Last Presentation in NUS

Yes, tomorrow is the long awaited thesis presentation!
After tomorrow, I will never have to make a presentation in NUS again!
Instead, I will be making presentations in a class daily.!
Goodbye, NUS!

Acknowledgements

Yuppie, thesis submitted yesterday and I am now a free soul. It suddenly dawned upon me that I will no longer have to go through days of sleepless nights or inadequate sleep, give up my hongkong dramas, compromise with playing tennis, etc. Instead, I can be back to the weekly drinking sessions or mahjong sessions, the drama-after-drama days. Nonetheless, I have to start to work on my modules since I have been neglecting them for the past 12 weeks. My only focus was writing a good dissertation and a meaningful one. I have been spending all my time outside of tuition to work on my thesis and indeed it has been a fruitful journey. Especially towards the end, when Linken was vetting my thesis and Kheng started correcting my subject-verb agreement, I realise that writing a dissertation with perfect grammar is indeed trying. The problem does not lie with me being able to figure out the singular and plural but rather, the tenses almost drove me crazy. I was really undecided between using past tense or present tense to write the thesis! The work that was done by me has to be in present tense whereas work done by precedents have to be in past tense? Ended up I went to my professor and he simply told me to write everything in present tense. Linken was definitely picking on bones and very critical of what I wrote but I do not blame him. In fact, I was really happy about it because it makes me ponder over what I have wrotten and what I could do to improve on it. What's more, I need not hug my laptop to school everyday though it has become a habit that I kinda love it. Put aside the weight, it gives me immediate access to whatever that I want to know.

For now, I wish to publish my acknowledgements.

No words of appreciation can express my hearfelt gratitude towards my
supervisor, Dr. Liu Haoming for his kind patience and guidance in helping me
complete this thesis to mark my graduation. His serenity amidst my panic over my
progress of writing this dissertation from deciding on a topic while he was
still suffering from a jet lag to resolving the many data regression issues, and
finally reading my draft has been extremely reassuring. Without his exceptional
forbearance for all the major and minor knocks on his office, the completion of
this thesis would not have been so smooth and I would not have developed an
interest in doing research work. He is God's grace to me as a final year
student.

Not to forget, I would like to express my appreciation towards Dr. Indranil
Chakrabotry, Dr. Goh Say Song, and Dr. Gamini Premaratne who have given me
numerous astute advices academically and have been instrumental to my learning
journey in NUS.

Next, I would like to convey my sincerest appreciation to Linken, one of my
best pal who has indeed shown me remarkable support by having a game of tennis
with me when I needed to take it easy, listening to my whining, and most
importantly, vetting my thesis despite his hard-pressed schedule. Further, I
would like to thank my best buddies: Chris, WenXiong, and Tailon, people whom I
seek to for comfort and for the mirth, fun, and laughter they brought to my life
for the past decade. They are whom I call true friends. Added compliments to
Chris for proofreading my thesis as well!

The final and most important, I wish to express my gratitude to my family;
my Mom who loves me unconditionally and has been extremely supportive while I
take on this last challenge in my academic career; my sister, Kheng, for
correcting the subject-verb agreement issues in my paper meticulously, and also
my brother, Michael, who constantly offers words of encouragement and astute
advices for the past 23 years of my life. A BIG THANKS for playing a
fundamental role in shaping up my character and showing incredible tolerance for
my whims and fancies, and never stingy when it comes to showering me with love.

I am truly blessed beyond measures to have you guys as my family members.

Owing to space constraint, I was not able to thank all the people that I would like to so the blog is a more appropriate venue I guess.

I would like to dedicate this dissertation to my Brother, Michael and my
cousin-in-law, Vincent. Prior to deciding on the topic, I was not sure if
writing on such a topic would have been anything meaningful. However, the series of events made me realise that Health is Wealth and that without good health,
you would have been denied access to the door of Happiness.

