2021, the year to take a leap of faith!  

Last post of the year once again, how is it that 365 days flown by silently? 

Everyone was expecting 2021 to be better than 2020 and we were all taken by surprise. Things got out of control especially towards the second half of the year and given 18 months of C, everyone was feeling the fatigue and could not care more about restrictions, distancing etc. anymore. I shall start off with my 2021 resolutions and look back on what I have achieved in the last 365 days. 

2021 Resolutions

1. Learn swimming - I will try in 2022 again! LOL

2. Return to tennis  Returned to Singapore in Apr while on gardening and am glad I went back to Tennis! My skills and stamina have both deteriorated and I cannot run as much as I used to, but at least I picked up my racquet once again! 

3. Be happy - be less serious, joke more and relive a little bit of my 18th year old year Things always happen in the way that you least expect. I spent much of 2020 alone in isolation and come 2021, I changed an environment and returned to the office. I told myself that I shall be less serious and indeed in the office, I often cracked jokes with my new colleagues to liven up the atmosphere and found the jovial me once again. 

Besides the ones that I listed above, halfway through 2021, I reflected on my 2020 posts and asked myself - why have I become so risk averse? Hence, I told myself that I have to pluck up my courage and make bold decisions once again and be less risk averse. Although I never returned to the badminton court back in London, I took other more risky decisions and I am glad I did all of those and found back the courageous me. There were things in 2020 that I achieved but reverted to old ways once again - my lifestyle, my snacking habit, and what not. I ate more fruits in 2021 definitely but my bedtime became later in the second half of the year, from 1am to 2-3am and I know that I should do something about that. My skin condition improved a lot from 2019 to 2020 and onward to 2021 and I am so thankful for this improvement. For 2-3 years from 2016 to 2019, I have been constantly troubled by outbreaks and it does in a way affect me from time to time. 

2020 Resolutions

1. Master one song on the guitar - preferably Mayday's song  拥抱，知足

2. Visit Russia Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year

3. Go on a family trip with my nieces (C, A) though this is probably beyond my control Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year

4. Live a healthier lifestyle - sleep earlier, more fruits (twice per week?) / vegetables, less chocolates and sweets, cutting away my snacking behaviour of eating chocolates everyday HAHAHA! I thought I did well during the first lockdown, not eating chocolates for 3 weeks in a row but it did not last long before I went back to my old ways. However, I did eat more fruits - blueberries/ apples weekly

5. Figure out my next step for this new decade - where next? what next? I guess my next step is still my current step but have a bit more direction

6. Look beyond others' judgment and live life / deal with work such that I am not subjected to anyone's whims and fancies

7. I hope my skin condition (face) improves - have been plagued by this acne problem ever since I left Singapore and sometimes I do not even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore :( Improved a lot during the first lockdown but back to the same old issue again in the last few months. I think it is mainly caused by stress and my snacking habit. When I was extremely occupied with work during Aug and Oct, that was when outbreaks became more common

What would I be looking to achieve in 2022: 

1. Be brave / risk-taking

2. Buy my own loft and figure out my next step 

3. Be back on the road travelling (hopefully)

4. Continue to be jovial / less serious

5. Learn swimming? 

6. Improve my lifestyle a bit - sleep earlier, snack less and exercise more! 

I guess I am that kind of person - If I do not set a target for myself, I will never try to change it. It is not that I open up my blog and read my new year resolutions every other week or month but that sub-consciously, when I write something down, I will be more inclined to work towards that target. 

This has been a year of change for me - taking the step out to take a flight home (FINALLY) after 1.5 years away from home, going through that anxiety and fear and having to overcome it, staying 21 days in a hotel alone, going through multiple swab tests and scares, etc. I changed a new environment - no doubt I miss some of the people in my old firm but change is inevitable, and I am now at a point of no return. I feel sadness sometimes because I felt like I lost a good working relationship, nevertheless, it might be one-sided thinking on my part, and for someone like me who tends to fear being on the heavier side of any relationship, I have to cut off the connection / stop myself from reminiscing about the past. I have a fear for commitment and given I have reached a certain milestone in life, it is time for me to commit into a house I guess. I need my own personal space if I were to eventually move back home. 

My story for this year's closing post is on how people stop having fun when they grow old. We used to enjoy all festives / special occasions e.g. CNY, Xmas, etc. because we have get-togethers with family and friends, do gift exchanges, spend time together, etc. As I age, I become a "no present" person not because I do not enjoy receiving gifts or gifting but that I think I am someone whom most people will struggle to buy gifts for. One, I am a rather practical person and do not want people to buy me gifts that I have no use for and end up having to think of how to dispose them - waste of money and their time and also I want to be environmental-friendly. As I age, I realised how gifting creates so much thrash and waste. Second, I can afford almost anything that I want which is why people often struggle to buy me something and I really have almost everything that I need to survive in life. It was also C that made me realised how little we need in life at times. For 18 months, I barely bought anything except food and some clothes and household necessities. As a result, I no longer do gift exchanges with most people and sometimes I wonder if not engaging in these activities makes one feel that they are losing out the fun because people love surprises and gifts. Instead, given that I spend most of my time away from home, I cherish the time spent with people, sitting together and talking about our lives, sharing our stories, etc. although not everyone enjoys that. 

I once told a dear friend that I try to keep in contact with people whom I cherish in life by writing to them, sending them postcards from time to time because I am the kind of person who struggles to strike a deep conversation with people whom I no longer talk to for a long time, no matter how close we used to be. Hence, while I make friends easily and have friends all over the world, I lost touch with most of them eventually. In the 5 years to 2020, I met a friend that related really well with me and for the first 3 years, I made an effort to keep in contact constantly but still, I lost to the fate of not being able to keep the friendship warm and distant away eventually. On one of the postcards that I sent, I wrote exactly that - that if I were to not talk to someone frequently, I will eventually struggle to keep in contact. Sometimes, I think I can really predict a part of my future and the saddest thing is even if you could foresee what will happen, you still cannot prevent yourself going down that route.

I do miss some of these friends whom I used to hang around with so much yet we are nothing but strangers now. Do I regret spending all those times with them even though I know that we will eventually become strangers? Honestly, I do not because they brought me happiness which is why I chose to spend time with them. However, I find myself less willing to actually make friends these days because I know that we will eventually become strangers too. This is why that saying came to mind as I wrote this post - we stopped not having fun not because we grew old but because we stopped having fun, that is why we grow old. 

2022, I hope it will be a good year for everyone and honestly, I truly hope that the people around me can feel happy again if I could make one wish! 

You only have to be 1 dollar richer than what you need in life to be satisfied

Wise words that someone told me a while back when I was struggling. I don't feel that I am poor most days because I can afford most things that I want in life these days, except a house (I came to realise). About a year ago, I wrote about wanting to eventually return to Singapore and was checking prices for a house as I was 50/50 between returning to Singapore and not. A year later, I cannot believe I am once again at this crossroad and I am now 70/30 on going back home. This is when I realised that f me, I still cannot afford to buy the house that I want to in Singapore. Perhaps I am too greedy, I am looking for too much - freehold, decent size, decent location, etc. and given 1 set of salary, I will probably have to wipe out all my savings to afford that. What should I do? 

