It is to my biggest surprise and horror that I only wrote one post in 2018, which is my year-end reflections for 2017. I was writing but albeit on a different channel I guess. This year, I have decided to write my post much earlier because I will not have time to write it in the next few days.
As usual, my year started off on a terrible footing, with me having second thoughts about what I was accomplishing in my career 11 days into the new year. However, I kept telling myself that I needed the experience as well as the dollar to sustain my lifestyle and fund my adventures. I have lost count of the number of times I let myself go in the bathroom in the office as well as pour my grouses to my colleague and sister. With the departure of two colleagues in the team, I would say that my role took on a different dimension. I was more valued and I am glad I did not disappoint because I dealt with the demands and pressure of the job fittingly.
Milestones:
Stroke off Africa and "saving money" on my 2018 resolutions and unfortunately I was not getting anywhere with learning guitar and swimming. I tried contacting different swimming instructors to learn swimming but somehow it never took off. I shall try again in 2019 but I realise that I indeed have a fear for water. I just cannot imagine myself swimming. On top of Africa, I also went to Bhutan, Nepal, Bahrain and Oman on an impromptu basis and if there is one thing that I know I truly love in life, it is travelling. I had so many insights from my travels which I will have it all penned down today as part of my reflections.
The trip to Africa was indeed an eye-opener. I used to have this crazy idea of "going to Africa to make a difference" with a few of my ex-students. We felt that we have to make an impact in life somehow and this was something that was achievable. However, after this trip, I am having different insights, besides the fact that I have completely lost touch with those students of mine and they are probably now busy in the rat race. When I was in Africa, I realised that the people have their own way of living and being rich is not the only definition of happiness. I do not know if it is a fortunate or unfortunate thing that money is one of the many elements that actually brings about happiness to me. Perhaps it is due to my upbringing whereby I grew up seeing my parents struggling to make ends meet, hence I fear poverty; I fear not being able to buy what I need and want in life. Having my branded bags and a decent lifestyle is important and brings me satisfaction and happiness. I know I am being materialistic / realistic or whatever you would like to define it but if you are someone who truly does not feel that you need money, take a step back and think if you are being superficial. A part of what contributes to my personality is also the country that we live in. Having travelled so much all these years, I come to realise one thing. Many countries might be poor but they are self-sufficient - huge plots of land and abundance of food hence they do not need money if they can fill their stomachs. In contrast, we need money for everything - food, water and rent - basic necessities. Hence, what we amass is money so that we can afford to buy what we want. Nevertheless, I am not obsessed with money such that I need to become a millionaire, fly first class and stay in Anantara resorts worldwide. I just need enough money to live without worries, travel whenever I have time and that makes me happy. Going back to Africa, I feel that people from developed countries might be trying to do too much to "help" poor countries. They have their way of life and have not evolved from a more primitive lifestyle but SO WHAT? Not everyone has to travel to 30 countries in their lifetime, be a doctor / lawyer / banker and own an apartment or a car to be HAPPY. Instead, sometimes I feel that with tourism and us flaunting our wealth with tips, flashy clothes and branded bags, it creates envy and consequently create a global trend for happiness to be equated to being a Hollywood star. Let Nature takes its course and do not see people in Africa as being poor. Yes, they might not have fancy clothes like us, big houses or fancy cars but that does not mean that they are unhappy. Let's not try to excessively converge the world into a global world of greed. I am materialistic because I was brought up in such an environment but I do not hope that people all around the world would someday all have the same thinking / aspirations as me. Everyone is different and is entitled to a different lifestyle. That was my biggest takeaway from the trip to Africa.
Next, I then went to Bhutan and Nepal and it was an entirely new level of experience. Bhutan, known as the country that pursues a Gross National Happiness index rather than a GDP. I know that it is a Buddhist country and hence I had perceptions of it being conservative and what not. However, travelling is to correct the misconceptions that you have of a certain country. No doubt it is a Buddhist country but the Bhutanese people are one of the most liberal groups of people. They are very well exposed to the world, and not closed at all. The decision to travel solo is always a difficult one to make but I am glad I did, otherwise my guides would have been more cordial with me and not show and tell me the real Bhutan lying beneath the Buddhist and peace loving front, if I had travelled with my sister or mother. I learnt three important concepts in Buddhist teachings while I am there - attachment, anger and ignorance. This is what makes my commit mistakes and act rashly.
