31 things to say for a month, post script

I cannot believe a thread named "31 things to say for a month" that I started 3.5 years ago had such a huge impact on me 24 hours ago. I re-read every single one of those 31 posts and found those posts to be so meaningful and a true reflection of my inner feelings and the kind of person that I am. I wrote them based on how I felt at that very moment and I could really see and feel for myself how much I have changed from 9 years ago when I started this blog and now.

I like especially the posts that I dedicated to my family members, perhaps because I have been away for too long and absence makes the heart grow fonder. I always send postcards to my family members and close friends whenever I travel because I think nothing beats receiving news of your loved ones while they are far away and from time to time, you think of them and cannot help but wonder how they are coping with life. People often talk about the language of love. I believe for me, it has got to be words. Three months ago, I would have no clue as to why I value writing and blogging so much and how this blog managed to survive despite my hectic schedule but the most meaningful saying that I come across last year, "Speaking is like having a conversation with a moment but writing is like having a conversation with eternity." uncovered the real reason. Being the perfectionist that I am, I covet eternity and writing does just that. However, as I age, I realise that nothing in this world is eternal. Promises are meant to be broken, "I love you forever" is often said but forever does not mean till death do us apart literally, just figuratively because time heals all wounds. I cannot comprehend how is it that two persons who were so madly in love with each other once can break all ties overnight and become enemies. Surely people change and maybe you will find each other incompatible but there should not be any love lost, right? However, reality is never on my side when it comes to these thoughts and perspectives. Therefore, if I know that a relationship is not going to last forever, then I would rather it had never begun. Perhaps that explains why I never say those words "I love you forever" easily, rather I opt for #foreveralone. I will never desert myself so no matter how quickly times would change or how fast people would move on and out of my life, I still have myself with me.

Those emotions that overwhelmed me last night also made me decided to send a postcard to my sister. I once had a conversation with her about why I choose to be #foreveralone but I sincerely hope that she will be able to find a life partner. Not everyone is suitable for such a lifestyle, to have to deal with all sorts of problems and setbacks by yourself. I feel that I have crossed the hurdle of knowing how to find peace within myself and enjoy my ME time without being conscious and affected by how others would possibly judge me and label me as a "loner". This explains my globetrotting adventures and this fighting spirit in me that nothing can get me down in this world except myself. However, my sister is entirely different from me. My love for her made me conscious that I do not hope that she will be like me to have to walk through this journey of life by her own will without a shoulder to lean on during the darkest hours in her life. No doubt she has me but I cannot be around forever and it is not easy to find a confidant as you get older. A lot of single women out there either have a faith or religion or even a soulmate to edge them on, just like my Er Jie who has God in her heart.

Lastly, I may feel uncertain and insecure now but I guess this was what I wished for 2 years ago when I left my job, to experiment with life and leap into the unknown. I find comfort in that I have not been entirely consumed by my fears thus far although there were days when I felt really lousy and simply buried my head in the pillow for hours.  At this moment, I am glad that I wrote those posts 3.5 years ago because they reminded me that this was what I had wanted to do with my life. I am someone who sticks with whatever decisions that I make because I am aware that I never make rash decisions that would cause myself to regret later. Since I did my best given whatever information that I had at that point in time, what is there to feel sorry about subsequently?

I believe with my optimism, resilience and the love and support of the people around me, I will continue to advance through life with a smile on my face and appreciate the surprises at every corner.

冷的脸色 是证明自己坚强了
当我寂寞 默念这世界不会丢下我

时间的电影 结局才知道
原来大人已没有童谣

我们都要把自己照顾好
好到遗憾无法打扰

So well said.

After 16 comes 17.

Well, the title says it all. This is one post that everyone can expect from me till the day I kick the bucket. Like I said, there is no better way than to set resolutions for yourself each year and then at the end of the year, evaluate yourself against them.

