Curtains are drawing

Time seems to have whizzed past me once again in the last 8 months. It was not too long ago that I packed my bags and left my country for new adventures. In the last 8 months, I have been very fortunate to have forged many new friendships, hopefully lasting ones as well. I have always been able to warm up to people easily in a new environment but it takes longer for me to allow them to walk into my life and discover who I am as a person. However, once that barrier is crossed, I grow an attachment towards them and find it hard to say goodbye.

In 2 weeks' time, I will have to say goodbye to all these friends of mine and saying goodbye has always been really difficult for me. I am afraid I will tear, because I will probably not see some of these people for the rest of my lives. There are others, however, that I have made promises to visit and reminisce about the old times together in the not so distant future. This week has been particularly hard for me, I do not know why, perhaps withdrawal symptoms from my last two trips with these awesome people, first in Rio and then in the Amazonian rainforest. It has been a long time since I had such strong withdrawal symptoms, the last I remembered was when I returned from Israel and I was so overwhelmed by everything that I had seen there. It is worse that we are preparing for our final exams so we do not go to school and do not get to talk to each other. We are basically cooped up in our own homes.

In Amazonia, we were cut off from our mobile phones because there was no mobile network so I was constantly chatting with my friends, about anything under the Sun. After we returned, I find myself talking to a few of them constantly on messenger and WA because we had kind of grown an attachment during the trip. You know who will sit right next to you on every boat ride, who will not be too far away from you so as to be able to offer a helping hand, etc.

As I look back at our time here, I realise that we spent the most time together when we were in the UK because we were living in close proximity and there were so many events. I am particularly proud that I managed to organise the International Food Festival, not just because of the food but also for keepsake purposes.

In Spain, I was travelling a lot more and I was sick for a week so I missed out on some activities. Nevertheless, whenever I was around, I was sure to join them for a trip and also organised a few dinners with Diego, Sergio, Carlos, Bernardo and Eva. :) How I miss those times.

Moving forward to Brazil, we continued our rendezvous to Chapada, Rio, Amazonia, steak house, etc. I once wrote about a set of lyrics, that any stranger may unknowingly become a person whom you are so close with. Diego and Sergio were the first people I went to the supermarket with in the UK, and though they were not so open at the start and I tried really hard to keep conversations going, definitely not as sociable compared to Alfonso, I am so close to them these days I don't know how it happened?

I know new adventures lie ahead of me, I will make new friends along the way and these people will slowly fade out from my life. Nevertheless, the bonds that I have forged with the people here will stay with me for life. This time round, farewell is much harder than in Stockholm.

11 out of 49

#11: walking tours and people watching

One of the many reasons why I enjoy being in Europe is the countless walking tours that I can take on my own. When I am tired from all the walking, I can then sit down at a cafe, in front of a fountain, or in the park and watch people hurry down the streets. You notice so much about people's way of life and their culture by just watching them at times. I like their way of life, of taking things at a slow pace and not see everything as an arms race. Though I get quite frustrated at times with the lack of efficiency, I have come to be more accepting of it. In fact, I am loving it more than the efficiency that I get back in my own country. Everything is put up for competition back home - jobs, income, places in university, houses, cars. Name one thing that is not subjected to competition and meritocracy? It is really hard to find one. With all the competition, people who are endowed with the resources naturally survive better. I kind of hate it not because I am less endowed than others but I find it tiring to have to compete all the time. After all, everyone has the liberty to live the life that they want. You just need to find the courage to do so and not be caught in this lifetime race for a better future, as they call it.

I used to walk around Singapore a lot when I was younger and had the time of the world. My time had very low opportunity cost. So I will walk from the Merlion Park to Esplanade then to Boat Quay or sometimes all the way to Orchard Road with my best friend. The things that we used to talk about were full of naivety as I reminisce now. With the passage of time, I no longer do such things in my city because of the heat and the crowd and my high opportunity cost of time. Likewise, I no longer see the shadow of the friend who used to walk around my city so much with me. The dreams of our future that we walk about, the places we endeavour to visit together, the things that we imagine doing together with each other when we have the income and ability to do so, etc. At times, I do wonder how she is doing these days and though I have the urge to reconnect with her, a part of me has always been very hesitant. It is not because of my pride that I refuse to call her and if you were to ask me what then is holding me back, I do not know the answer either. I just hope that she is living the life that she has always wanted to and I am quite confident that she will achieve the things that she set out to do.

After thoughts of my epic 49-day adventure #7

#7: A leopard will never change its spots - I can never be a good listener because I simply enjoy talking.

The friends I used to make: I talk, they listen.

The friends that I now make: They talk, I listen.

So while on the trip, one of them just kept blabbering on and on even though I was already too sick and tired to listen. All the grouses, politically correct answers, sentences that has an inevitable "BUT" inaccurate facts kinda irk me but then again, travelling requires you to show patience and I am glad I managed to. That made me reflect on my own conversations with others. Do I have the tendency to have a lot of "BUTs" when I talk? I know "HOWEVER" and "NEVERTHELESS" are common connectors that appear in my writing. Economics has taught me to always question my own point of view or argument and consider a balanced argument. Intellectually, it is desirable. HOWEVER, it is rather irritating in reality when you converse with someone else, isn't it?

A few years ago, I thought I enjoy being the listener in a friendship or relationship. After this trip and in my recent meet ups with some of my oldest buddies and friends, I realise that I am most comfortable with these people because they always listen. :) I do not dominate the conversations but at least they truly listen when I tell them my inner thoughts, feelings and struggles and vice versa. I realise that I am simply someone who loves to talk for long hours - not treating it as a form of complaint but to really get perspectives from other people and I am a strong believer of communication. So when someone simply dominates a conversation (the "they talk, I listen" kind), I get bored after some time and feel disengaged. I guess I tend to keep them at a distance because they never truly listen to my side of the story or do not know me well enough. They nod to whatever that you say out of courtesy and not of genuine concern about your life. Hypocrisy is too strong a word to use and accommodating is too kind a word to describe these people. The exception is when they are really knowledgeable and impress me with all their intellect. LOL. I am a nerd, don't forget.

After thoughts of my 49-day epic adventure #1

Since I embarked on a 49-day adventure, I promise to write 49 things or thoughts on my journey.

#1: A friend whom I miss

The main trigger of me visiting Europe again is to visit a friend of mine whom I have unknowingly known for 11 years. We got to know each other back in the Polytechnic but we somehow drifted apart until about 4-5 years ago. The trip to Korea kinda reignited our friendship and we started our monthly movie nights. When she decided to move to Switzerland to work, it struck me quite hard, not just because it meant there was no more monthly movie nights but that she was doing something that I long to accomplish. Initially, I had wanted to visit her while being enrolled in graduate school but since my plans had some hiccups, I did otherwise.

She is a stark contrast of who I am as a person. Having spent a month with her made me reflect a lot upon myself as a person, my character, how much I have changed over the years, etc. When she left Singapore, she made me miss movie nights. Now after visiting her, she made me miss her warm hospitality!

While in Turkey, one of the tour guides asked if we are best friends or good friends. Both of us did not answer or rather could not be sure what we should be saying. Somehow, to call someone your best friend, there needs to be reciprocity I guess. We need to both agree that we are each other's best friends then would we unconsciously say "yes" when others ask. I have loads of best friends, though the term "best" is supposed to mean the favourite among all. To say she is my best friend is a little too strong because people like Chris, WenX, Pigsy Ang, etc. are people who fit that title without second thoughts. Likewise for her, I am sure she has other groups of friends who will come to her mind when people mention the term "best friend".

