In the last 8 months, I have made friends from all over the world and learnt so much about their culture. When my mom used to tell me a famous Hokkien saying of "One type of rice gives life to a hundred personalities in life", I did not fully comprehend the meaning behind this saying. I guess after these 8 months, I can finally resonate with this statement.
I am someone who hates to trouble others. I would rather spend money to get things done than to ask for favours. I feel that when you first approach someone for help, the other party simply sees it as doing you a small favour. However, over time, they get sick and find you a nuisance. Some of my friends are very used to asking for favours from others. Some are less annoying than others but nonetheless, people judge them. I do not dislike them because of them knocking on my door from time to time, because I have a very good relationship with the bulk of my friends that I made here. Though I admire their ability and courage to keep asking for help (because I am not so thick-skinned to keep approaching others), I cannot concur with their behaviour. I know that no one is an independent entity in this world so when we extend a helping hand to another person, some day the other person will return the favour when we are in need. Nevertheless, there is no guarantee that some people will not take advantage of another's kindness and take others for granted. For me, I do not mind helping others, and I do not expect anything in return honestly, but I still will not want to bother others as much as possible. When I was really sick in March, the kindness extended by some of my friends is something that I will never forget.
For example, I have classmates who ask others for their notes, when they do not pay attention in class, choose to be on Facebook, chatting on their phones, etc. In my opinion, I detest such behaviour because I feel that one should be responsible for their own learning. The person who is taking notes has his or her leisure taken away by paying attention in class, while you want to enjoy your leisure and free ride on his effort later. So, this is a taboo for me.
Then there is this classmate of mine who asks people for favours and help ALL the time which I find really irritating. Maybe it is her manners or inclination. When she needs help, she expects you to help her and continuously bothers you. Even the kindest person in my class has his patience wearing thin with her. She gets mad at you when you step on her tail, forgetting how much kindness and help that you have shown her and I find it really ridiculous.
I realise that I find a lot of quirky behaviour around, not directing at anyone in particular:
- You are thirsty or hungry, but you do not want to spend money on buying water or food so you ask another person for a sip of water. To me, how much does a bottle of water cost? Just buy it.
- You do not want to spend money on buying an sim card for data, so you go around searching for free wifi and then borrowing your friend's mobile phone for data. There is a difference between not being able to get a network to work and not wanting to pay for something and then going around asking. How different is it from begging?
- You go to a restaurant for food. You ordered yours and then your friend asks if he or she could have a bite of yours. Some people just want to try everything that they see but I really dislike it because have you ever thought that the person simply does not want to share with you but find it hard to say "NO"? I personally dislike sharing saliva and when people ask if they could share my food, I really feel like rolling my eyes but having to act socially appropriately means I could not do it. This is really a cultural thing because in many Western countries, the culture is more individualistic and people usually will not behave in this manner.
At the end of the day, when you always ask for favours from others, it means that you cannot reject them when they ask in return. Sometimes, it is not that others are unwilling to help but that it is awkward for them to, so why put them in such a difficult position in the first place? A little a day goes a long way, so even if you are just asking for a small favour, it irritates people. For me, I will try my best to extend help to others, only if I find that they are worth the effort, they are people whom I want to keep as friends for the rest of my life and also those who have once helped me. One has to learn to say "NO" at appropriate times and not bite off more than you can chew, I guess.
Just my two cents' worth.
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