Officially counting down to the end of my bond and the new life ahead of me. However, even counting down is a chore and there is so much uncertainty ahead of me. Grad school plans didn't come through that smooth and while I am busy studying for my exams, I have to look for financial aid to fund my studies. Meanwhile, school hasn't been that kind after all, with Talentime on my to-do list, Lesson study coming up and the 'A' divisions approaching not just for hockey but also tennis. When there's so many things that I have to be responsible for, I told myself I have to bite the bullet and press on. Just as I thought I was coping well, with the support of the many people around me from colleagues to friends to family members, something hit me real hard. It made me want to leave the profession even more and also it made me realised how fortunate I have been these days and thankfully, I have always been thankful for what I have had thus far. Although I do grumble a little or maybe pour my sorrows to my lil sister, those grouses were actually meant to make me feel better yet continue in my pursuits and what I believe in. If God is gonna discount me for that, I would be terribly upset.
So, I learnt that life is precious and having being in a job whereby you are responsible for another person's life, wait, not just one person but tens or even hundreds of lives is insanity. When all goes well, it seems like you are all relaxed and get to enjoy your vacation four times a year. However, more often than not, it just takes one incident to slap you real hard in your face and throw all your beliefs aside. No matter how detailed and comprehensive your plans are and how much caution and calculation you exercise in every step that you take, it takes seconds to destroy all that you have worked for completely. The Chinese saying goes, 人算不如天算 and my mother always tell me in Hokkien, zou lang ham ham, meaning you never know what is going to happen to you on a daily basis.
An ex-student came back to visit yesterday and I always find it refreshing to talk to him. He is one of the students who closely resembles a mirror image of myself. I enjoy listening to updates about his life because that makes me reflect more as a person. We came to this conclusion that, "growing up is a pain." He is at a stage in his life whereby he is facing a lot of tough decisions like I did 10 years back. I did not have anyone to look up to and ask for advices and I had to stumble to find my direction so I vowed to always be there as a mentor to guide him to find his way in life. Not that life will be smooth sailing with my guidance but to know that someone is there to listen and share with you a different perspective definitely helps, I believe.
Two different events happening two days in a row, I am completely thrown off my personal conviction about life and I found myself crying like a baby at a certain juncture. Thank you, God, for always shedding light on me on how life should be, even though it may not be the all positive and joyous way but you kept me in your blessings. And I will continue to keep many others in prayers. We have to focus more on what we already have, not what we lack. A timely reminder.
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