Leap of Faith

3 months since I last updated. Going home was TRULY AMAZING! I missed my family and friends so much and despite having to take precautions while being able to roam the streets of Singapore again, I would do it again even with all the scares that I had to go through.

I went back to playing tennis, badminton, mahjong whilst continuing my guitar lessons and spent a ton of time with my nieces and nephews. Kids are so innocent and spending time with them truly makes me happy. All of that were made possible because I simply took the time off from work, being on gardening leave and just chilling at home. I also enjoyed the companionship of my PIG sister, my grandmother, my brother, my cousins and doggie and rattie too. 1.5 years not seeing them was simply too long! 

After a good 5 weeks, I packed my bags again and embarked on my new journey. Before I know it, half of 2021 has whizzed past yet again and I am almost 2 months into the new job! It has been nothing but tough as you can imagine, having to pick up processes all over again and getting used to working with different people with different quirks. At my old place, at least I always knew what to expect from xx. Truth to be told, there were many moments in the last 2 months that I really miss working with xx. I do not miss so much the place but really miss working with xx. He is truly the best person that I have worked with in my professional career. Like I have mentioned, it took me a long time to come to this decision and I know that it is a point of no return when I decided to take this step. I will gain a nice brand on my CV, however I have lost a good partner at work and a friend. If I were the other party, I would feel betrayed because there was simply no signals of my decision coming. It came too sudden and swift and there was no way to convince me out of it. Given my character, I sometimes do take a long time to come to a decision and when I have made up my mind to move on to a new future, no matter how much I long for the past, I will never look back regardless of how desperate I might be. That is ME and I stay true to who I am. 

I relate to this very famous tale of how a person goes on a journey to find the most suitable flower. He has only one chance to pick one flower and he will not be able to go backwards to pick a flower once he has decided to move forward. Along the way, though he saw many flowers that he liked, he never pluck a single one. He was always thinking that he will come across a better one further down the road only to realise that in the end, he ended up with no flowers at all. I am perhaps very much like the protagonist in that tale. I always wanted to move on no matter how much I like the present because I believe I will come across a better present. Maybe the previous stint would have been my best shot and I had missed it. For now, I can only keep moving on and make sure that I will enjoy every step in the future rather than reminisce about the good old days. 

For now, I need to adapt fast and it does not help that cases here are rising and I am in this conundrum of not knowing how to overcome my fear. At the start of June when I first returned to the workplace, I felt like I could live life normally again. I was forced out of my comfort zone and my time back home helped in terms of returning to normalcy. I then got hit with a false +ve test one day and I felt like I was kicked right back into my dughole. I wondered if I should have made those conversations with my colleagues, because had it being a real +ve case, I would have potentially put them at risk. I started to ponder upon my own interactions habits, how I should talk to someone, perhaps not directly to reduce the risk, etc. In a week's time, I probably have to readapt again to a "new" normal. I really long to return to some normalcy, return to the badminton court first thing first, but I just do not know how to take that step. I can take one leap of faith at a time, not multiple ones. 

Adjustments

There is always so much ongoing in my head but when it comes to having to pen them down, there is so much inertia. It is not that I do not enjoy writing or whatsoever, rather I just feel tired after work and I would rather hit the sack.

After coming back from training in London, life is back to chaos and weekend work. I found a new mechanism to cope with the stress and long hours of work and so far it is working well - having something to look forward to. I really enjoy my weekly badminton sessions, thrice a week gym sessions and my trips back home. For now, I am counting down to November when I get to go back for a weekend to attend Efu’s and Amanda’s birthdays. 1 more month to go so in the short run, I count down to my weekly Badminton sessions. Some of the people at the club are really good and I really enjoy playing with them and learning from them. This method has worked well so far, I feel less upset about having to work those hours and it makes me happy when I get to play Badminton to unwind and also go to the gym!

I do not know how long this method will keep me sane and make my life less miserable but hopefully it lasts for the next 4 months until at least CNY! It will be March then and at least I have my bonus to look forward to. :)

A third of a year has gone past

I do not know how much of an influence my first career has on me but it seems like I am someone who enjoys reviewing my life and evaluating myself against the goals that I have set for myself at the beginning of each year. Indeed, a third of the year has gone past and it seems only yesterday when I was living in NYC and working in the UN. Yet, 2 months in this job felt like 2 years and I cannot exactly comment on whether time has whizzed past me or has seemed like forever, hitherto.

First, the assessment. I got a job in finance and bought the 2nd guitar of my life. 15 years ago, I tried so hard to persuade my mom to let me withdraw some money from my savings account to buy a guitar and take up guitar lessons. I attended a few lessons and eventually the guitar faded into the background and is lying somewhere in the storeroom. When I look back at those times, I feel like a loser. I had given up halfway a million times in my pursuits, be it learning swimming (Pri 3), guitar (Sec 3), or French (2005). However, through all these failures, I discover about myself - I need an end goal to motivate myself. Nevertheless, as I age, I become more persistent and there are a couple of things which I have experienced success in - completing my CFA (3 consecutive years), picking up tennis, learning Spanish (though still intermediate speaker). This year, I set out to pick up the guitar once again and maybe if things work out here in Dubai, I will try to learn swimming. Given the long and hectic work hours, I only can spare 30-40 minutes a day to learn the guitar. It will take me a long time to learn it but I will persevere this time round unlike 15 years ago. Hopefully at the end of year when I evaluate myself against my 2017 resolutions, I would be able to play a song.