Then it was Nepal. The country is beautiful but unfortunately, I really struggled with the air quality and traffic while in Kathmandu. I find it such a pity that despite having such amazing Nature, the people had to suffer in such a manner. Compared to Bhutan, Nepal is way poorer and when I think about the reasons contributing to it, no food security in Nepal unlike Bhutan. Hence, people have to go after the penny to make ends meet. After the earthquake, despite help pouring in, conditions have not improved at all. However, I would not say that they seem like an unhappy lot. People are generally friendly and helpful still. While in Nepal, a friend brought me to Pashupati and what she shared with me really inspired me a lot. She said that the day we die, we are all going to be gone with the wind in the same way whether we were a rich man or a poor one. Our bodies will be burnt and ashes flowing down the river into the sea. To me, we all have the same destination in life, the only difference would be the journey. Everyone would interpret this differently as well.
Some people will be thinking:
"Since we are all going to be dead eventually, why bother being a "nice" person and get taken advantage of? I shall do whatever that I can to live the best life possible and enjoy life as much as I can"
For me, I look at this as a way to live my life as fulfillingly as possible, doing the things that I enjoy the most in life. Be less calculative, be more generous, be more forgiving and giving since you cannot bring whatever that you own in this life into the next life. No doubt one of my 2018 resolutions was to save money but then again, sometimes I ask myself, "I have no children and if I were to die today, I have no responsibilities. Why do I have to save so hard?" I should just live life the way I want it. I worked so hard to become a banker and finally can afford a luxurious lifestyle, why still bother saving money? I then realise that I have nothing to live for in life to be honest. What desires do I have that are deemed critical to my existence? Nothing! I am going through motion in life but I have no ultimate aim. I have no desire to become a millionaire (I cannot bring the money with me anyway), neither do I have the desire to become a CEO or whatever. I need to work because I need to be engaged and constantly be facing challenges and solving problems. I need to travel because I enjoy meeting people from different cultures and being in Nature, only to come to realisation of how miniscule I am in this world. I need to be able to continue playing sports - badminton / tennis, etc. because I truly love the game - the battle, the placing of a shot, working together with another person to achieving a common goal. I need to spend time with my family / friends because I value the conversations that I had with them; they bring me happiness. Also, while in Bhutan / Nepal, it struck upon me that people struggle to earn a buck or two while I live lavishly and spend tons of money on shoes/ clothes/ etc. However, it is not about feeling guilty about spending the money. Rather, it made me realise how fortunate I am that I have the ability to be able to earn more than others and hence afford my habits. It was also a reminder to myself that the next time I want to splurge on the next big thing, think of how many mouths I could potentially feed with it. Nevertheless, I do not think that I am Saint enough to then stop spending. It is one thing to be thankful / grateful but it is another to become a miser and mistreat myself. Some might disagree but this is how I look at it.
Moving forward, my 2019 resolutions and I hope this time round, I will accomplish more.
1. Learn to play the guitar
2. Learn to swim
3. Be more patient
I have no more desires for visiting xx country I realise because I have been to most places that I want to visit and these days, every additional country that I visit is counted as a blessing.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to itThe only one thing which I have always been struggling with is when will I then finally return to Singapore? Truth to be told, I do not want to return even though I really miss my family. I love living in Dubai, having my own comfort space, having a job to keep me occupied, playing badminton and travelling. To me, this is the life that I sought after. There is so much convenience and security here and at least, I have not found something that tells me I should leave immediately. However, I know that this is a temporary arrangement and the older I get, the more I will need my family and friends. I hate to be back in a small compressed city to face peer pressure, competition and what not. We will see what awaits me in 2019. Happy New Year and I will try to blog more in 2019!