Next, I would like to thank Bestie, IatFai for his existence in my life. He
need not explicitly encourage me to be better or listen to my sorrows but
through the small chats we have during the gatherings, he made me realise that
if one's dreams are shattered, it may be hard to swallow initially but we
all move on. Seeing his attempts to live a fulfilling life despite living within
so many constraints, I have more the reason to do so. All the conversations we
had while I was on SEP also helped me stay in touch with Singapore and it was
always nice to have someone you know to relate to when you experience any funny or interesting events while overseas. Thanks, Bestie!

Next, to my ex-boss and mentor - Augustine, for showing me the ropes to auditing and interpersonal relationship and for encouraging me when I first entered NUS that all I need is time to adapt to the NUS lifestyle. Those words of encouragement were instrumental to me graduating today from NUS!

Not to forget, my wonderful Econs friends in NUS - Pauline, Rachel and
HuiYun. All the times that I was in NUS, I had their companion and we sat
through all the boring lectures together, sat for the same exams and the little
outings like Botanic Gardens, Dinner, etc. indeed brightened up my life!

To Joseph and Sharon - my first few friends in NUS who brought me so
much laughter out of my embarrassment, thanks for helping me tide through the adjustment phrase in NUS.!

To WaiTeng for introducing the lovely sport, tennis to me, for constantly
encouraging me when I felt really down and lost with my thesis, hall stays would
have been much different without her!

To the two splendid friends I made from SEP - Kim and Monica.
All the travels, living and culture experiences would not have been made
possible without Kim's company and I wouldn't have the same feeling towards the
various countries that we visited together without her. The days of cooking
together, couching in her room on Sundays to watch movies, running to Lidl with our slippers and shorts during winter, long bus journeys, gossips, etc. are memories that will stay with me for life.!

And for Monica, the little chats we have in our room during SEP, the art of
accomodation and lending an arm that she taught me, the constant encouragement
she gave while I was working on my thesis were all priceless.!

And so, I thank God for bringing them to my life and on SEP.!

Last but not least, thanks to every single friend I made in NUS especially
the Econs peeps!

Lastly, I would like to share any good luck that God has bestowed upon me
for the past 23 years with my cousin, Benjamin, who is sitting for his 'O'
Levels and my sister, Kheng, who is sitting for her 'A' Levels examinations.
Also, I would like to thank my cousin, BiXia, for lending me her Macbook power adapter when mine refused to work on the very night before the submission of my thesis (Every single bit of effort counts.!) And my cousin, Wendy, for the weekly badminton sessions when I needed to destress and also being the responsible
driver to deliver the power adaptor without moaning a single word! (I am not sure if she complained behind my back though! haha..Just joking!)

Thanks for making a difference in my life!

Full of T's

I realised that I have been drowning myself in a life full of T's in the past ten months. Now what are these T's about?

Thesis.Tests.Tuition.Tennis.Travel.

Of course, tuition comes first since it started from January! Yeah, tuition's coming to a close in a week's time. Honestly, I have mixed feelings when it comes to tuition. Lately, I find myself flaring up at those kids so often that I start to hate myself as their teacher. Perhaps it's the ambitious expectations that I set on them or maybe it's my low threshold for imperfections. Some students do impress me with their work, their progress and I do not credit myself for the change in them. However, I realise I often take it very hard when they do not perform. I question my own ability to make them learn, to pull up their disastrous academic results but I never found an answer.

Imagine yourself spending 5-6 hours a week on a student, helping him with every aspect academically. Initially, a warm relationship develops out of goodwill and the genuine care and concern you show for him academically. After 3-5 months, you start to get tired of his excuses for not doing his homework, not being able to do certain questions and your tolerance starts to wear out. He doesn't do well for his first mid-semester examination so you sit down, have a good talk with him and try to fish out the reasons behind the screws-up. You constantly remind yourself to show a little more tolerance and faith so you never scrimp on your encouragement and praises him and convince him that he's capable of earning an A.