I am not adamant about buying it and I am not looking to buy it because of pressure from anyone or me wanting to compete with anyone. I just want to buy a place which I can call home - my own loft. I could buy a HDB honestly and make it look good too, but these days they do not come cheap either and given how hard I have worked in the last few years, I feel like I deserve to buy something decent. At the same time, I do not want to become a slave for my house because I have to fret about paying the mortgage and what if I lose my job? Basically, I do not want to wear a hat that is bigger than my head. 

I do not feel lousy as I am writing this because I feel that I have come to terms with riches / money / wealth these days. As long as you are happy with your life, it does not matter whether you live in a condo or a HDB. It does not help that I am someone who from time to time will have all these crazy thoughts of packing my bags. Well, I have been through it once and I know exactly how that feels so I will not let myself go through it again! I need to feel engaged and I will continue working no matter what. The issue is - where is that place where I can keep going without stopping? 

One thing for sure that I know is - I need to leave London if I want to be able to buy that flat because the taxes here are killing me. I guess this is perhaps one reason why Asians are so obsessed with riches because houses in Asia are so freaking expensive unlike in Europe/ US. With the price that I am paying in Singapore to buy that flat which is only 1000 sqft. I will be able to buy a huge house here and still have spare cash :p 

I live without worries these days, with a decent job, decent amount of savings and I can 说走就走 to do anything freely or go anywhere freely. The moment I put pen to paper on that house purchase, it will be the end of my 说走就走. That I can be absolutely certain. Life's choices. 

Can't believe a year has flown by and I am still writing about the same things as a year ago - it means I have not made any progress. Is happiness what we are all solving for?

March is coming to an end.

I am a little late this week as I was tied up with clearing work before I go on vacation and also getting ready for my return. How I feel right now is how I usually feel when I go on holidays. The period before embarking on a holiday is filled with anticipation and excitement. As the day nears, your happiness level reaches its peak. Once you are actually on your holiday, the happiness level actually declines and not increases further because it means once your holiday is over, you have to be back to face reality. I often feel this way because I look forward too much and forget to live in the moment at times. This completely reflects my current emotional state. 

I have been searching the past 1 year for an answer. I found a solution, I got really excited and when I finally got what I want, I was elated for a few days. I then seem to fall into an abyss because I started to think about the new future, the change and started to reminisce about the good old times. There were countless sleepless nights in the last three nights, when I tossed about my bed and asked myself whether this decision was right? I made the choice eventually. Now as I have to embrace this new future, my anxiety gets to a whole new level, afraid that I will not be able to cope, afraid of having to start anew, after living in isolation for a year. 

While lying on my bed, I thought about my childhood spent with my brother and cousin and the times I ran around in school, sometimes falling asleep in lectures, hanging out in the neighbourhood with my closest friends, talking about dreams and the future and hoping to grow up quickly. Now that I am all grown up, I actually wish I could go back to being a child or a teenager when life was so much simpler. All you wanted was to be able to play, eat, sleep and have fun. You did not have to care about the "future" and you could live in the moment, every single day. Indeed, there are no fairy tales in adulthood and you never know the ending of this life journey until you get there. 

The next time I write, I would be in a different place and hopefully I will feel different emotionally. 

19, last before the new decade

19, last before the new decade.

It is to my biggest surprise and horror that I only wrote one post in 2018, which is my year-end reflections for 2017. I was writing but albeit on a different channel I guess. This year, I have decided to write my post much earlier because I will not have time to write it in the next few days.

As usual, my year started off on a terrible footing, with me having second thoughts about what I was accomplishing in my career 11 days into the new year. However, I kept telling myself that I needed the experience as well as the dollar to sustain my lifestyle and fund my adventures. I have lost count of the number of times I let myself go in the bathroom in the office as well as pour my grouses to my colleague and sister. With the departure of two colleagues in the team, I would say that my role took on a different dimension. I was more valued and I am glad I did not disappoint because I dealt with the demands and pressure of the job fittingly.

Milestones:
Stroke off Africa and "saving money" on my 2018 resolutions and unfortunately I was not getting anywhere with learning guitar and swimming. I tried contacting different swimming instructors to learn swimming but somehow it never took off. I shall try again in 2019 but I realise that I indeed have a fear for water. I just cannot imagine myself swimming. On top of Africa, I also went to Bhutan, Nepal, Bahrain and Oman on an impromptu basis and if there is one thing that I know I truly love in life, it is travelling. I had so many insights from my travels which I will have it all penned down today as part of my reflections.

The trip to Africa was indeed an eye-opener. I used to have this crazy idea of "going to Africa to make a difference" with a few of my ex-students. We felt that we have to make an impact in life somehow and this was something that was achievable. However, after this trip, I am having different insights, besides the fact that I have completely lost touch with those students of mine and they are probably now busy in the rat race. When I was in Africa, I realised that the people have their own way of living and being rich is not the only definition of happiness. I do not know if it is a fortunate or unfortunate thing that money is one of the many elements that actually brings about happiness to me. Perhaps it is due to my upbringing whereby I grew up seeing my parents struggling to make ends meet, hence I fear poverty; I fear not being able to buy what I need and want in life. Having my branded bags and a decent lifestyle is important and brings me satisfaction and happiness. I know I am being materialistic / realistic or whatever you would like to define it but if you are someone who truly does not feel that you need money, take a step back and think if you are being superficial. A part of what contributes to my personality is also the country that we live in. Having travelled so much all these years, I come to realise one thing. Many countries might be poor but they are self-sufficient - huge plots of land and abundance of food hence they do not need money if they can fill their stomachs. In contrast, we need money for everything - food, water and rent - basic necessities. Hence, what we amass is money so that we can afford to buy what we want. Nevertheless, I am not obsessed with money such that I need to become a millionaire, fly first class and stay in Anantara resorts worldwide. I just need enough money to live without worries, travel whenever I have time and that makes me happy. Going back to Africa, I feel that people from developed countries might be trying to do too much to "help" poor countries. They have their way of life and have not evolved from a more primitive lifestyle but SO WHAT? Not everyone has to travel to 30 countries in their lifetime, be a doctor / lawyer / banker and own an apartment or a car to be HAPPY. Instead, sometimes I feel that with tourism and us flaunting our wealth with tips, flashy clothes and branded bags, it creates envy and consequently create a global trend for happiness to be equated to being a Hollywood star. Let Nature takes its course and do not see people in Africa as being poor. Yes, they might not have fancy clothes like us, big houses or fancy cars but that does not mean that they are unhappy. Let's not try to excessively converge the world into a global world of greed. I am materialistic because I was brought up in such an environment but I do not hope that people all around the world would someday all have the same thinking / aspirations as me. Everyone is different and is entitled to a different lifestyle. That was my biggest takeaway from the trip to Africa.

