Hands filled with marking, vetting drafts, a level oral examination, so much so that I didn't have the time to sit down to blog about commencement, needless to say Egypt! Oh whatever happened to my one post a day?
I am really glad that I've finally come to the end of my academic career (at least temporary). It was extremely overwhelming as I sat inside the auditorium, lining up at the side of the stage waiting for my turn to go on stage, having shook the presenter's hand and be handed my degree scroll. Never in my dreams have I expected this day to leave me lingering in the times when I was in NUS, needless to say be in the elite group of FCH graduates.
People, you have completely no idea how precious that title is, or rather how many people covet for that honour. In the sea of people, there are only 43 FCH graduates in the entire Social Sciences cohort, which includes those from Psychology, Sociology, Political Science, CNM, etc. and including those from the double degree programmes. If we narrow down to the Economics Honours Class, then there is an elite group of 23 students (including those Law, Engineering, and Business students) who will eventually land the prize of the FCH title. Initially, I didn't think much of it. It was only until Monday, 12 July 2010 that I realise how fortunate I am to have been presented that honour and I start to have serious thoughts about what I am doing right now and in the foreseeable future.
So the 10 of us sitting in the FCH section started chatting over our employment, job prospects, salary scale, job scope. That was when I started to feel really lousy. All of us are employed by the Ministries and I've to say mine is definitely the lousiest of them all. After chatting to them, I realise that the Ministry that I work in is a place where the top-tier graduates shun and see it as a drop in the bucket in the realm of Public Service.
To cut to the chase, I feel that whatever I am doing now is seemingly meaningless in comparison to my pals who graduated with FCH. People are reading papers, doing analytical work, making presentations to perm secs, deputy directors of various depts whereas for me, I am reading work full of grammar mistakes, spelling errors, lacking in depth and general knowledge e.g. "Wheat is used to make corn".! The days when I read research papers, simulate regressions, analyse data and results are all gone with the wind. :(
To add bitter icing to the rotten cake, I think I do face quite a lot of people who do not put their money where their mouth is and of course the it's a small world people! It is not as though I can't find my feet in the environment unlike the freshies days in NUS, I just need bigger and better things to fill my mental capacity.
But anyway, I guess there's no point in my having a chip on my shoulder since I have penned it years ago. Or maybe LK is completely ON THE MARK. They can't make a 18 year old make decisions. :) It's unfair!
Best Pals since the Poly days..... :))
The Economist gang - times of playing monopoly deal, Wii, argghh! How I miss them!
So happy after we finally threw the mortar board...
There are many more pictures... Just too lazy to upload from my camera..... we shall await..
for HE always KNOWS since he was the one who planned it all.....
Brian & Kel are friends whom I got to know through Kim around 6 months ago but I am glad that we click instantly. For Brian, we are both hard-core ManU fanatics so not much more is needed to be said as to why we connect. For Kel, it was definitely the Japan trip that fostered the bond for the many joy and laughter that followed.
We had a small CNY gathering at Brian's house just hours ago, together with another friend of the two boys. The thing I like about us youths is you are always open to getting to know new friends. Though Kim & I do not know Brian & Kel's friend, we just mingle and had "totz" lots of fun. It was Wii followed by Monopoly in the card fashion. :)) Simply awesome.!
Through the gathering, I found out more about myself and also the rest. Basically, Kim excels in the Wii games that requires a lot of coordination and also practice. Kel & me suck at Wii games but we excel at gambling and card games per se. It just suddenly struck to me that the devil lives in me once again. That I really pick up anything related to gambling, cards, etc. in split seconds. Like I learn how to play 13-Ki, Texas Holdem Poker, etc after someone went through it once with me. Another good example would be me watching the tv aboard the cruise trip 4 years ago together with Jan, Omma, Lionel, & I and learning Bacarat from the tv. Also, I was totally unaware of the rules of the "Banker-Player" game but all it took was for me to observe people in the casino in Genting once and subsequently in Australia and I kinda mastered all.
Moving on to the topic of friends. There are certain things in life that do not require deliberate attempts to make it better. And I believe it is especially so for friends. Some people try very hard to win friends over or make friends with certain people. They give in, compromise, accommodate, and please others as much as they can, stretching their own mental tolerance. Eventually, they end up with nothing but just dissatisfaction with themselves and the others. Over the years, I have learnt that sometimes tries can be unfruitful. So I stopped doing that ever since the day I stepped into the Polytechnic.
If that someone is meant to be your friend, good friend, best friend, etc. he or she will be and always will be. Just like how I can be acquainted with Omma, Jan, & JY and eventually becoming buddies. And for all the stupid things that we have done to be acquainted with XMM, Toshio, etc. were simply fruitless. In NUS, I couldn't motivate myself to make new friends and all the friends that I have made came to me naturally. They are all people who walked into my life unexpectedly.
WaiTeng, a casual neighbour in my hall who eventually became my tennis buddy, lunch buddy, and a possible future travel companion.
Pauline, an acquaintance in a Math module, who eventually became my Econs buddy and confidante.
Monica, my exchange room-mate, who eventually became my regular lecture buddy and encourage me all the time while I was doing my thesis.
