If you give yourself 5 minutes to cool down, would you still write this post?

I once read a book from Mitch Albom which speaks about how the existence of social media has made people less able to control their emotions since they will update their status and write about all their whims and fancies on their social media account. Hence, I always told myself that before I post anything online, give myself time to cool down first and think if it is something that I truly want to write about and leave it permanently on this world.

I treated myself to a McDonald's meal before I decided to sit down and write about this incident. I know I have a cool head. A can of worms was opened when our coordinator decided to ask us to decide among ourselves when our examinations would be. It was a "I should fight for my own rights" battle and there was of course all sorts of arguments being put forward. Just yesterday, I was looking through some photos and reminiscing about the wonderful times that I share with a friend of mine. I realise that we have huge differences in cultures and also ideologies but I value her friendship. Nonetheless, I could feel the gap growing because I am not willing to confront these differences and tell her how I feel honestly.

I wanted to send her a text and ask how she is doing but it did not take too long for me to feel disappointment in her actions. I do not understand why someone can selfishly decide to go ahead with certain plans without sparing a thought for others, and then tell lies subsequently to cover up her own selfishness, masking it with altruism. I feel so disgusted about her actions that I do not even know how to hold another conversation without hiding my disdain for her actions. I definitely need some time to erase this episode from my memory and regain my usual self. This is not the first time that I have such negative feelings towards her. How can you advocate honesty and integrity when you are committing the same act that you express your disgust towards? People who cheat and lie and feel that they will lose out if they do not do likewise like others, F* off, I feel even more disgust towards you than towards someone who blatantly cheat and admit to it. You are equally despised. I do not think anyone is entirely honest and has never told a lie in their entire life before. It all depends on the reason behind your lie for me. I appreciate our friendship, because she has done really nice things for me but for me, if someone can lie through their teeth, it makes me shiver because now, I can no longer distinguish if those gestures were genuine or just one of her hypocrite acts. I prefer to stay away from such people.

Once bitten, twice shy. Learn from your mistakes. These lessons never stay with me for long. I hate unfairness, people who play around others to their own advantage. I like impartiality and upon reflection, I know that how in the process of fighting for equal rights and equity has landed me in deep shit. Each time, I tell myself to let go and care less about fairness but I never learn from these lessons. If I ended up in another situation where impartiality is called into play, I still find myself fighting for the rights of others, without asking if that was what they wanted.

• I pity others who have to slog for 4 exams on 4 consecutive days. But what has it got to do with me? Maybe they do not mind. It is not me who is going through this shit, why do I bother? 
• I hope that we can end the exam a day earlier so that we can have a birthday celebration and maybe a farewell party for one of our classmates but why do I bother? Maybe he does not want to celebrate his birthday or no one wants a farewell party. 
• I feel that 23 people should not have to sacrifice for 1 person's own visa or travel desires but then again, why do I bother? Maybe the 22 others do not mind at all. So what am I trying to fight for? 

I find myself in a silly and endless battle with fairness. I will always be on the losing end. I hate myself for wanting to stick by my "principles". I complained about how my dad's insistence on living by his principles has gotten him nowhere all these years and yet how different am I from him? Screw "principles" in life for once. I want to stand on the side of justice and I disagree with her actions because I felt that she went ahead with her plans despite knowing that this will cause the examinations to be pushed back. If she had openly told everyone about her circumstances and everyone, out of goodwill and compassion, agreed to it, I will be fine and support her too. What disgusts me was that she went behind all our backs and wrote directly to the coordinator to tell her that she cannot make it for personal reasons so all of us had to accommodate her. How about the rest of the people who had to complete 4 exams in a week because of her self-centredness?

What's more, what would stop her from going behind my back and stab me someday when a conflict of interest arises between the two of us? Choose your friends wisely. 

Should I feel lousy?

2 more months till the end of my course and it is time to get down to work to prepare to settle down for the future! Times like these, I always feel so lousy. I was setting up my LinkedIn account and in the process, I chanced upon the profiles of many of my peers. I have to admit that I feel a little lousy because many of them have already accumulated the right corporate experiences and in a way, pave the way for a lifetime career. On hindsight, my teaching experiences do not count towards anything.

