Well, today is the official last day of school in NUS for the semester. It just suddenly dawned on me that I will not be seeing my friends for a long long time. Friends whom I hang out with week in week out in NUS, laughters, complaints, whines, jokes, lunch buddies etc. They will all be leaving and here I am, left alone in this familiar yet alien environment without the people that I am so used to seeing. Unlike in Europe, we didn't bid each other our goodbyes with a hug or even a word of encouragement. We were just so silent and chatted about the past, doing the last bit of reminiscence and catching up. Yes, we will still be back for the examinations but it will be a completely different feeling. During the 3 years in NUS, I have met people who walked in and out of my life, swift like lightning and also people whom I have built up lasting friendships with. I realise that we have a latent filter inside our minds and heart in that we segregate people into groups and we share different things or feelings and opinions with them. There are those whom you want to appear smart and elegant in front of them, some who are merely hi-bye friends and of course others whom you reveal your true self to. Regardless of the category, it must have been that latent filter in you that make you decide to carry yourself the way you are in front of them. :)
This semester is probably the toughest and trying one for me, not only having to cope with a total different level of workload but also having problems with bidding and spending a lot of time in school, having a 5-day week in theory but 4-day one in practice. :) LOl.. Breaks were long but I had lots of surprises this semester. Just like what my lecturer said, whenever you turn a corner, you will know what anticipates or awaits you at that blind spot. I had to cope with doing projects with people whom I completely not know and honestly, it was something which I would use the phrase "short and sweet" on. We need not have to meet often to discuss or pressurize each other on moving and getting things done. Everything fell in place when it needed to and it was lovely!
Not to forget, soccer really bridges gap between people. Like Seng and I always have lots to talk about outside the fact that we are both Econs major, that is Soccer. Being rivals in the league, we showed gracism and patience towards each other in class and in our post-match comments always.
Then it went on to Ben. It seems like both of us were just so shy in front of each other which apparently I have no clue as to why though we are both enthusiasts and frequent participants of social networking. When the two of us first met, we tried so hard to sound and behave politically and socially appropriate towards each other. Yet, deep in our hearts, we knew that we could simply behave like friends who had already known each other for ages and talk about anything under the sun. As the semester progressed, contact minimized and when the time for it arose, things suddenly took a different turn. Perhaps it was because of the addition of another member to our clique that changed the whole setting. Our chat was always so casual and filled with laughter, no longer those that you had to be smart or elegant or appropriate. Just when we were about to bid farewell, we realise we are both die-hard fans of the all-time famous sport-soccer! It's a pity that we love a different football club but it felt so great to finally break-down the front that we were both putting up for the whole semester. Isn't friendship in such a way beautiful and lovely?!
I struggled, I attempted, I fell, I stood up and now I will be entering the mugging phase of my school term. But no denials, this is the best semester I have ever had in my entire NUS life, hitherto. Perhaps bitter-sweet memories are the most lasting and make people crave for more. Remember the government's latest campaign --> Beautifully Imperfect.! Thanks to all those who had made the mark and hopefully, the exchanges never end.... :)
Friday, 17 April 2009
Thursday, 2 April 2009
Simplest of all friendships.
I wonder how many people have actually seen this video but personally I really wish to share it.
Just copy the link and then share it. Imagine this actually took place like 3 decades ago yet it is still one of the most talked about topic. Where on earth is Christian now? The link at the bottom is of better quality and includes the 2nd and final visit by the owners.
Animals are God's wonder creation except CATS cause I really hate them. But look at all these huge cats and dogs, they are lovely ain't they? Wild animals attack humans because they feel threatened by us, aliens who walk on two legs and speak a different language. But if you learn to live with them, they are your best friends, just like Marley (if you caught the show Marley and Me).
When you are frustrated, they sit around with you and listen to your sorrows without a single complaint. When you feel tired, they cuddled around you and give you a hug and make you feel the warmth. When you are happy, they share your joy by partying it away with you. Of course they do have their bad days and tire you out since you need to take care of them and clear their shit. Sometimes I wish for a Christian, not to boost my own ego nor because I find him cute. I wish for the simplest kind of friendship that always exist between humans and animals. When you put in 100% of your effort for them, they reciprocate 101%. You need not shower them with the most expensive gift or tell them the nicest words just to please them. All you need to do is spend time with them, sit around even if it means doing nothing or take a stroll and you will bring up your own Marley or Christian. They will know you really LOVE them!