Kim, exchange mate, who is one of the few whom I can share about everything in my life and my NIE-buddy to be.
Kel & Brian, who are random project group mates but are future colleagues and soccer buddy respectively.
And for all these friendships, I did nothing to earn them. It was God's gift to me. :))
People like Shawn & Linken whom I have only known for 3 weeks while in Yuhua Secondary, people unaware of how we met would totally have the impression that we have been best friends since our previous lives. We feel comfortable introducing our own friends and family members to each other. Seriously, how many of your friends do you actually introduce to your family members?
When I look back, I think of the many others (I will not name names here) whom I fought so hard to maintain the friendship but failed. I really question myself, "Why did I bother to try in the first place?"
Tonight was such an awesome gathering and I cannot find any reason to not blog about it. :))
In my final semester of study, I thought all was gone and passe for me.
Never did I expect to see my name back on that sacred list which others felt is Mission Impossible. I was totally caught in surprise. Nevertheless, I am really really glad that I made it back again! :))
I guess I have pretty much gotten used to waking up early in the morning and surprises await me every morning when I walk to the kitchen window. Instead, getting myself to go to bed early proved to be a much more challenging task. I sleep at 2-3 a.m. every night due to the numerous proofreads and formatting that has to be done for the KG University report and also the resource building for the school. I was on course for the past two days which means that I can only work on the full-length answers for the case-studies questions at night. While on course, I was dozing off right in front of the speaker but I guess he was understanding enough to not reprimand me or wake me up. :(
Tonight, I really have to force myself to go to bed by 11 a.m. so as to recover the sleep lost during the past few days.
And the surprise that awaits me in the morning is .......
"I realise that even though there isn't 4 seasons in Singapore, we do experience some kind of daylight savings. As we are located slightly below the equator, our "seasons" resemble that of the Southern Hemisphere countries like Australia and New Zealand. So the day gets much longer in December. The sky gets bright by 7 a.m. and it only gets dark at 7.30 p.m. It definitely wasn't so when in June!"
I wonder if everyone actually knows about this because apparently, I wasn't aware of it although I myself am a Singaporean and have been living on this tiny red dot for the past 23 years.
I kept convincing myself not to check the exam results before I return to Singapore. But I find it hard to do so. My mind keeps revolving around the release of the results. Plus, with Linky constantly persuading me I finally clicked on the button....
The day started at around 8 a.m. in the morning i.e. 7 a.m. in Singapore. It has been freaking dinosaur years since I last woke up at this hour. Sometimes I really wonder if I will start to hate the teaching job some day, not because of the work and stress, but rather the routine of pulling myself out of bed early in the morning. I really hate waking up early!
So the boys, worried that Kim and I will oversleep, were very nice to come knocking on our door. There was even an announcement but because it was in Japanese, we weren’t sure if it was meant for us. All we knew was that it definitely woke us up!
So off we went to join the rest of the students to embark on our day trip to Kyoto. The day started really gloomy with rain splattering all over the streets of Osaka. People were really enthusiastic about the trip but the 4 of us, too weary from the long hours of travelling felt really chilled on the bus journey.
The tour guide spoke in Japanese but the other Japanese students were really nice to translate for us from time to time. The bus journey to Kyoto took around 1.5 hours and the 4 of us instantly became sleeping logs.!
The first stop was a tourist boat trip that resembled a white water rafting journey. The rain froze our ashes despite the 3 layers of clothing were being put on. There’s this really really funny Japanese student that never fails to make all of us laugh our asses off and kept us warm. Apparently, when you laugh, you feel warmer.
The 4 of us were split into two boats and Gabriel and I were lucky to be with this group of Japanese students who had been to Singapore in early November. Communication was made easier by the translator that the students have in their cell phones. Whenever we see a particular species of bird or plant, they will start to describe it to us and tell us the Japanese name of the bird or plant. Then they will discuss among themselves how to tell us in English. Fortunately, we had another professor from KG University who is quite proficient in English. However, his Japanese accent is quite strong so at certain times, it was hard to make out the words. I really appreciate his effort in guiding us along the way though.
The boat trip lasted around an hour and the boatmen commented that if we had been there a few days earlier, the scenery would have been much more perfect because by the time we visit, most of the leaves have already fallen. Out of nowhere, the professor and another student commented that I resemble a Japanese athletic, in fact a runner, Q-chan. I don’t remember her Japanese name despite them continuously chanting it and telling others.
“Do I really look like a Japanese?”
It is not the first time that I have heard comments about me being Japanese. When I was overseas in Europe, Australia, etc. people often spoke Japanese to me. Back then, I assumed it was due to the lack of recognition of the existence of us, the tiny red dot. Instead, the Japanese travel frequently and thus most people relate Asians to Japanese. Now that I am in Japan, even the Japanese themselves assume that I am Japanese!