Nevertheless, my time here has taught me that the definition of success is varied and I am feeling this way because my definition of success still encompasses social status and my career. When I return to Singapore, I could go back to my old profession - teaching or tuition and earn big bucks but I know this is not what I want. To me, this is not a career that I feel that I should be in at this stage of my life. Money is definitely not the motivating factor otherwise I would not have left home in the first place. Although I admit that when I see my friends posting pictures of their new cars, new houses, branded bags, etc. I do feel that maybe I should simply settle down and make money my motivation. However, I just feel that they do not bring me satisfaction that is long-lasting. I know that I would not be truly happy if I were to just continue with my tuition business and bring in the bills for material wants.

So I try to cheer myself up by reminding myself about how much I have achieved in the last 6 years. I have always wanted to travel around the world, to meet people from different cultures, live abroad, etc. and I have accomplished much in this aspect. A few months ago, I read an article about how someone commented that all these travel experiences do not count towards anything when you truly want to settle down.

To face reality, have I been successful in the last 6 years? Teaching is a profession that you can always glamorise it by claiming that you are contributing to society and helping to mould the future of the nation. I am proud of what I have done in that field, helping to shape and touch lives from the bottom of my life and not doing things for the sake of doing it. However, when I want to be forward looking, of what use is my teaching experience?

I have travelled to all the continents in the world, except Antarctica, and once again upon reflection, what use is that for my future career? LOL. It is not something that I can put on my CV but I am not complaining. The memories from those trips are keepsake for a lifetime!

I am not sure if I will still go down this path if I were to be given a time machine to return to the past. The grass on the other side is always greener but I guess I do not have regrets about my decisions. I feel that I have underachieved in life and this makes me feel a little lousy but no pain no gain I guess. I would not have been able to travel so much if not for my job as a teacher.

Life is about knowing what you want and pursuing it against all odds, even if people around you tell you that is not the way forward. After all, you only live once so live it the way you want but be prepared to face the best and the worst moments because that is part of the journey.

Love and Family

I had many conversations about love, marriage and family these days. I feel the need to pen all these conversations down and hopefully some day when I look back, these conversations will bring a smile to my face.

A friend of mine told me that she believed at different stages of our lives, we need a different person or companion. To her, if your partner is no longer the person whom you need at that stage of life, then what is stopping you from leaving him or her and go in search of another person. As a result of this mindset, she does not believe in marriages. Marriage is just a piece of paper to bind two persons together but if that person is still the person whom you need in your life, then even without marriage, the two of you will stick together. However, if the opposite is true, then that certificate ties both of you down and brings about unhappiness. I have so many real-life examples around me and to Asians in general, divorce though becoming more common is still something not favoured. A part of me agrees that when two persons no longer value the existence of each other, why not let go? Nevertheless, when one forms a family, it is no longer about two persons but also the children in the household and how a divorce could possibly affect them. I always feel that marriage and starting a family is never the problem of two persons but two families and consequently, the kids that follow.

In response to my friend, I feel that indeed we constantly change and maybe we require a different person to walk through this life journey with us at different stages of life, however, it can be the case of two persons who decided to spend the rest of their lives together changing and adapting to new found circumstances. I do not think that one should just flight when they feel that problems and differences exist between them. Sometimes, I walk away from people whom I cannot relate to anymore, but I always try to salvage the relationship before turning away. This ensures that when I do, I have done my best.

Another conversation that struck me a lot was a conversation with a guy from Central Asia. He told me that in his country, the youngest child, if he is a boy, will live with his parents after marriage and take care of them until they aged. Since he is approaching marriage age or perhaps exceed, his parents or in particular, mother, might have found him a wife. I was a little shocked because I found him to be quite modern and westernised and never expected arranged marriages to be still a tradition. His reasoning was logical - he will have to live with his parents after marriage and he hopes that his wife will be someone who can get along with his mother or someone that his mother likes. This will reduce conflicts. In his country, a woman is still expected to stay home and take care of household chores and the children after marriage. He was honest with me that if a woman wants to be independent and have a career, then she will not be able to find a husband in his country because the majority of the men would prefer to have a stay home wife. In his opinion, there is no such thing as true love, or freedom to love and in pursuit of love, find the person who you will love and live with for the rest of your life. He will have to shoulder the responsibility of the household after he gets married and learn to take care of his family; parents, wife and children. We posed many hypothetical questions to him such as, "What if the girl that his mother chooses is not someone that he likes?" or "What if he finds a girl that he truly loves but his mother does not like her?"