Next, I then went to Bhutan and Nepal and it was an entirely new level of experience. Bhutan, known as the country that pursues a Gross National Happiness index rather than a GDP. I know that it is a Buddhist country and hence I had perceptions of it being conservative and what not. However, travelling is to correct the misconceptions that you have of a certain country. No doubt it is a Buddhist country but the Bhutanese people are one of the most liberal groups of people. They are very well exposed to the world, and not closed at all. The decision to travel solo is always a difficult one to make but I am glad I did, otherwise my guides would have been more cordial with me and not show and tell me the real Bhutan lying beneath the Buddhist and peace loving front, if I had travelled with my sister or mother. I learnt three important concepts in Buddhist teachings while I am there - attachment, anger and ignorance. This is what makes my commit mistakes and act rashly.

Then it was Nepal. The country is beautiful but unfortunately, I really struggled with the air quality and traffic while in Kathmandu. I find it such a pity that despite having such amazing Nature, the people had to suffer in such a manner. Compared to Bhutan, Nepal is way poorer and when I think about the reasons contributing to it, no food security in Nepal unlike Bhutan. Hence, people have to go after the penny to make ends meet. After the earthquake, despite help pouring in, conditions have not improved at all. However, I would not say that they seem like an unhappy lot. People are generally friendly and helpful still. While in Nepal, a friend brought me to Pashupati and what she shared with me really inspired me a lot. She said that the day we die, we are all going to be gone with the wind in the same way whether we were a rich man or a poor one. Our bodies will be burnt and ashes flowing down the river into the sea. To me, we all have the same destination in life, the only difference would be the journey. Everyone would interpret this differently as well.

Some people will be thinking:
"Since we are all going to be dead eventually, why bother being a "nice" person and get taken advantage of? I shall do whatever that I can to live the best life possible and enjoy life as much as I can"

For me, I look at this as a way to live my life as fulfillingly as possible, doing the things that I enjoy the most in life. Be less calculative, be more generous, be more forgiving and giving since you cannot bring whatever that you own in this life into the next life. No doubt one of my 2018 resolutions was to save money but then again, sometimes I ask myself, "I have no children and if I were to die today, I have no responsibilities. Why do I have to save so hard?" I should just live life the way I want it. I worked so hard to become a banker and finally can afford a luxurious lifestyle, why still bother saving money? I then realise that I have nothing to live for in life to be honest. What desires do I have that are deemed critical to my existence? Nothing! I am going through motion in life but I have no ultimate aim. I have no desire to become a millionaire (I cannot bring the money with me anyway), neither do I have the desire to become a CEO or whatever. I need to work because I need to be engaged and constantly be facing challenges and solving problems. I need to travel because I enjoy meeting people from different cultures and being in Nature, only to come to realisation of how miniscule I am in this world. I need to be able to continue playing sports - badminton / tennis, etc. because I truly love the game - the battle, the placing of a shot, working together with another person to achieving a common goal. I need to spend time with my family / friends because I value the conversations that I had with them; they bring me happiness. Also, while in Bhutan / Nepal, it struck upon me that people struggle to earn a buck or two while I live lavishly and spend tons of money on shoes/ clothes/ etc. However, it is not about feeling guilty about spending the money. Rather, it made me realise how fortunate I am that I have the ability to be able to earn more than others and hence afford my habits. It was also a reminder to myself that the next time I want to splurge on the next big thing, think of how many mouths I could potentially feed with it. Nevertheless, I do not think that I am Saint enough to then stop spending. It is one thing to be thankful / grateful but it is another to become a miser and mistreat myself. Some might disagree but this is how I look at it.

Moving forward, my 2019 resolutions and I hope this time round, I will accomplish more.
1. Learn to play the guitar
2. Learn to swim
3. Be more patient

I have no more desires for visiting xx country I realise because I have been to most places that I want to visit and these days, every additional country that I visit is counted as a blessing.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it

The only one thing which I have always been struggling with is when will I then finally return to Singapore? Truth to be told, I do not want to return even though I really miss my family. I love living in Dubai, having my own comfort space, having a job to keep me occupied, playing badminton and travelling. To me, this is the life that I sought after. There is so much convenience and security here and at least, I have not found something that tells me I should leave immediately. However, I know that this is a temporary arrangement and the older I get, the more I will need my family and friends. I hate to be back in a small compressed city to face peer pressure, competition and what not. We will see what awaits me in 2019. Happy New Year and I will try to blog more in 2019!

What on earth is happiness?

This space has been empty for quite some time. A lot of thoughts flow through my mind every single day but I am just too lazy to pen them down. I have a brand new life now, accomplished what I had set out in one of my new year resolutions but here I am, sitting and pondering about my next step in life AGAIN. I think I simply think too much at times. Overthinking makes one unhappy. When I look at the people around me, I have a million dollar question for them - Are you happy with your life? I think it will jolt some people out of their comfort zone and set them thinking about what truly makes them happy but at the same time, I am bound to hear amazing stories of how people are so satisfied about their life.What then determines if you are truly happy? For me, when I wake up in the morning and look into myself in the mirror, I ask myself that question. I am not unhappy, but I am not happy either. One would then question, but you have gotten what you wanted, so why are you still not satisfied?

I love writing, because as I pen down my thoughts, I reflect on what I had written previously and it makes me realise that I have been blessed with a lot more than what the average person out there has. I am not in the top 1% percentile for sure but I think one needs to draw a line and toe it. I can never be like kids from wealthy family and live without worries for $$ or old age but at the same time, I do not have the worries about shouldering the burden of a family. No doubt I find my daily life mundane at times, and when I think about that, I feel fear. Having gone through 3 decades of time on earth, I have grown accustomed to the many ups and downs in life, sometimes even immune to the sufferings that I see, not knowing how I can change life and leave a mark on earth anymore. I just want to dissipate into thin air the day my time on earth ends. This is when I look at my parents who have spent twice the time I do on earth and feel only suffering and misery and nothing else. They have nothing to look forward to in life yet they have go through the daily grit of life, repeating the same routine over and over again. I bet some days, they wish they could finally leave Earth to be with God.

There is a saying in Chinese that kind people are blessed to live a shorter time on Earth and leave to be with God. I did not appreciate this saying 10 years back but these days, as signs of old age batter on me, I start to wonder when will the time come for me to finally be with God? Someone once told me that we fight to survive and if some day we are in a life and death situation, our instinct is to fight to stay alive. I am not so sure if I still have that animal instinct in me. I will miss the people who have shown me so much love and care and am fully aware that my departure will inflict pain and misery on them. It will be selfish of me to not want to fight to keep my breath but some days, I just think that I would love to be back with Nature sooner and finally let go of the struggles of existence.