So anyway, after a moment of awkwardness when we both did not give the guide a reply, she said, "We are close friends."

As someone whose friends are predominantly male, I think she can easily emerge as one of my best female friends (bffs). I have no qualms sharing with her some of my deepest thoughts and we do not pass judgments on each other's decisions or actions. Not that she would give me advices or whatsoever but the fact that I can open up to her so easily and vice versa is definitely one of the criteria to tick off when I decide if she is someone I can call a best friend too. Nonetheless, the title is not important. What matters is that I know she is someone whom I feel comfortable hanging around with, willingly share my stuff with, keeping each other updated about lives, etc. and actually keeping to my word about all these things beats giving each other fanciful titles but probably never bother contacting each other.

#visitingbluemosque

The friends I choose

I suddenly have the urge to write down some of my most complex thoughts now that I am unemployed and am having countless meet-ups with pals and friends that I have known over the course of the last 20 odd years.

One thing I realise about my choice of friends has always been a foe's friend is a foe. I usually do not enjoy being friends with people whom I disagree with the way they do things, not on a rash assessment but over a certain period of time of observing them, because I dislike having disagreements while hanging out with them. Consequently, I will also distant myself from people whom they hang out with. This is because I hate the awkward moment when we talk about the person who I have a different evaluation of. However, I have been keeping in contact with two of such people who happen to be friends with those people I crossed out as potential friends long ago. When they ask me about our mutual friends, the socially appropriate "me" will say neutral things about such people because I really dislike badmouthing others simply because my personal judgment and opinion of one do not constitute a good evaluation of a person after all. Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinions. However, I am someone who is frank to people whom I view as friends to keep for life.

For one of them, I met up with him lately and sometimes I forget about the fact that he is on very personal and close terms with these other people who I do not wish to be acquainted with. He is someone who is easy going and easy to talk to and I enjoy meeting up with him over coffee. The things that we talk about usually stretch beyond the daily grouses of life but more about things that we enjoy doing, travelling, world affairs, etc. Of course we do keep each other updated about our lives as well and he does share interesting things about his work with me and vice versa. However, every now and then, I am reminded of his friendship with all these other people and I feel that I should distant myself from him just to avoid that conflict in interest. Coupled with the fact that he is someone who is very easy to talk to, people converse with him a lot and of course he knows a lot of insider news and I am always wary of such people. Information has to be traded because when someone tells you a secret or some ground breaking news, it is inevitable that you will also tell him or her whatever you know. For me, I hate conversations like these whereby you need to trade information because put it in a crude way, you are simply gossiping. So I always choose to receive and simply nod in agreement. I always feel that if he is ever so willing to share information with me, it must also mean that he will be ever so willing to share information about me with others and honestly, I don't really enjoy that. Thus, from time to time, I will re-evaluate my friendship with him. Even now as I am typing this post, I am thinking about how I should be handling this friendship moving forward. We are planning a travel adventure soon and it is not that I am having second thoughts about it but will all the social media updates that he make complicate our friendship? I really don't know. I always believe that 作朋友讲缘分, too many people walk in and out of my daily life but only true friends leave their footprints. It may be cliche to say but it is so damn true! I rather have 10 close friends whom I remember their phone numbers by heart than to have a 100 unfamiliar numbers whom I will think twice about calling in my contact list. This is also the reason why people like CDGJ, BenC, Linken, etc. are so damn important to me.

In conclusion, I think sometimes this is perhaps the reason why your best friends and confidants are people whom you know in your teenage years. Things were so much simpler back in the younger days. You gossip but things you say do less damage than they do when you say it as a mature adult. Why must things get so complicated when you grow up? Or maybe I am the one who is complicated. This is also one of the many reasons why I want to run away all the time, to run away from all these complexities, hide myself from the world and start afresh elsewhere where no one knows me and I do not have to deal with all these shit of who's a friend of a foe or who's a foe or who's a friend's friend, etc., whom I should trust, whom I should not, etc. But that say, I love my family members a lot for they have been my pillar of support for the large part of my life thus far --> Stay tune for the next post: My lovely siblings!

Just the way you are

Through the sudden mention of a name, a reminiscence of "years ago", an old habit that died hard that made an annual gathering possible, I vividly recalled a conversation I had with an old "friend" a couple of years ago and out of a sudden, a wave of sadness overwhelmed me. Back then, I lost contact with a friend of mine who could be considered to be inseparable from me while in the polytechnic. However, owing to some misunderstanding arising from an incident, our friendship was unofficially pronounced dead. Years later when I reflected upon that incident, I asked myself why there was no attempt to salvage the friendship and the answer was too simple to be accepted. It is because as we age, our commitments increase, be it due to having our life partner, work, faith, or family. Losing contact with one or two friends became a common encounter thus we no longer take it to heart. So, unknowingly, almost 6 years passed without any news of this "ex-best friend" of mine.

Having just lost a friend, I spoke to this other friend of mine reminding her of the importance of keeping in contact with each other till we both kick the bucket. Most importantly, we must continue to communicate with and cherish each other the way we do as students for I know that stepping into the working world will make us become jarred. Nevertheless, my encounters made me disagree with the saying "A leopard will never change its spots" strongly. I think people's mindset do change as they age and especially pre- and post- stepping into the working world. Indeed, a friend who I used to confide in, a friend who I enjoyed her company most days, a friendship that I had hoped would last till the end of time was shattered without any major arguments or conflicts, just due to distance and perhaps a broken heart.

A year ago, I had already realised that we had distanced but at the back of my mind, I always thought, "I guess we are just too busy with our own other commitments." However, we should not forget that we can never be unoccupied or rather we will never choose to let ourselves be unoccupied. In my case, I travel whenever I have holidays thus my absence speaks for the lack in contact. As I am typing this post now, I choose to be truthful to my own feelings and write for myself the reasons why I did not make any fruitful attempt to re-connect with this old pal of mine.

First, I felt that she had become a stranger to me. I find it difficult to strike a conversation out of nothing, unlike the past. Second, I feel that I could no longer recall how I communicated with her back then. Things she did that I found humorous and engaging in the past became childish (a very crude way of putting it across) or rather naive, in my humble opinion now. For that, I definitely attribute it to me being the one who has changed because I have a broader perspective of life, the world, etc., not that I see myself as superior to another. Third, I believe no one can tolerate having someone beside you who constantly requires attention from others. Going all out to pursue your dream and love as a youth is courage and part and parcel of growing up in someone else's eye but not being able to take it in your stride that perhaps certain of these things have come to pass at an older age and then working doubly hard to fight for what you thought had eluded you becomes overcompensation and desperateness at times. Yes, I know that as I am saying this, I sound a little like a cynical old woman who has passed her prime but no one should deny my comment. I should be more encouraging in this instance to a someone who I care about.

So because of the abOve reasons, somehow I feel that our friendship is not of much worth, as in for Me to put in the effort and tiMe to rebuild and then mAintain. As I am typing this post, I do find this a pity because I really value the friendship a lot (just aint sure how much left) but I am not emotional about it. If I could turn back time, I would definitely have done things differently to try to preserve the friendship because I would love for things to go back to its original status quo. Nonetheless, I doubt I will take the step to mend the friendship now because I ain't sure whether the other party shares my sentiments. It takes two hands to clap. To put across a fair word for myself, I did attempt to sound the person out and maintain contact but things worked otherwise. As a matured adult whose life priorities are entirely distinct from a teenager, this is not considered a friendship problem that will upset me. And for that, I feel so sorry for and guilty towards this friend of mine. And I wonder, what has become of me? The friendship definitely holds sentimental value to me but I can now better manage my emotions and not let it affect me I guess.