His response was that he will respect the wishes of his mother. In his religion, they believe that a mother is like a tree that provides shade and protection to her children. A child who lives under the care of the mother has the best of the world, so he believes that the girl that his mom chooses for him is definitely the best and most suitable for him. I have so much respect for that because I am not someone who will simply listen to the wishes of my parents and abide by their bidding. Parents would feel so loved if their kids have that mindset, I guess but I am just not that kid. I want freedom to make my own choices in life and then live with those consequences. It is back to the question of how much information do you feel your parents have in relation to yourself. I do not think that my parents know much about the world, because I feel that they have fallen behind, lacks education, etc. I do not despise them but I just feel that they do not make decisions taking into account all available information, myopic, etc. Hence, I listen to their advices and take whatever that I think is useful but I will not do whatever that they tell me to. Sometimes I do not want to start a family because I do not hope that someday my kids will feel the same way towards me like I do towards my parents. That said, if I do have kids, I will want them to explore this world on their own and just be there to catch them when they fall. :)

时不时都会有如此的感受，感受到某一个人对另一个人不一样的情感。很感激有如此的遭遇，给了我自信心，感受到关怀和温馨。它是一种说不出的感受，我觉得我的直觉是对的但这世间，不是所有的相爱都能相拥。如果遇到一个你真正深爱的人但却不能和他在一起，那么就珍惜你和他所有美好的记忆。你会继续你人生的旅途，会遇上另一个较适合的人并且和他走完你的这一生，但时不时，你还是会去触碰你心里的那一个小角落，因为你深爱的那个他仍然住在那，不曾离去。正所谓你得不到的永远是最好的而他在你心里，依然完美无缺。这份最真诚的爱和回忆，就让它像一个微笑一样冰封在你心里和脸上。

善于看透人心，这样好吗？

今天决定用中文写下这几个月的感想。我觉得自己是个善于看透人心的人，虽然这让我能轻易地保护自己，远离将会伤害自己的人，不让自己受到伤害，但是过程中，我可能也太早地断定某个人可能不适合和我交朋友。有时候，因为善于看透人心，会知道某个人对你不是真诚的。若不是真诚，那我是否该假装然后继续和他做朋友还是应该减少接触呢？

我不能说我对某个人的判断永远是对的，有时候我对一个人的了解不够深入，缺乏某些讯息，所以没法真正地了解他的一举一动，比如他的成长经历或生活状况。有一位朋友和我分享一套理论，让我思考了很多，而我也非常牠同意他所说的。人与人之间的沟通，完全就是一个传达信息的过程。 和一个人对话时，如果信息对衬的话，彼此就比较容易成为好朋友。如果不对衬，你会想尽办法去说服他个人，可是成功与否将决定你们接下来的沟通。

我觉得越有智慧的人，进化信息约快并且想得越多的人，会比较难与人沟通并且相处。想法单纯简单的人，不会在意别人所说的或做的，因为他们消化信息的能力可能比较低。人生对于我而言，就是要懂得如何去找到一个平衡点。

打个比例，有些人很愿意去认可别人，总是给予称赞与认同，尤其西方人。身为一位来自东方的人，虽然受到很多西方教育和文化的影响，我觉得我对于给予赞美这方面还是稍微收敛一些。我忠于诚实，当我给予称赞时，那肯定是因为我对那事物或人有着极度高的评价和欣赏。虽然愿意去给予别人称赞和认可的人也较容易得到回馈，可是对我而言，那是不真实的。我有尝试去改变，就多认可别人可是我觉得那始终不是真正的我，我也无法一直背着自己心里的想法去“讨好”别人。最近我得到了另一种见解，去认同一个你内心不真正认同的事件，会给予他短暂的快乐，如果这快乐能变成一种动力，导致将来这件不真实的赞美变成一种真实，那为何我们不愿意多称赞别人呢？假如虚伪的称赞没有变成一种动力，那么虽然对自己没有造成任何伤害，至少对方也得到了短暂的快乐吧。

我始终是一个爱放远视野的人，我宁可别人对我诚实也不要面对他人的虚伪。相同的，我也选择对他人诚实。不过，忠言逆耳吧，我个人的原则还是必须在诚实的过程中不伤害别人。

Now it is time to switch to English. I find that it is very hard for me to be BFF with people who are too idealistic. I admit that I am a pragmatic person, perhaps because of my upbringing or education. Culture also has a big part to play in this. People who are idealistic believe in trying or having a go at everything, however for me, I prefer to analyse the situation and engage in activities that I feel is worth my time. When we were at the theme park, the operator did not allow us to take the ride again, requesting that we join the queue again. My friend stood there and tried to reason with her. For me, I will simply walk away and just re-queue. To her, she was just trying her luck and maybe it would succeed. The same thing happened today when we were trying to buy food at the university canteen. The vendor wanted me to show the passport and I did not. For me, it was simple and that was to go to another ticket office who would accept my student card. However, she stood there and tried reasoning with the sales staff. Although she succeeded, I felt it was unnecessary.

