Paris day 5-24th June 2008

4 More days to Home on this day. I woke up pretty late at around 11 or so. I was supposed to go to Versailles de Chateu but someone was supposed to meet me. Yet, he stood me up. :( But it wasn't entirely his fault. We didn't come up with a meeting place anyway.

I was pretty tired and once again, I took the wrong train. Apparently, both are named Versailles station but they are on different lines and if you get to the wrong one, you have to do a detour and take the train for another 45 minutes to get to the other. My friend had told me about it but I momentarily forgot about it. Partly, it was due to the fact that I didn't want to give up the opportunity of getting to the city to meet up. If I'd gone to Versailles, I'd never have made it to the city in time. Ended up, none came through and I more or less wasted the day. But it's okay.

Instead, I went to Les Invalides to see Napolean's Tomb. I told the story of hilter and napolean's tomb before. It's hilarious. That night, I headed back early, chatted a bit with my friend, doing all the farewell talks since I'd be leaving early next morning. Yes, Strasbourg is my last stop. :)

Musee d'Orsay

Musee de Louvre.

Les Invalides. The ceiling. Lovely. Where Napolean's tomb lies!

From the entrance, the first spot that you get to see his tomb. This explains why you have to bow when you look at his tomb. Cos you have to LOOK DOWN.

One suit of his clothings. I thought it was actually quite "Chee-na" but the hat is so typical of the French yeah?!

Aftermath of Paris.

I headed to Strausbourg after Paris. I had a train to catch the next morning @ 8.20 am so I woke up pretty early at around 6 to prepare for everything else. That night before I left, the Singaporean friend and I had another good talk. About life, about our existence, about what lies ahead of us, about dreams, aspirations, and honestly, I wish him the best and hope some day when I am reading the newspapers, I would chance upon his name, his picture, and all the contributions he had given back to the society. I am sure he will be SOMEONE in the near future!

Anyway, back to my trip to Strausbourg. Even though I had confirmed that I need not collect any ticket for my trip yet I still screwed it up. When I reached the train station @ 745 am, i was told that I had to queue up to get my tickets still and seeing the amount of people in the office, the frustrated looks that they had on, I knew no way was I able to make it. So I decided to head straight to the platform anyway. I managed to get on the train and head for Strausbourg but my heart was left in Paris still. The detachment of heart and soul from the physical being.

The train captain was kinda pushy about it being my fault for not collecting my tickets. I hate to be wronged. His accusation was pointing right to my irresponsbility yet he had no clue that I had done my part the very day I was in Paris. I bet that was the first time I cried so hard in public while on the TGV.

If one day, you realise you have to wake up from a beautiful dream and acceptance cannot come by so readily, you surpass your threshold and break down. That was how I felt at that moment. I was leaving my DREAM CITY, leaving my DREAM HOLIDAY, my DREAM JOURNEY in LIFE, my DREAM MIH. And the thought of missing MIH by just a chance further prolonged my unacceptance.. Never in my life did thoughts of not seeing someone for the rest of my life surface in me. Perhaps all my family and friends are always around me, hitherto, such that they are always a ring, text or email away and this was probably the first time my imagination defeated my logic and went wild.

Now, 7 months after I am back in Singapore, those times still flashes through my mind from time to time. Yet I had made peace with myself awaking from my dreams and those memories no longer hurt. In fact, it has become my most prized possession from SEP. It occupied only a tiny corner in my heart yet you can never imagine the impact it had on my life. I made promises to be back to dreamland in the coming near future. Perhaps the events that will take place would take a completely different turn but I just want to be back. :))

CNY~

I've given up on my appeal. It's been a week and there's still no reply from the Dean's Office. I questioned my persistence after a week. Sometimes life's just not gonna go your way and once again, I've to make myself adapt to this cruelty of reality. So tomorrow I am gonna go down to the Dean's Office and get Philosophy instead. Maybe I'll like it. :))

And yes, having missed CNY last year, I guess I should be really anticipating CNY this year? Yet as the date draws nearer, my mind's still feeling empty about it. I was trying really hard to look for the excitement, anticipation that filled my heart in the past 21 years yet those emotions seem to be distancing me. It's not that I don't miss the gathering with my family or anything along those lines. It's just that CNY has lost its meaning to me.