2016 started off pretty well but the road got a little rocky as I close another chapter of my book. I was not surprised because I knew I had to go through this phase of employment seeking eventually, despite me starting in April/May in the year itself. Before writing this, I took a good look at my 2016 NY Resolutions and to my surprise, I actually managed to accomplish most of the tasks that I set out to do.

Milestones:

I had always wanted to visit South America, the last continent missing on my travel map. Unfortunately, I could only cover 3 out of the 5 countries. I guess I was a little too ambitious to want to cover 5 countries in 3 months. Nonetheless, I am glad I made the right choice to take things slow and thoroughly explore Peru and Bolivia. My time in SA was definitely one of the highlights of my year, trekking to Machu Picchu and the Rainbow Mountains hike were my favourite. I like Bolivia too, especially Lake Titicaca as well as La Paz. I love going back to basics and through these experiences, they make me a stronger person.

Next, I am glad I made it to the Balkans, striking Croatia and Serbia off my bucket list! :) My time in the Balkans is indescribable by words for there were too much emotions involved. I love visiting all these off-beaten tracks in the world. It is a pity though that I did not make it to Russia and also do the Transiberian railway but I guess that can wait. At least I made it to Ukraine and I have no regrets.

Besides travelling, I am surprised to strike off item #2 on my 2016 NY Resolution! I had wished to get an internship in the US in finance or apply to an international organisation. No doubt I am not working full-time yet in an international organisation but I believe this will open doors for future position and to me, the experience is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When I met Mr. Ban Ki Moon and shook his hand, I reflect about my life ten years ago in my dormitory room back in NUS. I was determined to polish my writing skills and forced myself to read the newspapers for 2 hours everyday, combing every section starting from Prime to Home and eventually Money and Sports. It was sheer determination that got me through those days and that was my very first encounter with this name, with Lebanon, Israel and the Thai Coup. Life is full of surprises as who would have imagined that young girl 10 years ago would become who she is today, to have a Lebanese and a Jewish flatmate 10 years later and also meet this inspiring figure in her life? I feel that I preach so much about dreams and I try to take steps to get to where I want to be but along the way, I always feel that I have not done enough or that I could be better and sometimes I even forget about what had propelled me forward to accomplish those things in the first place? It is only at this juncture that I write my 2016 milestones that I see this as a comfort that I have achieved more than I imagined and that I had not lived my life in vain.

As for item #5, which also happens to be the very last item on my list usually, it has always been related to personal development, not material wants or concrete tasks. That is to stay positive, be giving and appreciative. I feel that I have accomplished much in this aspect all these years, in fact I am too optimistic at times that when reality hits, I sink really low. I believe in horoscope and I think I am a typical Sagittarius. I do feel low from time to time but in front of others, I am always motivating, encouraging and positive. However, I would not say that is merely a facade but a true reflection of my inner self for the majority of the time. In general, I am a very positive person. Why live through a day filled with negativity when a smile is all you need to make someone else's day and eventually yours. As for being giving and appreciative, I have my own ways of going about that and I shall let people who have received my acts of kindness and appreciation attest to that. My appreciation is summed up in my Valedictory Speech. :) That said, I would still like to thank everyone who appeared in my life, lend a helping hand, share a story, inspired me, encouraged me, supported me and loved me.

So what then is in store for me in 2017?

I am going through a pretty difficult phase for now, whereby I do not know what is my next step in life and am leading a life whereby I myself have no idea where I am going to be in the next 2 months. In a nutshell, it means I am waiting for things to happen. This is not a setback but rather a hurdle that I have to cross to my next step to achieving other milestones. As N used to observe about me, I am someone who likes to be in control and this situation of not being in control of anything creates fear for me. I have been diligently sending resumes and searching for suitable positions that I may possibly fit. In total, I have sent around 40-50 resumes thus far but I know that is nothing compared to what my peers shared with me. They have sent hundreds of resumes before they finally land one job opportunity. If I can send less than a 100 and get employed, then I am very fortunate and should count my blessings. Of course there are those who got hired through a few resumes, be it through networking, connections or whatsoever. These are things in life that I will never have and will be impossible to have, considering my circumstances so I guess I will just have to go the hard way. The only reason why I am still not depressed and taking things in my own stride is probably because I have gone through all these difficult phases a million times in life and in a way, I am so scarred that one more of those scars is not going to hurt. LOL. Furthermore, my optimism puts me in good stead to face any imminent storm.