Isn't love supposed to be that simple?
Just copy the link and then share it. Imagine this actually took place like 3 decades ago yet it is still one of the most talked about topic. Where on earth is Christian now? The link at the bottom is of better quality and includes the 2nd and final visit by the owners.
Animals are God's wonder creation except CATS cause I really hate them. But look at all these huge cats and dogs, they are lovely ain't they? Wild animals attack humans because they feel threatened by us, aliens who walk on two legs and speak a different language. But if you learn to live with them, they are your best friends, just like Marley (if you caught the show Marley and Me).
When you are frustrated, they sit around with you and listen to your sorrows without a single complaint. When you feel tired, they cuddled around you and give you a hug and make you feel the warmth. When you are happy, they share your joy by partying it away with you. Of course they do have their bad days and tire you out since you need to take care of them and clear their shit. Sometimes I wish for a Christian, not to boost my own ego nor because I find him cute. I wish for the simplest kind of friendship that always exist between humans and animals. When you put in 100% of your effort for them, they reciprocate 101%. You need not shower them with the most expensive gift or tell them the nicest words just to please them. All you need to do is spend time with them, sit around even if it means doing nothing or take a stroll and you will bring up your own Marley or Christian. They will know you really LOVE them!
Isn't love supposed to be that simple?
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Concept of Family
Over the weekend, I went to the cemetery for the annual event which I missed out last year, the cleaning of the ancestors' tomb. A gush of emotions and feelings waved over me and I started to ponder about a lot of things in life which came across me yet I never gave them any serious thoughts. I recently came across my student's blog and that was the first time I found out about her family background despite being her tutor for 1.5 years. Indeed, she shocked me! It only reinforced the concept in me that Never look at things on the surface or judge something from its external appearance. I vividly remember going to her house every Sunday seeing her Dad play table tennis with her lil bro, bringing them to Macdonalds, showering them luxurious gifts like LV wallets or branded stuff. But looking beyond that, it was just a masked appearance.
------------------------------------------------
What about myself? How much do people know about my family and I? I grew up in the typical low-income family where the concept of family is loosely entangled on the paternal side but more entrenched on the maternal side. Born as the single and youngest son, my dad had two elder sisters, one married to a decent guy capable of providing her the material needs and blessed with children who are both capable and filial, while the other was mentally challenged and led a solitary life. The notion of the responsibilities of a father to my dad is one which I deem "poor and lacking in depth" since he grew up without a father himself to shower him with love.
Conversely, my mom was brought up in a more complete yet big and poor family. Being the 2nd child in the family, she was trained to be a motherly figure since she had to assist my grandma to take care of her younger siblings. Nonetheless, she is someone who is equipped with diligence to make up for her lack of education and intellect.
I was brought into the family 5 years after my parent's marriage and 3 years younger than my elder brother. Being financially burdened, both my parents have to work to support their respective families and the newly synthesized one, resulting in me being sent under my maternal grandma's care. So for the first 10 years of my life, I was raised by my maternal grandma, going to my genuine home only on weekends to visit my paternal grandma and my dad since they lived together. At the age of 10, my mother, sensing the lack of family bonding between my dad and us decided that we should leave our grandma's care and be back to where we belong, our real home. Despite living under the same roof for the next 5 years with my paternal grandma and till present with my dad, the intended and anticipated bond was never developed.
Now, as I am typing this post, my paternal grandma is no longer with us. She left us while I was on SEP last April. It may seem that I am cold-blooded when I say that I do not miss her or has never ever dropped a single tear for her departure but I hate hiding the facts. For someone who has never shed a single bit of effort or shower a lil love, I do not see why I should miss her presence. Sometimes, I think she influenced my dad in such a way that love is scarced at home. People always try to preach about "When someone doesn't love you the way you want, it doesn't mean that they don't love you." but to me, that's crap. We all want to be loved in the way we desire. Ask yourself, do you find that you love someone lesser when she or he does not reciprocate in the way you want? For me, I have always been sure of that.
