It is been ages since I last blogged and honestly, this space has been empty for such a long time due to my commitments in work and also my hectic traveling plans. I used to blog about the destinations that I go to but I kind of lost the motivation to do it and also I seriously have a lack of time.
Recently, I have been too caught up with work that I have had no time to think about what I really want in life and what truly makes me happy. It was through occasional conversations with my friends, with the students, and also with my siblings that I started to sit down and think about these questions once again. We came to the conclusion that it was all part of the G's plan to tie us down with a job and a stable income such that we feel comfortable in our position, where we are able to spend on what we like with a constant stream of income, splurge on holiday trips and luxury goods with our bonuses and come back to our crib everyday so exhausted and drained that we do not think of anything else but relax, play games, and eventually sleep. Before we realize it, we then repeat our routine and days, months, years pass by and for all we know, we have aged. :(
When I was in Europe last December, I was suddenly very motivated and inspired about what I want in life and what truly will make me happy. I told myself that when I return to Singapore, I must make my life right and steer it in the right direction. However, that inspiration or motivation did not last. Like how my brother describes motivational talks, at that very moment when you are hearing that inspiring someone speak, you feel the adrenaline rush in your body and you would really feel that you can move mountains and seas if you were to set your mind on something and start working on it. Nevertheless, that magical moment only lasts for the duration that you are in the talk. You will find yourself waking up to a morning whereby you were back to who you are before the talk, a mortal that procrastinates. I feel the same way now too.
All the things that I set out to accomplish while I was in Europe, I did none of those. Instead, I find myself ever more into my work, putting more emotions into the game and sometimes I hate myself for being who I am in that game. Stern, frustrated, impatient, I find myself only being able to relate negatively to who I am at work. This is all because emotionally, I was on the heavier side of the game. Perhaps, it is time I step back and stop thinking about my ability to influence the outcomes to the game. After all, I am no game designer and I am no avatar. I am just a trainer.
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