Ten or twenty years down the road or maybe when I am at my deathbed, I might regret why is it that I had not made my feelings known earlier and try to maintain this friendship. But life is full of uncertainties and it is indeed uncertainty that we fear the most. If someday this friend of mine chances upon this post and become conscious of her being the intended recipient, there will only be two outcomes. One, something will be done to repair this friendship and we may really be able to return to the past or we will simply move on with our lives. Two, we are no longer friends.

Every step and decision in life is a gamble, like it or not. You win some and you lose some and eventually they even out. Call this attitude of mine, nonchalant - coming to terms too easily could be a good thing but to others, this could be considered to be 'bo-chap' and can be considerably irritating at times.

Maybe, the older the wiser. We become less happy as we age because we pay less attention to the non-material aspect of living e.g. socializing but more towards the material aspects such as cash, holidays, car, assets etc. This is all because we want to be in control and the material things are things that we can proclaim as OURS but never the non-material ones.

p/s: which one of us here has never lost a close friend? So ask yourself, why is it that you did not attempt to try to salvage the friendship? You will then understand the message that I am trying to put across. But do not despair when you feel that you seemed to have lost a friendship. Sometimes all you need is a text message, a phone call, an email, or even a gathering to find back those treasured times but the constant worry is: Should I take the first step and if I do, would it change things? Well, we can never correctly predict the future and every tomorrow is a mystery that has only two outcomes - for better or for worst.

Love

Why this title suddenly? Recently, there are too many incidents that made me learnt the importance of counting my blessings. 

Story #1: Why bad things happen to good people? 

6 months ago, my buddies and I embarked on a road trip to US and it was indeed a splendid adventure that made us linger for more upon returning. 5 months later, some of my friends did the same and went to NZ. The most unfortunate thing that one can think of easily was that they got into a car accident and the consequences were unthinkable. It was a fatal car crash that led to 1 death and 4 injuries, 1 major and 3 minor. One of my friends who happened to be the car driver is now stuck in NZ. 

By the time I got to know about the news, I was very shaken and at the same time upset over why we weren't informed earlier. It is not as if we could have done anything much to help but having an extra brain definitely helps. When it happened, I started to question myself and the common question of the existence of God. Both of my friends are extremely kind-hearted souls who harbour no ill thoughts all their lives. All they ask for is an ordinary life - fulfill their academic pursuits, find a decent paying job, get into a normal relationship, get married and raise a family. So what have they done to deserve such a traumatic experience that will scar their lives forever? Besides, they actively volunteer at the home for physically challenged. Haven't they accumulated what we always coin as "good karma?" Why did such an accident happen to them and where was the Great HE when all these happen?

I know that eventually all of these will pass and we will return to our usual lifestyle - work, idle, travel, gather, etc. God may not have blessed them for the trip but I am sure he will bless them to start afresh. The accident made me realise how much I LOVE these friends of mine and how much i wish and pray for their safety and happiness always. :) 

This saga was reported in the news and online as well and the comments by some of the netizens stirred up a lot of emotions. Comments include those like "young punk, rich and reckless - now you caused the death of someone, stupid Singaporeans who blame others for causing the death of their citizens, now you caused the demise of others, etc." It then made me realise how much we enjoy being judges, passing remarks and sentences on people whom we don't know etc. Truth to be told, if I were to just read the report without knowledge of who the driver was, I would also jump to the conclusion that it must be a young, rich and reckless driver. However, having known the identity and character of the involved driver, I was very perturbed by the comments simply because I know he does not have any of the attributes raised by the netizens. 

So the incident reinforced what my job has taught me - Do not be too quick to pass judgements on others, especially under circumstances of imperfect knowledge. 

Story #2: Love makes or breaks 

Male lead: Smart, suave, pretty good-looking, bright future 

Female lead: all of the above

To everyone else, they were the perfect match. 5 years ago, the male lead broke up with his girlfriend who had been with him for 7 years because he was too in love with the female lead. 4 years later, the female lead broke up with him to be with someone else. I saw for myself how the male lead's confidence level fell to rock bottom, lost all smiles, and felt like the world had abandoned him.

Love is a very complicated affair. It brings bittersweet memories that makes people linger for more, just like drugs. It brings joy and lessens unhappiness because you've someone to share the ups and downs, whims and fancies of life and you no longer feel lonely. Nevertheless, you will have your fair share of arguments along the way and not everyone meets the perfect someone at the very first attempt. No pain, no gain.

TBC....

Catching up with old pals

In the past 2 weeks, I met up with quite a few of my pals and the gatherings made me realise how fortunate I am as a person. :)

When we enter adulthood, we get so caught up with our lives that we forget about to send greetings to our old friends, catch up on what has happened to them etc. For the bunch of secondary school friends, it has been months since I last saw them. For Ben, it has been almost 7 months since I last saw him! For Linky, it has been 3 months even. Those were people whom I used to see everyday, some every week or at least a few times every month.

We know each other so well that even though we have not seen each other for ages, the moment we meet, we embrace each other's company, laugh at each other's jokes, dig at each other's sorrows yet show concern for each other. And because I have friends like them; people whom I can seek advices from, whine at, borrow their shoulders, etc. I feel that I have led a fulfilling life thus far. Each morning when I wake up, though I dread having to go to work, I constantly motivate myself that I have a duty to fulfil. :)

Truth to be told, God has been gracious to me. I am blessed with a family who is forever so supporting, friends who will walk through my life journey with me till the end of time, a career, a critical mind, etc. Both my material and non-material well-being have been taken care of. For that, I tell myself that every single day of my life is one whereby I should show forgiveness, give and take, and be optimistic! :)

for HE always KNOWS

for HE always KNOWS since he was the one who planned it all.....

Brian & Kel are friends whom I got to know through Kim around 6 months ago but I am glad that we click instantly. For Brian, we are both hard-core ManU fanatics so not much more is needed to be said as to why we connect. For Kel, it was definitely the Japan trip that fostered the bond for the many joy and laughter that followed.

We had a small CNY gathering at Brian's house just hours ago, together with another friend of the two boys. The thing I like about us youths is you are always open to getting to know new friends. Though Kim & I do not know Brian & Kel's friend, we just mingle and had "totz" lots of fun. It was Wii followed by Monopoly in the card fashion. :)) Simply awesome.!

Through the gathering, I found out more about myself and also the rest. Basically, Kim excels in the Wii games that requires a lot of coordination and also practice. Kel & me suck at Wii games but we excel at gambling and card games per se. It just suddenly struck to me that the devil lives in me once again. That I really pick up anything related to gambling, cards, etc. in split seconds. Like I learn how to play 13-Ki, Texas Holdem Poker, etc after someone went through it once with me. Another good example would be me watching the tv aboard the cruise trip 4 years ago together with Jan, Omma, Lionel, & I and learning Bacarat from the tv. Also, I was totally unaware of the rules of the "Banker-Player" game but all it took was for me to observe people in the casino in Genting once and subsequently in Australia and I kinda mastered all.