The next stop was lunch and we went shopping for souvenirs! J Kyoto is a really beautiful place. If I had gotten my facts right, Kyoto used to be the capital of Japan! Correct me if I am wrong. J I love the old school buildings, traditional Japanese style! Because of the rain, this kind-hearted Japanese student actually sheltered me with his umbrella! I see the rain as a blessing in disguise because he himself is from Kyoto thus along the way, I was able to get a good reception and introduction about Kyoto. I bet he utilized every single English vocabulary that he knew while explaining to me about Kyoto. At certain times, I think I asked really intriguing questions and though he knew the answer, he wasn’t able to respond to my question because he couldn’t find the right word to put it across!
Over lunch, gab asked Yuki a question, “Do you like shopping?” and he answered, “Yes, I DO!” So we made fun of him by telling him that you only say that when you are agreeing to marry someone. It was something that a girl would give in response to a guy’s proposal. So we went on to asked them if girls in Japan propose to guys and how guys in Japan propose to girls? Apparently it wasn’t that difficult to answer the question and Japanese guys, according to them, ain’t romantic so flowers and a ring get the job done. No kneeling, no candles by the beach, hilltop restaurant proposals, etc. It was the first question that set the table rocking because Kim wanted to demonstrate how the question would be put forth in the Singapore context, as they didn’t understand our question. Ended up, the girl repeated whatever Kim said and asked Yuki if he will marry her? It was so hilarious! Ended up, the answer was more of a “NO, Japanese girls don’t do that.”
After lunch, it was time to board on the old school train. The train is operated for coal miners if I had gotten the explanation correctly and it is a technology that was imported from Germany. It was really noisy cause it operated in an underground tunnel but it is a really nice experience.
Our last stop was Isetan in Kyoto. J It is a wonderland for girls I assure you! The whole building is 10-storeys high and the escalators were sloped down in a single direction. Since Christmas’s round the corner, you expect to see a lot of ongoing Christmas sales but we hardly shopped. The YEN is getting stronger with each passing day thus everything was considered expensive! The basement can be voted to be the best place to hang out because there were so many Japanese snacks, sashimi, sakae, plum wine, etc. waiting for us! Ahhh! Went around trying the sakae and I have to tell Linky that the sakae in Japan is way better than the one we had at Raku, impromptu over lunch!
Dinner was the bomb as we were brought to a really high class Japanese restaurant! It was traditional Japanese dining where everyone were seated in an U-shape with their shoes taken off and kneeling on the ground! Apparently girls and guys are supposed to be seated in different postures with girls literally kneeling on their knees and guys free to sit cross-legged like how we do it during morning assemblies in primary or secondary school. However, Kim and I were totally unaware of it so we simply did it the guy’s style. Haha! Forgive us and it is not that we are uncultured or uncivilized but rather, it was awkward having to change our positions halfway during the meal!
I am not a big fan of red meat, especially beef, thus I only consume beef when circumstances require. Nonetheless, if I get to consume beef of that quality during normal meals, I don’t mind eating beef every single day! The beef simply melts in your mouth (oh not like M&M’s) and after you chew it, it makes you linger for more! One lesson I took home about the Japanese culture is that, THEY REALLY LOVE RICE! They hardly eat udon, ramen, soba as proper meals, rather these are more of side dishes to them! J Every meal comes with a bowl of rice! I bet I must have put on a few kilos from that 2 days, pampered to every single detail!
After dinner, it was time to head back to Osaka and part ways with some of the students who reside in Kyoto! However, the programme did not end. We were sent back to our hostel to shower and we were heading out for the night, for some drinks and karaoke together with the Korean students and some of the local students.
The Koreans can really drink! We had Japanese plum wine, sakae, Korean Soyu (can’t remember the name) and we did bottoms up in three different styles. The Koreans taught us their way of “Cheers” – it was like kallang wave but in drinking fashion. The first person bottoms up first then the person on the left will then continue and so on and so forth. But I still like the Singapore style best. We did the “YUM SENG” as loud as we could and the whole atmosphere in the drink house was lifted up, real high and rowdy! Finally, as a tribute to the Japanese students, we did the Japanese way last. By the completion of the 3 rounds of drinks (Neat or On the Rocks), some of the students were feeling drowsy, others flew high, talked at the top of the voice but it was really merry!! I love the feeling of how everyone who had just been acquainted instantaneously mingling together. The few drops of alcohol definitely helped.
It was already 1 a.m. by the time we left the beer house and we headed for karaoke. I thought I loved singing and am passionate about Karaoke but I was so wrong. The Koreans and Japanese totally beat Kel, Gab, and I flat down! Every single Korean song, which had some English words, had a few dance steps that accompanied the song and the 3 of us could only afford to laugh our asses off. The Japanese on the other hand were screaming at the top of their lungs like metallic rock bands! When we were made to sing, it was the ballads that were being brought on stage. The Japanese love Teresa Teng and so do the Koreans! So a modern jukebox like me was forced to turn time back and sing some oldies for them. I thought I sang really badly because my throat was hoarse from all the drinking!
Karaoke ended at around 3.30 a.m. and Kel and I decided not to sleep because we had flights to catch at 945 a.m. and 10 a.m. respectively. It was really good to have a companion because we could have breakfast at the airport and did some shopping before we fly off to our own respective destinations!
I wrap up the whole trip by specifically mentioning two people.