My family background nurtured me into an independent person, someone who relies on herself, acquire and achieve everything and success by her own hands, own effort and own ability. For the past 22 years of my life, I constantly remind myself that I am the change that I want to see in the world. I foresee that I should in no way rely on my parents for my own desires otherwise I will end up with nothing.
At times, I just do not comprehend their actions and thinking plus attitude. Since young, my siblings and I have to tolerate with the lack of space to contain ourselves and our stuff. We never had a room of our own less to say decorate it. That makes me ponder, if you love yourself more than you love your children, then stay single or childless since you will be reluctant to sacrifice for their sakes. If you think you can compromise your children's needs and wants so as to please someone else or for other personal physical wants or needs, then do not let them come into the world in the first place.
Like my sister said before, if you think having a clean and tidy house and clean and white clothings are more important than bonding well with your children, then why bother about their existence? My mom's priorities in life are being able to strike a balance between work and home so that she maintains the house in top quality living conditions and of course, she is also the role model as a DAUGHTER and a WIFE but not a MOTHER! She does not ill-treat us but she always see MONEY as being more important than us! Why?! I know that she has made a lot of sacrifices for us as well and that she really loves us but like I said, it is not the way that I want it to be!
When you switch on the tv at night, she tells you to lower the volume because she thinks that we are disturbing our dad and our neighbours when the volume is already so soft that you can't even hear it from the corridor. When you take a break from working on the laptop in the room and tune in to a few moments of tv programmes, she switches off your fans and lights in the room and make the room so hot and stuffy when you get back in. What is wrong with that few more minutes of electricity bill being incurred? When I went on SEP, the last thing that ever occured to her was giving me a few hundreds to spend. It is not as though that few hundreds will ever matter to me but at least, it is the thought that counts. Then when I came back from SEP, she tried to make up for it by buying the food stuff that I missed during CNY like abalone or bak kwa. I did not want to disappoint her but honestly, I do not crave for those things as much as they deem I would. All these years, she has been throwing me the tantrums whenever someone else offended her or she got fed up with the tumbling housework after work. What have I done to incur her wrath and deserve such treatment? You are not deserving and am in no position to comment about someone else showing favouritism when you yourself is an exact replica of that someone whom you are criticising. When someone realise that she had done so little for you and tried to make up for it, I can only say "It's too late to apologise". It may seem that I am rebellious and show too little respect for my mom as I said all these, but this is the family I grew up in.! In future, I will do my part as my daughter but I think I will never be able to love her as much as I love myself and I am apologetic about that.
When you enjoy living in contentment, it does not equate to your child enjoying being in the same state as you. My dad only knows how to complain about having to work extra hours and his excuses being that he feels tired because age is catching up on him and he doesn't care about the extra income as his motto in life is to live in contentment. But he doesn't think about us, about wanting improvement in our living standards, having the choices like what other kids have but because of his selfish and self-centered thoughts, it never came across to his mind that he should work a little harder and save a bit more so that his kids will benefit from his hardwork and savings. His chauvunistic and strong ego determined that he is and will always be a nobody in life. I hate to say that about him but at least that is what I see. And I loathe it when he tries to exerts his authoritative figure at home when someone does something that displeases him. He comes out with the insulting and sacrastic remarks like "Why do I pay for your education and end up with you lacking common sense?" or "What dad tells you can never be wrong." Move on with times and stop hugging that conventional school of thought that a father is always right! It gets on my nerves having to put on smiles in front of my paternal relatives and having being reminded each time when we meet to greet them to display the good mannerism that we were inculcated with.
He thinks that by paying for your education (i.e. school fees and buying textbooks and uniform) means he has fulfilled his responsibility as a father. He assumes that providing the basic necessities, a roof, clothes to wear and food to eat will increase our utility. I feel like shouting out to him, "WAKE UP!" Can you show some care and concern to our non-physical well-being? Stop being the smart aleck and try to push your weight around. I guess I am the only one in the household who is daring enough to talk back to him because I feel the need to change and be radical.
To be honest, I do not feel the warmth that I ought to at home. No doubt my siblings are very supportive of whatever I do and we are really very closely bonded but I never like being at home. While my brother and sister were overseas, I spent much of my time out of the house too. I really envy my peers who have parents who plan for them, such that they never have to worry about having a penny or not having the resources to pursue what they want in life. My experiences make me ponder, should I ever start a family of my own? The concept of a family to me is one that is beautiful, hitherto, but will I be able to live out my own expectations in the near future of my own dream family?
