Should I feel lousy?

2 more months till the end of my course and it is time to get down to work to prepare to settle down for the future! Times like these, I always feel so lousy. I was setting up my LinkedIn account and in the process, I chanced upon the profiles of many of my peers. I have to admit that I feel a little lousy because many of them have already accumulated the right corporate experiences and in a way, pave the way for a lifetime career. On hindsight, my teaching experiences do not count towards anything.

Nevertheless, my time here has taught me that the definition of success is varied and I am feeling this way because my definition of success still encompasses social status and my career. When I return to Singapore, I could go back to my old profession - teaching or tuition and earn big bucks but I know this is not what I want. To me, this is not a career that I feel that I should be in at this stage of my life. Money is definitely not the motivating factor otherwise I would not have left home in the first place. Although I admit that when I see my friends posting pictures of their new cars, new houses, branded bags, etc. I do feel that maybe I should simply settle down and make money my motivation. However, I just feel that they do not bring me satisfaction that is long-lasting. I know that I would not be truly happy if I were to just continue with my tuition business and bring in the bills for material wants.

So I try to cheer myself up by reminding myself about how much I have achieved in the last 6 years. I have always wanted to travel around the world, to meet people from different cultures, live abroad, etc. and I have accomplished much in this aspect. A few months ago, I read an article about how someone commented that all these travel experiences do not count towards anything when you truly want to settle down.

To face reality, have I been successful in the last 6 years? Teaching is a profession that you can always glamorise it by claiming that you are contributing to society and helping to mould the future of the nation. I am proud of what I have done in that field, helping to shape and touch lives from the bottom of my life and not doing things for the sake of doing it. However, when I want to be forward looking, of what use is my teaching experience?

I have travelled to all the continents in the world, except Antarctica, and once again upon reflection, what use is that for my future career? LOL. It is not something that I can put on my CV but I am not complaining. The memories from those trips are keepsake for a lifetime!

I am not sure if I will still go down this path if I were to be given a time machine to return to the past. The grass on the other side is always greener but I guess I do not have regrets about my decisions. I feel that I have underachieved in life and this makes me feel a little lousy but no pain no gain I guess. I would not have been able to travel so much if not for my job as a teacher.

Life is about knowing what you want and pursuing it against all odds, even if people around you tell you that is not the way forward. After all, you only live once so live it the way you want but be prepared to face the best and the worst moments because that is part of the journey.