Sometimes I ask myself why is it that I cannot simply get by and face the reality of going back home and continuing my tuition business. Maybe I have been intoxicated but I believe there is more than I can accomplished, just not yet.

I have lost track of the number of persons who have asked me about love, marriage and settling down. I have had this theory to explain my situation for the longest time ever but I usually do not bother to explain to people who will not understand. I will simply tell them, "I have no interest in marriage", which technically is not a lie but a summary of my conclusion. I am an Economist and to us, life is about choices and consequently opportunity costs.

I believe that there is a perfect fit for everyone in this world, that very person who understands you, loves you unconditionally and that you will not want to let go of him or her even till the very end of time. However, there is a search cost involved to locate this person. Search costs might not simply be the monetary ones such as gifts given to the wrong person (hahaha!), but it could be costs such as (emotions) undergoing many failed relationships to better understand what it is that you seek in life, days and nights of tears and tissue paper wasted to wipe off tears after having broken up with someone, time lost to dating the wrong person, thinking that you have met the right one but turns out otherwise, etc. Nonetheless, it is not a total loss situation. We learn and become more mature over time, pick up skills like baking, picking the right type of flowers, saying the right things to our partners to make them feel happy, etc. (if you want to count the free sex, that is fine as well). From this, we come up with a net search costs (Costs - Benefits).

Everyone will have a different net search costs value, positive or negative. People with a positive value (Costs > Benefits) are those who see recovering from a broken relationship to be very high in costs so they would rather wait and not jump into every possible relationship each time an opportunity arises. Alternatively, it could be that they derive a very low benefit from enjoying the perks of being attached; goodnight messages, hugs and kisses, presents, companionship (most important I feel); unless it is from that someone that they desire at the bottom of their heart, they don't derive much utility from being together with the wrong person. The implication is that such people would very likely stay single for a long time or forever or be with their perfect fit.

The opposite is true of those with a negative value. They can afford to try out many different relationships and derive a lot of benefit from having their 2nd half around. It does not matter whether they are dating the right one because they derive utility even from their non-perfect fit. They are more likely to end up settling for the 2nd best or give up this search for their perfect fit. That said, they are the people whom we see settling down. 

What then are some of the factors that can affect the costs and benefits?
1. Age - When you are younger, you long for companionship a lot because you are trying to find an identity for yourself and you need to build confidence. Your friends and loved ones are the only things that you "own" or "possess" so you derive a great utility from their actions and companionship. As you start to build your own career, you derive more utility from realising your dreams and consequently companionship is less important for you. However, beyond a certain threshold and when you achieved much success in accomplishing your dreams and having your dream career or owning the appropriate material wants, the utility that you derive from these things dwindle nd now you long for companionship once again. I imagine it like a U shape curve utility for companionship.

2. Culture - Culture definitely plays a pivotal role. Asian Vs Western cultures - importance of family Vs Individualistic mind set, etc. This would also bring other factors such as matchmaking, peer or family pressure into play.

3. Personality! Are you the kind who is willing to compromise or you are the typical perfectionist at heart?

I would not say that one is better than the other, that settling for 2nd best is an inferior outcome to finding the perfect fit. It can be argued that people who have negative search costs are as likely to meet the right person because they have more attempts at trying out different partners. In addition, I believe that if the search costs are high when young but start to turn negative with age for some. These people will give up the search.