Frankly speaking, while I was away in Norway and London last year during CNY, I thought I'd really miss this festive season. Yet, none of those emotions ever came close to me. When people asked me if I really miss CNY last year, I didn't give a concrete reply because if my answer was a YES, I'd be lying and if I'd said NO, that would have disappointed them. And all the CNY goodies that everyone tells me about, I do miss them while overseas but they are not priorities in my life. My instant reply would be "Yeah I kinda miss them." Yet when I sit down at times like these, blogging about how I feel, doing my self-reflections, I realise that was just deception. If I really wanted to consume them, I could easily get them whole year round. All the pictures that people post on their blogs about their wonderful CNY, they don't tempt me at all and I ain't got any answer myself. Just as when I look at the CNY pictures my cousins and siblings posted, yeah I could relate to those feelings of excitement and joy that filled the festive for them but disappointment over missing the event didn't really fill my heart, to tell the truth.

In fact, as CNY is closing in this year, lots of uncertainties and boredom-ness fill my heart. What's it gonna be like to be visiting my paternal side of relatives, faking my smiles and attempting to make conversations like I've done for the past 21 years? And what lies ahead of visiting my maternal side of relatives to spend the day going for movies, playing mahjong and attempting to liven up the atmosphere year in year out?

Blame me for being truthful to others and myself. Though those comments may hurt, but they are the genuine comments and feelings that I have. Perhaps I've lost my usual self. I am still battling with the me that's leaving, have left and what's still remaining. Do I really miss CNY ?

Hatred!

Sometimes I just hate NUS, hate FASS, hate some of the staff. I feel so disgusted over their inefficiency in handling appeals, student enquiries and dishonesty! I hate it, really I DO! I am still lacking the standard workload of 20MCs this semester since I only managed to secure 16MCs. I tried to appeal for 3 modules i.e. giving them options to choose anyone among the 3. Yet they twice rejected my appeal on grounds that I have already fulfilled my Breadth requirements and need no more of it. Instead, they referred me to take courses on Philosophy, Sociology, Pharmacy which I have completely NO INTEREST in. Initially, I was genuinely taken in by them that the classes are really full and I either stick with my 4 modules on hand or give in to their suggestion to take those UNWANTED classes.

But before I concede to defeat, before I submit, I always have to take one last chance by myself. So I headed to the Business Dean Office to inquire about the places available in the course that I tried to appeal for. To make it worst, the FASS Dean Office did not even forward my appeal to the Biz Faculty. I only got to find out about it when the nice lady @ the recep told me that my matriculation no. did not even appear on the appeal list.! Sometimes, I just find it near to total impossibility as to why there is such a big contrast between the attitudes, mindset and working capabilities of the FASS and other Faculties. In my almost 3 years of experience with them, none of my appeals, requests, assistance sought after was ever being treated with weight. It was always rejection that I got in reply.

So what if you make it to the Dean's List? So what if they sent you invites to prize presentation ceremonies and tea sessions with the Vice Dean and Dean? They make you look like PRIZED POSSESSION yet at the end of the day, it's all nothing but deception. Honestly, I don't need the special privileges or treatment. I just want them to take my appeals and requests more seriously. This is no wonder that I don't see that many of the FASS Alumni students contributing back to the Faculty cos you never really enjoyed your days as a FASS student. I don't feel proud being one honestly. And even if I do tell anyone that NUS is a good school, it's definitely not because of my home faculty cos they really SUCK!

All the talk about all-rounded education, pursuing interests out of major, giving you Unrestricted Electives and Breadths and General Education Windows coupled with S/U options are just talk on the paper. They will never be realised. When moments like these arise, exasperation fills me, anger boils.

Someone from the FASS called me and tried to explain the situation to me. All the things that she told me, I fully comprehend. Yet, I rejected FASS modules because I have no interest in them and not because I misinterpret my position. She just wouldn't listen, will she? She is a big liar like the one sitting at the Dean's Office by telling me all breadth modules are fully filled up. I got so fed up speaking to her that I gave up and just silenced her off with "You don't understand my situation. Give me Breadth modules if you really want to help me otherwise just stay out of my business." It has been ages since I last lashed out at someone.

I can't wait to leave the school and contributions to NUS? NEVER!

Blame it on my poor luck, don't forget.!

Looking back 2008

Time flies isn't it ? Yes, 2008 has come to an end and in fact, 2009 has begun for 10 days already! Yet to me, the effective starting day of the new year is the day SCHOOL starts! Tomorrow is the beginning of a new semester. This semester isn't gonna be as splendid, as exciting as the previous one since I am spending it in NUS! :)) Wahahaha... Facing a total new challenge every year and soon, I'll be bidding my beloved NUS goodbye by the turn of the next new year (2010, hopefully!).