Moving on to the topic of friends. There are certain things in life that do not require deliberate attempts to make it better. And I believe it is especially so for friends. Some people try very hard to win friends over or make friends with certain people. They give in, compromise, accommodate, and please others as much as they can, stretching their own mental tolerance. Eventually, they end up with nothing but just dissatisfaction with themselves and the others. Over the years, I have learnt that sometimes tries can be unfruitful. So I stopped doing that ever since the day I stepped into the Polytechnic.

If that someone is meant to be your friend, good friend, best friend, etc. he or she will be and always will be. Just like how I can be acquainted with Omma, Jan, & JY and eventually becoming buddies. And for all the stupid things that we have done to be acquainted with XMM, Toshio, etc. were simply fruitless. In NUS, I couldn't motivate myself to make new friends and all the friends that I have made came to me naturally. They are all people who walked into my life unexpectedly.

WaiTeng, a casual neighbour in my hall who eventually became my tennis buddy, lunch buddy, and a possible future travel companion.

Pauline, an acquaintance in a Math module, who eventually became my Econs buddy and confidante.

Monica, my exchange room-mate, who eventually became my regular lecture buddy and encourage me all the time while I was doing my thesis.

Kim, exchange mate, who is one of the few whom I can share about everything in my life and my NIE-buddy to be.

Kel & Brian, who are random project group mates but are future colleagues and soccer buddy respectively.

And for all these friendships, I did nothing to earn them. It was God's gift to me. :))

People like Shawn & Linken whom I have only known for 3 weeks while in Yuhua Secondary, people unaware of how we met would totally have the impression that we have been best friends since our previous lives. We feel comfortable introducing our own friends and family members to each other. Seriously, how many of your friends do you actually introduce to your family members?

When I look back, I think of the many others (I will not name names here) whom I fought so hard to maintain the friendship but failed. I really question myself, "Why did I bother to try in the first place?"

Tonight was such an awesome gathering and I cannot find any reason to not blog about it. :))

Acknowledgements

Yuppie, thesis submitted yesterday and I am now a free soul. It suddenly dawned upon me that I will no longer have to go through days of sleepless nights or inadequate sleep, give up my hongkong dramas, compromise with playing tennis, etc. Instead, I can be back to the weekly drinking sessions or mahjong sessions, the drama-after-drama days. Nonetheless, I have to start to work on my modules since I have been neglecting them for the past 12 weeks. My only focus was writing a good dissertation and a meaningful one. I have been spending all my time outside of tuition to work on my thesis and indeed it has been a fruitful journey. Especially towards the end, when Linken was vetting my thesis and Kheng started correcting my subject-verb agreement, I realise that writing a dissertation with perfect grammar is indeed trying. The problem does not lie with me being able to figure out the singular and plural but rather, the tenses almost drove me crazy. I was really undecided between using past tense or present tense to write the thesis! The work that was done by me has to be in present tense whereas work done by precedents have to be in past tense? Ended up I went to my professor and he simply told me to write everything in present tense. Linken was definitely picking on bones and very critical of what I wrote but I do not blame him. In fact, I was really happy about it because it makes me ponder over what I have wrotten and what I could do to improve on it. What's more, I need not hug my laptop to school everyday though it has become a habit that I kinda love it. Put aside the weight, it gives me immediate access to whatever that I want to know.

For now, I wish to publish my acknowledgements.

No words of appreciation can express my hearfelt gratitude towards my
supervisor, Dr. Liu Haoming for his kind patience and guidance in helping me
complete this thesis to mark my graduation. His serenity amidst my panic over my
progress of writing this dissertation from deciding on a topic while he was
still suffering from a jet lag to resolving the many data regression issues, and
finally reading my draft has been extremely reassuring. Without his exceptional
forbearance for all the major and minor knocks on his office, the completion of
this thesis would not have been so smooth and I would not have developed an
interest in doing research work. He is God's grace to me as a final year
student.

Not to forget, I would like to express my appreciation towards Dr. Indranil
Chakrabotry, Dr. Goh Say Song, and Dr. Gamini Premaratne who have given me
numerous astute advices academically and have been instrumental to my learning
journey in NUS.

Next, I would like to convey my sincerest appreciation to Linken, one of my
best pal who has indeed shown me remarkable support by having a game of tennis
with me when I needed to take it easy, listening to my whining, and most
importantly, vetting my thesis despite his hard-pressed schedule. Further, I
would like to thank my best buddies: Chris, WenXiong, and Tailon, people whom I
seek to for comfort and for the mirth, fun, and laughter they brought to my life
for the past decade. They are whom I call true friends. Added compliments to
Chris for proofreading my thesis as well!

The final and most important, I wish to express my gratitude to my family;
my Mom who loves me unconditionally and has been extremely supportive while I
take on this last challenge in my academic career; my sister, Kheng, for
correcting the subject-verb agreement issues in my paper meticulously, and also
my brother, Michael, who constantly offers words of encouragement and astute
advices for the past 23 years of my life. A BIG THANKS for playing a
fundamental role in shaping up my character and showing incredible tolerance for
my whims and fancies, and never stingy when it comes to showering me with love.

I am truly blessed beyond measures to have you guys as my family members.

Owing to space constraint, I was not able to thank all the people that I would like to so the blog is a more appropriate venue I guess.

I would like to dedicate this dissertation to my Brother, Michael and my
cousin-in-law, Vincent. Prior to deciding on the topic, I was not sure if
writing on such a topic would have been anything meaningful. However, the series of events made me realise that Health is Wealth and that without good health,
you would have been denied access to the door of Happiness.

Next, I would like to thank Bestie, IatFai for his existence in my life. He
need not explicitly encourage me to be better or listen to my sorrows but
through the small chats we have during the gatherings, he made me realise that
if one's dreams are shattered, it may be hard to swallow initially but we
all move on. Seeing his attempts to live a fulfilling life despite living within
so many constraints, I have more the reason to do so. All the conversations we
had while I was on SEP also helped me stay in touch with Singapore and it was
always nice to have someone you know to relate to when you experience any funny or interesting events while overseas. Thanks, Bestie!

Next, to my ex-boss and mentor - Augustine, for showing me the ropes to auditing and interpersonal relationship and for encouraging me when I first entered NUS that all I need is time to adapt to the NUS lifestyle. Those words of encouragement were instrumental to me graduating today from NUS!

Not to forget, my wonderful Econs friends in NUS - Pauline, Rachel and
HuiYun. All the times that I was in NUS, I had their companion and we sat
through all the boring lectures together, sat for the same exams and the little
outings like Botanic Gardens, Dinner, etc. indeed brightened up my life!

To Joseph and Sharon - my first few friends in NUS who brought me so
much laughter out of my embarrassment, thanks for helping me tide through the adjustment phrase in NUS.!

To WaiTeng for introducing the lovely sport, tennis to me, for constantly
encouraging me when I felt really down and lost with my thesis, hall stays would
have been much different without her!

To the two splendid friends I made from SEP - Kim and Monica.
All the travels, living and culture experiences would not have been made
possible without Kim's company and I wouldn't have the same feeling towards the
various countries that we visited together without her. The days of cooking
together, couching in her room on Sundays to watch movies, running to Lidl with our slippers and shorts during winter, long bus journeys, gossips, etc. are memories that will stay with me for life.!

And for Monica, the little chats we have in our room during SEP, the art of
accomodation and lending an arm that she taught me, the constant encouragement
she gave while I was working on my thesis were all priceless.!

And so, I thank God for bringing them to my life and on SEP.!

Last but not least, thanks to every single friend I made in NUS especially
the Econs peeps!