At this point in time, I am glad that I still have you as a reader on this page. It is a very complicated model that I have here and I am still trying to refine it and make it better while writing but these are my preliminary ideas. Perhaps I should consider writing a PhD thesis on this (LOL!)

What about me myself? I know very clearly that I am the the first type, whereby there are very high search costs in place and that best explains my current situation, more than just "I am not interested in marriage". :)

Forward to 2017, I have thought of some new resolutions (not wishes) and I hope I can sustain this pursuit of happyness in my life journey. I do not want to write something that is uncertain because I am not wishing for something. It has to be something that I can work towards and that I want to work towards to as well so I suppose it will be fewer than last year. I hope to devote more towards work and development rather than travel, unlike the last year.

1. Learn to play the guitar/piano.
2. Find a job in finance or an international organisation (permanent position or at least fixed-term contract) or at least in strategy/ data analytics. After all, you can sense/ feel my passion for Economics from what I wrote.
3. Be resilient, tenacious and positive going forward.

I guess if you really pay attention to my posts, you will realise that I blabber a lot and set fewer goals when I am "lost" and "uncertain" unlike in the last year. Lol!

As usual, I end my post with a quote for the new year:

Two things define you. Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything. 

I guess I have been through both phases to truly understand and appreciate the meaning of this quote.
*p/s: Pardon any typing mistakes or grammatical error because I have been writing all day and my mind needs a good break before the year comes to a close.

366 days ago

Unknowingly, 366 days have passed and I am finally at the doorstep of the big 30. As I looked back at my life, I have had lots of ups and downs and I realise all my life, I have been fighting. I took a walk to Brooklyn Bridge, had Japanese food for dinner and watched a piano concert. It was my childhood dream to learn how to play the piano but unfortunately, financial circumstances at home did not permit it. When I grew older, I felt that it was too late for me to pick it up again so till date, I still cannot play the piano. At this stage of my life, I am transiting but I told myself that if I make a successful transition, I will try to learn how to play the piano. I am not aiming to become a world-class pianist, I just hope that when I am alone at home, I can play something for myself.

So while watching the concert, I cannot help but think that resources is indeed everything in this world. Sometimes, I really wish my parents had spent more time and money nurturing us and developing our talents. We never had anything as kids, because we could not afford it. I am where I am today because I worked for it. I paid for all my adventures overseas and worked for every single thing that I wanted in life - my education achievements, my career, my material and non-material desires. It is not that I blame them for we cannot choose what kind of a family we were born into but sometimes I wish they had made a little more sacrifices for us and maybe we would have be so much different today, given our innate abilities.

That said, I am still thankful for everything that I had in the past 30 years. Imagine taking my first flight at the age of 20, I have now been to 50 countries in the world and this is one childhood dream of mine that came true, or perhaps the only one that came true. LOL. I have lived half a lifetime - along the way, I have collected so many unforgettable memories and happiness but at the same time, there is still plenty of unaccomplished work. Fight on, G!

Roller coaster emotions

Life is just this unpredictable. I was feeling all good when I arrived in NYC, and reported to work at the UN on my second day in NYC. After work, I walked to Times Square and that very moment, I felt that I was on top of the world and that I have not lived in vain. The very next day, I was told that I could not apply for a P-level job in the UN within the 6 months after my internship and my heart sank. I came back home, and all that I wanted to do was to sleep. I woke up the next day, looked through some SNS and once again questioned myself, "What the hell am I doing?" Why ain't I in Cambridge or LSE and maybe now I would feel good about myself.

I really do not know if I had made the right decision to come here and do all of these. For a moment, I miss a particular place so much and want to be transported there immediately. Then I realise, life goes on and instead of feeling all negative and pity for myself, I should start working for my next step again.

Setting Sail Once Again

As I am writing this, I am on my way to New York, commonly known as the Big Apple. I never expected myself to do this, go on an unpaid internship and in a foreign place far away from home. 