What happened to me in 2008? Nothing is as special as the Europe tour. I finally stepped my foot onto the beloved continent, EUROPA! It has always been my dream to be in Europe, to indulge myself in their culture, background, lifestyle etc. Two of my dreams in life was officially realised.

1. Visiting my most admired city, Paris
2. A trip to Theatre of Dreams, Old Trafford @ Manchester.

Every now and then, I look through the photos of Europe and my heart skips. My presence in that continent made me feel like a dwarf, both physically and psychologically. First, in terms of height cos those Europeans are really tall and daunting. As for the psychological aspect, I realise the world is huge and gigantic and I'm just a small player of the whole universe. My contribution to the world is gonna be so insignificant that one day, should I leave, only that few hundreds of family and friends would remember me. And even if they remember me, it's only my presence that they miss and that humans are habitual animals who miss people whom they see around often and once they disappear, they miss them.

So I told myself, that when I'm back in Singapore, I want a change. A change in that I want to do something for everyone around me whom I genuinely care for. In such a way, when I leave one day, they will not just miss my physical presence and simply over it. Conversely, it'll be the gift, the effort that I put in maintaining our relationship, in making a difference, in being there when they need me. In such a way, even if I pass on some day, they will know I've had a complete and fulfilling life. I live in vain, never! :))

While I was on SEP, I made nice friends, yet they are friends whom I know leave footprints in my life yet those footprints only last for a short journey in my life. Yet, I'm glad that I met them because they provide a different perspective of life, and added wisdom and knowledge to my well-being. :) In fact, some of them are friends whom I'd love to keep forever yet the distance due to our geographical location proved too much for us to keep the friendship going. Perhaps, some day when I go back to Europe, I'll visit them. Not to forget, after meeting them, I learn to appreciate my Asian friends better! My Asian friends are people who keep to their promise, who mean every word they say yet my European ones are the exact opposite most of the time. I guess it's their culture and lifestyle, which is really laid-back to an extent that they sense no urgency and the importance of honoring your words. But it has positive drawbacks too. At least, they don't bear hard feelings in them and you can afford to be less tensed in life. :))

The first half of the year was marked by a million surprises and Dreams Came True for me and honestly, it will be one of the most remembered years in life! Yet, while I was enjoying myself, splurging on all the luxurious goods and lifestyle, people back home took a different turn. I only came to know about the problems and troubles they underwent during this period after I was back. All along, I have been very confident of myself and I am still so now. :) lol! But it was at certain moments that I realise I can be helpless in helping out people around me resolve their problems. It only made me more aware that though we can take charge of our lives, it could never be complete. There are things which we will never excel in and events that are unforeseen in life. To some, it's a challenge in life yet some people just see themselves tumbling and falling endlessly. I took big and sturdy steps in life so far. There might come a day when I see myself falling too. So should I start taking small steps instead?

Back in NUS, things change, emotions dunk. That's school in Singapore. It's always about competition, about relative standing like what I always said. I try not to let those emotions control me. I force myself to like school, to smile to those peers of mine who wear a masked face and a evil smile. I build up a defence against anyone else new to me. But I don't want to get hurt. I am glad at the end of the day, I still have the regular NUS friends who are friends whom I can trust and rely on. After last semester, they leave me though. Now, I've the few pathetic left and Pauline told me she's not staying for Honors for sure. She's my Best Friend in NUS. Someone who implicitly showed lots of support. I'm so gonna miss her! And yes, By the start of the new year in 2010, I'll bid this lifestyle that I really hate GOODBYE and it's FINALLY!!!! If I can within the pressure that mounted on me for the past 2 years, I don't see why I can't ride through this final year! :)

So is it gonna be a happy 2009 for me?!

YES IT WILL BE AND I WILL MAKE SURE IT BE ONE!

Long lost friend?

I met up with a long lost friend recently.
Missing those days when we crapped so much.
We did meet up on previous occasion but none was much like this.
Maybe we had all forgotten how it was like to have such conversations.
Hoping for more. :)
No matter how a person change in the future,
Always remember the emotions that embraced you when you first met
At least when circumstances change
When you pursue your dreams
Treat the person in the same old way when you first became acquainted
And never allow anything else to change your relationship.

YES I WILL! :))

Maybe she was right.
When genuine concern for someone generates disutility,
People retreat.
The one who gives tries to be the more rational party.
Yet the one who takes recklessly pass judgements
How well do you know her actually?
You make her build up a stronger defence only.
So is it still a "Hang in there" or just a simple "I quit!"

