Today has been an extremely long day for me.
5 hours of sleep and I was awakened by the need to submit my health check report and the day starts with final revision and then preparation for the exam. I must say that I was a little hesitant about enrolling in this course as I do not want to be "paying to suffer". The last 2 weeks have flown past really quickly while in quarantine with me spending an average of 6-8 hours studying each day while maintaining my routines such as stretching, home workouts, playing the guitar and what not. It was not easy to do this home online exam because they were really strict about a "clean desk" policy and the funny thing was the fact that I was on recording was completely at the back of my mind with me and my usual "curses and swears" in the background when asked to even remove the piece of paper used to facilitate my mouse. Halfway through the exam, my phone started ringing and I kinda panicked as I was afraid it would be one of those random call checks again and I was not allowed to in any way be non-visible on the webcam or whatsoever. I had to rush through the last 30 questions just to make sure that I will not be disrupted by knocks on my room door. It all ended well and I submitted the answers 45 minutes ahead of time and honestly, did not check through all the questions given the constant ringing of my phone.
The second half of the day then revolves around the decision for me to move on. I cannot tell you how many sleepless nights I had had since this opportunity popped up. I thought about all the comfort that I have right now and having to leave behind everything and start afresh. Even though I had gone through what I wanted to say at least a 1,000 times in my head, I just cannot control my own emotions while saying it. I am terrible at goodbyes but I knew I had to say everything that I wanted to say. No one truly knows what I have gone through in the past 1 year - stuck in a room for 375 days and not having any social interaction in person, going from bed to desk to kitchen and back to bed, having my favourite hobbies all stripped out from my life and then constantly struggling at a hundred things. I doubt I would have survived the year without my niece calling me on Facetime every week, my marathon chats with Chris, partying on a singing app with my sister, cousins and nieces. Indeed, the year has not been easy for anyone I believe, but given what I have gone through, I feel that I really need a change. Like I have mentioned previously, no one knows what to expect when making a change. It could be for the better or for the worst but until you try, you will never know. Once I have made up my mind to take the leap of faith, I am doing it. It was a difficult 2 hour conversation for me in the evening, having to explain my rationale for doing so and I know that it is also customary for the receiving parties to try to convince me otherwise but trust is such a heavy word sometimes.
Who do you trust and whom can you trust?