To her, I was being practical and not persistent. Nevertheless, to me, I hate engaging in long discussions and reasoning with people, especially when it is something that I consider 芝麻绿豆. However, I take positives away from idealistic people. They have the courage to give a shot at everything in life and that is very tiring. You face rejection along the way and have to pick yourself up and try again. If you do not try at all, you do not face rejection but you also limit your options, I guess.

To relate another story about me being an observant person. My friends and I were out at a celebration event yesterday. A "beggar" came around and started asking for money. We all had different reactions. Two said "NO" firmly without any eye contact, a friend and I simply ignored, while a friend of mine said "NO" with a smile. We started to discuss about our reaction. The friend who smiled and said "NO" felt that we were being very rude when we refused to even acknowledge these "beggars". I could feel her disgust when she saw our reactions, as she felt that we were being inhumane. "Beggars" are humans too and they deserve some respect and dignity. By ignoring them, we were treating them as "worse" than animals and not deserving of any form of acknowledgement. If I were in Singapore, I would have done likewise as her. However, in Brazil, I am just unwilling to give any acknowledgement, even so in many developing countries that I have been to. I am afraid that any form of acknowledgement will make them pester me (from my experiences) and I worry about safety and what not. I wanted to explain to her how I felt but I think she has already formed a certain opinion of us and there was no point in trying to justify our actions so I kept quiet. This is another situation of information asymmetry. It is also my attitude towards life I guess whereby I do not see the need to explain myself further when someone misunderstands me.

To me, I felt that she was being unrealistic and in my opinion, is something that I feel towards many Western Europeans. All her life, she has lived in Europe, hardly been to any developing country and how much does she know about poverty? Many of us from developed countries live in a bubble, seeing only the beauty of this world. Sometimes, I am guilty of that too. However, my travels have made me more aware of the dangers of this world and perhaps to a certain extent, more protective of myself. Thus, I rather not have any eye contact with these strangers, not because I dislike or disdain them but more of not knowing what might come next. I do not think that I am right, or that she is. I do not know why but I did feel a little guilty when I simply ignored these "beggars". Perhaps she is right, we were being inhumane by not even acknowledging them.

For me, my takeaway is that I always try to confront my own feelings, insecurities and mistakes. I want to learn from them and I know that this is the only way to make myself a better person. This has caused me unhappiness along the way and you need to have a strong heart to not feel depressed subsequently. You need a lot of confidence and a clear mind to regulate your emotions too. Some people run away from these reflections but that will not stop them from feeling depressed either.

Could you help me please?

I have been wanting to write about a lot of things lately but I have been procrastinating. Finally, I have taken the step to move my lazy fingers and start typing! :)

In the last 8 months, I have made friends from all over the world and learnt so much about their culture. When my mom used to tell me a famous Hokkien saying of "One type of rice gives life to a hundred personalities in life", I did not fully comprehend the meaning behind this saying. I guess after these 8 months, I can finally resonate with this statement.

I am someone who hates to trouble others. I would rather spend money to get things done than to ask for favours. I feel that when you first approach someone for help, the other party simply sees it as doing you a small favour. However, over time, they get sick and find you a nuisance. Some of my friends are very used to asking for favours from others. Some are less annoying than others but nonetheless, people judge them. I do not dislike them because of them knocking on my door from time to time, because I have a very good relationship with the bulk of my friends that I made here. Though I admire their ability and courage to keep asking for help (because I am not so thick-skinned to keep approaching others), I cannot concur with their behaviour. I know that no one is an independent entity in this world so when we extend a helping hand to another person, some day the other person will return the favour when we are in need. Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that some people will not take advantage of another's kindness and take others for granted. For me, I do not mind helping others, and I do not expect anything in return honestly, but I still will not want to bother others as much as possible. When I was really sick in March, the kindness extended by some of my friends is something that I will never forget.