到底这感觉谁对谁错
我已经不想追求
越是在乎的人越是猜不透

2009

An extremely bad start to the new year!
I almost fell off the chair when I saw the text!
What?
I realise I have to overload my next semester.
Torturing me in my freaky HONORS year!
DAMN THE SCHOOL!!

America, I am gonna be there by hook or by crook!

What a Christmas Night!

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way!

Merry X'mas to all! Once again, the time of the year is here! For the past two years, it had been a Christmas Night over at my Cousie's place for gifts exchange etc but this year, we decided to make it a New Year Eve's celebration instead. Thus, I had the opportunity to spend time with my Sec Sch friends for some usual hangouts and gossip session!

I guess Steamboat has become an integral part of our celebration thus this year we had Korean Steamboat at this really isolated part of our island - West Coast.! Being 10 minutes away from NUS, I'd always being interested to check this place out but I am certain this frequent will be the only one and the last one! Honestly speaking, the food sucks!

If you are a frequent patroniser of Korean cuisine, having thinly-sliced meat is the catch of the cuisine. Yet, the restaurant serves really thick and fatty meat from pork to chicken to even the beef! 60% of the meat comes from the fatty portions of the animal I must say and those guys really love pork such that they ordered the different parts of the pork, from collar to belly and the meat itself! Gosh! The tea that they served was proclaimed by MH as talisman water i.e a burnt piece of paper immersed into the water. Absolutely CORRECT!

Anyway, after the dinner, we immediately bounced back to our usual routine, standing around discussing the next potential programme. This was a must-happened event every year. During the discussion, we'd then break into our own small conversations or completely diverge from the main discussion. However, this year, we finally had a breakthrough!!!!

I must applaud myself for coming up with such a great idea first then compliment CB and BY for altering the rules and introducing new ones along the way to enhance the idea. Yes, 3 cheers for us, the Dark Lim Choc Family.

So the 9 of us headed down to Vivo City and the game was to buy a pressie to exchange on the spot within the time limit of 20 minutes.

Rules:
1. Buy a gift between 15-20 bucks
2. Gathering in 20 mins time outside MAC on level 1
3. The 3rd and the last person and those who exceed the time limit will have a forfeit
4. No gifts from Candy Empire & Action City

On our bus journey to Vivo, we came up with a lot of funny ideas-like buying multiples of the same food, i.e 20 cans of root beer, 10 packets of potato chips, 10 pkts for crabstick for BBQ tmr, 10 cans of Campbell soup etc. It was really hilarious!!!!

And so, the game finally started at 2143 hours and ended @ 2203 hours! CB came in first, Me second, Debbie 3rd, followed by ZH, MH, KW, XH, BY then SQ. In the end, 4 of them had to undergo the forfeit, CB, Deb, BY and SQ respectively. CB got punished because he bought a gift from Candy Empire which was - DENIED! BY on the other hand bought a gift at 13.50 and he claimed it to be because of the 10% discount that was entitled to him upon paying @ the cashier!!

Thus, the spontaneous & enthusiastic Four stood right beside the Information Directory on Level 1 and performed a one-song X'mas Carol for the 5 of us! People who walked past took glances @ the 4 of them and XH, who wasn't in the group, still felt so embarrassed that he took a brown paper bag and stuck his head in it! Honestly, we had a hearty LAUGH out of that. But nothing beats MH's unexceptional and creative gift that costed hiim $20 exactly! Guess what it is? -- A PAIR OF SOCKS --

It was so hilarious!!!! Can you imagine buying a pair of socks that cost $20? He proclaimed that he had kept to BY's suggestion of buying a gift that has a story and could be related to X'mas yet this was one suggestion that none of us bothered to listen to or adhere to. :)) It was such a coincidence that BY got MH's gift and he was so enthusiastic about that gift and we started to brainstorm for ideas as to how to put that pair of $20 socks into use. From hanging it in his house on the night itself for Santa Claus to come in to drop his gift for BY with the assistance of Randolf to wearing it at night to keep him warm. The most hilarious idea was to wear the socks with his slippers to the BBQ tonight to tell everyone that his socks are more expensive than his slippers!!!! Wahahahaha.....

Finally, we broke off and headed off home at around 11plus to recharge and geer up for the BBQ tonight! I am pretty sure all of us dispersed and left with the same conclusion yesterday night- It was the best and coolest X'mas eve that we have spent in the past decade! :))

At festive nights like these, I can't help but draw a comparison between Stockholm, Europe and Singapore. If there were 101 things that I missed about Europe, Stockholm and all my exchange friends, there is definitely 1001 things that I love Singapore, my family, my friends and all the joy, laughter that embrace us every now and then! :))