坚持是否就能走到永远

This is one song that has been repeating on my playlist recently. The lyrics really set me thinking about many issues in life, not just relationships but also in all our pursuits in life.

雨傘弄丟在下雨天 還沒回應手機也沒電
久別重逢卻趕時間 事與願違天天不斷上演
無能為力的瞬間 騙自己愛能克服一切
It's too bad bad bad 有心人怎麼都看不對眼
等待緣分等感覺 等過多少年 是誰一直在身邊
It's too bad bad bad 兩顆心無法一起到終點
我越一廂情願 你卻越走越遠 騙自己愛能克服一切
一錯再錯 越挫越勇的境界 何時才能停歇
一次一次 沒有好好的告別 心片片撕裂

First, relationships. I wonder if someone truly loves another person and persists in his/her pursuit, can the two of them eventually end up together even if it has always been a one-sided affair? If there were to be more contact and communication to enable two persons to better understand each other, would then there be a possibility for the two to get together? A conversation that I had with a friend set me thinking really deep. There will not be more contact if one party is uninterested and love cannot be forced. I do not know which is the better side to take, that love can be nurtured or love cannot be forced. I used to think that love cannot be forced and that it is a clear cut "yes" or "no". In my entire life, I can only remember a guy who persisted in his pursuit for 4 years. He always loved the girl throughout that 4 years but he dated someone else between those years. Nonetheless, the girl never once gave him a chance and always maintained a "friend-zone" with him. Perhaps he was not proactive enough, perhaps he did not know how to win the girl's heart, perhaps, perhaps. Eventually he gave up and now he is happily married to someone else. That made me feel that "love cannot be forced". However, the older I get, the more I think otherwise. I start to believe that love can be nurtured if given sufficient time and each other willing to give the other person a chance.

Second, dreams. Can you attain your goals so long as you persevere? Perhaps there are some things in life that once you miss the opportunity or the timing, you will never be able to accomplish it. I do not know which side to take as usual. For example, if you do not start learning piano since young, it is impossible for you to become a professional pianist no matter how hard you try. Therefore, if you have a dream to become a pianist or musician, you really have to start young. What if you do not have those resources to pursue your dreams as a child, has that door to your dream shut forever?

Life is full of questions to ponder upon everyday.

特别喜欢这一段歌词，写出我心里某一角落的想法。确实啊，无能为力的瞬间时，我经常告诉自己爱能克服一切。 我也经常问自己，等待缘分等对的感觉，等对的人，等过多少年啊，却始终与寂寞拥抱。时不时，我会想是谁一直在我身边，会是那个会奋不顾身和你走完一生的人呢？或许他已经出现只是你还没发觉，又或者他已不知不觉地离开了。最近很常看到或听到两个相爱的人又或者应该说曾经相爱的人变成两条平行线似的，我会想，是什么能把爱如此轻易地撕裂？ 他她；是一个能聊生活的人，聊政治，聊严肃及最芝麻绿豆的小事的人，聊生命所有的大大小小，是一个能对你微笑，能逗你笑，能为了你笑的人，相信你，呵护你，在两个人起争执时，绝对不轻易说分手，和你谈一场不分手的恋爱的人。是否达到了所有的“标准”后，自然而然两人之间就会有爱，还是爱能产生或包容所有的这一切？

366 days ago

Unknowingly, 366 days have passed and I am finally at the doorstep of the big 30. As I looked back at my life, I have had lots of ups and downs and I realise all my life, I have been fighting. I took a walk to Brooklyn Bridge, had Japanese food for dinner and watched a piano concert. It was my childhood dream to learn how to play the piano but unfortunately, financial circumstances at home did not permit it. When I grew older, I felt that it was too late for me to pick it up again so till date, I still cannot play the piano. At this stage of my life, I am transiting but I told myself that if I make a successful transition, I will try to learn how to play the piano. I am not aiming to become a world-class pianist, I just hope that when I am alone at home, I can play something for myself.

So while watching the concert, I cannot help but think that resources is indeed everything in this world. Sometimes, I really wish my parents had spent more time and money nurturing us and developing our talents. We never had anything as kids, because we could not afford it. I am where I am today because I worked for it. I paid for all my adventures overseas and worked for every single thing that I wanted in life - my education achievements, my career, my material and non-material desires. It is not that I blame them for we cannot choose what kind of a family we were born into but sometimes I wish they had made a little more sacrifices for us and maybe we would have be so much different today, given our innate abilities.

That said, I am still thankful for everything that I had in the past 30 years. Imagine taking my first flight at the age of 20, I have now been to 50 countries in the world and this is one childhood dream of mine that came true, or perhaps the only one that came true. LOL. I have lived half a lifetime - along the way, I have collected so many unforgettable memories and happiness but at the same time, there is still plenty of unaccomplished work. Fight on, G!

On a Carousel

I know I haven't been updating as frequently as I would like to but some days I am just too tired to write. :) Nevertheless, today is a day that I should write on since I will be enjoying the last year before the turn of a new decade of my life.

It was a peaceful day for me, and I did all the things that I enjoyed right from the clock struck 12a.m. Sleeping, taking trains, travelling, shopping, gifting, getting new shoes, exercising, eating my favourite food - hazelnuts, Japanese food. They seem like usual activities in my daily life but doing it on this special day makes me feel that I am a blessed person to be able to enjoy these activities even in my daily life.

When I was 19 going on 20, I felt like I was super OLD. I was no longer a teenager and I was kinda sick of having fun. I wanted to grow up quickly, to have things that I cannot afford as a kid, to travel as much as I can to see the world, to have more freedom, etc. Now that I am in this final year before I enter into another new decade, I feel like I am 20 all over again. Maybe because I have been hanging around with kids since I graduated from university so I feel young at heart. Besides, I am studying now and I do not feel like I am not having fun in life. I have always wanted to change my environment, to change my life circumstances, to impact lives blah blah blah. I once read this quote,

Some people think that a place can save them, like if they could just be somewhere else, their lives would be totally different. They could finally be the person they always wanted to be. A place is a place. If you really want things to change, you can no matter where you are. 

Now that I have finally changed a place, I can relate to this quote even more. I realise that me being me, I know myself so well. I know my own whims and fancies but sometimes I just had to go along with social obligations. My perspective of life will not change regardless of where I am, Singapore or any part of the world. I face the same emotions because the people around me are similar but different. I continue to face different challenges when it comes to interpersonal relationships and how I handle my life. I cannot run away from dreadful affairs that I have to face in Singapore even when I am thousands of miles away from home.

The challenge for me when I get back home is to continue to be whom I am able to be while I am here. Smiling and laughing at the smallest things in life that make me happy, being who I want to be without fears of being judged. Happy B-day, Gisella, Gizelle, Gazelle, Ginnelle!