For example, I have classmates who ask others for their notes, when they do not pay attention in class, choose to be on Facebook, chatting on their phones, etc. In my opinion, I detest such behaviour because I feel that one should be responsible for their own learning. The person who is taking notes has his or her leisure taken away by paying attention in class, while you want to enjoy your leisure and free ride on his effort later. So, this is a taboo for me.

Then there is this classmate of mine who asks people for favours and help ALL the time which I find really irritating. Maybe it is her manners or inclination. When she needs help, she expects you to help her and continuously bothers you. Even the kindest person in my class has his patience wearing thin with her. She gets mad at you when you step on her tail, forgetting how much kindness and help that you have shown her and I find it really ridiculous.

I realise that I find a lot of quirky behaviour around, not directing at anyone in particular:

• You are thirsty or hungry, but you do not want to spend money on buying water or food so you ask another person for a sip of water. To me, how much does a bottle of water cost? Just buy it. 
• You do not want to spend money on buying an sim card for data, so you go around searching for free wifi and then borrowing your friend's mobile phone for data. There is a difference between not being able to get a network to work and not wanting to pay for something and then going around asking. How different is it from begging? 
• You go to a restaurant for food. You ordered yours and then your friend asks if he or she could have a bite of yours. Some people just want to try everything that they see but I really dislike it because have you ever thought that the person simply does not want to share with you but find it hard to say "NO"? I personally dislike sharing saliva and when people ask if they could share my food, I really feel like rolling my eyes but having to act socially appropriately means I could not do it. This is really a cultural thing because in many Western countries, the culture is more individualistic and people usually will not behave in this manner. 

At the end of the day, when you always ask for favours from others, it means that you cannot reject them when they ask in return. Sometimes, it is not that others are unwilling to help but that it is awkward for them to, so why put them in such a difficult position in the first place? A little a day goes a long way, so even if you are just asking for a small favour, it irritates people. For me, I will try my best to extend help to others, only if I find that they are worth the effort, they are people whom I want to keep as friends for the rest of my life and also those who have once helped me. One has to learn to say "NO" at appropriate times and not bite off more than you can chew, I guess.

Just my two cents' worth.

The world and I

At the end of this year, I would hit the Big 3. Life as a young adult has not been all smooth-sailing but my experiences in the last 7 months have made me realised how blessed I have been though. To meet people from less developed countries and to live in a developing country where there is so much bureaucracy have made me appreciate Singapore a lot more. Nevertheless, all these bureaucracy and uncertainties that I face and the possible risks that I have to undertake are part of the experience of living in a less developed country. I told myself repeatedly that I have to learn to embrace the good and the worse with a smile. My life dream is to travel the world, and before I turn 30, I am glad to say that I have finally left my footprints on all 6 continents in the world, though incomplete. For Africa, I have not been to Sub-Saharan Africa but yes, someday I will be there. Coming to South America was the hardest for me, not just because of the distance but also fears for safety and also the language barrier, but I am glad I overcame the obstacles and finally stepped foot on this beautiful yet a little daunting continent.

Not many people will understand my desire to travel around the world, to meet people from different countries and cultures but I need no one to understand me. 

If you would, you could just sit a while with me in Nature, see the Sun rising and setting, under a sky full of stars shining on us, at the edge of cliffs, near the waterfalls, on countless train rides, etc. When you hear the sounds of Nature, you also hear what my heart is shouting. No words need be spoken and nothing will hurt us. I will feel you close to me and maybe then, we will walk hand in hand till the end of time. 

Be careful what you wish for

Unknowingly, it has been 2.5 months since I have been in Spain. I have little time to write about my life here because I have a very hectic schedule and travelled twice to meet my cousin and my family. It is always good to be able to see your family when you are miles away, have them visit you and since I enjoy travelling so much, I love to share with my family all these beautiful places that I have been to.

This is our first family trip and honestly, logistics wise, it was difficult. Mom has a hand injury and she is always tasked to NOT do anything. The weather is cold and a little rainy at times and considering that this is the first time for many of them in Europe, it was a little harsh on them. Of course, there were times when we got really upset with each other and tolerance and patience were crucial. I shared with lil sis about how I feel towards mom over the last few years. Patience is wearing thin because I feel that I have grown up, experienced so much in life and in a way, I feel that my life experiences are way beyond that of my parents. I can no longer be the little girl who listens to  their hearsay from their friends or family members. Reason being that those hearsay come from their uneducated friends and family members, who know nuts about the world, in my opinion. I might sound a little self-conceited but I know everyone out there who is more educated than their parents will concur with me. It is not just about life's lessons, values and virtues but also about how to go about our daily lives. I believe in Science and knowledge and not hearsay or traditions, needless to say superstitious practices. That explains why over the years, I get frustrated when my parents try to educate me with their so-called beliefs. I do not think that I am arrogant because I was once an educator and I know what are the important values to impart to the next generation and believe in being the right role model.

