今天决定用中文写下这几个月的感想。我觉得自己是个善于看透人心的人，虽然这让我能轻易地保护自己，远离将会伤害自己的人，不让自己受到伤害，但是过程中，我可能也太早地断定某个人可能不适合和我交朋友。有时候，因为善于看透人心，会知道某个人对你不是真诚的。若不是真诚，那我是否该假装然后继续和他做朋友还是应该减少接触呢？
我不能说我对某个人的判断永远是对的，有时候我对一个人的了解不够深入，缺乏某些讯息，所以没法真正地了解他的一举一动，比如他的成长经历或生活状况。有一位朋友和我分享一套理论，让我思考了很多，而我也非常牠同意他所说的。人与人之间的沟通，完全就是一个传达信息的过程。 和一个人对话时，如果信息对衬的话，彼此就比较容易成为好朋友。如果不对衬，你会想尽办法去说服他个人，可是成功与否将决定你们接下来的沟通。
我觉得越有智慧的人，进化信息约快并且想得越多的人，会比较难与人沟通并且相处。想法单纯简单的人，不会在意别人所说的或做的，因为他们消化信息的能力可能比较低。人生对于我而言，就是要懂得如何去找到一个平衡点。
打个比例，有些人很愿意去认可别人，总是给予称赞与认同，尤其西方人。身为一位来自东方的人，虽然受到很多西方教育和文化的影响，我觉得我对于给予赞美这方面还是稍微收敛一些。我忠于诚实，当我给予称赞时，那肯定是因为我对那事物或人有着极度高的评价和欣赏。虽然愿意去给予别人称赞和认可的人也较容易得到回馈，可是对我而言，那是不真实的。我有尝试去改变，就多认可别人可是我觉得那始终不是真正的我，我也无法一直背着自己心里的想法去“讨好”别人。最近我得到了另一种见解，去认同一个你内心不真正认同的事件，会给予他短暂的快乐，如果这快乐能变成一种动力，导致将来这件不真实的赞美变成一种真实，那为何我们不愿意多称赞别人呢？假如虚伪的称赞没有变成一种动力，那么虽然对自己没有造成任何伤害，至少对方也得到了短暂的快乐吧。
我始终是一个爱放远视野的人，我宁可别人对我诚实也不要面对他人的虚伪。相同的，我也选择对他人诚实。不过，忠言逆耳吧，我个人的原则还是必须在诚实的过程中不伤害别人。
Now it is time to switch to English. I find that it is very hard for me to be BFF with people who are too idealistic. I admit that I am a pragmatic person, perhaps because of my upbringing or education. Culture also has a big part to play in this. People who are idealistic believe in trying or having a go at everything, however for me, I prefer to analyse the situation and engage in activities that I feel is worth my time. When we were at the theme park, the operator did not allow us to take the ride again, requesting that we join the queue again. My friend stood there and tried to reason with her. For me, I will simply walk away and just re-queue. To her, she was just trying her luck and maybe it would succeed. The same thing happened today when we were trying to buy food at the university canteen. The vendor wanted me to show the passport and I did not. For me, it was simple and that was to go to another ticket office who would accept my student card. However, she stood there and tried reasoning with the sales staff. Although she succeeded, I felt it was unnecessary.
To her, I was being practical and not persistent. Nevertheless, to me, I hate engaging in long discussions and reasoning with people, especially when it is something that I consider 芝麻绿豆. However, I take positives away from idealistic people. They have the courage to give a shot at everything in life and that is very tiring. You face rejection along the way and have to pick yourself up and try again. If you do not try at all, you do not face rejection but you also limit your options, I guess.
To relate another story about me being an observant person. My friends and I were out at a celebration event yesterday. A "beggar" came around and started asking for money. We all had different reactions. Two said "NO" firmly without any eye contact, a friend and I simply ignored, while a friend of mine said "NO" with a smile. We started to discuss about our reaction. The friend who smiled and said "NO" felt that we were being very rude when we refused to even acknowledge these "beggars". I could feel her disgust when she saw our reactions, as she felt that we were being inhumane. "Beggars" are humans too and they deserve some respect and dignity. By ignoring them, we were treating them as "worse" than animals and not deserving of any form of acknowledgement. If I were in Singapore, I would have done likewise as her. However, in Brazil, I am just unwilling to give any acknowledgement, even so in many developing countries that I have been to. I am afraid that any form of acknowledgement will make them pester me (from my experiences) and I worry about safety and what not. I wanted to explain to her how I felt but I think she has already formed a certain opinion of us and there was no point in trying to justify our actions so I kept quiet. This is another situation of information asymmetry. It is also my attitude towards life I guess whereby I do not see the need to explain myself further when someone misunderstands me.
To me, I felt that she was being unrealistic and in my opinion, is something that I feel towards many Western Europeans. All her life, she has lived in Europe, hardly been to any developing country and how much does she know about poverty? Many of us from developed countries live in a bubble, seeing only the beauty of this world. Sometimes, I am guilty of that too. However, my travels have made me more aware of the dangers of this world and perhaps to a certain extent, more protective of myself. Thus, I rather not have any eye contact with these strangers, not because I dislike or disdain them but more of not knowing what might come next. I do not think that I am right, or that she is. I do not know why but I did feel a little guilty when I simply ignored these "beggars". Perhaps she is right, we were being inhumane by not even acknowledging them.
For me, my takeaway is that I always try to confront my own feelings, insecurities and mistakes. I want to learn from them and I know that this is the only way to make myself a better person. This has caused me unhappiness along the way and you need to have a strong heart to not feel depressed subsequently. You need a lot of confidence and a clear mind to regulate your emotions too. Some people run away from these reflections but that will not stop them from feeling depressed either.
No comments:
Post a Comment