Lastly, I would like to share any good luck that God has bestowed upon me
for the past 23 years with my cousin, Benjamin, who is sitting for his 'O'
Levels and my sister, Kheng, who is sitting for her 'A' Levels examinations.
Also, I would like to thank my cousin, BiXia, for lending me her Macbook power adapter when mine refused to work on the very night before the submission of my thesis (Every single bit of effort counts.!) And my cousin, Wendy, for the weekly badminton sessions when I needed to destress and also being the responsible
driver to deliver the power adaptor without moaning a single word! (I am not sure if she complained behind my back though! haha..Just joking!)

Thanks for making a difference in my life!

A chill-out session with the different organs of a pig.

Just another boring Tues afternoon but a gathering with the different organs of a pig definitely made it special and a note worth remembering.

I had gotten so used to the environment of NUS that I no longer remember how it was liked when I first enter the institution. The unfamiliarity, hopes of seeing a familiar face somewhere, sometime in lectures, trying to plan timetables together etc. Sharon, Joseph, Michelle and I had a good chill-out session at the Deck today. My first few friends in NUS, they brought me exceptional memories in NUS. Seeing us all matured and grown up after a mere 3 years and our lives steering in completely directions, I thank God our paths once crossed.

Joseph, the pig brain, is always the one doing all the stunts in module planning and bidding. Occasionally, he makes Sharon and I share his stunts. However, he sees through me all the time, about how I feel and the many implications in my life. At least, he was the one who gave me a lot of support and encouragement during the most torturous period in NUS - the adjustment semester. Not to forget, he embarrassed me in front of a cutie not once, but twice because of his APPARENT loudness and nonobservance to the surroundings. :)

Sharon, the pig leg (she is EXTREMELY against us calling her that), is a small little girl, young and innocent when we first met her and Jo always calls her a CHEENA girl putting on a smokescreen by majoring in English Language. She takes all kinds of insults from us all the time without retaliating too strongly, and we love her still. However, she was the one who stalk after the cutie, and perhaps girls always relate better. :)

Oh and yes me, the pig's liver! I got the name because of that famous "Bak Chou Mee" noodle podcast by Mr Brown and the uncontrollable and hysterical laughter that I pulled off after listening to it during one of the lectures. This nickname will stay with me through life. :(

But yes, these are my lovely friends from NUS and I heart them for all the support, laughter and precious memories for the past 3.5 years. :)

A special semester in exchange for a special friend...

Special Semester has finally ended and I would say it ended with a bang, despite me being squeezed dried towards the last two weeks with the term paper, tutorial presentation and group project and website to do...

Honestly, I wasn't that into Special Sem initially and was so bent on leaving for Canada for summer exchange. However, the H1n1 virus turned things around and I even have to give up my US trip for a virus now widespread like COMMON FLU.. :(

Though we didn't spend a lot of time together since both of us always skipped lectures and only attended tutorials, I am glad we went for Special Semester together. :) A year and a half ago, when both of us left darling Singapore to beloved Stockholm, the bond between us was unusually and exceptionally tightly-wounded, like friends who have known each other for decades. Yet, when you spent too much time together despite knowing each other for only weeks or months, conflicts arise, friction results and I think we kind of gave up trying to maintain the friendship towards the end of the exchange. Misunderstandings arose, communication was impeded etc.

Now, a year after our exchange and with our lives back to what it was before the exchange, the memories still linger in us I guess. The unanticipated flings, crushes and parties, the people and friends etc....

I was taught an important lesson in these six weeks, to reflect on my life, to think of what I've been through the last 3 years in NUS and how I've lost myself along the way. Hardly could I recall myself being truthful to the people whom I met in NUS. Not being truthful does not equate to telling lies but it definitely involves certain white lies, my need for privacy, my need to survive, my need to meet the expectations etc. I am not trying excuse myself for the lies spoken, for the damage caused, for the responsibility of letting happiness elude me...

I realise that it was me who had let my emotions control my logic, let jealousy won me over, allow anger to triumph and the devil to leech on me. After all, having attracting the supposed attention for several years, it was hard having to grapple with the sudden loss. But the past two days have made me realised that perhaps they ain't that pivotal. God has shown it is time that I take the back seat and let the deserving ones take the front stage.

This special semester has taken a toll on my lifestyle, on my habits, on my stress level but it has definitely won me much more. The unearthing of a fresh perspective of life, of myself and the people around me is way more precious, all thanks to a casual chat in a tutorial some day in the middle of a discussion, over a few lunches of subway and a mugging session in the library.

Thanks, KIM! You've been truly awesome as a friend.... :)

I am reminded of a best friend I once had years ago but the last time we spoke was 2 years ago?!

Commencement

Joyous occasion for all my friends who have officially graduated and I attended their commencement yesterday evening! But I am on the other extreme end of the emotional spectrum. I am so gonna miss them next semester. I won't be seeing them in school, will not be hanging out as often and for my commencement next year, I will definitely not see them in the gown together with me! :( But I feel for their happiness, to finally escaped from the clutch of NUS!

My best buds in NUS - Rachel & Pauline (2nd, 3rd from left)


Global Economic Dimensions Class- Peiyun. Me. Rachel


Friends since year 1! :))

Will post more pictures when they upload it onto facebook!

While I was on the bus today, I thought about the event yesterday. When we first started out in NUS, most of them who graduated yesterday were adamant on doing Honors while me, who had not have the opportunity to put on the gown was so bent on leaving after 2.5 years. Now, 3 years later, our roles were completely switched. Here I was, stuck in NUS yet for another semester having to do Honors out of reluctance while they wholeheartedly graduated and were moving on to another new phrase in life! What an irony.

In school, you are expected to put on your best and strive for the best results (at least for me), so while people might be aiming for passes, there I was, expected to score A's and A+'s for the hand that feeds me, for my parents, and for myself. :) Having landed myself in such a situation i.e. getting a scholarship, I know my whole life will be dedicated to always striving to be the best because when I go out to work some day, people will have tons of expectations of me. So while others can afford to slack, I can't. I have to make sure I am worthy of my status. That's my life.!

Am I sad? Or should I be happy? I feel for myself because I am fully aware that I entered this rat race sooner than others and this torrential battle will be haunting me for the rest of my life and no matter how fatigue I feel, I have to endure for my dreams and aspirations and what I aim to achieve in life. However, I am glad and proud of whatever I have owned and achieved so far. It is because of what I own now and went through that made me realise my dreams of visiting Old Trafford, Paris, Eiffel, the world and leave my footprints. Further, having consistently being put under pressure to perform and having to meet others' expectations, no doubt it's trying, but it has strengthened me and developed me into a more complete individual with a higher threshold for pressure than many others. I've come to terms with my life, with the expectations of me but I see it as an personal investment which I have secured the dividends, so no complaints.! :) I love my life the way it is and will continue to love it more! :)

Recall.

I went to an ex-colleague's 21st birthday party last night. Honestly, I was astonished by the crowd that gather and the setup and all. She had really big banners put up and spot lights, dry ice, sparklers all ready and it looked more like a wedding as commented by another of my friend. Lol! She had a 20th birthday celebration last May as well but because I was in Stockholm then, I was not able to make it and had not experienced the kind of lavish and grandeur that accompanied her celebration. Halfway through the party, she changed into another dress and that left me scratching my head and stunned. "Why the need to change your costume?"