My parents simply have ways to irritate my siblings and I, mom constantly nagging and giving instructions on how to deal with things and dad bragging about his fitness and knowledge every other day. I wonder if they ever look in the mirror or sit down and reflect about their lives, as to why they have achieved nothing after living all these years. I know that it is unfair to use my own yardstick to measure how much they have achieved in life because some people just want to live a serene life and not care about fighting for anything. That said, they should also give me the room to pursue my dreams and not hold me back.

After all these grouses about my parents, I then fell really sick a week after I parted ways with them. When I was sick, I woke up in the middle of the night umpteen times because of the pain. In pain and fatigue, I reflect about my relationship with my parents and there was guilt and a little remorse but I know that a strained relationship is always the fault of both, never one. With dad, I have nothing to say because he was never there when we were kids. He cannot blame us for not reciprocating the love because there was none in the first place.

With mom, the best analogy is like that of a race. When I was a kid, she was the runner in front of me, and I was always trying to play catch-up with her. Though she was in front of me, she looked back at me all the time. She encouraged me to run a little faster and eventually I gathered strength and caught up, and even overtook her as she slowed down. Now that I am ahead and look back at her, I find her no longer the gigantic figure in front of me but so tiny because she is so far behind me. I have forgotten to look back at her. I recall the times when I brought her overseas, to China, Maldives, Taiwan, etc. I love bringing mom on my adventures because she brought me to this world and I want to show her the world, and enable her to see how beautiful and vast this world is. The life lessons that she imparted to me stay with me, a selective few, even till today. Along the way, I have forgotten about making sure she did not fall too far behind me and when it happened, I simply did not look back anymore. I felt upset when I thought about these things but I believe it takes two hands to clap.

In the 6 months that I left home, I never once called home, unlike when I was on SEP. How on earth did I not miss home anymore? I have no idea but it did happen. The world is never a constant, people and mindsets change but I realised that my parents did not, in particular my mom. A friend of mine shared with me an interesting story about how he felt information asymmetry is the main reason why people have to communicate otherwise relationships with break down. I cannot agree more because I feel that this was what happened between mom and me. I no longer tell her about my plans in life because I dislike it when she goes around telling others, neighbours or her siblings, etc. I am someone who loves privacy and want to be undisturbed in my own little bubble so I hate it when people whom I am unfamiliar with come by to ask me about my plans or to a certain extent, question me because that is what some of my relatives indulge in. When this communication channel is cut off, both of us suffer. Some of my friends confide in their moms frequently and I wish I could do likewise with my mom. We used to be able to but no longer now and I do not know why. I believe things happen for a reason and let nature take its course, I guess.

When I was sick, my friends' concern for me was the saving grace and I thought about my mom. I know she is old and some day she will leave me for good. I have never stopped loving her in my heart but when the communication channel got cut off, this love lost its transmission channel. I told myself that my concern will be the one precious thing that I cannot be stingy with when someday, mom becomes ill. Sometimes, I want to tell her about why our relationship has become strained but some things are better left unsaid I guess. I am sick of handling her frustrated tone when I try to thrash things out with her. Maybe some day, when my mom leaves me for good or the other way round, we will both regret not having iron things out and show each other more love while we are still alive. Maybe, perhaps but I believe it takes two hands to clap and make a relationship work. I know that some day when I become old and slow, I will then be able to put myself in the shoes of my mom. Nevertheless, I hope my mom understands that I love her, no matter what happens, even if it is left unsaid.

A life like fireworks

I have always enjoyed watching fireworks, and even having watched them live and up close a million times, I still get excited over it and look forward to catching them. So while I was watching fireworks on New Year's Eve, I told myself that I hope for a life that is like fireworks. Happiness at every stage of my life can be short-lived but each journey or phase of my life must be filled with anticipation and excitement. Short but fulfilling. Some people want a life that is pretty much predictable and stable but no surprises or uncertainties or without crisis. I guess it is all about personal preferences.