31 things to say for a month - Day 8: Intelligence is incremental

Day 8: Something that had kept me growing and going over the years



I have been considered a high achiever for many years of my life but no one ever looked back at who I was and how I have worked in order to come so far today. I experienced academic success in primary school but my complacency ensured that failure was to come at an earlier stage in my life. Back then, I had this fixed mindset that if I were smart, I would eventually do well in my PSLE and that was the start of my downfall.

Going to a neighbourhood secondary school kinda made the difference in my life. Till now, I still believe that going to a secondary school can make a whole lot of difference in the way you think and how your future is going to be like. The kind of preparation, values and academic push you get in a good secondary school are the building blocks to success in what I deem as a growth mindset "brainology". I was deemed to overcome my failure at a young age in secondary school in order to turn the tides.

Failing at an earlier stage in my life meant that I had to work doubly hard in order to catch up with my primary school peers who had a comparative advantage in terms of the education that they had received in their branded secondary schools. Eventually I did so and I chose a different academic path from my peers but I did not regret to a large extent. A polytechnic education shaped up my hands-on work attitude and also necessary soft skills. It was this growth mindset that intelligence is not fixated that kept me thinking and going whereby if I continue to plough, I will someday close the gap that had arisen due to the comparatively more relaxing curriculum in a neighbourhood school. I am glad that I eventually made my mark at the Polytechnic and University.

When I became an educator, this belief continued and it was this exact tool that I used to motivate my first batch of graduating students. Yes, I have seen how underachievers push themselves to overachieving at the finishing line and all these would not have happened if they had not adopted this similar growth mindset like I did in the past. Nevertheless, like I had always told them, their journey of life has just begun when they open up choices to university.

However, having being in the industry for some time has made me slowed down a lot in terms of my own personal development and growth and IMO, if I want to continue to grow, I need a change. This is also why I had been pushing myself so hard in the first half of the year.

Readers out there, adopt a growth mindset! Believe that you can become better and some day, you will achieve your goals and fulfill your dreams. :) Love the quote by Henry Ford. :)

31 things to say for a month - Day 7: Childhood Memories

Day 7: A childhood experience that was unforgettable



Recently, I have been working with one group of students on traditional games in Singapore and memories of my childhood flooded back. I wonder why kids these days no longer hang out at void decks, outside "mama" shops, corridors to play games like hopscotch, zero point, sepak takraw no more.

I remembered when I was in primary school, I used to hang out with my friends at void decks playing hopscotch or used chalk to draw the boxes in my corridor. We will spend hours using our wallets, keys as items to mark our territory on the hopscotch boxes. Zero point was a game I used to play with my cousins, siblings, and friends in schools. Playing these games was a good way to bond and it is a good workout, at least much better than playing video games that is sedentary and makes you put on a few kilos. I recalled that when we were playing zeropoint, we will really try our best to jump across the line made by rubber-bands and if we could not, we would actually do a somersault. Also, there were times when we had to slap the line against the floor and you actually had to jump across it. All these were techniques that require a lot of practices to master. If you were stuck at a certain level, you had to keep going and that really trains you to persevere.

Has technology really eroded important aspects of one's culture and certain values that are building blocks to success when one age?

Some day, we need to relive these experiences of our childhood. Friends or cousins or siblings who read this, when will you be game for another zero point or hopscotch challenge?

31 things to say for a month - Day 6: Tennis

Day 6: One of the things I picked up as a grown-up

When I was young, people used to tell me that if I really want to learn something, I should start young because when you grow older, you somehow become "more stupid" when it comes to learning new things. About a year ago, I also read about it in National Geographic. Scientific experiment and examination of our brain suggests that as we age, there is something called a white or grey matter that forms a protective layer over our brain which prevents damage yet at the same time impede learning of new things.

Tennis is one of the few things that I have picked up as a grown-up. Come to think of it, it has been 5 years since they day I first picked up that tennis racquet and hit a ball. It is never an easy sport to learn and honestly although I am very rooted and skilled in my ground shots, I have not made much progress in other aspects of the game such as volleys, slice, and overhead serve. Two days ago, I went to look at videos a friend of mine helped record in 2009 and 2010 of my tennis training and a recreational session. It suddenly dawned upon me that it is time I take another video and see how much I have progressed over the last 3 years. The last 3 years have simply flown past me and sometimes in the middle of the night, I do wonder, have I lived my last 1000 odd days meaningfully and as though each of those days was the last?

Picking up tennis is definitely one of the best things that has happened to me in the past 5 years because it was one of the many things that I had always wanted to do and managed to do. There are still a lot of unaccomplished items on my bucket list and this post probably is a good timely reminder that it is time for me to kick my own ass and start striking those things off my bucket list.