I ain't got a clue why I am ranting about all these right now, perhaps because of some unhappy and minor incidents that created a big hoo-ha and make a hill out of a molehill. I hate to be a quitter but whenever faced with such tensions and pressure, I feel the need to run away once again. Being financially independent (which I am only at midpoint now) entitles me to leave, to live out my own dreams!
Conversely, my mom was brought up in a more complete yet big and poor family. Being the 2nd child in the family, she was trained to be a motherly figure since she had to assist my grandma to take care of her younger siblings. Nonetheless, she is someone who is equipped with diligence to make up for her lack of education and intellect.
I was brought into the family 5 years after my parent's marriage and 3 years younger than my elder brother. Being financially burdened, both my parents have to work to support their respective families and the newly synthesized one, resulting in me being sent under my maternal grandma's care. So for the first 10 years of my life, I was raised by my maternal grandma, going to my genuine home only on weekends to visit my paternal grandma and my dad since they lived together. At the age of 10, my mother, sensing the lack of family bonding between my dad and us decided that we should leave our grandma's care and be back to where we belong, our real home. Despite living under the same roof for the next 5 years with my paternal grandma and till present with my dad, the intended and anticipated bond was never developed.
Now, as I am typing this post, my paternal grandma is no longer with us. She left us while I was on SEP last April. It may seem that I am cold-blooded when I say that I do not miss her or has never ever dropped a single tear for her departure but I hate hiding the facts. For someone who has never shed a single bit of effort or shower a lil love, I do not see why I should miss her presence. Sometimes, I think she influenced my dad in such a way that love is scarced at home. People always try to preach about "When someone doesn't love you the way you want, it doesn't mean that they don't love you." but to me, that's crap. We all want to be loved in the way we desire. Ask yourself, do you find that you love someone lesser when she or he does not reciprocate in the way you want? For me, I have always been sure of that.
My family background nurtured me into an independent person, someone who relies on herself, acquire and achieve everything and success by her own hands, own effort and own ability. For the past 22 years of my life, I constantly remind myself that I am the change that I want to see in the world. I foresee that I should in no way rely on my parents for my own desires otherwise I will end up with nothing.
At times, I just do not comprehend their actions and thinking plus attitude. Since young, my siblings and I have to tolerate with the lack of space to contain ourselves and our stuff. We never had a room of our own less to say decorate it. That makes me ponder, if you love yourself more than you love your children, then stay single or childless since you will be reluctant to sacrifice for their sakes. If you think you can compromise your children's needs and wants so as to please someone else or for other personal physical wants or needs, then do not let them come into the world in the first place.
Like my sister said before, if you think having a clean and tidy house and clean and white clothings are more important than bonding well with your children, then why bother about their existence? My mom's priorities in life are being able to strike a balance between work and home so that she maintains the house in top quality living conditions and of course, she is also the role model as a DAUGHTER and a WIFE but not a MOTHER! She does not ill-treat us but she always see MONEY as being more important than us! Why?! I know that she has made a lot of sacrifices for us as well and that she really loves us but like I said, it is not the way that I want it to be!
When you switch on the tv at night, she tells you to lower the volume because she thinks that we are disturbing our dad and our neighbours when the volume is already so soft that you can't even hear it from the corridor. When you take a break from working on the laptop in the room and tune in to a few moments of tv programmes, she switches off your fans and lights in the room and make the room so hot and stuffy when you get back in. What is wrong with that few more minutes of electricity bill being incurred? When I went on SEP, the last thing that ever occured to her was giving me a few hundreds to spend. It is not as though that few hundreds will ever matter to me but at least, it is the thought that counts. Then when I came back from SEP, she tried to make up for it by buying the food stuff that I missed during CNY like abalone or bak kwa. I did not want to disappoint her but honestly, I do not crave for those things as much as they deem I would. All these years, she has been throwing me the tantrums whenever someone else offended her or she got fed up with the tumbling housework after work. What have I done to incur her wrath and deserve such treatment? You are not deserving and am in no position to comment about someone else showing favouritism when you yourself is an exact replica of that someone whom you are criticising. When someone realise that she had done so little for you and tried to make up for it, I can only say "It's too late to apologise". It may seem that I am rebellious and show too little respect for my mom as I said all these, but this is the family I grew up in.! In future, I will do my part as my daughter but I think I will never be able to love her as much as I love myself and I am apologetic about that.