You see yourself bringing him back to the basics to explain every single concept in the next two months. That 2 months passes in the wink of an eye and though you see gradual improvement, you know that amount of improvement is insufficient to earn him an A. You get extremely fed up and lash out at him for the very first time. He feels tremendously awful for disappointing you and promises to work hard. Tuition starts to get a bit dreary but you still try to impart him your knowledge and all the examination techniques that you have picked up and have successfully earned you merit academically or even personally in life.

Finally the lap before the finals arrives. Despite your hard-pressed schedule, you never once gave up on him and always gave him priority, in hopes of seeing just an A in at least one subject but that wait refuses to end. He flung his exams once again and you can no longer contain the frustration and anger that have been accumulated in the past 8 months. The number of scoldings increases exponentially during the last month and your relationship becomes strained. You do not feel that he appreciates what you have done for him, doesn't reciprocate which explains why he complained that you are unconvinced that he earnestly desires an A too. However, being able to balance yourself better emotionally after seeing so many batches of students, you convince yourself that he needs an avenue to vent his frustrations and not to take it to heart.

But imagine yourself in my shoes, putting in your utmost best to help someone unconditionally only to see that your relationship ends up being strained. You burnt every single Saturday of yours and up till even the week before the finals arrive, you know he's still incapable of earning an A. You are certain you have exhausted all methodologies to make him learn and am at wit's ends.

Truth to be told, I do not need anyone to reciprocate what I have done for them because I am paid to do so but I am not like other tuition teachers who can detach themselves emotionally from their students' results. Now, I am simply crossing my fingers and waiting for the last round of tuition to come next week before I officially bid them goodbye. Whatever the outcome in Jan/Feb next year, I have already aligned my expectations and prepared myself for the worst. I am assured that I have put in 101% in trying to help them get good results and hopefully they can get into a course which interests them. Life's a game such that if you play it well, you open up different opportunities in life and if you screw it up, then you have to make do with whatever comes along even if it's not something which you desire. Make it or break it, I live it to their own fate and hands.

Tuition is not the focal point of my life, rather the thesis and tests are the principle focus for me right now. In NUS, there's an never an end to the various tests that comes week in week out. This semester, working on the thesis has taken up 70% of my time in school and now, I am one week away from my 1st submission, 2 weeks away from my 2nd submission and 3 weeks away from my oral presentation.

Whenever I need to take it easy, I turn to tennis for support. Tennis has become such an integral part of my life that I feel uneasy whenever I don't play it at least once a week. However, the past 2 weeks has seen this beautiful sport eluding me because I am simply glued to the laptop every single possible moment of my life, less the tuition, meals and sleeping hours.

And after the curtains draw, it's time for me to head out to my next destination. Travel! I guess that's the one thing that I will never get sick of. It's an expensive leisure but I love it so much that I'm willing to give up anything else for it. :)

Killing Me...

Now I believe that you are supposed to take a 30seconds break after staring at the computer screen for 30 minutes.

I hardly have the time to catch a breath in the past two weeks! Every morning once I wake up, I power up my laptop and start working on the regression results then tabulation and finally piecing up them nicely onto my thesis. To make things worst, even my coursework requires me to use STATA so basically I have been breathing STATA every day in my life. Tons of assignments, regressions and reports plus a presentation towards the end. My eyes are tearing really badly due to the contact lenses as well. Save Me!

Status?

Life's heading a different direction these days. I am glad there's progress with the thesis though it's really slow but at least it's "gradual". :) I find it to be a completely different learning experience from hitting books and am truly convinced that I should have embark on this journey of working on a research paper. At the end of the day, when I look at this product of my labour, I believe I will be truly amazed and satiated and impressed by my own effort. (hopefully) It's been almost 4 weeks since I started on deciding on the topic and though it way diverted from my initial area of interest - foreign employment, I am glad that I ended up doing this topic. The many events that have been taking place in my life these days, which explains my absence from MSN & Skype, made me realise that Health brings about Happiness. By losing your health, you have given up your privilege and entitlement to happiness.

You are no longer able to pursue whatever dreams that you have been talking about your whole life, your unhappiness radiates to people around you, a thick clout of worries and uncertainty hangs over you blah blah blah...