First is Sayuri, the graduate student, who arranged our accommodation and sent us to the airport on the 4th morning. Japanese girls are really sweet and subservient! She speaks really softly, and pastes stickers on notes that she writes for us! Don’t you think that’s damn cute?! I can’t even recall when was the last time I used stickers, for goodness sake! She even brought us a few packets of Japanese snacks and everything was so beautifully wrapped up that you can’t even bear to remove the wrapper!
Next is Yuki, the Kyoto boy, who showed us around and made us laugh frantically over his expressions and jokes! He was very nice to shelter me all the way from the harbour to the restaurant and then from the restaurant to the coal miner’s train station. We had to cut through woods and forests and all the time, ¾ of the umbrella was over my head and half of his body was all wet.! I felt quite guilty about it and offered to hold the umbrella so that I could give him more shelter but he refused to let me hold it. On the other hand, gab shared an umbrella with a Japanese girl and the girl actually held the umbrella for him!!!!!!!!! The girl volunteered and gab actually allowed her to do that.!
Gab and Kel kept complaining about how Singaporeans girls like Kim and I are demanding and that we should learn from the Japanese girls. But we kept reiterating the point that it is the culture that sets the difference and of course, stereotypes. If Kim and I were to start pasting stickers, people would think that we are trying to act cute! They even criticized us for not putting enough powder and having our eye lashes all curling in the same direction! So we kept emphasizing on the point of “NATURAL BEAUTY”
So what about the Singaporean guys then? Letting a girl shelter you is an act of gentleman-ness? Yeah, Japanese guys may be more chauvinistic compared to Singaporean guys but at least they never let girls do the physical chores (from our two days’ of observations). So just give and take and don’t complain about us, Singaporean girls. Likewise, we won’t complain about you guys too in future!
----- Looking forward to being back in Japan ------
Finally have the time to sit down and blog about Japan.
The group of 4 of us met at the airport at 11 p.m on the night of 1st December, ready to plunge in an unknown world on our own. Although 3 out of 4 of us were already seasoned travellers, we kept discussing about the type of clothing to pack etc. As usual at the airport, everyone else's family was there with them except me. I am kinda used to it. In addition, though I was supposed to travel for 23 days, my luggage was unusually smaller than everyone else.!
After check-in, we proceeded to rehearse once for our presentation but perhaps it was too late into the night, none of us were processing whatever that we were mumbling about and it was pretty much of a disaster. Thus, we decided to rehearse once more the next morning.
SIA is definitely one of the best airlines around this world. The comfort, the service, plus the food! Nonetheless, I was quite disappointed with the in-flight entertainment and leg room. Perhaps the A380 that I took on the Sydney-Singapore leg really altered my expectations of SIA. The screen and leg room on the A380 was simply incredible!
Upon touching down in Osaka, we were immediately impressed by the Japanese way of life and efficiency. Every procedure was very well relayed to tourists even though you didn't understand Japanese. The queue at the immigration counter was also well-organised. Once we exit to the departure hall, the people at Kwansei Gakuin University was right there waiting for us. It was one of their administrative staff and a graduate student who picked us up. With their limited command of the English language, communication did break down occasionally but they were so meticulous and sincere in helping us arrange everything that we could find no reason to be petty over communication.
They showed us the brochure of the workshop and it was then that we realise how grand and important this workshop is to the whole university. So immediately after I boarded the shuttle bus to Osaka city, I took out my laptop and started memorising all the points. They reserved rooms for us in their sports center, which is a student's hostel. The Japanese are so cultured that I earnestly rate them as high-class Asians. Before you enter the lobby of the hostel, you have to change into the slippers, absolutely no shoes allowed. But we weren't aware of it so we wore our shoes right into the lobby and the graduate student hastily reminded us.!
Shortly after we placed our bags in the room, we were brought to the KG university by foot to meet the professor who invited us, for lunch. The professor carried no airs at all and I salute his politeness and humbleness. He could speak English well and he had been to Singapore thus we had a lot to converse. :)
After lunch, we headed straight to the lecture rooms for the workshop. One word - Distinguished. Our group was second in line so we had some time to have a good feel of how the presentation should be conducted and also, the expectations of us. Before we even start our presentation, all the Japanese students in the room started to remind us to go really slow because their English wasn't very bright and it would be difficult for them to keep up with our pace of presentation.
Kim started the ball rolling and I thought her speed was commendable. It could be attributed to her nervousness too cause her hands were trembling very badly as she held the pointer. Gabriel was next in line and his pace was definitely the slowest among the 4 of us. By the time I started my presentation, the number of puzzled faces in the room was already uncountable. As usual, I just can't go slow when I present. So I entered the presentation at half my usual speed but still 2 times faster than the 2 of them before me. Kim started to whisper, "Ginnelle, slow down!" and I started to pause after every 3-4 words. Kelvin was last to go and I am certain by the time he started to talk about the learning points in a crisis, no one was listening already, except the professors!