Losing control of your life and not seeing what lies ahead of you creates fear in a way or another and for me, only the next 4 months is in sight now.
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A brand new challenge

 It has been 5 months since I last posted anything on this blog as life has been nothing short of busy. Travels for 2-3 months, living life on a bag pack and then 1 entire month of working on my dissertation. Everything winded down gracefully, learnt a lot along the way, met many people who inspired me, encouraged me, served as a reminder to myself, etc.

In a few hours, I am setting off on another brand new adventure to U.S.A., commonly known as the New World. The Big Apple is a dream of many, just like Paris had always been a dream of mine. Before I know it, I have been to Paris for five times but I will never get enough of the city I guess. Then again, if I were to live in Paris, I will be so sick of the throngs of tourists that commute everyday and crowd around the Eiffel Tower, Louvre Museum and what not.

There is so much that I want to write about on my travels in Bolivia and Peru and subsequently in the Balkans. It will take me some time to get down to this for now, I have to focus on searching for an apartment in NYC and then also a job. :)

I was very hesitant about doing this internship initially but the people that I met along the way made me want to do this. I found courage in the most unexpected moments in life and from the least expected people. There is a lot of uncertainty confronting me but all my life, I have been used to adapting to a new environment. I learnt how to close the chapters of the book, titled "My Life Story" with less pain and grief over time and to look forward to new adventures more positively and adapt faster to change.

NY, it has to be everyone's dream, including me. :) But mark my words, I will be back to write about all my adventures.

Status - AWAY for now

I have not been posting for the longest time ever and I am 3/5 through my epic 49-day adventure. However, due to heavy work commitments and preparation for my examination, I have to take a break from blogging. I promise to be back after June 6.

Staying connected with my readers (if they exist)

This space of mine has been left empty for way too long. It is unfortunate that I have not kept to my promise of updating my blog with regards to the travel adventures. I have been writing bits every now and then and soon, I am sure I will be able to post all of them. Blogger has a new function whereby they track the page views of my blog on a daily basis. Blogging is kinda outdated these days so I am surprised that I still have a few page views on a daily basis. I know that my family members and friends no longer read my blog so those who visit are definitely strangers.

However, if you are my friend and you still read my blog from time to time, please leave me a comment on this blogpost or write something in the chatterbox. It is always comforting to know who are those that silently stay updated with your life. :)

If you are a stranger who happened to chance upon my blog, do wave HI be it whether you have positive or negative comments about the things that I write. :)

Life's fragile.

Officially counting down to the end of my bond and the new life ahead of me. However, even counting down is a chore and there is so much uncertainty ahead of me. Grad school plans didn't come through that smooth and while I am busy studying for my exams, I have to look for financial aid to fund my studies. Meanwhile, school hasn't been that kind after all, with Talentime on my to-do list, Lesson study coming up and the 'A' divisions approaching not just for hockey but also tennis. When there's so many things that I have to be responsible for, I told myself I have to bite the bullet and press on. Just as I thought I was coping well, with the support of the many people around me from colleagues to friends to family members, something hit me real hard. It made me want to leave the profession even more and also it made me realised how fortunate I have been these days and thankfully, I have always been thankful for what I have had thus far. Although I do grumble a little or maybe pour my sorrows to my lil sister, those grouses were actually meant to make me feel better yet continue in my pursuits and what I believe in. If God is gonna discount me for that, I would be terribly upset.

So, I learnt that life is precious and having being in a job whereby you are responsible for another person's life, wait, not just one person but tens or even hundreds of lives is insanity. When all goes well, it seems like you are all relaxed and get to enjoy your vacation four times a year. However, more often than not, it just takes one incident to slap you real hard in your face and throw all your beliefs aside. No matter how detailed and comprehensive your plans are and how much caution and calculation you exercise in every step that you take, it takes seconds to destroy all that you have worked for completely. The Chinese saying goes, 人算不如天算 and my mother always tell me in Hokkien, zou lang ham ham, meaning you never know what is going to happen to you on a daily basis.

An ex-student came back to visit yesterday and I always find it refreshing to talk to him. He is one of the students who closely resembles a mirror image of myself. I enjoy listening to updates about his life because that makes me reflect more as a person. We came to this conclusion that, "growing up is a pain." He is at a stage in his life whereby he is facing a lot of tough decisions like I did 10 years back. I did not have anyone to look up to and ask for advices and I had to stumble to find my direction so I vowed to always be there as a mentor to guide him to find his way in life. Not that life will be smooth sailing with my guidance but to know that someone is there to listen and share with you a different perspective definitely helps, I believe.

