I need to learn to be contented. :))

Fair share of nonsense.

Words have no meaning, you put meaning into them.

I guess consent was all that I need rather than some sarcastic remarks or perhaps the way you put it, "Advice."

Perhaps I am a bit lost as to what I really want as well.

But the talk was really a timely reminder of who and what I am, and what I expect of myself.

I have had my fair share of fun and it's now time to be back to the values that mould me.

And when I read this, somehow I have a feeling I was the culprit of all these but at the same time I believe the person who typed this is unqualified to say something like this:

since time immemorial i've always detested those pple who were full of themselves, always cutting into other pple sentences as if it din matter, who felt their point of view triumphed over others.

those people who appeared to be nice to certain chosen people and indifferent or nasty to most others. and whom which it was useless arguing with cos they would only pretend to be hearing and understanding your point of view.

Cause he is simply describing himself.!

Sometimes I hate myself for being so evil and mean.

It came too late.

It irks me when I feel that someone is doing something for the sake of doing it. It reflects a total lack of sincerity!

If that offer had come 3.5 years ago, I would have been exceptionally touched by it. Nonetheless, having MOE fed me for the past 3.5 years with more than $500 a month and me earning my own income, your offer to feed me for a month would be redundant.

The typical offer of $200 a month? You would be unable to provide me with the bare minimum of $500 yet if you ask me to settle for $200 a month, I would be better off not even getting a single cent.

I can only say, your offer came way too late to change things and make amendments.

Spendthrift Biatch.

Oh what happened to my savings plan?
Met Rachel and Pauline for dinner today at Bugis.
It's been a while since we last met and it's always nice to catch up with them.
Rachel gave me really nice tips about the Taiwan trip!
Thanks so much, Rachel! :)

However, I knew I shouldn't have stepped into Orchard ION.
The SIA telephone operator told me to go to the SIA office to verify my credit card.
So I moved my butt down to Orchard ION.
God knows they said that Krisflyer members have their CC validated already.
Thus, I made a wasted trip.
Nevertheless, within the next 15 minutes, I debited $150 off my account.
I happily stepped into Hilfiger and bought a skirt.
I am supposed to save the money for Japan and Taiwan.!
I should never have gone shopping before meeting the girls!
Luckily I avoided the LV store.
Otherwise I can't imagine my own reaction when I see my own credit card bill.
Two air tickets + Hilfiger + LV?
WOAH!

Never Meant To Be

The one lesson that I constantly go through is - Never try too hard for something.

I guess it just wasn't meant for us to go to Japan to do the presentation. There were so many hiccups along the way, indecisiveness by different group of stakeholders (not to be explicit) and we still tried so hard to work things out, especially Kel and I. Called numerous travel agencies, getting quotations for our air tickets, surfing all available airlines, just to get things right.

Spending days brooding over it, sending numerous emails, knocking on doors, waiting for our prof, worrying over others, etc. So what if I got it now? I seem to have lost the initial adrenaline rush over the fact that we are going to Japan to present our WORK! And once again, I have been taught the lesson: Never try too hard for something. Cause if it's meant to be yours, everything will fall in place nicely for you.

Unlike now, I cannot decide if I should book the tickets to Osaka, the flights out on 1st Dec are unavailable which I have no clue why? I haven't booked the limousine for my family from Taipei Taoyuan to the hotel, etc.

Ended up, I find myself in a lose-lose situation.
I have to pay extra for the trip. And I end up ditching my family and leaving them to go on a guided tour for the first two days that they are in Taiwan. Screw me, I hate myself for making bad decisions sometimes. And it's too late to pull out now.!

And I question: Is it me that refuses to accept the fact that I am flying to Japan then Taiwan which is holding me back from clicking on the purchase button or is it the uncertainty that I am not sure if my friends are fine with the trip? Will there be any further hiccups?

Contradicting.

I find myself contradicting and my life an irony at times. Two weeks ago, I was working my socks off to finish my thesis, projects, presentations and problem sets. Suddenly, I have nothing on hands except the presentation. I feel so free that I start to take out the long overdue books to read, surf the net for hours, play games on my iPhone non-stop, take afternoon naps, etc. But I guess I am used to being busy such that now I feel a sense of guiltiness lingering in me when I am not doing anything. Of course I still have the exams to work for and the planning of the trip to Taiwan.! :)

Plus, I am not enrolling into NIE yet! I still gotta wait till August before I can enrol into NIE. So I will be going for contract teaching for the first 6 months next year.... :( I wish to enrol into NIE soon honestly and get over and done with it!