When we ended our presentation, one of the professors actually tried to save us from embarrassment by saying that this is the normal speed in Singapore. He said that because one of the professors before him mentioned that he thought our presentation was a bit too technical and too fast for the audience to follow. We received numerous positive comments from the professors though. When we went back to our seats, the group of Japanese students behind us (they actually visited Singapore in early Nov this year) commented that we spoke too fast and they weren't following. :(
The whole workshop lasted for around 4 hours before we headed for the reception at around 6.30 p.m. These Japanese students are simply fabulous! Everything was arranged fine right till the details. There were a lot of speeches being made but they were all in Japanese so we didn't understand. Instead, the 4 of us just gathered among ourselves and chit chat about how slack and tired we were.
They had malt beer, orange juice and wulong tea for us to do their Japanese way of "Gan Bei". They had to wait till everyone in the ballroom was done before the toasts. Many a times, Kelvin and I thought it was time to bottoms up and we nearly finished one whole glass of beer. We took home one important lesson from this trip though. If you think Singaporeans are Kiasu, and that is unique to our culture, then you are SOOOO WRONG!! It was a buffet that was being arranged and the Japanese students actually told us that once the bottoms up ceremony finishes, we have to "RUSH" to the food! And I thought Singaporeans was kiasu! We totally lost out to them. In fact, I felt so embarrassed that I didn't take much. I merely stood there and wait for them to get the food that was being shared among the members at the table. :)
We were extremely lucky because our group was voted as the best presentation for the English session. Extremely taken aback! When Kelvin and I went on stage to receive our scroll and prize, our faces were burning hot! Everyone gathered, applause loudly but we had no idea about what was going on at all because the announcement had been made in Japanese. We merely followed the hand signals, have the photos taken and immediately rush back to our tables. However, that was not the grand prize. The grand prize was won by a Japanese group in another presentation room. Yet, shortly after everyone had their stomach fills, it was time for pictures among the students. I likened us to wax figurines in Madam Tussuad's wax museum because people, known and unknown to us, started to pose and take pictures with us.!
By the time the reception ended, we were all worn out and dried of our energy. To add bitter icing to the cake, Kim and I were in formal skirts and heels, with no leggings and we had to walk back to the hostel which was 20 minutes away. It was definitely Stockholm deja vu for us. But we felt so happy about the whole event that the cold failed to put up the flames that were already burning in us. And once again, I had my fair share of the malt beer, whisky, and alcoholic drinks. :) lol!
I really love Japan and the reception by the KG university students. Awesome!
Today marks the end of my NUS life. :) I don't know if I should feel happy or upset? Felt I didn't do well for the paper. Perhaps it's due to the power-packed soccer matches over the weekend. Portsmouth-ManU, Everton-Liverpool, Arsenal-Chelsea and the El-Clasico, Barcelona-Real Madrid. So I squeezed time out of my studying schedule to catch the matches! At the same time, I don't think that my underperformance in the exam was due to insufficient preparation. In fact, I felt more prepared than International Econs! The lecturer gave misleading hints. He said focus on the model and everyone expected the Tobin growth model! God knows he tested none of the Tobin growth model! I spent so much time working out the model!!! Sianz. I left 20marks undone in the paper. Insufficient time. Felt really bad about it. It was my last paper and I had to screw it up! :( Rumours and the discussion after the paper suggested that most people didn't finish it anyway. Hopefully I can be spared of a B! Really don't wish to see any B's or C's in my transcript.! Nonetheless, since it's over, I should just let it go. Bags packed, itinerary planned, in all-ready mode To be back to my real business, TRAVEL! YooHoo~~! Goodbye NUS, Goodbye my books, Goodbye my academic career! 嗨囉 Taiwan, Konichiwa Japan! :)
Though I have not sat for my examinations, I am thinking about the date of release of my examinations already. I won't be in Singapore to click on the results, instead I will be clicking on it elsewhere.
This is the first time that I am clicking it overseas, hopefully it brings me good luck. Every time when I have to click on the button to view the results, my heart races! The amount of courage needed to click on the "view" button is humongous, way more than going on any free fall or roller coaster rides etc. I don't want to see results which I don't desire because I will be upset for the rest of the day. This time round, if I see back results for EC4401 Honors Thesis, I predict I will be sad for the rest of my life.
All the hardwork that I put in for the past 3.5 years of my life would be equivalent to nothing if I do not get my FCH, at least to me, this is how important a FCH means. :) Nothing can be done now and I am sure I have put in my utmost best in completing the thesis. If I don't do well, I can't find an excuse to forgive myself either.
Yes, tomorrow is the long awaited thesis presentation! After tomorrow, I will never have to make a presentation in NUS again! Instead, I will be making presentations in a class daily.! Goodbye, NUS!
The one lesson that I constantly go through is - Never try too hard for something.
I guess it just wasn't meant for us to go to Japan to do the presentation. There were so many hiccups along the way, indecisiveness by different group of stakeholders (not to be explicit) and we still tried so hard to work things out, especially Kel and I. Called numerous travel agencies, getting quotations for our air tickets, surfing all available airlines, just to get things right.