By around 9 p.m., we then got ready for photo-taking and of course the highlight of the night, the cutting of the cake. I would likened the crowd to almost a throng but when it was time to sing the birthday girl a song, the volume sounded pathetic and I mean really pathetic. No one bothered to gather and you could see people leaving halfway, hoping that their absence will be insignificant in the large crowd. Some did not even bother to sing the birthday song nor clap and were busy taking photos with their own long-lost friends. Of course I did my part and sang the song, not only out of duty and responsibility but also with sincerity and wishes. Since you have decided to attend the party and send the someone your wishes, then do it whole-heartedly right? There was a crowd of around 100 people but the volume of the birthday song sounded like a pathetic group of 10 trying to amplify their voices.

Going through the celebration reminded me of my own 21st birthday party. I started to wonder, was my party anyway like hers? I would feel tremendously embarrassed and at the same time really upset and inadequate. It was as though those people who went never really wanted to attend but were merely being compulsive or conforming to social norms of attending someone else's 21st birthday party to reciprocate because he or she had attended yours. However, it is almost 18 months since my birthday celebration. I was so busy that night that I can no longer recall the expression on everyone's faces. However, deep in my heart, I know majority of those that attended really meant to be there to give me their true blessings unless it was yet another deception.

This incident had once again reiterated the point that we need QUALITY friends. Quantity does not count. I would rather have genuine and whole-hearted blessings of 20 friends rather than the pretense or hypocrisy of a 100. :) I love my friends honestly. Diverse and versatile.

A toast to:
--> the one or two unique ones whom I can dial anytime and anyday for a coffee or to lend an ear and to walk through the ups and downs of life together, watching each other closely.
--> some whom I put in the extra effort or walk the extra mile to maintain our friendship, holding it as though it is a fragile piece of glass that might be broken once I hold it too loosely but you guys make me appreciate what other friends had done for me.
--> A few among the litre whom I love to disturb, call them names knowing that they won't be angry or pissed occasionally yet sometimes surprising each other when we start to lend each other a heart and an ear for some comfort.
--> the several whom I always complain and whine non-stop towards to vent my frustration and anger when I cannot suppress it or contain anymore.
--> Those who seemed so distant yet once in a while, a knock on my phone or msn or email tells me the weight I have in their heart, thanks for not forgetting me. :)
--> The few or several leisure khakis be it KTV, mahjong, tennis, badminton or even a movie. You know who you are but that does not mean you ain't important.
--> Lastly, the rest whom left a little and brief footprints in my life. Though you ain't that special, thanks for being there when I needed a friend or company. :)

Bidding Goodbye....

Well, today is the official last day of school in NUS for the semester. It just suddenly dawned on me that I will not be seeing my friends for a long long time. Friends whom I hang out with week in week out in NUS, laughters, complaints, whines, jokes, lunch buddies etc. They will all be leaving and here I am, left alone in this familiar yet alien environment without the people that I am so used to seeing. Unlike in Europe, we didn't bid each other our goodbyes with a hug or even a word of encouragement. We were just so silent and chatted about the past, doing the last bit of reminiscence and catching up. Yes, we will still be back for the examinations but it will be a completely different feeling. During the 3 years in NUS, I have met people who walked in and out of my life, swift like lightning and also people whom I have built up lasting friendships with. I realise that we have a latent filter inside our minds and heart in that we segregate people into groups and we share different things or feelings and opinions with them. There are those whom you want to appear smart and elegant in front of them, some who are merely hi-bye friends and of course others whom you reveal your true self to. Regardless of the category, it must have been that latent filter in you that make you decide to carry yourself the way you are in front of them. :)

This semester is probably the toughest and trying one for me, not only having to cope with a total different level of workload but also having problems with bidding and spending a lot of time in school, having a 5-day week in theory but 4-day one in practice. :) LOl.. Breaks were long but I had lots of surprises this semester. Just like what my lecturer said, whenever you turn a corner, you will know what anticipates or awaits you at that blind spot. I had to cope with doing projects with people whom I completely not know and honestly, it was something which I would use the phrase "short and sweet" on. We need not have to meet often to discuss or pressurize each other on moving and getting things done. Everything fell in place when it needed to and it was lovely!

Not to forget, soccer really bridges gap between people. Like Seng and I always have lots to talk about outside the fact that we are both Econs major, that is Soccer. Being rivals in the league, we showed gracism and patience towards each other in class and in our post-match comments always.

Then it went on to Ben. It seems like both of us were just so shy in front of each other which apparently I have no clue as to why though we are both enthusiasts and frequent participants of social networking. When the two of us first met, we tried so hard to sound and behave politically and socially appropriate towards each other. Yet, deep in our hearts, we knew that we could simply behave like friends who had already known each other for ages and talk about anything under the sun. As the semester progressed, contact minimized and when the time for it arose, things suddenly took a different turn. Perhaps it was because of the addition of another member to our clique that changed the whole setting. Our chat was always so casual and filled with laughter, no longer those that you had to be smart or elegant or appropriate. Just when we were about to bid farewell, we realise we are both die-hard fans of the all-time famous sport-soccer! It's a pity that we love a different football club but it felt so great to finally break-down the front that we were both putting up for the whole semester. Isn't friendship in such a way beautiful and lovely?!

I struggled, I attempted, I fell, I stood up and now I will be entering the mugging phase of my school term. But no denials, this is the best semester I have ever had in my entire NUS life, hitherto. Perhaps bitter-sweet memories are the most lasting and make people crave for more. Remember the government's latest campaign --> Beautifully Imperfect.! Thanks to all those who had made the mark and hopefully, the exchanges never end.... :)

Agree or Disagree

"You have too many guy friends. People assume you are attached that is part of the reason why you are still single now."

I disagree. If those guy friends of mine are the reason I am not attached, then I would rather be alone all my life. At least whenever I need someone to talk to, they will always be around. At least they are not as gossipy and petty as the girls. At least there will never be any hard feelings between us. Recently, I hanged around with a group of friends whom I don't use to hang out with. People who come with a neutral point of view will find them to be ridiculous and irrational. At certain points in time, I find it so too. However, we are all young once only and that's the way life should be. We play tennis together and then halfway through, it started raining. We attempted to continue with another set but the rain mimicked the flow of a tap. Once we retreated, the rain drops diminish. Yet when we were getting ready to go for another set, it was as though the sky tap was opened and the droplets came splashing down again. Nonetheless, it was fun still. Who says drinking takes place only at night? When heaven plays tricks on you, you have no choice but to drink baileys with a weird mixer and make the output taste like "珍珠奶茶". I can't deny that was a relaxed way of life, as though I was in Stockholm, deja vu.! After you get sick of the TV show, filled your stomach, the 4 of you can then gather together and play another round of mahjong.! Lol. I bidded "Monday Blues" GOODBYE! And of course, they are definitely friends worth keeping because I believe they will go through the ups and downs, the rough and smooth patches of life, digging at each other's sorrows or offering a nice COLD BEER. :) I am glad I am brought into the little clique of theirs.!

“A smart and rich girl who have good looks is always attached." (Of course I'm not referring to myself though I'd love to! Lol!)

I realise guys also have the opinion that if a girl is pretty or smart or this or that, she must be attached. Frequently, it's just assumptions and deductions of their own or because they do not want to be rejected by the girl to have their ego bruised. But girls who are smart know how to pretend to be stupid so they should have an edge and higher probability of getting hitched compared to girls who are silly because they cannot pretend to be an intellect.