Watch me in action:

31 things to say for a month - Day 5: My Cousin

Day 5: A random picture from my travel adventures

I have always been an avid fan of travelling and I have been around the world with some of my family members, relatives, friends, strangers (tours) or even by myself. Every group of people that I have travelled with brought me a different experience and it was through this travel adventures that I learnt how to accommodate others, be more tolerant, sharpen my navigation skills and also learn to appreciate life better.

This person in the picture grew up together with me and the day I landed on Mother Earth was also the day I got to know her. We have been through a lot as we grew up and we never have any qualms confiding in each other. Going to Beijing together and completing a climb through the Great Wall of China was definitely one of the biggest achievements that we have accomplished together even though we have known each other for years. I have met a lot of people who tend to compete with people that are of the same age as them or a year or two older or younger than them and who grow up together with them. After all, we live in a world whereby what matters is the relative gap, never the absolute one.

However, this is one girl whom I have grown up together with mostly in the absence of competition, just constantly seeing each other in a positive light and constantly encouraging each other. Maybe in our younger days, there might be a tinge of comparison by others but I am glad that for most part of the time that we spent together, we held on to each other with faith and in admiration of our different virtues and strengths and weaknesses. We are worlds apart when it comes to our intellect, looks, family background, character, etc. but in each other, we feel the happiness for another's accomplishment or better luck.

Yes no doubt, that trip to Beijing was the first time I missed a flight while travelling but the company that I had and us finally embarking on a travel adventure was a short yet sweet journey.

I chose this picture for this post because this person in the picture had in most part of my life brought me happy memories (not that we do not quarrel or bully each other while we were younger, maybe more like I was the one being bullied while we grew up together). This picture is perhaps the best way to depict how our lives have been, two girls embarking on a journey called life together from young as seen by the background of that long stretch of the Great Wall of China (the part of the journey we have accomplished thus far) and along this journey, come to a rest at a certain point in their lives (travelling together). After the break, they will continue this journey of life (climbing the Great Wall) but along the way, they will meet different people, pursue different dreams and move at different speeds. No one is to say who will reach the summit faster or earlier because in this journey, there is no competition, just support and encouragement.

And this very special person is my cousin whom I have always treated like a sister, in the past, present and will be in the future.

31 things to say for a month - Day 4: Do Not Judge

Day 4: If you judge others, then do not be shy to be judged by others


Ever wonder why Lady Justice is blindfolded, carries a scale and a sword? Recently, it dawn upon me that I have always been a critical person as in I form opinions of what others say and do i.e. I judge them. However, ever since entering into this profession of mine, I have learnt to be less judgmental and always give others the benefit of doubt. As much I can be non-judgmental when dealing with the kids, I find it hard to detach myself from judging others in other aspects of life. Nevertheless, I do not see how this judgment of mine might matter to the other party since it has always been a "IMO" thing to me.

To many people, the word judgment seems to carry a negative connotation. However, I beg to differ. After all, it is an attribute that is a double-edged sword. As someone who is considered judgmental, I am critical and tend to have a preference for things, rate things on a scale (1 being the least preferred and 10 being the most preferred) lol etc. My preference for one thing relative to another stirs up emotions in my dealings with people and things in general and every single day, I battle with my own emotions and learn to manage others' feelings. I have to constantly remind myself that I may judge people but I should keep my judgments to myself and in a professional manner, be it at work or in my social circle, I try my best not to let those judgments affect the decision making process. However, I would very much appreciate if others who judge me come forth and tell me their opinions of me. At the end of the day, I do know that their opinions are only a source of reference or something to trigger me to reflect upon myself and if someone bothers to point out my shortcomings right in my face, I know that he or she truly cares for my well-being and hopes to see me becoming a better person over time. Nevertheless, I recognise that not everyone can withstand such criticisms especially if someone has a low self-esteem.

So, being too judgmental of course can affect your relationships with others. You become sensitive about what others have to comment about you because when you tend to judge people, you are prepared for the fact that others might judge you too. Whereas for people who do not have the tendency to judge others, when you make certain remarks about them, they are oblivious to it and they are simply unaware that you are judging them. With the passage of time, I also learnt that your judgment or opinions do not matter to people who could not care less about judging other people whereas to people who are judgmental, your opinions would even matter less since they would then have their own judgment about you or your opinions or the party concerned.