Spending days brooding over it, sending numerous emails, knocking on doors, waiting for our prof, worrying over others, etc. So what if I got it now? I seem to have lost the initial adrenaline rush over the fact that we are going to Japan to present our WORK! And once again, I have been taught the lesson: Never try too hard for something. Cause if it's meant to be yours, everything will fall in place nicely for you.
Unlike now, I cannot decide if I should book the tickets to Osaka, the flights out on 1st Dec are unavailable which I have no clue why? I haven't booked the limousine for my family from Taipei Taoyuan to the hotel, etc.
Ended up, I find myself in a lose-lose situation. I have to pay extra for the trip. And I end up ditching my family and leaving them to go on a guided tour for the first two days that they are in Taiwan. Screw me, I hate myself for making bad decisions sometimes. And it's too late to pull out now.!
And I question: Is it me that refuses to accept the fact that I am flying to Japan then Taiwan which is holding me back from clicking on the purchase button or is it the uncertainty that I am not sure if my friends are fine with the trip? Will there be any further hiccups?
Oh I totally didn't expect this to happen! I have already booked the air tickets to Taiwan in December. God knows our lecturer selected our group to go to Osaka for a presentation! The dates clash, I can't change my SQ ticket to Taipei. I can't book a direct flight from Japan to Taipei cause it's damn ex! The only way is to route through HongKong. Nonetheless, I have other things to worry about i.e. my siblings who are travelling with me Though they are old enough to take care of themselves, One can't help worry Now I am really undecided. One of my group mates might give up. If he gives up, then I need not fret cause it's either we go as a group or we don't go If he doesn't give up, then the burden is on me or rather the decision lies in my hands Perhaps I could talk to my lecturer about the SIN-OSAKA-TAIPEI-SIN leg Nonetheless, it's gonna be like 10 over hours of flight all the time. I seriously wonder if it's worth all the trouble? Or I should just go to Taipei and not be bothered about this At least Mom is supportive of me heading to Japan and them to Taipei first. Some assurance helps. :)
Yuppie, thesis submitted yesterday and I am now a free soul. It suddenly dawned upon me that I will no longer have to go through days of sleepless nights or inadequate sleep, give up my hongkong dramas, compromise with playing tennis, etc. Instead, I can be back to the weekly drinking sessions or mahjong sessions, the drama-after-drama days. Nonetheless, I have to start to work on my modules since I have been neglecting them for the past 12 weeks. My only focus was writing a good dissertation and a meaningful one. I have been spending all my time outside of tuition to work on my thesis and indeed it has been a fruitful journey. Especially towards the end, when Linken was vetting my thesis and Kheng started correcting my subject-verb agreement, I realise that writing a dissertation with perfect grammar is indeed trying. The problem does not lie with me being able to figure out the singular and plural but rather, the tenses almost drove me crazy. I was really undecided between using past tense or present tense to write the thesis! The work that was done by me has to be in present tense whereas work done by precedents have to be in past tense? Ended up I went to my professor and he simply told me to write everything in present tense. Linken was definitely picking on bones and very critical of what I wrote but I do not blame him. In fact, I was really happy about it because it makes me ponder over what I have wrotten and what I could do to improve on it. What's more, I need not hug my laptop to school everyday though it has become a habit that I kinda love it. Put aside the weight, it gives me immediate access to whatever that I want to know.
For now, I wish to publish my acknowledgements.
No words of appreciation can express my hearfelt gratitude towards my supervisor, Dr. Liu Haoming for his kind patience and guidance in helping me complete this thesis to mark my graduation. His serenity amidst my panic over my progress of writing this dissertation from deciding on a topic while he was still suffering from a jet lag to resolving the many data regression issues, and finally reading my draft has been extremely reassuring. Without his exceptional forbearance for all the major and minor knocks on his office, the completion of this thesis would not have been so smooth and I would not have developed an interest in doing research work. He is God's grace to me as a final year student.
Not to forget, I would like to express my appreciation towards Dr. Indranil Chakrabotry, Dr. Goh Say Song, and Dr. Gamini Premaratne who have given me numerous astute advices academically and have been instrumental to my learning journey in NUS.
Next, I would like to convey my sincerest appreciation to Linken, one of my best pal who has indeed shown me remarkable support by having a game of tennis with me when I needed to take it easy, listening to my whining, and most importantly, vetting my thesis despite his hard-pressed schedule. Further, I would like to thank my best buddies: Chris, WenXiong, and Tailon, people whom I seek to for comfort and for the mirth, fun, and laughter they brought to my life for the past decade. They are whom I call true friends. Added compliments to Chris for proofreading my thesis as well!
The final and most important, I wish to express my gratitude to my family; my Mom who loves me unconditionally and has been extremely supportive while I take on this last challenge in my academic career; my sister, Kheng, for correcting the subject-verb agreement issues in my paper meticulously, and also my brother, Michael, who constantly offers words of encouragement and astute advices for the past 23 years of my life. A BIG THANKS for playing a fundamental role in shaping up my character and showing incredible tolerance for my whims and fancies, and never stingy when it comes to showering me with love.
I am truly blessed beyond measures to have you guys as my family members.
Owing to space constraint, I was not able to thank all the people that I would like to so the blog is a more appropriate venue I guess.