I did not have such uncertainties or anxiety when I left for the UK a year ago because I was going to Europe, a place which I know at my fingertips. Be it the culture, language, places, etc. Now, I am completely foreign to NY and not know what to expect. I have to start work a day immediately after I arrive and I do not know how I can adapt to life in NY. 

I was hesitant about going on this internship initially because of financing reasons for I have to burn another huge part of my savings to pay for rent and living expenses. However, it is the UN! 

I have always dreamt of working for an international organisation, be involved in work that can have a global impact etc. so I simply cannot give up this chance. There is no guarantee that I would be employed eventually but this is a risk that I am taking and I hope it is an investment that can reap returns. 

As I sit on the plane and write this, a lot of thoughts flashed through my mind. First, I thank God for giving me so many different life experiences to empower me to pluck up my courage to set sail. I have been adapting to change constantly my entire life and this is not any different. Although the outcome may be positive or negative, for if I do not find a job in NY eventually, I will go home broke and stressed over my next step in life. However, at least I have had the opportunity to work in one of largest organisations in the world. Life has always been smooth-sailing for me and I have been very blessed, that I cannot or should not ask for more. 

Second, I have my family and friends to thank for this. First, Yee Leen for introducing me her friend, Alina, for she will be such a big help in terms of helping me to settle down in the city asap. Besides, YL has always been my listening ear, someone whom I pour all my sorrows and grouses to. Though we chat less these days, I always appreciate her presence and her friendship. She is very positive and always takes setbacks in her stride. I like her motto, “Complain less and do more”. Second, my lil sister who sees my dreams and encourages me to pursue them. I know that my departure will once again leave a void in the family and it is selfish of me to leave my parents behind and my sis to deal with them. Their support to me is something that I can only be grateful towards eternally. Like I told Bro, if you love someone, do not clip their wings and stop them from scaling to greater heights in life. The conversation that we had hours ago before I took flight once again left me something to ponder on. I told Bro that I will feel like a big fish in a small pond if I were to stay in Singapore but now I am probably gonna be the smallest big fish in the big pond. It hit me hard when I said this, was I too self-conceited? I have confidence in my own working capabilities though I may not be the smartest person on earth or not even the top 10% in Singapore. However, I believe in my own attitude; perseverance and positivity which will tide me through even the darkest hours of my life. I hope to make them proud when I eventually return home after 3 months. The most important takeaway from that conversation for me was “humility”. I am starting from ground zero and I have to be patient and humble to pick up the ropes and keep an open mind. 

Third, NM! 😃 I do not know why but he gave me so much strength during my time in Serbia. Everything that he told me about himself, life, politics, the world, and me made me so determined that I cannot tiptoe through life. It would be wonderful if I were to stay in Singapore, continue my teaching career and tuition as a side business. My family will be happy since they want me to be around and I will have all the money in the world to travel. However, that thought does not strike a chord in me. I will not feel accomplished the day that I close my eyes, at least that is what I think. This is my last leap into the unknown because if I were to fail this time, I know I will have to go home and face my fate and lead an ordinary or normal life. 😔  Although he may have lied in his stories, since he always tells me “not to trust a Serb” and “not to trust him”, my gut feeling tells me that he does not lie to me at the very first instance. Everything that he told me about himself is true. He always says that I spread positivity propaganda to him, and I believe that I have motivated him to work hard and lead an extraordinary life but he does not see the opposite. He does not know how much what he said to me, meant to me. For he sees my dreams and believes that I can accomplish them. Many people will not understand what I seek in life or believe in me, but he DOES, even though it may just be a lie. I do not know how life would turn out for him eventually, but I hope that he will not be one of those smart people who will be unhappy because expectations fall short of reality. I was once stuck in this pothole and I felt miserable. I may have to undergo these emotions once again in life with this decision that I made but NM made me feel like, “you can dictate your own future”. Make the right decisions that will lead you to your ultimate goal. We want to be different, we dream big and want to achieve big and we made a promise to wait for each other at the finishing line. It would be amazing if we could journey together and provide the much needed support but unfortunately, we have very different values and beliefs and what he wants to achieve might not be what I want to achieve. But I am so thankful that I met him, for he changed my life in a span of 6 days. I promise, “To live well and stay on the bright side of life”. If the world is filled with lies and conspiracies, I am glad this one lie changed me, for the better or worse, we will have to live through it to know the answer.