31 things to say for a month - Day 27: The Pursuit of Happiness

Day 27: Happiness at different stages of your life

This post is an interlude of my previous posts on my Europe trip. I have wanted to write on this topic for the longest time ever since 2013 but somehow it got saved as a draft and was never published. I am currently reading a book titled, "The Pursuit of Happiness - an economy of well-being" by Carol Graham and had so much insights that I wanted to revive my discussion on this topic.

Carol Graham mentioned two types of happiness - Benthamite sense and Aristotelian sense. Jeremy Bentham's concept of welfare was hedonic utility: maxmising the contentment and pleasure of the greatest number of individuals as they experienced their lives. Aristotle thought of happiness as eudaimonia, a Greek word that combined two concepts: "eu" meaning well-being or abundance, and "daimon" meaning the power controlling an individual's destiny. [Source: Carol Graham]. In simple terms, the former is associated with contentment in day-to-day living whereas the latter looks at the opportunities available to lead a fulfilling life.

For a certain period of time, I did feel very upset with what was going on in my life and how I felt I seem to be drifting away from my long-term goals and what I had EXPECTED myself to achieve. Though I had a lot of leisure time to engage in activities that I enjoy - sports, music, watching dramas, reading, etc. and I had sufficient income to support myself on a daily basis, I did not experience an improvement in my well-being. Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling frustrated and upset about what I had done to my life. Neither money nor leisure kept me happy which was odd since economics has taught me that both are key sources of utility that keep people going. It was after my adventures to Europe that I returned with a fresh perspective of life and figured out my next step in life and two months after the new year has begun, I can be very sure that I have been putting my time to good use.

So after reading this book, I have a better sense of the source of my unhappiness or happiness. In the book, the author cited empirical data of how people's happiness or well-being level is a U-shaped function of age. That's why people love to reminisce about their childhood and when they enter retirement, they are also happier. For me, I guess is because I emphasise more on Benthamite sense of happiness as a child/ teenager whereby my needs were pretty simple - food, sleep and fun. However, as I age, I start to focus on searching for a meaning in life. Someone told me that I should ignore my ideals about life and just think about making as much money as I can while I still have the energy and capability. I replied the person with certainty that even if I have loads of money, I will not be truly happy. At that point in time, I had not figure out the reason but after reading this book, I guess I have found the answer.

It was mentioned in the book that there are many causes behind why certain people emphasise Aristotelian sense of happiness (like I do). It could be due to personality, upbringing, personal experiences, agency and capability, etc. People without agency are more likely to be contented with a decent lifestyle on a day to day basis and do not think so much about whether they had led a fulfilling life in their lifetime. There is no right or wrong as to which sense of happiness is more superior since our circumstances could also pretty much shape our ability to search for a particular sense of happiness. So the book mentioned the happiness irony of the "happy peasant vs frustrated achievers". I think a few months ago, I was at the stage of my life whereby I truly felt like a frustrated achiever and that was my main source of unhappiness. Knowing the cause of your own unhappiness is key to helping you overcome your frustrations, IMO. So I cannot ask for a more appropriate timing for this book to appear.

At a certain juncture in my teaching career, I did wonder why I do not foresee myself teaching for the rest of my life though I really enjoy the interaction with the youths and seeing them make progress in their studies and academics. Besides graduate school, I really do not know from where had I found the courage to quit my job and chose to be unemployed instead. I took a pay cut switching to another sector but at no point in my life had I been so sure that teaching is not the route for me for the rest of my life. I guess the joy and satisfaction from teaching is one of Benthemite sense to me and they are unable to fill me in the long term. I dream dreams and I want to accomplish them in order to truly lead a fulfilling life and I am sure I have the ability and determination to realise them if I continue to be steadfast in my pursuits and not give up in the face of setbacks along the way.

2015, you have been a fantastic year thus far and please continue to be! Rather, I will make it happen!

After thoughts of my epic 49-day adventure #6

#6: Turkish hospitality

I decided to write a post earlier today, partly because I want to go to bed earlier and fight "jet lag blues".  It has been more than 10 days since I am back and I have not adjusted back to the right time zone yet. Partly it is due to the numerous gatherings over the festive season, Boxing day party and New year's eve countdown.

I shall not digress and shall talk about Turkish hospitality. When I was doing my exchange, I met a couple who told me multiple stories about the warm Turkish hospitality. Since then, I have always painted a beautiful picture of the country and the people. Indeed, both did not disappoint. They are friendly and helpful and will go out of the way to help you. Twice we had problems finding our hotels and we were blessed to meet two groups of Turkish students who simply walked us all the way to our destinations. We could not communicate with each other since we did not speak Turkish and the people whom we approached for help did not speak fluent English as well. It is such experiences that make me always ready to offer help to tourists in Singapore be it for directions or to take pictures. You never know how you can make someone else's day.

Besides helping us with directions, they were also very friendly and easy to talk to. One of the things I enjoy doing while travelling is talking to the locals and finding out their way of life. No doubt the rise of the Internet has made acquiring information much easier but nothing beats hearing it from the locals themselves! I am pretty lucky as the Turkish people are open to sharing. One of the receptionists at a hotel in Bergama told us about mandatory military service in Turkey and this was something that really shocked me. I only know of a few countries in the world that still implements mandatory service e.g. Singapore, Taiwan, S.Korea, Israel. Turkey? Never on my mind. While in Ephesus, our tour guide also shared a lot about life in Turkey (besides all the stories about Esphesus) with us. You start to wonder, if people can survive on such basic necessities in life and be happy, why is it that us, who live in a more developed country and have way higher financial ability, have more yet are less happy.

Indeed, Turkey has loads of beautiful sights and if you like Roman architecture (I love them!), you definitely can see tons of them all over the country. However, the people whom I met along the way definitely added icing to the cake. :) If only many more of us could behave in a similar way, the world will definitely be a much better place to live in!

Ending 2012

This is a long overdue post as I was supposed to have blogged about this 2 weeks ago after sending my first batch of graduating students through the torturous 'A' levels that I intelligently escaped 10 years ago. The past two years have been h'ell yeah of a roller-coaster ride I admit.  Different emotions set in at different periods of the two years, some positive, others negative but we kept going. I would quote what one of the students said, "The journey was long and tough, but fortunately we had you." I am glad to have them in my life for the past 2 years as well.

Starting out as a rookie in this field, I would say that I was daring enough to try out a lot of new pedagogies to arouse my students' interest in the subject in the first year. However, I had to balance it with the rigour I need to infuse in my lessons to make sure that the kids will eventually be ready for the final battle. Indeed, completing a full cycle helps like what the old guards say. Truth to be told, my profession is one that does not help with prior job training. Everything is hands-on and you learn on the job. Needless to say, when it comes to learning, there are no boundaries and even though I have completed one cycle, I am still learning.

I am fortunate in the sense that my strength lies in my ability to build rapport with the students. It is definitely not something that is easy because I strongly believe that you can never replicate relationships in life. We take on different roles in our everyday life and because of these different roles, we have to behave differently. I am stern in some classes while I smile and laugh more often in some others. But who I am outside of the classroom defines who I am as a person outside of my profession.