I would like to dedicate this dissertation to my Brother, Michael and my cousin-in-law, Vincent. Prior to deciding on the topic, I was not sure if writing on such a topic would have been anything meaningful. However, the series of events made me realise that Health is Wealth and that without good health, you would have been denied access to the door of Happiness.
Next, I would like to thank Bestie, IatFai for his existence in my life. He need not explicitly encourage me to be better or listen to my sorrows but through the small chats we have during the gatherings, he made me realise that if one's dreams are shattered, it may be hard to swallow initially but we all move on. Seeing his attempts to live a fulfilling life despite living within so many constraints, I have more the reason to do so. All the conversations we had while I was on SEP also helped me stay in touch with Singapore and it was always nice to have someone you know to relate to when you experience any funny or interesting events while overseas. Thanks, Bestie!
Next, to my ex-boss and mentor - Augustine, for showing me the ropes to auditing and interpersonal relationship and for encouraging me when I first entered NUS that all I need is time to adapt to the NUS lifestyle. Those words of encouragement were instrumental to me graduating today from NUS!
Not to forget, my wonderful Econs friends in NUS - Pauline, Rachel and HuiYun. All the times that I was in NUS, I had their companion and we sat through all the boring lectures together, sat for the same exams and the little outings like Botanic Gardens, Dinner, etc. indeed brightened up my life!
To Joseph and Sharon - my first few friends in NUS who brought me so much laughter out of my embarrassment, thanks for helping me tide through the adjustment phrase in NUS.!
To WaiTeng for introducing the lovely sport, tennis to me, for constantly encouraging me when I felt really down and lost with my thesis, hall stays would have been much different without her!
To the two splendid friends I made from SEP - Kim and Monica. All the travels, living and culture experiences would not have been made possible without Kim's company and I wouldn't have the same feeling towards the various countries that we visited together without her. The days of cooking together, couching in her room on Sundays to watch movies, running to Lidl with our slippers and shorts during winter, long bus journeys, gossips, etc. are memories that will stay with me for life.!
And for Monica, the little chats we have in our room during SEP, the art of accomodation and lending an arm that she taught me, the constant encouragement she gave while I was working on my thesis were all priceless.!
And so, I thank God for bringing them to my life and on SEP.!
Last but not least, thanks to every single friend I made in NUS especially the Econs peeps!
Lastly, I would like to share any good luck that God has bestowed upon me for the past 23 years with my cousin, Benjamin, who is sitting for his 'O' Levels and my sister, Kheng, who is sitting for her 'A' Levels examinations. Also, I would like to thank my cousin, BiXia, for lending me her Macbook power adapter when mine refused to work on the very night before the submission of my thesis (Every single bit of effort counts.!) And my cousin, Wendy, for the weekly badminton sessions when I needed to destress and also being the responsible driver to deliver the power adaptor without moaning a single word! (I am not sure if she complained behind my back though! haha..Just joking!)
Simply can't believe that the semester is coming to an end. I am 99% done with my thesis! Only left with the vetting in the first few sections to be done by Linky Chris helped me to proofread the later sections already :) Thanks, Chris! Of course, I am left with the abstract (to be completed tomorrow) And formatting the page numbers. Was wondering if I should get more people to vet it so they can give me more opinions on how to improve it? Oh well well well, I am starting to miss NUS already........
I realised that I have been drowning myself in a life full of T's in the past ten months. Now what are these T's about?
Thesis.Tests.Tuition.Tennis.Travel.
Of course, tuition comes first since it started from January! Yeah, tuition's coming to a close in a week's time. Honestly, I have mixed feelings when it comes to tuition. Lately, I find myself flaring up at those kids so often that I start to hate myself as their teacher. Perhaps it's the ambitious expectations that I set on them or maybe it's my low threshold for imperfections. Some students do impress me with their work, their progress and I do not credit myself for the change in them. However, I realise I often take it very hard when they do not perform. I question my own ability to make them learn, to pull up their disastrous academic results but I never found an answer.
Imagine yourself spending 5-6 hours a week on a student, helping him with every aspect academically. Initially, a warm relationship develops out of goodwill and the genuine care and concern you show for him academically. After 3-5 months, you start to get tired of his excuses for not doing his homework, not being able to do certain questions and your tolerance starts to wear out. He doesn't do well for his first mid-semester examination so you sit down, have a good talk with him and try to fish out the reasons behind the screws-up. You constantly remind yourself to show a little more tolerance and faith so you never scrimp on your encouragement and praises him and convince him that he's capable of earning an A.
You see yourself bringing him back to the basics to explain every single concept in the next two months. That 2 months passes in the wink of an eye and though you see gradual improvement, you know that amount of improvement is insufficient to earn him an A. You get extremely fed up and lash out at him for the very first time. He feels tremendously awful for disappointing you and promises to work hard. Tuition starts to get a bit dreary but you still try to impart him your knowledge and all the examination techniques that you have picked up and have successfully earned you merit academically or even personally in life.