Sleep

Would you rather sleep 4 hours a night over two days or sleep 6 hours one night then 2 hours the other?

Indeed, the latter and abysmal choice of mine has directed the resumption of my mouse-slamming habit and my poor mouse, which is only 3-months old is beginning to protest and dying on me!

Great, 3 mouse in a year! "SQUEEZE YOU, GINNELLE LIM!"

Killing Me...

Now I believe that you are supposed to take a 30seconds break after staring at the computer screen for 30 minutes.

I hardly have the time to catch a breath in the past two weeks! Every morning once I wake up, I power up my laptop and start working on the regression results then tabulation and finally piecing up them nicely onto my thesis. To make things worst, even my coursework requires me to use STATA so basically I have been breathing STATA every day in my life. Tons of assignments, regressions and reports plus a presentation towards the end. My eyes are tearing really badly due to the contact lenses as well. Save Me!

Waste of a Time.

With each boot-up of my lappy, here's a breakdown of the total time wasted:

1. Logging on to Hotmail to check nonsensical mails, basically meaning clearing the junk inbox.

2. Directing to the web of Soccernet to read the latest juicy football news, especially gossips like who is joining which ever club blah blah blah.

3. Going to my favourite bookmark - Facebook to see some latest news feeds followed by typing maniac if I am feeling unhappy.

4. Plurk if I have something to say - short and sweet stuff.

5. Check my blog to see if I have anything to say, if I have comments to reply to (fortunately, no spammers yet!)

6. Singtel.com for Iphone or SIA for cheap tickets

By the things that I do, I realise I wasted half an hour to 40 minutes of my time every single day doing these stuff.

And the best thing is I nearly couldn't finish studying for my mid-term test last night because I was surfing all these garbage websites! Then I had to sleep for 4 hours and grab a McBreakfast and study at the same time at 730am!

So today's test was the first time in NUS I felt screwed for an exam because I was unprepared!

Updates

Rock & Roll...

Have been extremely occupied the past 2 weeks with the term papers, project website, tutorial presentation all raining down on me. I do not deny I procrastinated quite a fair bit in the initial weeks of the special sem that led to me having to hug the Buddha's leg come the deadlines. Ever since I was back from Stockholm, I am always trying to catch up with deadlines in school, I don't know why. Perhaps it is due to the numerous tuition assignments I have on hand and also my way laid-back lifestyle that I have grown accustomed to.

Anyway, what has been going on in my life exactly other than school? LOl!

Manchester United Asia Tour 2009.
Bro and I had planned to go to Seoul for it but the tickets were snapped away the day it was released itself thus we decide to go to KL instead, near and cheaper as well. I love busking in the atmosphere inside the stadium, with the cheers and claps and singing that goes on. I will just post some photos and videos I guess...

Patrice Evra during warm-up

Nani

Michael Owen - hope he scores a lot more against LIVERPOOL! wahahaha..

Ah, my fav player after Ronaldo's departure - Macheda!

While I was in KL, I was lethargic all the time. I slept in the hotel all the time unless it was time to go for training or the match itself and of course dinner. The only time I got to shop was when it was time to check out then I went down to Bukit Bintang to walk around and shopped. The fatigue that plagued me should be attributed to all the late night stays and drinking sessions during the vacation. I sleep at 4-5 am every night having to wake up at 12-1p.m then bouncing off to school once a week on Wednesdays or to tuition in the evening. It was an extremely unhealthy lifestyle and no doubts, more pimples on my face these days!

As for tuition, sometimes I feel so fed-up and am on the verge to give up on those kids. You can see an apparent difference in motivation levels and learning attitudes between the Express and NA kids. More often than not, I feel like a nanny who has to pacify those little kids, stimulate interest and also ensure they concentrate during tuition. Majority of them have shown improvement but a handful of them are just incorrigible! They do not seem to express interest in learning and I see myself repeating the same concepts every week which gets on my nerve so much that occasionally I lose my temper and control. :( I hate to flare up during tuition because that unhappiness and anger lingers in me subsequently. :(

Now, school's starting in a week once again. I do feel excited about the start of school because it is my final semester at last!!! However, the uncertainty plaguing my honors thesis is worrying me a bit. The HT has huge implications for my graduation. I pray that everything goes on smoothly and may I be blessed with luck and determination to never give up on it. :)

