Lately, I find myself questioning my own beliefs and values. Time immemorial do I recall myself doing that. It seems like I have found my footing in life and never have I been so clear of my path and directions. However, it just takes a few comments and statements to cast aside whatever that I held true to.
The Europa experience definitely gave me a new outlook of life and brand new perspectives globally and domestically. To make a judgment call as to Europe made me discover my inner-self or transform me into someone who merely daubs on an Asian appearance, I simply can't.
Back in Europe, I had the liberty to voice out my wants and opinions freely to the extent that I felt myself overdoing things. Now that I am back in Asia, I try so hard to keep myself in check and struggle with containing my own views. Neither am I trying to be critical of people or whatever that they are doing nor am I actually enjoying being placed under scrutiny whenever I vocalize my thoughts. I just felt everyone should be heard when necessary and appropriate. Anyway, how do you DEFINE "APPROPRIATE?"
A norm will always be a norm. When everyone voices out like you do, you appear normal. But when you are the odd soul who verbalizes your thoughts while everyone else has their mouths shut up, you are seen as ABNORMAL. I swear that I hate to whine, hate to complain, hate to make comparisons yet I am engaging in all these things that I hate to my inner core. I am simply whining too much these days, and sometimes I really wish I can play ignorance as a card in this game and jet off to faraway land. I don't exactly enjoy whatever that's being scaffolded right now and my active participation is indeed ironic! Whenever I have opinions about something, I find it hard to contain to myself. I simply need to relate it someone else and honestly, I hate myself for being the me that I am. The art of silence is one I have yet to master, to keep the long story short.
I really wish I had some insights into why I am in this shit. I definitely didn't sign up for all these shit!
The presence of some people unquestionably added bitter icing on this rotten cake. The day I got the phone call 9 months ago was an omen of the things to come today. But what did I do about it or rather what could I have done about it?
Pretentious is the thing I can't tolerate yet having a heart of gold is something I hold in high regard.
Having found the pundit of your life, and of who you are is a fortunate thing. I am glad I found at least two in my life, one 7 years back in a small little restaurant by the name Ben, and the 4.5 years ago in a reputable public accounting firm by the name Augustine. :)) I need to learn to be contented. :))
No comments:
Post a Comment