When you enjoy living in contentment, it does not equate to your child enjoying being in the same state as you. My dad only knows how to complain about having to work extra hours and his excuses being that he feels tired because age is catching up on him and he doesn't care about the extra income as his motto in life is to live in contentment. But he doesn't think about us, about wanting improvement in our living standards, having the choices like what other kids have but because of his selfish and self-centered thoughts, it never came across to his mind that he should work a little harder and save a bit more so that his kids will benefit from his hardwork and savings. His chauvunistic and strong ego determined that he is and will always be a nobody in life. I hate to say that about him but at least that is what I see. And I loathe it when he tries to exerts his authoritative figure at home when someone does something that displeases him. He comes out with the insulting and sacrastic remarks like "Why do I pay for your education and end up with you lacking common sense?" or "What dad tells you can never be wrong." Move on with times and stop hugging that conventional school of thought that a father is always right! It gets on my nerves having to put on smiles in front of my paternal relatives and having being reminded each time when we meet to greet them to display the good mannerism that we were inculcated with.
He thinks that by paying for your education (i.e. school fees and buying textbooks and uniform) means he has fulfilled his responsibility as a father. He assumes that providing the basic necessities, a roof, clothes to wear and food to eat will increase our utility. I feel like shouting out to him, "WAKE UP!" Can you show some care and concern to our non-physical well-being? Stop being the smart aleck and try to push your weight around. I guess I am the only one in the household who is daring enough to talk back to him because I feel the need to change and be radical.
To be honest, I do not feel the warmth that I ought to at home. No doubt my siblings are very supportive of whatever I do and we are really very closely bonded but I never like being at home. While my brother and sister were overseas, I spent much of my time out of the house too. I really envy my peers who have parents who plan for them, such that they never have to worry about having a penny or not having the resources to pursue what they want in life. My experiences make me ponder, should I ever start a family of my own? The concept of a family to me is one that is beautiful, hitherto, but will I be able to live out my own expectations in the near future of my own dream family?
I ain't got a clue why I am ranting about all these right now, perhaps because of some unhappy and minor incidents that created a big hoo-ha and make a hill out of a molehill. I hate to be a quitter but whenever faced with such tensions and pressure, I feel the need to run away once again. Being financially independent (which I am only at midpoint now) entitles me to leave, to live out my own dreams!
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
The intellect
I was going through my past posts randomly and realise that I am lacking a bit of the intellectual posts nowadays. Rambles and grumbles make the headlines every now and then instead. :( Perhaps it is all due to the uncertainty and disappointment that is hovering above me. 3/4 of the semester has already gone by and honestly, I am not doing that well nowadays. It seems to me that not only have i lost the drive to study, the motivation and determination to do well is evading exponentially. Seeing most of my friends gearing up for convocation and graduation really puts me in an even more uncomfortable position and stirring up emotional imbalance within me. Was my decision to go for Honors exactly right and impartial? One being in their last semester of studies indeed does not have the adrenaline rush to study as hard or care about assignments. It seems like our roles have switched since I was the one who could not be bothered much about those stuff in the previous semesters.
Was it just the peer influence that is stirring up all these nonsense emotions in me? Maybe not. In fact, last night after classes, I stayed in school till around 9 with Seng to complete our Macro assignment and we had what I would term an "intellectual and pragmatic" talk about our lives and our future. Whatever I am pursuing now would be of no relative importance to the future and this kind of makes me tired and sick of school. I see myself beating around the bushes and going in circles questioning my choice and the uncertainty that will be revealed at the end of this year. Is the class of Honors that I obtain upon achievement really of significance?
Perhaps to some others, it is not. But to me, it is a summary and transcript of my effort and hardwork, not about the salaries or the money. Honestly, when I first matriculated into NUS, all I had wanted was to be back to the ordinary being with no expectations and a quitter of the perfectionism job. Nonetheless, God played a trick on me and rewarded me unexpectedly. He told me I should never be a quitter which is why I persisted till today. Yet, everyone has moments in life when they feel they are in stagnation and can move forward no longer. Yes, this is what that is bothering me now. I am having emotional fatigue. No doubt I play mahjong and tennis more often than I used to but I need to seek refuge from the additional stress and workload. A run away is what I need. But did I over-compromise?