In conclusion, because of me being a judgmental person yet recognising the associated negative consequences of it, I find myself not being trusting towards others. I choose to reserve my opinions to the few trusted aide. However, I do wonder at times that if I do not open up myself to others, how then do I expect others to open up to me and acquire more trusted aide by my side? After all, no one would pour out his or her sorrows to another stranger right? We want to be able to relate our experiences to people who see what we see and feel what we feel. Perhaps, this explains why as I age, I have fewer and fewer friends whom I can confide in. I still make friends with others easily but I would not want our friendship to develop beyond "hi-bye" and casual chats because I do not want to have to share my opinions otherwise, it will be 说多错多.

31 things to say for a month - Day 3: Train Stations

Day 3: A feeling that will leave me in despair



Recently, a casual chat with a family member and a friend made me recall some emotions that overwhelmed me at a foreign train station many years ago. The feeling that someone will leave you forever and that you will never get to meet him or her ever again would just bring tears to a person's cheek unknowingly. I guess bidding goodbyes always hurts for me. Occasionally, I would recall about the events that happened and every reminiscence of the past is a reminder that I should cherish the people around me more than I am now. Will our paths ever cross again?

There is always this one person whose images and touch will live in me forever and the thought of her departure someday never fails to send a chill down my spine and she is my grandmother. :)

31 things to say for a month - Day 2: A deserving athlete

Day 2: A regret in my life




I have always enjoyed playing sports and when I was younger, I used to participate in school Sports Meet, etc. However, as I was growing up, I realise that fun and competitive are two things that never come hand in hand. If I were to participate in a sports competitively, it would mean that a win or loss would matter a lot and having to ride through the roller coaster of my own emotions was something that I tried to escape since young after participating in Netball competitions in Primary school. 

In addition to that, I was also very ill-disciplined when it comes to training. When I was in Secondary 2, I joined the school netball team but I often cave in to tiredness during training. For one, I hate doing drills because I do not see how it can make me better as a netball player. Before I know it, the netball teacher-in-charge went on maternity and the netball team was officially declared expired. God gave me a second chance and I was invited to join the badminton team instead. However, I declined because I already had a CCA and I wanted to focus more on my studies. Nevertheless, the most important push factor was me being unwilling to endure the arduous training when the coach mentioned about having to do push-ups and sit-ups every training. 

When I entered the Polytechnic, I was determined to fulfill what I had always dream of but never had the chance to accomplish. I joined Ngee Ann's Netball team but I was unable to get into the competitive team in my first year due to a lack of vacancy for the position that I played in. I clearly was not good enough because I had the foundation (poor basic skills) and also match experience. Knowing that I was not in the competitive team, I slowly drifted into the backdrop of Ngee Ann's Netball team and eventually dropped out of the CCA. 

Upon entering university, even though I knew there were Inter-faculty games, I never stepped forward to volunteer my services. I did not have much friends when I first enter university and the lack of companionship was a push factor for me. Subsequently, even though I had a larger circle of friends, they were not people who were active in sports. So, I graduated without accomplishing anything that I had set out to do from Day 1. 

Now as I hang around kids who participate in competitive sports and watch them during games, I really envy them and would like to undergo the experience myself. I registered to represent MOE in an Inter-Ministry Netball game with my colleagues but 2 weeks before the game, I injured my knee and was forced to withdraw. Perhaps, I am just not destined to accomplish this. That kind of bonding that you can have with your teammates, to go through thick and thin, to encourage each other on the court and also chide each other when expectations are not met, it is something that definitely will stay with one for life. 

If I were given a time machine to time travel, I would really love to go back to my younger days and stick to one sport and train really hard and represent my school in it. Never mind the outcome of the game, it is the process that matters after all, isn't it? 

31 things to say for a month - Day 1: No longer an inspiring educator

Recently, I have been really lazy about blogging but I guess I would really like to note down the important things that have happened in my life at this stage because before I know it, I might be on the next phase of my life. This series of "31 things to say for a month" is inspired by another's person's blog and hopefully going through this will make me a more disciplined person considering how NUA I have been for the past 3 years. 

Day 1: A confession that you would like to make: I am no longer that inspiring educator I once was and I am kinda upset over it. 



I have been so caught up with my studies during the first half of this year that I have neglected my teaching. However, I have been reflecting upon myself for the past few weeks and I question why I am no longer who I used to be. 

As a beginning teacher, you have a whole list of things that you want to accomplish and for me, top on the list was to inspire a student or a few or several students if possible. When I was a student, someone came into my life and made me become a better person. I wanted to set out to complete what was left undone by that person. In my first two years of teaching, I never stopped trying. Be it a student was weak, had poor attitude, lazy, slow, etc., I was never stingy when it comes to helping. I committed my time, blood and effort into the job. I spent hours planning lessons, developing new pedagogies to deliver a lesson, marking and giving feedback and consultations. I stayed in school for more than 12 hours a day, sometimes twice a week, sometimes throughout the entire week. At the end of the day, as long as the student learned something, may not be academics, it was worthwhile to me. 

