2021, the year to take a leap of faith!
Last post of the year once again, how is it that 365 days flown by silently?
Everyone was expecting 2021 to be better than 2020 and we were all taken by surprise. Things got out of control especially towards the second half of the year and given 18 months of C, everyone was feeling the fatigue and could not care more about restrictions, distancing etc. anymore. I shall start off with my 2021 resolutions and look back on what I have achieved in the last 365 days.
2021 Resolutions
1. Learn swimming - I will try in 2022 again! LOL
2. Return to tennis Returned to Singapore in Apr while on gardening and am glad I went back to Tennis! My skills and stamina have both deteriorated and I cannot run as much as I used to, but at least I picked up my racquet once again!
3. Be happy - be less serious, joke more and relive a little bit of my 18th year old year Things always happen in the way that you least expect. I spent much of 2020 alone in isolation and come 2021, I changed an environment and returned to the office. I told myself that I shall be less serious and indeed in the office, I often cracked jokes with my new colleagues to liven up the atmosphere and found the jovial me once again.
Besides the ones that I listed above, halfway through 2021, I reflected on my 2020 posts and asked myself - why have I become so risk averse? Hence, I told myself that I have to pluck up my courage and make bold decisions once again and be less risk averse. Although I never returned to the badminton court back in London, I took other more risky decisions and I am glad I did all of those and found back the courageous me. There were things in 2020 that I achieved but reverted to old ways once again - my lifestyle, my snacking habit, and what not. I ate more fruits in 2021 definitely but my bedtime became later in the second half of the year, from 1am to 2-3am and I know that I should do something about that. My skin condition improved a lot from 2019 to 2020 and onward to 2021 and I am so thankful for this improvement. For 2-3 years from 2016 to 2019, I have been constantly troubled by outbreaks and it does in a way affect me from time to time.
2020 Resolutions
1. Master one song on the guitar - preferably Mayday's song 拥抱，知足
2. Visit Russia Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year
3. Go on a family trip with my nieces (C, A) though this is probably beyond my control Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year
4. Live a healthier lifestyle - sleep earlier, more fruits (twice per week?) / vegetables, less chocolates and sweets, cutting away my snacking behaviour of eating chocolates everyday HAHAHA! I thought I did well during the first lockdown, not eating chocolates for 3 weeks in a row but it did not last long before I went back to my old ways. However, I did eat more fruits - blueberries/ apples weekly
5. Figure out my next step for this new decade - where next? what next? I guess my next step is still my current step but have a bit more direction
6. Look beyond others' judgment and live life / deal with work such that I am not subjected to anyone's whims and fancies
7. I hope my skin condition (face) improves - have been plagued by this acne problem ever since I left Singapore and sometimes I do not even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore :( Improved a lot during the first lockdown but back to the same old issue again in the last few months. I think it is mainly caused by stress and my snacking habit. When I was extremely occupied with work during Aug and Oct, that was when outbreaks became more common
What would I be looking to achieve in 2022:
1. Be brave / risk-taking
2. Buy my own loft and figure out my next step
3. Be back on the road travelling (hopefully)
4. Continue to be jovial / less serious
5. Learn swimming?
6. Improve my lifestyle a bit - sleep earlier, snack less and exercise more!
I guess I am that kind of person - If I do not set a target for myself, I will never try to change it. It is not that I open up my blog and read my new year resolutions every other week or month but that sub-consciously, when I write something down, I will be more inclined to work towards that target.
This has been a year of change for me - taking the step out to take a flight home (FINALLY) after 1.5 years away from home, going through that anxiety and fear and having to overcome it, staying 21 days in a hotel alone, going through multiple swab tests and scares, etc. I changed a new environment - no doubt I miss some of the people in my old firm but change is inevitable, and I am now at a point of no return. I feel sadness sometimes because I felt like I lost a good working relationship, nevertheless, it might be one-sided thinking on my part, and for someone like me who tends to fear being on the heavier side of any relationship, I have to cut off the connection / stop myself from reminiscing about the past. I have a fear for commitment and given I have reached a certain milestone in life, it is time for me to commit into a house I guess. I need my own personal space if I were to eventually move back home.
My story for this year's closing post is on how people stop having fun when they grow old. We used to enjoy all festives / special occasions e.g. CNY, Xmas, etc. because we have get-togethers with family and friends, do gift exchanges, spend time together, etc. As I age, I become a "no present" person not because I do not enjoy receiving gifts or gifting but that I think I am someone whom most people will struggle to buy gifts for. One, I am a rather practical person and do not want people to buy me gifts that I have no use for and end up having to think of how to dispose them - waste of money and their time and also I want to be environmental-friendly. As I age, I realised how gifting creates so much thrash and waste. Second, I can afford almost anything that I want which is why people often struggle to buy me something and I really have almost everything that I need to survive in life. It was also C that made me realised how little we need in life at times. For 18 months, I barely bought anything except food and some clothes and household necessities. As a result, I no longer do gift exchanges with most people and sometimes I wonder if not engaging in these activities makes one feel that they are losing out the fun because people love surprises and gifts. Instead, given that I spend most of my time away from home, I cherish the time spent with people, sitting together and talking about our lives, sharing our stories, etc. although not everyone enjoys that.
I once told a dear friend that I try to keep in contact with people whom I cherish in life by writing to them, sending them postcards from time to time because I am the kind of person who struggles to strike a deep conversation with people whom I no longer talk to for a long time, no matter how close we used to be. Hence, while I make friends easily and have friends all over the world, I lost touch with most of them eventually. In the 5 years to 2020, I met a friend that related really well with me and for the first 3 years, I made an effort to keep in contact constantly but still, I lost to the fate of not being able to keep the friendship warm and distant away eventually. On one of the postcards that I sent, I wrote exactly that - that if I were to not talk to someone frequently, I will eventually struggle to keep in contact. Sometimes, I think I can really predict a part of my future and the saddest thing is even if you could foresee what will happen, you still cannot prevent yourself going down that route.
I do miss some of these friends whom I used to hang around with so much yet we are nothing but strangers now. Do I regret spending all those times with them even though I know that we will eventually become strangers? Honestly, I do not because they brought me happiness which is why I chose to spend time with them. However, I find myself less willing to actually make friends these days because I know that we will eventually become strangers too. This is why that saying came to mind as I wrote this post - we stopped not having fun not because we grew old but because we stopped having fun, that is why we grow old.
2022, I hope it will be a good year for everyone and honestly, I truly hope that the people around me can feel happy again if I could make one wish!