"Friends should never have any conflict of interest. Smart people should cut the act of being cooperative with latent intentions of competing with another."

I was totally taken aback when I stepped into the class today to see all the Honors Year student one cohort before mine sharing their assignment answers. They are scary. And, the reason of being so, they do not want to lose to their peers so they want to make sure they all derived the answer. If one makes a mistake, all made the mistake. Honestly, between my peers and I, though we discuss about our academic studies, we do not actually disclose our CAP and stuff. Not that I do not want to tell them or that I desperately need them to know, but I think it's unnecessary. If they do ask me, I'll them but if they don't, I don't see the need to amplify. Likewise for them, I never know nor question their CAP either. This is what I called mutual trust.

Imagine you walk into a class for the first day and everyone in the class knows your CAP, your academic results, whether you are a Dean's lister or not and stuff. They end up being your friends but so what? Are their intentions kind? Not that I am suspicious or that I have little trust in other people, but I believe in making friends with only people who are sincere in being friends with you despite your reputation, wealth, achievements etc. I am in my 3rd year in NUS but officially I am year 4. Those in their 4th year of studies and am official year 4 students are crazy people. In their batch, almost everyone knows each other's CAP and they know who are the first-class graduates, who are second and etc. Reason?! I don't know. So they know who their competitors are etc. I do not concur with this kind of behaviour though I know hanging around smart people increases work efficiency because you can learn from them and make them do the work. But, it's definitely a NONO for me!

People who know me would know that I am someone who loves making new friends all the time but in NUS, and especially in my Honors class, I only hang out one or two friends. I do not want to be acquainted with all these competitive classmates. It's like they are competitive and they will want to compete with me. And me, having seen someone competing damn hard with me will be unable to control my emotions and the evil side of me will take control and I'll start competing with him or her too. Any form of competition damages relationship to a certain extent. It results in conflict of interests and I hate to lose friendship out of conflict of interests. Thus, I rather not make new friends. As in I hate people to see me as a benchmark, be it positive or negative, meaning they want to be better than me or they do not want to be a loser like me. It is childish. Don't you think so?

I like the freedom of being a human being, to be able to use my senses to judge myself and things in life, but not people. I enjoy the privilege to pursue what I want and be an unique individual. Thus, when I see people mimicking my style, my achievements, my habits, my lifestyle, my actions, my speech or any part of me, I feel exasperated. Not that I think am such a good role model that people look upon but even between friends, I hate to be copied. So, THAT'S ME! :))

The Right Tempo.

The overwhelming number of gatherings and outings have taken a toll on my tempo and pace of studies. I am supposed to be putting in extra effort this semester, ain't I? Where's my Mugging Cap? Lol.!

Anyway, it was JY's birthday on the 7 Feb so we had a KTV session out at Top-One. The guests were unusual, definitely not people whom we get to meet often but it was cool still. We need new faces to paint a different picture in our clique other than the usual 4 of us. Yet at moments during the session, the exceptional affliation between Jan, Omma & I surface. Cos everytime minute happenings surface, the 3 of us would be extremely quick to look at each other through the corner of our eyes with the "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" stare. I thought it was really hilarious. :)) Yet, it was a short gathering since we all had our own hangouts to be at subsequently.

Oh yeah, I need to mention: AUDI rocks.! The fanfare for the Brand originated from my vocation training at EY. One of the Tax Managers drove an Audi A4 and at that time, I was memerised by its exterior appearance. Nonetheless, being a Continental Car and its status as a more luxurious branded car, it was not that common in Singapore. I had taken lifts in different cars, from Subaru, BMW, Volvo, Honda Civic etc but the ride in my friend's Audi after KTV elevated my liking for the brand. The interior of the car was posh and it was the exact style that I wanted. :))

I'm excited about graduation cos it has always been my dream to own a car. But AUDI will definitely not be my maiden car because of the steep price-tag that comes with it. Lol. But I hope to edge closer to it as I age. So, AUDI, wait for me. :))

From movie to KTV and lastly, steamboat over @ BY's house on Sunday. I love sessions like those cos we will always crack lots of jokes, expand on each other's conversation, dig at each other's sorrows with no ill intentions and bring out the hidden-side of each other. And this time, tuition was the Hot topic cum debate.

IF has an 'amazing' student, one whom he terms as a 'STUPID' kid. Hearing his stories made me extremely certain that no primary school kids should be on my agenda. I once had a pri. sch boy whom took a toll on my temperant, on my patience and get on my nerves every lesson. But I guess at least my student's mom is someone who knows his son and his abilities so well that she does not expect too much from the tuition. In fact, it was always me calling the mom to address concerns that surfaced during the sessions. And this was the unusual conversation that arose:

WenX: 你爸爸不是猪？ 你妈妈不是猪？ 为什么会生出你这头猪？
＊Laughters, Giggles follow."

BingY: Elbow him, Box him, Beat up his whole family. Whole family get into a fight. Ah, tuition teacher go crazy liao! Uncle come, punch him. Dash out of the house, beat up all the neighbours!!!!!!!

KokW: (Acting as the maid) "No Sir, no sir. Don't beat me."
WenX: Go out, Kick the Dog. (Acting as the dog) " Er, er." *Two hands imitating the paws of the dog*

By then, the giggles could no longer be contained. The laughters flooded the whole kitchen and people in the living room were aroused by the interesting and arousing conversation that was going on in the kitchen.

Sometimes, I wonder. Will such engaging conversations continue 5, 10 or 20 years down the road when we all will be elites in our own field or industry, some married and even with kids, some still single, some still unsettled? What will bridge the growing gap between us? I guess it will still be the habit of having each other in our lives that link our hearts always. :))

Looking back 2008

Time flies isn't it ? Yes, 2008 has come to an end and in fact, 2009 has begun for 10 days already! Yet to me, the effective starting day of the new year is the day SCHOOL starts! Tomorrow is the beginning of a new semester. This semester isn't gonna be as splendid, as exciting as the previous one since I am spending it in NUS! :)) Wahahaha... Facing a total new challenge every year and soon, I'll be bidding my beloved NUS goodbye by the turn of the next new year (2010, hopefully!).

What happened to me in 2008? Nothing is as special as the Europe tour. I finally stepped my foot onto the beloved continent, EUROPA! It has always been my dream to be in Europe, to indulge myself in their culture, background, lifestyle etc. Two of my dreams in life was officially realised.

1. Visiting my most admired city, Paris
2. A trip to Theatre of Dreams, Old Trafford @ Manchester.

Every now and then, I look through the photos of Europe and my heart skips. My presence in that continent made me feel like a dwarf, both physically and psychologically. First, in terms of height cos those Europeans are really tall and daunting. As for the psychological aspect, I realise the world is huge and gigantic and I'm just a small player of the whole universe. My contribution to the world is gonna be so insignificant that one day, should I leave, only that few hundreds of family and friends would remember me. And even if they remember me, it's only my presence that they miss and that humans are habitual animals who miss people whom they see around often and once they disappear, they miss them.