Was it just the peer influence that is stirring up all these nonsense emotions in me? Maybe not. In fact, last night after classes, I stayed in school till around 9 with Seng to complete our Macro assignment and we had what I would term an "intellectual and pragmatic" talk about our lives and our future. Whatever I am pursuing now would be of no relative importance to the future and this kind of makes me tired and sick of school. I see myself beating around the bushes and going in circles questioning my choice and the uncertainty that will be revealed at the end of this year. Is the class of Honors that I obtain upon achievement really of significance?
Perhaps to some others, it is not. But to me, it is a summary and transcript of my effort and hardwork, not about the salaries or the money. Honestly, when I first matriculated into NUS, all I had wanted was to be back to the ordinary being with no expectations and a quitter of the perfectionism job. Nonetheless, God played a trick on me and rewarded me unexpectedly. He told me I should never be a quitter which is why I persisted till today. Yet, everyone has moments in life when they feel they are in stagnation and can move forward no longer. Yes, this is what that is bothering me now. I am having emotional fatigue. No doubt I play mahjong and tennis more often than I used to but I need to seek refuge from the additional stress and workload. A run away is what I need. But did I over-compromise?
Thursday, 19 March 2009
The definition of space
My bro and sis are both overseas.
So now I have the whole room to myself.
Their absence seems to suggest something about myself.
I live by a routine.
I cover the same amount of space like I used to in their presence.
Assumed I needed and love spaces of my own.
Yet things seem to suggest otherwise.
Actually I don't exactly need a lot of space.
Both who are home-bounded are now somewhere away from home.
The one who's the most out-bounded is actually stuck in the small little room!
What an irony!
Sometimes I question myself,
Do I give in too easily?!
There must be a way to deter the pressure to give in.
Sometimes I see myself in a dilemma
And I recall BH's
"Me for everyone, how about everyone for me?' (Direct translation from Chinese)
I do not like to be in a certain situation
However, I am in such a situation right now.
Want things to change immediately
Yet I can't get it changed because that will antagonize someone
Now i recall my advices to others who told me of the same problem
You know that if you were to do this way,
you would be unhappy.
But if you don't do it,
it will make someone else unhappy.
You rather yourself be unhappy than others be so.
So you go ahead and do the thing that you dislike.
What comes next?
I must apply what I say "Just Live With It!"
Subsequent, the rebellious and evil side of ME takes control and questions:
Why do I have to live with all these irresponsible people around me?
Why do I always have to keep giving them chances?
Why the need to tolerate their nonsense?
Next, the angelic and emotional side of me puts on a fight with the opposition:
You yourself were irresponsible occasionally that's why you have to learn to live with others.
Everyone deserves another chance in life and by giving them so, you're giving yourself 1 too.
Tolerating someone's nonsense is reciprocation in disguise, because only when you show tolerance to others, will others do the same back to you.
To follow up, the willful and childish me sends a punch back:
Since when did I act irresponsibly towards these people?
The opportunities and chances in my life were mostly grabbed myself, by my effort and determination, and were never bestowed by these people
I show nonsense once in a while but never towards these people.
Desperate for a victory immediately, the persuasive and logical side of me kicks in return:
Life is not about ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth', it's about returning good for evil.
Even though those people did not bestow you the chances, they must have helped you along the way somehow and never be unappreciatie.
Never forget "Love your neighbour as yourself".
So the battle becomes a never ending one..... What situation have I landed myself in exactly?
And now I can't stop this chain... The feeling is akin to: Forwarding Chain Mails!
--> You receive a Chain Letter for the first time telling you that this baby or another guy or girl is suffering from a disease or met with an accident.
For every email that is being forwarded, the victim gets $1 or $0.10 and stuff.
The email is obviously playing on our soft spots and so you obediently forward the email.
So over the years that you have been checking your email inbox,
these emails come at least once weekly or bi-weekly.
After 10 and more forwards, you question yourself:
What are you doing all these things for?
Do these people really get the aid and donations?