However, along the way, I lost sight of the kind of a teacher that I had set out to be. Perhaps it was my upbringing that mould me into such a teacher. I am very short-tempered and when students do not bother to try, I become frustrated. I started to believe that in order to bring about change in them, I had to be firm and fierce and scold them when the need arise and practised that. When I was in J2, although I deemed every student's final destination to be a local or good overseas university and my top most concern for every student under my charge was their 'A' level grade, I never forgot about delivering a holistic education. At the end of the day, I still feel that the path to success is not about being the best teacher, explaining concepts clearly and period. It is about constantly motivating them, showing them the path when they are lost, and be there for them when everyone else understood that it would be okay for them to fail. 

Eventually, for my first batch of graduating students, I did everything I could. I believed I changed some of their lives, I delivered the results that I ought to, and I am glad I manage to win the hearts of some of them. 

Then I started afresh this year. However, I started to feel grouchy and unmotivated due to monetary issues. People around me reinforced my belief that this batch of students really cannot make it (and I in a way did the exact same thing) and they are not worth me walking the extra mile. My tolerance for stupidity wore thin and I often found myself getting really annoyed with the nonsense that I have to get from a particular subject matter. My perspectives changed. Maybe it was because I know that I will not be following them to J2, maybe because I am burned out, maybe because I know I need not have to prove myself because I have already done so, maybe because... I do not know the reason. My belief became such that "I will not short-change the students' learning, not skip lessons, will teach to my utmost best, share with them my knowledge to the best but at the same time I will not tolerate nonsense. I demand the highest level of discipline from my students when it comes to doing their tutorials, coming to school punctually and staying focus during lessons. Reason for me doing all these, I want to help them build a good foundation in the shortest time possible yet I do not want to have to work my ass off as though I am in J2. Perhaps when it comes to education, efficiency can never lead to success. 

My belief that discipline, motivation, desire and hardwork are the ingredients to success in life in the longer term, not just at the 'A' levels never waver. The only thing that changed was I expected all of them to have all these attributes right from the start. I grew impatient when they gave me a piece of substandard work and convinced myself that if you want someone to improve, you cannot cut them any slack and ought to hold them to the highest standards.

But now as I sit here and type this post, I am starting to hate myself for behaving the way I did. 

Whatever happened to the youthful, inspiring, and energetic me 3 years ago when I begin this career? 
Whatever happened to patience, aligning my expectations, motivating students and befriending them outside of the classroom? 
Whatever happened to nurturing and moulding the next generation of kids instead of having prerequisites about what a JC kid should have? 

Of course some people will tell me I am not wrong and some people will tell me I can always make amendments right now and blah blah blah. At the end of the day, it is not about what others tell me. It is about the teacher I want to return to, remain or become. I used to find those teachers who complain about their students all the time as people who generate negative externalities (Linky one of them, lol!) and would probably want to avoid them to prevent myself from becoming like them. However, I seem to see that person in the mirror everyday lately. 

So recently, I am easily frustrated with school because not only do I have to tolerate illogical writing, I also have to manage my own emotions. I battle with my own set of values and morals and my responsibilities as an educator. Students these days clearly lack the discipline and attitude that they ought to have - but am I wrong to expect that from them? Students who come to school as and when they like it, students who give you a piece of work that has a flaw in every argument that he/ she puts across, students who talk at the back of the classroom, during civics, etc. while you are briefing them on important things on tests and exams, students who say "I don't know or I don't understand" even though you have explained that damn answer or question a million times and showed them multiple examples of how to do things, listening to students scolding vulgarities in the canteen, etc. Attitude - 0, Aptitude - 0. Should I be angry or should I just accept that our society has evolved? Gone are the hardworking, thrifty, appreciative, etc values of our forefathers and what our parents used to teach us. I can accept the fact that they are not that smart to be able to grasp the concepts after a few attempts but at least show your teachers that you are trying and a sense of urgency instead of just conveniently saying "I don't know or I don't understand". Ignorance is annoying. It really makes my blood boil whenever I hear those three words. 

I have been able to reflect upon myself because I have the opportunity to hang around a few new teachers in school. That burning passion for teaching and wanting to inspire lives kinda help to rekindle that dying flame in me. Someone caught me by surprise when he posed me the question, "Is teaching your passion?" and here I am making this confession.