So I told myself, that when I'm back in Singapore, I want a change. A change in that I want to do something for everyone around me whom I genuinely care for. In such a way, when I leave one day, they will not just miss my physical presence and simply over it. Conversely, it'll be the gift, the effort that I put in maintaining our relationship, in making a difference, in being there when they need me. In such a way, even if I pass on some day, they will know I've had a complete and fulfilling life. I live in vain, never! :))

While I was on SEP, I made nice friends, yet they are friends whom I know leave footprints in my life yet those footprints only last for a short journey in my life. Yet, I'm glad that I met them because they provide a different perspective of life, and added wisdom and knowledge to my well-being. :) In fact, some of them are friends whom I'd love to keep forever yet the distance due to our geographical location proved too much for us to keep the friendship going. Perhaps, some day when I go back to Europe, I'll visit them. Not to forget, after meeting them, I learn to appreciate my Asian friends better! My Asian friends are people who keep to their promise, who mean every word they say yet my European ones are the exact opposite most of the time. I guess it's their culture and lifestyle, which is really laid-back to an extent that they sense no urgency and the importance of honoring your words. But it has positive drawbacks too. At least, they don't bear hard feelings in them and you can afford to be less tensed in life. :))

The first half of the year was marked by a million surprises and Dreams Came True for me and honestly, it will be one of the most remembered years in life! Yet, while I was enjoying myself, splurging on all the luxurious goods and lifestyle, people back home took a different turn. I only came to know about the problems and troubles they underwent during this period after I was back. All along, I have been very confident of myself and I am still so now. :) lol! But it was at certain moments that I realise I can be helpless in helping out people around me resolve their problems. It only made me more aware that though we can take charge of our lives, it could never be complete. There are things which we will never excel in and events that are unforeseen in life. To some, it's a challenge in life yet some people just see themselves tumbling and falling endlessly. I took big and sturdy steps in life so far. There might come a day when I see myself falling too. So should I start taking small steps instead?

Back in NUS, things change, emotions dunk. That's school in Singapore. It's always about competition, about relative standing like what I always said. I try not to let those emotions control me. I force myself to like school, to smile to those peers of mine who wear a masked face and a evil smile. I build up a defence against anyone else new to me. But I don't want to get hurt. I am glad at the end of the day, I still have the regular NUS friends who are friends whom I can trust and rely on. After last semester, they leave me though. Now, I've the few pathetic left and Pauline told me she's not staying for Honors for sure. She's my Best Friend in NUS. Someone who implicitly showed lots of support. I'm so gonna miss her! And yes, By the start of the new year in 2010, I'll bid this lifestyle that I really hate GOODBYE and it's FINALLY!!!! If I can within the pressure that mounted on me for the past 2 years, I don't see why I can't ride through this final year! :)

So is it gonna be a happy 2009 for me?!

YES IT WILL BE AND I WILL MAKE SURE IT BE ONE!

Long lost friend?

I met up with a long lost friend recently.
Missing those days when we crapped so much.
We did meet up on previous occasion but none was much like this.
Maybe we had all forgotten how it was like to have such conversations.
Hoping for more. :)
No matter how a person change in the future,
Always remember the emotions that embraced you when you first met
At least when circumstances change
When you pursue your dreams
Treat the person in the same old way when you first became acquainted
And never allow anything else to change your relationship.

YES I WILL! :))

Maybe she was right.
When genuine concern for someone generates disutility,
People retreat.
The one who gives tries to be the more rational party.
Yet the one who takes recklessly pass judgements
How well do you know her actually?
You make her build up a stronger defence only.
So is it still a "Hang in there" or just a simple "I quit!"

到底这感觉谁对谁错
我已经不想追求
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

What a Christmas Night!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way!

Merry X'mas to all! Once again, the time of the year is here! For the past two years, it had been a Christmas Night over at my Cousie's place for gifts exchange etc but this year, we decided to make it a New Year Eve's celebration instead. Thus, I had the opportunity to spend time with my Sec Sch friends for some usual hangouts and gossip session!

I guess Steamboat has become an integral part of our celebration thus this year we had Korean Steamboat at this really isolated part of our island - West Coast.! Being 10 minutes away from NUS, I'd always being interested to check this place out but I am certain this frequent will be the only one and the last one! Honestly speaking, the food sucks!

If you are a frequent patroniser of Korean cuisine, having thinly-sliced meat is the catch of the cuisine. Yet, the restaurant serves really thick and fatty meat from pork to chicken to even the beef! 60% of the meat comes from the fatty portions of the animal I must say and those guys really love pork such that they ordered the different parts of the pork, from collar to belly and the meat itself! Gosh! The tea that they served was proclaimed by MH as talisman water i.e a burnt piece of paper immersed into the water. Absolutely CORRECT!

Anyway, after the dinner, we immediately bounced back to our usual routine, standing around discussing the next potential programme. This was a must-happened event every year. During the discussion, we'd then break into our own small conversations or completely diverge from the main discussion. However, this year, we finally had a breakthrough!!!!

I must applaud myself for coming up with such a great idea first then compliment CB and BY for altering the rules and introducing new ones along the way to enhance the idea. Yes, 3 cheers for us, the Dark Lim Choc Family.

So the 9 of us headed down to Vivo City and the game was to buy a pressie to exchange on the spot within the time limit of 20 minutes.

Rules:
1. Buy a gift between 15-20 bucks
2. Gathering in 20 mins time outside MAC on level 1
3. The 3rd and the last person and those who exceed the time limit will have a forfeit
4. No gifts from Candy Empire & Action City

On our bus journey to Vivo, we came up with a lot of funny ideas-like buying multiples of the same food, i.e 20 cans of root beer, 10 packets of potato chips, 10 pkts for crabstick for BBQ tmr, 10 cans of Campbell soup etc. It was really hilarious!!!!

And so, the game finally started at 2143 hours and ended @ 2203 hours! CB came in first, Me second, Debbie 3rd, followed by ZH, MH, KW, XH, BY then SQ. In the end, 4 of them had to undergo the forfeit, CB, Deb, BY and SQ respectively. CB got punished because he bought a gift from Candy Empire which was - DENIED! BY on the other hand bought a gift at 13.50 and he claimed it to be because of the 10% discount that was entitled to him upon paying @ the cashier!!

Thus, the spontaneous & enthusiastic Four stood right beside the Information Directory on Level 1 and performed a one-song X'mas Carol for the 5 of us! People who walked past took glances @ the 4 of them and XH, who wasn't in the group, still felt so embarrassed that he took a brown paper bag and stuck his head in it! Honestly, we had a hearty LAUGH out of that. But nothing beats MH's unexceptional and creative gift that costed hiim $20 exactly! Guess what it is? -- A PAIR OF SOCKS --

It was so hilarious!!!! Can you imagine buying a pair of socks that cost $20? He proclaimed that he had kept to BY's suggestion of buying a gift that has a story and could be related to X'mas yet this was one suggestion that none of us bothered to listen to or adhere to. :)) It was such a coincidence that BY got MH's gift and he was so enthusiastic about that gift and we started to brainstorm for ideas as to how to put that pair of $20 socks into use. From hanging it in his house on the night itself for Santa Claus to come in to drop his gift for BY with the assistance of Randolf to wearing it at night to keep him warm. The most hilarious idea was to wear the socks with his slippers to the BBQ tonight to tell everyone that his socks are more expensive than his slippers!!!! Wahahahaha.....

Finally, we broke off and headed off home at around 11plus to recharge and geer up for the BBQ tonight! I am pretty sure all of us dispersed and left with the same conclusion yesterday night- It was the best and coolest X'mas eve that we have spent in the past decade! :))

At festive nights like these, I can't help but draw a comparison between Stockholm, Europe and Singapore. If there were 101 things that I missed about Europe, Stockholm and all my exchange friends, there is definitely 1001 things that I love Singapore, my family, my friends and all the joy, laughter that embrace us every now and then! :))