Of course, I struggled with the demands of the job as well. I am generally impatient by nature and I hate having to repeat myself. I always believe that when you focus and listen to someone impart knowledge and you jot it down and revise diligently, you will understand and remember the words of wisdom. You do not need people to keep reminding you. However, I was proved otherwise repeatedly in the past 2 years. But I am working on my weaknesses. I have learnt to be more tolerant of mistakes (unforgivable and fundamental ones), develop more patience, and be more accepting of non-chalance towards learning and the betterment of oneself through education. I have learnt about the value of life and happiness, not judged based on wealth, material comfort, and intelligence alone but by character, potential, attitude, and knowing and doing what you really like. But I do not condone complete freedom. After all, it is a double-edged sword.

Not only have I matured as an adult, I think my students have matured as well. Like I told some of them, I see boys turning into men, see girls becoming women, see youths having a vision of their future and dreaming dreams and hopefully, living their dreams in the near future. Perhaps I am a more sentimental person. I always believe that the older the better and the first, the most unforgettable. I had built up such positive relationships with the students, some more of friends rather than students and we had gotten so used to each other's teaching methods and learning styles. However, come next year, I would have to start all over again. I guess my past experiences should no longer make me cringe over the fact that I had to start afresh again but you cannot hide the emotions, can you?

My vision of the classroom was one filled with intellectual debates, interest and curiousity revolving the subject matter and proactive learners who raised questions and clarified doubts. Needless to say, you need a good game master i.e. the teacher to facilitate all of these. No doubt the past two years had not been completely what I envisioned but I am someone who loves surprises. Indeed, I enjoyed the moments in the classroom and every time I seized a teachable moment outside of the classroom, I become an overjoyed kid who had just been treated to ice-cream.

In my 19 years of education, I met a few educators who touched my heart through every subtle ways and they all happened to be my professors in NUS. They gave me astute academic advices which ensued my success in the university. That made me see the importance and value of becoming an educator that MAKES A DIFFERENCE. That kept me giving selflessly in this profession because like them, I see and value the value of my role, no matter how minute the influence can be. Like what MM Lee says, "Love the woman you marry." Though I may not visit them as often as I would like to, may not express my gratitude for them in more explicit ways (not like Tuesdays with Morrie) and I think only one of them remembers me, I believe that when you truly wish for someone to be good, that person will be grateful to you from the bottom of her heart and will remember you. Not everyone needs expensive gifts or exaggerated thank-you speeches when they offer a helping hand. At least I don't.

In my life, I chase after perfection and I achieve every little dream of mine through my blood, sweat, tears, and beyond that, the support of my loved ones around me. I sense the ownership in what I have today and I am a strong believer of "You reap what you sow." However, this profession has sometimes taken me by surprise. The students have shown and given me awards that I could not have clinched based on my own effort, belief and motivation that had allowed me to paddle on in the toughest times.  But having to say "thank you" has always been my soft spot and is a dangerous zone that I never dare trespass. Anyway, deep down from the bottom of my heart, I wish for a thank-you gift that is much more simpler - that they will remember the life's lessons in class and what I did to shape their character, hoping for them to become someone who finds true happiness. And of course, doing well for their 'A' levels could be one thing that can make them happy at this stage in their lives.

Life is short.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about dancing in the rain.
Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself. 

As a conclusion to the splendid 2 years of 2011 and 2012, I thank all my students from the bottom of my heart for the past 2 years of memories. The laughter in the classroom, the energy on the tennis and badminton courts, the endless stacks of essays, the adrenaline rush of seeing both fantastic and blood-vomitting essays, the friendships and of course, life's lessons.

What you really want in life and what makes you happy.

It is been ages since I last blogged and honestly, this space has been empty for such a long time due to my commitments in work and also my hectic traveling plans. I used to blog about the destinations that I go to but I kind of lost the motivation to do it and also I seriously have a lack of time.

Recently, I have been too caught up with work that I have had no time to think about what I really want in life and what truly makes me happy. It was through occasional conversations with my friends, with the students, and also with my siblings that I started to sit down and think about these questions once again. We came to the conclusion that it was all part of the G's plan to tie us down with a job and a stable income such that we feel comfortable in our position, where we are able to spend on what we like with a constant stream of income, splurge on holiday trips and luxury goods with our bonuses and come back to our crib everyday so exhausted and drained that we do not think of anything else but relax, play games, and eventually sleep. Before we realize it, we then repeat our routine and days, months, years pass by and for all we know, we have aged. :(

When I was in Europe last December, I was suddenly very motivated and inspired about what I want in life and what truly will make me happy. I told myself that when I return to Singapore, I must make my life right and steer it in the right direction. However, that inspiration or motivation did not last. Like how my brother describes motivational talks, at that very moment when you are hearing that inspiring someone speak, you feel the adrenaline rush in your body and you would really feel that you can move mountains and seas if you were to set your mind on something and start working on it. Nevertheless, that magical moment only lasts for the duration that you are in the talk. You will find yourself waking up to a morning whereby you were back to who you are before the talk, a mortal that procrastinates. I feel the same way now too.

All the things that I set out to accomplish while I was in Europe, I did none of those. Instead, I find myself ever more into my work, putting more emotions into the game and sometimes I hate myself for being who I am in that game. Stern, frustrated, impatient, I find myself only being able to relate negatively to who I am at work. This is all because emotionally, I was on the heavier side of the game. Perhaps, it is time I step back and stop thinking about my ability to influence the outcomes to the game. After all, I am no game designer and I am no avatar. I am just a trainer.

Catching up with old pals

In the past 2 weeks, I met up with quite a few of my pals and the gatherings made me realise how fortunate I am as a person. :)

When we enter adulthood, we get so caught up with our lives that we forget about to send greetings to our old friends, catch up on what has happened to them etc. For the bunch of secondary school friends, it has been months since I last saw them. For Ben, it has been almost 7 months since I last saw him! For Linky, it has been 3 months even. Those were people whom I used to see everyday, some every week or at least a few times every month.

We know each other so well that even though we have not seen each other for ages, the moment we meet, we embrace each other's company, laugh at each other's jokes, dig at each other's sorrows yet show concern for each other. And because I have friends like them; people whom I can seek advices from, whine at, borrow their shoulders, etc. I feel that I have led a fulfilling life thus far. Each morning when I wake up, though I dread having to go to work, I constantly motivate myself that I have a duty to fulfil. :)

Truth to be told, God has been gracious to me. I am blessed with a family who is forever so supporting, friends who will walk through my life journey with me till the end of time, a career, a critical mind, etc. Both my material and non-material well-being have been taken care of. For that, I tell myself that every single day of my life is one whereby I should show forgiveness, give and take, and be optimistic! :)

Stop in the name of love

That's the charity campaign organized by one of Channelnewsasia's flagship programme, Blogtv.sg!