Two different events happening two days in a row, I am completely thrown off my personal conviction about life and I found myself crying like a baby at a certain juncture. Thank you, God, for always shedding light on me on how life should be, even though it may not be the all positive and joyous way but you kept me in your blessings. And I will continue to keep many others in prayers. We have to focus more on what we already have, not what we lack. A timely reminder.

12.12.12

After having gone through many of the 08.08.08, 09.09.09, 10.10.10, 11.11.11, this is the last chance in this lifetime that we will see a same day, month, and year date. Such a special day happens to fall a day after my birthday. This is the most peaceful birthday that I have had in decades. :) No celebration of any sorts, just like any other day in my life. I guess that comes with growing old. That we get sick of celebrating occasions of all sorts, maybe because we have gone through it many times and are seeing things as a routine rather than as a special occasion. Or perhaps, it is because time passes too quickly in adulthood that it seemed like yesterday that we just celebrated that special occasion.

But still, I love my birthday. :) It is the one day amongst the 365 days of the year that I feel that it is an unique day. :) 11.12.12! :)

Quick updates

I have not been blogging for the longest time ever owing to the huge amount of workload that I have these days. No complaints about the workload because I feel that this is my first batch of students and I am willing to stretch myself, go the extra mile, and see what will turn out eventually. :) Though I feel the fatigue at times from the endless marking, especially when I mark late into the nights, I guess I still have a pretty good work-life balance. I play tennis and badminton weekly, watch football every weekend, catch a movie once in a while, catch up with my old pals, play tons of iPhone games, etc. The only thing that I have not been spending time on is the ideas that emerged while I was in Europe late last year. I hope that things will turn for the better in term 2. :) It is tough in J2 definitely. I am too occupied to think of anything else but at the same time, I am learning a lot in school, from the other teachers and also from my students. :) I am just praying that my students will survive this year and will move on to achieve their bigger dreams in life, if they exist. :)

I promise I will write something soon

Currently, I have lots of insights to share, be it on life, family, friends, etc. But I simply have no time to blog about it. Soon, I will. :)

Labelling II

Finally finished labelling all the past posts! It took me more than 6 hours in tally to do it.

Why on earth did I blog so much in the past?

Some of the posts are really random and I'd no clue how to label them?

But at least those from Stockholm are all classified in one label; STOCKHOLM :))

Lovely memories...

Labelling

Trying to backdate and label all my previous posts. Indeed, 350 posts is working my socks off! Shouldn't have blogged so frequently! To be continued........

Italy Trip!

The trip is coming to an end in another 12 hours!
My friend's flying back to Singapore and me to Greece.
A bit indecisive as to whether I should head for Santorini or Corfu.
Typical me. Indecisive when it comes to traveling options.
Of course I'd love to go to both places but time constraints!
I met hell loads of interesting people
I can't finish telling them right now!
Shall update asap! :)

Blog Fast.

Sorry I am still way behind time. I've lots to tell you guys.

1. London-Buckingham.Oxford.Stratford-upon-avon.Warwick
2. Edinburgh
3. My friend's visit in Stockholm.
4. SABF

Blah blah blah....

I am in Rome now!!

There are a lot of things to talk about here.
Can't wait to get back to Stockholm too and blog about it.
Met really nice cool people here.
But before I get to Rome,
I spent a freaking $150/- for TAXI to airport!!
Long story, it was me who didn't hear the alarm at all.
But I need to get to Rome!

Prague~Here am I

Happy Birthday Peiliang (Dated 3rd April 2008)

Leaving for Prague right now.
Will only be back on Saturday.
Shall update when I am back.
Everyone Have FUN!~~

Abandoned Blog

hApPy BiRtHdAy ChIn BoOn!! (dated 1st April!)

BACK AT LAST!
My blog has been abandoned for 12 days
Check out updates within these few days
I might be leaving for Prague soon though :)

It's April Fool's Day!
A lovely day for primary school kids
To make fun of their classmates
Not the day for me anymore

Before I fly

I need to blog more.
I am flying off in another 32 hours.
Denmark.Netherlands.Germany.Austria.Belgium
If you guys need anything,
Text Me.Dial Me.Email Me.
I am so gonna miss blogging.
I will come back with TONS of PICTURES.

News~!

Alright, I have 2 pieces of information on hand, one good and one bad.

Bad: "I have a term paper to do right now! "
Good: "My handphone is working!"

Updates!

Yes! I am back! I guess everyone has been waiting for my return right? Haha.. Actually I came back on Monday night, 11th February 08 at around 1plus am but I was too tired to blog.. I updated my mail boxes quickly and checked out all other's blogs for CNY photos but sad to say, not much, then took a shower before I go to bed (by then it was already 5am).. I wanted to blog yesterday but after classes, I was still pretty tired and hit my bed immediately... After I woke up, I had to do my laundry and unpack my stuffs and SKYPE as usual.. It's like when I skype, I can't blog because I am not a good "multi-tasker" haha.. So only until today, Wednesday Morning, am I able to BLOG! haha.. I promise lots of photos and entries this time round!