However, looking at myself, I am more like a part-time student and a full-time tutor.! I have tons of tuition calling on me and sometimes I really feel like not responding to any of the tuition calls. But a simple message on Monday evening cheered me on and motivated me to stay steadfast in whatever I had started out. One of my students actually text me a "Happy Teacher's Day" message and told me that he is really thankful for the patience I had shown him over the past two months and helping him to regain confidence and interest in a subject which he had already given up hopes on. I guess that is one of the many perks of embarking on a teaching career. At the verge of giving up or in desperation, some words of encouragement never fail to re-ignite the burning desire to educate, share knowledge and influence someone.

The emotional distress that teachers undergo is tremendous and it affects their health physically and psychologically. High incidences of high blood pressure and heart attacks strike them as well because they have to deal with the mischief of 40 students, lectures from a LH, SH, VP and the Principal. To add bitter icing on a piece of rotten cake, a teacher has to endure the enthusiastic parent who never stops asking for more and cajole nonchalant or demanding parents but each student only has to deal with crap from probably 8 teachers, a VP and a Principal. The Statistics paints the picture of LIFE AS A TEACHER! :)

In conclusion, teachers should be more highly-paid.!

Time Table

I had lunch with Linky in school today and he commented that almost 20% of the semester has gone by once again. This is my FINAL semester but I am more slack than before because I am only doing two modules and for the past semester and special semester, tutorials had nothing to do with the word "SCHOOL". Part of the justification was because I didn't know how to do those tutorials or either the lecturer simply uploaded the complete solutions. Hence, I have forgotten the feeling of having to do tutorials! :(

My thesis is still at the 0 word count limit, hitherto. I am lost. I don't know where and how to start?! Perhaps I should pay my professor a visit soon, yeah? I have been brainstorming for ideas to get myself going. Perhaps I should draw up a timetable, like Monday I shall read a certain number of papers or blah blah. I wonder if this kiddy primary school method of having a jockey by the horse to pull a reign will work for me - a horse that has been set free to roam and gallop on the pasture on the opposite side of the field.

My only consolation of being in school is perhaps having linky to lunch with me! Lol! From strangers to friends who can talk and blabber about anything under the Sun is really a miraculous process. Linky's personality is a stark contrast from his appearance and looks. We love digging at each other's sorrows, fish for compliments and ogle at the same designer brands and of course play tennis! If not for him, I doubt I will ever get down to learning how to play tennis.

I will make sure I work hard during these remaining ten weeks to ensure that my effort in the past three years go down the drain, never. Instead, it should generate the outcome that I have been anticipating the day I embarked on my NUS academic career.! :)

"Hang In There!"

Honors Thesis

The Honors Thesis work is killing me. I met up with my prof cum supervisor on Monday afternoon to discuss about the direction or rather theme for my dissertation. My initial idea was to work on foreign employment in Singapore and its impact on our economic growth and how it will affect local students and employment consequently. However, my prof pointed out that it will be extremely difficult for me to obtain the necessary data thus he asked if I have anything else in mind. So I recalled Obama's inauguration speech and the outlook he set for America as president. He pointed out that with unemployment rates soaring high, and Americans losing their health insurance automatically, he wants to set aside some budget for Americans' health insurance needs. My prof readily agreed to my theme and got me to work on pension instead.

I was like "WHOA!" Interesting.! He gave me the necessary website to obtain the data and asked me to go through it to see if it will be difficult for me to extract the data and use them having know that writing a thesis is completely alien to me as an undergraduate. I went back, read a bit on the website and the purpose of writing a paper on this. Subsequently, I spent my Tues afternoon and my whole morning till now going through the tutorials to learn how to make use of the data. Honestly, having gone through it, I wonder if it is really helpful? It is extremely tedious and time-consuming having to go through millions, oh no wait, perhaps billions because they have like 5,000 - 10,000 observations each year from 1968-2005.! WTH!

Now, prior to the start of writing my thesis, I am already feeling fatigue... Arrrgghhh!! Plus, I have a draft due next Tuesday yet I have not written a single word......... :((