Finally the lap before the finals arrives. Despite your hard-pressed schedule, you never once gave up on him and always gave him priority, in hopes of seeing just an A in at least one subject but that wait refuses to end. He flung his exams once again and you can no longer contain the frustration and anger that have been accumulated in the past 8 months. The number of scoldings increases exponentially during the last month and your relationship becomes strained. You do not feel that he appreciates what you have done for him, doesn't reciprocate which explains why he complained that you are unconvinced that he earnestly desires an A too. However, being able to balance yourself better emotionally after seeing so many batches of students, you convince yourself that he needs an avenue to vent his frustrations and not to take it to heart.
But imagine yourself in my shoes, putting in your utmost best to help someone unconditionally only to see that your relationship ends up being strained. You burnt every single Saturday of yours and up till even the week before the finals arrive, you know he's still incapable of earning an A. You are certain you have exhausted all methodologies to make him learn and am at wit's ends.
Truth to be told, I do not need anyone to reciprocate what I have done for them because I am paid to do so but I am not like other tuition teachers who can detach themselves emotionally from their students' results. Now, I am simply crossing my fingers and waiting for the last round of tuition to come next week before I officially bid them goodbye. Whatever the outcome in Jan/Feb next year, I have already aligned my expectations and prepared myself for the worst. I am assured that I have put in 101% in trying to help them get good results and hopefully they can get into a course which interests them. Life's a game such that if you play it well, you open up different opportunities in life and if you screw it up, then you have to make do with whatever comes along even if it's not something which you desire. Make it or break it, I live it to their own fate and hands.
Tuition is not the focal point of my life, rather the thesis and tests are the principle focus for me right now. In NUS, there's an never an end to the various tests that comes week in week out. This semester, working on the thesis has taken up 70% of my time in school and now, I am one week away from my 1st submission, 2 weeks away from my 2nd submission and 3 weeks away from my oral presentation.
Whenever I need to take it easy, I turn to tennis for support. Tennis has become such an integral part of my life that I feel uneasy whenever I don't play it at least once a week. However, the past 2 weeks has seen this beautiful sport eluding me because I am simply glued to the laptop every single possible moment of my life, less the tuition, meals and sleeping hours.
And after the curtains draw, it's time for me to head out to my next destination. Travel! I guess that's the one thing that I will never get sick of. It's an expensive leisure but I love it so much that I'm willing to give up anything else for it. :)
Now I believe that you are supposed to take a 30seconds break after staring at the computer screen for 30 minutes.
I hardly have the time to catch a breath in the past two weeks! Every morning once I wake up, I power up my laptop and start working on the regression results then tabulation and finally piecing up them nicely onto my thesis. To make things worst, even my coursework requires me to use STATA so basically I have been breathing STATA every day in my life. Tons of assignments, regressions and reports plus a presentation towards the end. My eyes are tearing really badly due to the contact lenses as well. Save Me!
With each boot-up of my lappy, here's a breakdown of the total time wasted:
1. Logging on to Hotmail to check nonsensical mails, basically meaning clearing the junk inbox.
2. Directing to the web of Soccernet to read the latest juicy football news, especially gossips like who is joining which ever club blah blah blah.
3. Going to my favourite bookmark - Facebook to see some latest news feeds followed by typing maniac if I am feeling unhappy.
4. Plurk if I have something to say - short and sweet stuff.
5. Check my blog to see if I have anything to say, if I have comments to reply to (fortunately, no spammers yet!)
6. Singtel.com for Iphone or SIA for cheap tickets
By the things that I do, I realise I wasted half an hour to 40 minutes of my time every single day doing these stuff.
And the best thing is I nearly couldn't finish studying for my mid-term test last night because I was surfing all these garbage websites! Then I had to sleep for 4 hours and grab a McBreakfast and study at the same time at 730am!
So today's test was the first time in NUS I felt screwed for an exam because I was unprepared!
Uber filled with outrage due to my prof! He always tries to embarrass our class's students in front of everyone else. As a lecturer, as an educator, you have to be more encouraging. Only that will make others attempt to try the questions in class. I have long gotten used to the silence that radiates from my tutorials All because of his uncouthness At least this is a lesson for me to take back. That I should never embarrass my students in future And be more reassuring. F* you, stupid Lecturer.!
I realise I am against appraisals or rather assessments like these. Yet somehow I have gotten used to it. Lecturers giving out problem sets or assignments to do. Assigning a grade based on those problem sets. Everyone discussing their answers to come to a similar conclusion. I did most of the work but I got a lousier grade than someone who "plagiarizes" my work But that's life isn't it? Of course if I were the one who had plagiarized his or her work, then he or she would have found it unfair too. I likened it to the huge debate over ManU's win last weekend. That too much extra time was given resulting in Owen's goal. If ManC was the one who had scored, then they wouldn't have shouted foul. At least for me now, I just wanna concentrate on my thesis! Do a good job to get the deserving grade and wanted grade. And graduate with FCH. Petty things like assessments no longer matter I guess. At least I know I am truly worthy and that I know my stuff well.! I know if I do graduate with FCH, I will be filled with disappointment and anguish Nonetheless, no one can write off the amount of effort I have put in my 3.5 years of undergraduate studies. I need to come to terms with not having control my own life in desperate times.
