As I was writing this postcard and preparing to send it out, memories flooded back. This postcard is a perfect reflection of my life at the moment and speaks about the thoughts that go through my life repeatedly during my time here in NYC. The end is difficult and clear but the near term is blurry and there are simply so many pathways to get to the final destination. I am not upset about my status, rather I am vexed over how to figure out my way. I have gone past the stage of feeling like a loser if I were to go back home with the mentality that I seemed to have wasted my time/life. However, I must say that those thoughts frequently bother me. I am the kind of person who hates wasting time/life and want to live every hour, minute, second, milllisecond of my life purposefully! That said, I will press on and eventually I know I will survive this difficult time when my emotions are constantly battling against each other.
It has become a custom for me to send postcards wherever I go to because this is my way of sharing the world with my loved ones, family, friends, etc. Words is my language of love. I know that every single postcard that I sent out has brought a smile to the face of the recipient and reminded him/her that life is good because someone out there remembers you and cares about your well-being. I guess it is an especially touching gesture (to me) and I hope it gives them courage to face whatever obstacle ahead. My siblings are the main recipients of my postcards, but my mom, cousins, nieces and best friends have received several over the years too. Pigsy Ang has received the most among all my friends because he has always been there for me. Surprisingly, I sent much less to WenX and as for Chris, he is overseas himself too.
As I was writing this postcard, a lot of memories flooded back once again. It seems like it was not too long ago that I spent hours conversing with this friend of mine. We could talk about anything under the Sun, from Economics to Politics to Science, Math, Language, our lives, the world, our dreams and what not. Our conversations are filled with laughter and sarcasm yet overflowing with wisdom, at least in my opinion. He is an adherent yet an adversary and a mirror occasionally. I have not been able to find someone who engages me so much since time immemorial. Then again, my memory is selective so if I miss anyone out, I do apologise. LK comes close next but pragmatism often causes our views to diverge and we do not see the point in trying to win over each other. YL is someone whom I can hold a conversation with for hours as well and I always enjoy her company but our topics are more down-to-earth and revolve around life in general. I love talking to Pigsy and Chris too, albeit intellect can be lacking in flavour at times.
If Secret Santa does exist and he could give me anything I wish for, I want a time machine that can bring me back to the past to see with my own eyes all ancient cultures and marvel at the grandiose of those golden epochs. However, I will never use the time machine to change my life. I believe that it is the steps that we take in the future that shapes our lives rather than having to return to the past to make right the "wrongs". At times, I do wonder how different my life would be if I had performed better when I was 12 and got into a better school. Nonetheless, I do not feel any regrets because failure at a young age mold me into who I am today, to always be prepared and be a step ahead and put my foot to the pedal in everything that I do. The people whom I met along the way subsequently also made me cherish what I have today.
If I were to visit his country again, I would probably go in Spring/Autumn OR bring more warm clothes so that we could sit for hours by the river and narrate about whatever that has happened ever since the last time our paths crossed. There is just so much to talk about. Then again, people change too quickly and the memories fade away with every tick of the hand of the clock. I am not hopeful that we can remain friends till the end of time so I will have to guard these memories of our friendship like a safe deposit box for as long as possible and reminisce about them each time I write a postcard addressed to him. He will continue to see the world through my lens until the day postmen become non-existent or when I feel that nothing is left to be spoken between us. That is my way of saying, "Thank you for appearing in my life and that is how much I cherish everything that we shared." I do not know if I will meet someone like him again in my life but I really hope that I will.
9 months ago, I wrote this abstract, "If you would, you could just sit a while with me in Nature, see the Sun
rising and setting, under a sky full of stars shining on us, at the edge
of cliffs, near the waterfalls, and on countless train rides. When you
hear the sounds of Nature, you also hear what my heart is shouting. No
words need be spoken and nothing will hurt us. I will feel you close to
me and maybe then, we will walk hand in hand till the end of time." 9 months later, I see a piece of this abstract become reality but I never had extravagant expectations that whatever that I have written will crystallise.