Random grouses

1. Hypocritical people
I was just randomly browsing through a friend's blog when I chance upon some of the sensitive issues that he talked about. In my opinion, I view him as a socially well-behaved guy and yet a mere 2-faced and hypocritical being in existence concurrently. He always try to give the most politically-correct and socially-appropriate answers when asked to regardless of the clique he is in. Personally, I do feel that we have different social roles in different situations and contexts in life thus the need to behave as a different person arises naturally. However, when one is even being untruthful to his or her friends, I deem his life only a shallow success. Perhaps it is my personality that makes me feel disgusted whenever I have to interact with people of such nature because they will smile to you and say "Yeah, I think so too" or "You are right!" when deep in their hearts, they were aggressively criticizing and smirking over their own perception of your stupidity and bimbo-ness. Think about it: If you compliment everything in life, if everything is good or nice to you, then how much is your compliment actually worth? However, he does have his own strengths and he is good companionship in certain times so I do not ostracize in any other way. (Now what makes me different from him by making such a statement? Sigh...)

2. Ideal being
People of these sorts either have inferiority complex or have an overwhelming level of self-esteem. I have no qualms about everyone of us out there needing compliments and praises to make ourselves feel better amidst the competitive and mind-boggling society. However, have you ever tried interacting with people who constantly fish for compliments and praises while you talk to them? If you are good, people will acknowledge you and you will be able to see and feel it without the need for them to express it explicitly. Yet, when you constantly seek for a praise in different context or situations, you only stir up emotions of irritation. To add some bitter icing to the already rotten cake, they come up with smart aleck suggestions then praise themselves for coming up with such an awesome or brilliant idea. For me, I am quite a bitch so I will most probably put these people down. But sometimes I do feel guilty whenever I do that because I might indirectly hurt their pride or self-esteem. Lol! But since adverse selection and moral hazard is pervasive in nature, I doubt I can do much to segregate the two groups.

3. It's never my fault.
I grow very irritated over people of these sorts lately. Perhaps this group of people constantly revolve around my life thus I am starting to grow sick of them. It irritates me a lot whenever you give your earnest opinion (not criticism) about the person's actions, lifestyle, etc in hope of him or her becoming a better person and then the person turns on the "defensive" mode and you guys end up in a petty quarrel. This is so damn childish and for me, despite loving to engage in conversations, exchange of opinions and talks, I am definitely not an avid fan of arguments and debates. I do not deny that criticism and genuine care and concern is divided over a thin line and I myself sometimes find it hard to distinguish between the two. But I have learnt to accept others' comments and criticism of myself privately, even when I do not do it publicly or at that very moment when the criticism came. Thus, the next time round you see me appearing nonchalant or unwelcoming to your comments, fear not.

Some people perceive me as an opinionated person (and I raise my two hands and nod in agreement) but I will never allow my own opinions or judgment of another person affect my interaction with him or her because that is not doing justice to the both of us at all. I always believe in the saying, "When you are pointing one of your fingers at someone else, you are actually pointing four other fingers at yourself." To put it in a crude way, "Say people, say yourself!" For me, I constantly attempt to strike a balance between the two yet as I reflect upon myself while I am typing this post, I illustrated what I had just mentioned in the previous sentence. Weren't I pointing fingers too but I cannot help but lament at such people right now at this moment in time. I am just feeling empty inside and the need to strike up a controversial post is imminent.

The battle of the angel and devil within me - Round 3... (to be continued)

The last lap....

I keep wondering to myself: "Is this really the last lap?"

I have been staying home the past week (other than going for tuition or JP) mugging for the upcoming exams. No doubt I am proud to say that this is my final year and this semester is probably the last that I have to mug for 5 modules consecutively, but I am feeling the fatigue mentally.

What I am feeling now is exactly how it was like a year ago in Stockholm when I was mugging for my finals. Yet, I had more motivation back then and of course not to forget, it was just a torturous 1 week compared to this time round's 3! I am not even halfway through the battle yet the drive and desire to hold on is wearing away fast. After 4 long days, I am only halfway through the macro text. I do not deny that I take breaks quite often but I ain't got a clue why the stagnation?!?!?!

Alright, better stop whining and continue hitting those books hard and fast so that I do not flip open the exam paper with the pen in my hands and feeling the words not flowing.....