To make it worst, you could receive the same mail like 5 or 6 months later.
So, are all these chain mails actually real?
Then your good and evil side starts to battle:
Good--> Just forward it. It doesn't waste much of your time anyway.
Bad--> These are junk emails. Just ignore them and don't pissed your friends off (those that you always forward them to)
Good--> What if the person really needed help and because you alone don't forward, he or she is short of that $20 or so to do the operation in time and a life is at stake?
Bad--> Like you said, so many people are forwarding. I don't really make a difference.
Good--> Who says you don't make a difference? Each of us is unique in our own ways and we all can make a difference. It's up to whether you want to make it happen...
Once again, the battle continues.... have such emotions ever embrace you?!
So now I have the whole room to myself.
Their absence seems to suggest something about myself.
I live by a routine.
I cover the same amount of space like I used to in their presence.
Assumed I needed and love spaces of my own.
Yet things seem to suggest otherwise.
Actually I don't exactly need a lot of space.
Both who are home-bounded are now somewhere away from home.
The one who's the most out-bounded is actually stuck in the small little room!
What an irony!
Sometimes I question myself,
Do I give in too easily?!
There must be a way to deter the pressure to give in.
Sometimes I see myself in a dilemma
And I recall BH's
"Me for everyone, how about everyone for me?' (Direct translation from Chinese)
I do not like to be in a certain situation
However, I am in such a situation right now.
Want things to change immediately
Yet I can't get it changed because that will antagonize someone
Now i recall my advices to others who told me of the same problem
You know that if you were to do this way,
you would be unhappy.
But if you don't do it,
it will make someone else unhappy.
You rather yourself be unhappy than others be so.
So you go ahead and do the thing that you dislike.
What comes next?
I must apply what I say "Just Live With It!"
Subsequent, the rebellious and evil side of ME takes control and questions:
Why do I have to live with all these irresponsible people around me?
Why do I always have to keep giving them chances?
Why the need to tolerate their nonsense?
Next, the angelic and emotional side of me puts on a fight with the opposition:
You yourself were irresponsible occasionally that's why you have to learn to live with others.
Everyone deserves another chance in life and by giving them so, you're giving yourself 1 too.
Tolerating someone's nonsense is reciprocation in disguise, because only when you show tolerance to others, will others do the same back to you.
To follow up, the willful and childish me sends a punch back:
Since when did I act irresponsibly towards these people?
The opportunities and chances in my life were mostly grabbed myself, by my effort and determination, and were never bestowed by these people
I show nonsense once in a while but never towards these people.
Desperate for a victory immediately, the persuasive and logical side of me kicks in return:
Life is not about ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth', it's about returning good for evil.
Even though those people did not bestow you the chances, they must have helped you along the way somehow and never be unappreciatie.
Never forget "Love your neighbour as yourself".
So the battle becomes a never ending one..... What situation have I landed myself in exactly?
And now I can't stop this chain... The feeling is akin to: Forwarding Chain Mails!
--> You receive a Chain Letter for the first time telling you that this baby or another guy or girl is suffering from a disease or met with an accident.
For every email that is being forwarded, the victim gets $1 or $0.10 and stuff.
The email is obviously playing on our soft spots and so you obediently forward the email.
So over the years that you have been checking your email inbox,
these emails come at least once weekly or bi-weekly.
After 10 and more forwards, you question yourself:
What are you doing all these things for?
Do these people really get the aid and donations?
To make it worst, you could receive the same mail like 5 or 6 months later.
So, are all these chain mails actually real?
Then your good and evil side starts to battle:
Good--> Just forward it. It doesn't waste much of your time anyway.
Bad--> These are junk emails. Just ignore them and don't pissed your friends off (those that you always forward them to)
Good--> What if the person really needed help and because you alone don't forward, he or she is short of that $20 or so to do the operation in time and a life is at stake?
Bad--> Like you said, so many people are forwarding. I don't really make a difference.
Good--> Who says you don't make a difference? Each of us is unique in our own ways and we all can make a difference. It's up to whether you want to make it happen...
Once again, the battle continues.... have such emotions ever embrace you?!