So TheFD n his co-host came to JJ on Tuesday to accumulate the calls.

When I got the call from one of my class's students, I wad really touched! Over the past two weeks, i've witness how influential my job can be.

Thank you messages from students, calls, etc. made me realise how strong a sense of satisfaction my job can deliver. Nevertheless, there were times when you really feel like you are at rock bottom!

But all it takes is just a word of encouragement or thanks of see a slight improvement or attitude in one student to make your day. :))

DL

In my final semester of study, I thought all was gone and passe for me.

Never did I expect to see my name back on that sacred list which others felt is Mission Impossible. I was totally caught in surprise. Nevertheless, I am really really glad that I made it back again! :))

A chill-out session with the different organs of a pig.

Just another boring Tues afternoon but a gathering with the different organs of a pig definitely made it special and a note worth remembering.

I had gotten so used to the environment of NUS that I no longer remember how it was liked when I first enter the institution. The unfamiliarity, hopes of seeing a familiar face somewhere, sometime in lectures, trying to plan timetables together etc. Sharon, Joseph, Michelle and I had a good chill-out session at the Deck today. My first few friends in NUS, they brought me exceptional memories in NUS. Seeing us all matured and grown up after a mere 3 years and our lives steering in completely directions, I thank God our paths once crossed.

Joseph, the pig brain, is always the one doing all the stunts in module planning and bidding. Occasionally, he makes Sharon and I share his stunts. However, he sees through me all the time, about how I feel and the many implications in my life. At least, he was the one who gave me a lot of support and encouragement during the most torturous period in NUS - the adjustment semester. Not to forget, he embarrassed me in front of a cutie not once, but twice because of his APPARENT loudness and nonobservance to the surroundings. :)

Sharon, the pig leg (she is EXTREMELY against us calling her that), is a small little girl, young and innocent when we first met her and Jo always calls her a CHEENA girl putting on a smokescreen by majoring in English Language. She takes all kinds of insults from us all the time without retaliating too strongly, and we love her still. However, she was the one who stalk after the cutie, and perhaps girls always relate better. :)

Oh and yes me, the pig's liver! I got the name because of that famous "Bak Chou Mee" noodle podcast by Mr Brown and the uncontrollable and hysterical laughter that I pulled off after listening to it during one of the lectures. This nickname will stay with me through life. :(

But yes, these are my lovely friends from NUS and I heart them for all the support, laughter and precious memories for the past 3.5 years. :)

A special semester in exchange for a special friend...

Special Semester has finally ended and I would say it ended with a bang, despite me being squeezed dried towards the last two weeks with the term paper, tutorial presentation and group project and website to do...

Honestly, I wasn't that into Special Sem initially and was so bent on leaving for Canada for summer exchange. However, the H1n1 virus turned things around and I even have to give up my US trip for a virus now widespread like COMMON FLU.. :(

Though we didn't spend a lot of time together since both of us always skipped lectures and only attended tutorials, I am glad we went for Special Semester together. :) A year and a half ago, when both of us left darling Singapore to beloved Stockholm, the bond between us was unusually and exceptionally tightly-wounded, like friends who have known each other for decades. Yet, when you spent too much time together despite knowing each other for only weeks or months, conflicts arise, friction results and I think we kind of gave up trying to maintain the friendship towards the end of the exchange. Misunderstandings arose, communication was impeded etc.

Now, a year after our exchange and with our lives back to what it was before the exchange, the memories still linger in us I guess. The unanticipated flings, crushes and parties, the people and friends etc....

I was taught an important lesson in these six weeks, to reflect on my life, to think of what I've been through the last 3 years in NUS and how I've lost myself along the way. Hardly could I recall myself being truthful to the people whom I met in NUS. Not being truthful does not equate to telling lies but it definitely involves certain white lies, my need for privacy, my need to survive, my need to meet the expectations etc. I am not trying excuse myself for the lies spoken, for the damage caused, for the responsibility of letting happiness elude me...

I realise that it was me who had let my emotions control my logic, let jealousy won me over, allow anger to triumph and the devil to leech on me. After all, having attracting the supposed attention for several years, it was hard having to grapple with the sudden loss. But the past two days have made me realised that perhaps they ain't that pivotal. God has shown it is time that I take the back seat and let the deserving ones take the front stage.

This special semester has taken a toll on my lifestyle, on my habits, on my stress level but it has definitely won me much more. The unearthing of a fresh perspective of life, of myself and the people around me is way more precious, all thanks to a casual chat in a tutorial some day in the middle of a discussion, over a few lunches of subway and a mugging session in the library.

Thanks, KIM! You've been truly awesome as a friend.... :)

I am reminded of a best friend I once had years ago but the last time we spoke was 2 years ago?!

The Right Tempo.

The overwhelming number of gatherings and outings have taken a toll on my tempo and pace of studies. I am supposed to be putting in extra effort this semester, ain't I? Where's my Mugging Cap? Lol.!

Anyway, it was JY's birthday on the 7 Feb so we had a KTV session out at Top-One. The guests were unusual, definitely not people whom we get to meet often but it was cool still. We need new faces to paint a different picture in our clique other than the usual 4 of us. Yet at moments during the session, the exceptional affliation between Jan, Omma & I surface. Cos everytime minute happenings surface, the 3 of us would be extremely quick to look at each other through the corner of our eyes with the "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" stare. I thought it was really hilarious. :)) Yet, it was a short gathering since we all had our own hangouts to be at subsequently.

Oh yeah, I need to mention: AUDI rocks.! The fanfare for the Brand originated from my vocation training at EY. One of the Tax Managers drove an Audi A4 and at that time, I was memerised by its exterior appearance. Nonetheless, being a Continental Car and its status as a more luxurious branded car, it was not that common in Singapore. I had taken lifts in different cars, from Subaru, BMW, Volvo, Honda Civic etc but the ride in my friend's Audi after KTV elevated my liking for the brand. The interior of the car was posh and it was the exact style that I wanted. :))

I'm excited about graduation cos it has always been my dream to own a car. But AUDI will definitely not be my maiden car because of the steep price-tag that comes with it. Lol. But I hope to edge closer to it as I age. So, AUDI, wait for me. :))

From movie to KTV and lastly, steamboat over @ BY's house on Sunday. I love sessions like those cos we will always crack lots of jokes, expand on each other's conversation, dig at each other's sorrows with no ill intentions and bring out the hidden-side of each other. And this time, tuition was the Hot topic cum debate.

IF has an 'amazing' student, one whom he terms as a 'STUPID' kid. Hearing his stories made me extremely certain that no primary school kids should be on my agenda. I once had a pri. sch boy whom took a toll on my temperant, on my patience and get on my nerves every lesson. But I guess at least my student's mom is someone who knows his son and his abilities so well that she does not expect too much from the tuition. In fact, it was always me calling the mom to address concerns that surfaced during the sessions. And this was the unusual conversation that arose:

WenX: 你爸爸不是猪？ 你妈妈不是猪？ 为什么会生出你这头猪？
＊Laughters, Giggles follow."