Monday, 9 March 2009
Pissed and disappointment
I got back my Micro III test paper. All along, I have had lots of confidence in handling microeconomics. Nonetheless, I didn't do as well because of my own indecisiveness. I got just one question wrong and it costed me 20 marks. It was just a stupid MCQ question. During the exam, I was really struggling between the right and wrong answer. I derived the right answer from my intuition but my working proved otherwise. In the end, I went for the workings answer and I lost 4 marks which translates to 20 marks on a 100-mark scale! Damn! So unhappy and disappointed. Indeed, the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment. I just need to whine a bit about my under-performance this time round. :(
Saturday, 7 March 2009
Nostalgic.
A casual chat with Chris brought memories back. Suddenly the nostalgic feeling is all over me! :( I just can't believe it's been a year and more. We do not have any time machines in our lives, perhaps that is why memories are our personal time machines. Have you ever felt you could have done something better if you could go back to it?! That is the kind of feeling that is bugging me now. I thought I had moved on but a simple conversation made me refresh everything again and yes, I miss MIH.! But our paths are unlikely to cross once again.
Oh yeah, just sent my Italian friend away from Singapore. Life is such a wonder. He flew all the way from Italy to Singapore and we met up frequently in the initial days. However, I never really play a good host for the later 4 months. Yesterday he suddenly told me he is going back to Italy. I bet he miss the Italian culture. Bon voyage, now we wonder where will we see each other the next time round?!
Oh yeah, just sent my Italian friend away from Singapore. Life is such a wonder. He flew all the way from Italy to Singapore and we met up frequently in the initial days. However, I never really play a good host for the later 4 months. Yesterday he suddenly told me he is going back to Italy. I bet he miss the Italian culture. Bon voyage, now we wonder where will we see each other the next time round?!
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
School.And its surroundings.
It was drizzling yesterday while I was in school.
Zihao and I were about to take the shuttle bus to Science.
When a hilarious moment struck us on our way to the bus-stop.
Everyone was standing side-by-side, cuddled themselves in their own arms.
In the bus shelter.
When we walked past them to get to the shelter at the back,
where there was still a bit of space left for the 2 of us,
Everyone looked really hilarious to us.
Or was it simply the other way round?
It was as though we were the performers in a circus,
And they were the nonchalant crowd staring.
A moment of "weirdness" struck both of us.
By the time we settled down at the shelter,
Both of us simply stared at each other and laughed.!
A typical rainy day and the reactions of the people which deserve a post in Storm perhaps?
Zihao and I were about to take the shuttle bus to Science.
When a hilarious moment struck us on our way to the bus-stop.
Everyone was standing side-by-side, cuddled themselves in their own arms.
In the bus shelter.
When we walked past them to get to the shelter at the back,
where there was still a bit of space left for the 2 of us,
Everyone looked really hilarious to us.
Or was it simply the other way round?
It was as though we were the performers in a circus,
And they were the nonchalant crowd staring.
A moment of "weirdness" struck both of us.
By the time we settled down at the shelter,
Both of us simply stared at each other and laughed.!
A typical rainy day and the reactions of the people which deserve a post in Storm perhaps?
----------
Some people just don't listen.
Words have no meaning, it's the tone that sets it.
Have you ever engaged in a conversation with someone who's over-defensive.?
You've hardly made any comments or opinions,
And she babbles on and on in a very agitated manner about how ignorant you are to her situation
Well, we are all deciders of our own future and what we want in life.
And I am in no position to judge her and never wanted to at all
I just showed my concern as a friend
Perhaps PL & ZH were right.
When someone wants to do something and convince others that he or she is right,
He or she will find a 1001 excuses for it.
So what if you emerged victorious from the conversation.
Ask yourself, "Have you really won the battle?"
I just can't be BOTHERED!
Some people just don't listen.
Words have no meaning, it's the tone that sets it.
Have you ever engaged in a conversation with someone who's over-defensive.?
You've hardly made any comments or opinions,
And she babbles on and on in a very agitated manner about how ignorant you are to her situation
Well, we are all deciders of our own future and what we want in life.
And I am in no position to judge her and never wanted to at all
I just showed my concern as a friend
Perhaps PL & ZH were right.
When someone wants to do something and convince others that he or she is right,
He or she will find a 1001 excuses for it.
So what if you emerged victorious from the conversation.
Ask yourself, "Have you really won the battle?"
I just can't be BOTHERED!