BingY: Elbow him, Box him, Beat up his whole family. Whole family get into a fight. Ah, tuition teacher go crazy liao! Uncle come, punch him. Dash out of the house, beat up all the neighbours!!!!!!!

KokW: (Acting as the maid) "No Sir, no sir. Don't beat me."
WenX: Go out, Kick the Dog. (Acting as the dog) " Er, er." *Two hands imitating the paws of the dog*

By then, the giggles could no longer be contained. The laughters flooded the whole kitchen and people in the living room were aroused by the interesting and arousing conversation that was going on in the kitchen.

Sometimes, I wonder. Will such engaging conversations continue 5, 10 or 20 years down the road when we all will be elites in our own field or industry, some married and even with kids, some still single, some still unsettled? What will bridge the growing gap between us? I guess it will still be the habit of having each other in our lives that link our hearts always. :))

What a Christmas Night!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way!

Merry X'mas to all! Once again, the time of the year is here! For the past two years, it had been a Christmas Night over at my Cousie's place for gifts exchange etc but this year, we decided to make it a New Year Eve's celebration instead. Thus, I had the opportunity to spend time with my Sec Sch friends for some usual hangouts and gossip session!

I guess Steamboat has become an integral part of our celebration thus this year we had Korean Steamboat at this really isolated part of our island - West Coast.! Being 10 minutes away from NUS, I'd always being interested to check this place out but I am certain this frequent will be the only one and the last one! Honestly speaking, the food sucks!

If you are a frequent patroniser of Korean cuisine, having thinly-sliced meat is the catch of the cuisine. Yet, the restaurant serves really thick and fatty meat from pork to chicken to even the beef! 60% of the meat comes from the fatty portions of the animal I must say and those guys really love pork such that they ordered the different parts of the pork, from collar to belly and the meat itself! Gosh! The tea that they served was proclaimed by MH as talisman water i.e a burnt piece of paper immersed into the water. Absolutely CORRECT!

Anyway, after the dinner, we immediately bounced back to our usual routine, standing around discussing the next potential programme. This was a must-happened event every year. During the discussion, we'd then break into our own small conversations or completely diverge from the main discussion. However, this year, we finally had a breakthrough!!!!

I must applaud myself for coming up with such a great idea first then compliment CB and BY for altering the rules and introducing new ones along the way to enhance the idea. Yes, 3 cheers for us, the Dark Lim Choc Family.

So the 9 of us headed down to Vivo City and the game was to buy a pressie to exchange on the spot within the time limit of 20 minutes.

Rules:
1. Buy a gift between 15-20 bucks
2. Gathering in 20 mins time outside MAC on level 1
3. The 3rd and the last person and those who exceed the time limit will have a forfeit
4. No gifts from Candy Empire & Action City

On our bus journey to Vivo, we came up with a lot of funny ideas-like buying multiples of the same food, i.e 20 cans of root beer, 10 packets of potato chips, 10 pkts for crabstick for BBQ tmr, 10 cans of Campbell soup etc. It was really hilarious!!!!

And so, the game finally started at 2143 hours and ended @ 2203 hours! CB came in first, Me second, Debbie 3rd, followed by ZH, MH, KW, XH, BY then SQ. In the end, 4 of them had to undergo the forfeit, CB, Deb, BY and SQ respectively. CB got punished because he bought a gift from Candy Empire which was - DENIED! BY on the other hand bought a gift at 13.50 and he claimed it to be because of the 10% discount that was entitled to him upon paying @ the cashier!!

Thus, the spontaneous & enthusiastic Four stood right beside the Information Directory on Level 1 and performed a one-song X'mas Carol for the 5 of us! People who walked past took glances @ the 4 of them and XH, who wasn't in the group, still felt so embarrassed that he took a brown paper bag and stuck his head in it! Honestly, we had a hearty LAUGH out of that. But nothing beats MH's unexceptional and creative gift that costed hiim $20 exactly! Guess what it is? -- A PAIR OF SOCKS --

It was so hilarious!!!! Can you imagine buying a pair of socks that cost $20? He proclaimed that he had kept to BY's suggestion of buying a gift that has a story and could be related to X'mas yet this was one suggestion that none of us bothered to listen to or adhere to. :)) It was such a coincidence that BY got MH's gift and he was so enthusiastic about that gift and we started to brainstorm for ideas as to how to put that pair of $20 socks into use. From hanging it in his house on the night itself for Santa Claus to come in to drop his gift for BY with the assistance of Randolf to wearing it at night to keep him warm. The most hilarious idea was to wear the socks with his slippers to the BBQ tonight to tell everyone that his socks are more expensive than his slippers!!!! Wahahahaha.....

Finally, we broke off and headed off home at around 11plus to recharge and geer up for the BBQ tonight! I am pretty sure all of us dispersed and left with the same conclusion yesterday night- It was the best and coolest X'mas eve that we have spent in the past decade! :))

At festive nights like these, I can't help but draw a comparison between Stockholm, Europe and Singapore. If there were 101 things that I missed about Europe, Stockholm and all my exchange friends, there is definitely 1001 things that I love Singapore, my family, my friends and all the joy, laughter that embrace us every now and then! :))

Potluck 2008

Well, I am glad to say that the event was a huge success! It kicked off at 8 p.m instead of 6p.m so while waiting for the rest, we played Indian Poker. I would say it is a game that is purely dependent on your luck! There were many of us and some couldn't really take alcohol so we decided to bend the rules a bit and make the 3 players with the smallest cards to share the forfeit. It seems reasonable otherwise we will end up with a bunch of drunkards even before the dinner has begun...

The most funniest thing is while we were waiting for the rest to arrive, those who had already arrived simply couldn't resist the temptation to snack on those food that had already arrived... hahaha... It was hilarious.. We gathered around the table and started commenting on who was bringing what and our hands just went out of control to reach the food. hahahaa...

The after activity is nothing new.. KTV.... As usual, it's the same bunch of us that's contributing to the noise pollution but some others who weren't really in for SINGING still joined us... It's endearing to see that but I feel the pain for their pockets since it wasn't that cheap... Looks like we will need to think of a new after gathering activity soon..... :)

Friends help in me adjusting back to my life in Singapore.. The fun and laughter that they bring to my life... It's definitely a different kind of potluck with them than with my friends in Stockholm...

Back to my LIFE... My BIKE got stolen... DAMN those BANGLAS!!! That's definitely one thing I hate about my COUNTRY... Why are there so many Banglas??? If I were in Stockholm, nothing like this will happen I guess.... Or maybe not... I don't know.. I am irked by them....... Now I know why JJ lashes out at them every single morning while at work...

How long will I take to stop missing Europe?? --> LT.....