A brand new challenge

 It has been 5 months since I last posted anything on this blog as life has been nothing short of busy. Travels for 2-3 months, living life on a bag pack and then 1 entire month of working on my dissertation. Everything winded down gracefully, learnt a lot along the way, met many people who inspired me, encouraged me, served as a reminder to myself, etc.

In a few hours, I am setting off on another brand new adventure to U.S.A., commonly known as the New World. The Big Apple is a dream of many, just like Paris had always been a dream of mine. Before I know it, I have been to Paris for five times but I will never get enough of the city I guess. Then again, if I were to live in Paris, I will be so sick of the throngs of tourists that commute everyday and crowd around the Eiffel Tower, Louvre Museum and what not.

There is so much that I want to write about on my travels in Bolivia and Peru and subsequently in the Balkans. It will take me some time to get down to this for now, I have to focus on searching for an apartment in NYC and then also a job. :)

I was very hesitant about doing this internship initially but the people that I met along the way made me want to do this. I found courage in the most unexpected moments in life and from the least expected people. There is a lot of uncertainty confronting me but all my life, I have been used to adapting to a new environment. I learnt how to close the chapters of the book, titled "My Life Story" with less pain and grief over time and to look forward to new adventures more positively and adapt faster to change.

NY, it has to be everyone's dream, including me. :) But mark my words, I will be back to write about all my adventures.

Curtains are drawing

Time seems to have whizzed past me once again in the last 8 months. It was not too long ago that I packed my bags and left my country for new adventures. In the last 8 months, I have been very fortunate to have forged many new friendships, hopefully lasting ones as well. I have always been able to warm up to people easily in a new environment but it takes longer for me to allow them to walk into my life and discover who I am as a person. However, once that barrier is crossed, I grow an attachment towards them and find it hard to say goodbye.

In 2 weeks' time, I will have to say goodbye to all these friends of mine and saying goodbye has always been really difficult for me. I am afraid I will tear, because I will probably not see some of these people for the rest of my lives. There are others, however, that I have made promises to visit and reminisce about the old times together in the not so distant future. This week has been particularly hard for me, I do not know why, perhaps withdrawal symptoms from my last two trips with these awesome people, first in Rio and then in the Amazonian rainforest. It has been a long time since I had such strong withdrawal symptoms, the last I remembered was when I returned from Israel and I was so overwhelmed by everything that I had seen there. It is worse that we are preparing for our final exams so we do not go to school and do not get to talk to each other. We are basically cooped up in our own homes.

In Amazonia, we were cut off from our mobile phones because there was no mobile network so I was constantly chatting with my friends, about anything under the Sun. After we returned, I find myself talking to a few of them constantly on messenger and WA because we had kind of grown an attachment during the trip. You know who will sit right next to you on every boat ride, who will not be too far away from you so as to be able to offer a helping hand, etc.

As I look back at our time here, I realise that we spent the most time together when we were in the UK because we were living in close proximity and there were so many events. I am particularly proud that I managed to organise the International Food Festival, not just because of the food but also for keepsake purposes.

In Spain, I was travelling a lot more and I was sick for a week so I missed out on some activities. Nevertheless, whenever I was around, I was sure to join them for a trip and also organised a few dinners with Diego, Sergio, Carlos, Bernardo and Eva. :) How I miss those times.

Moving forward to Brazil, we continued our rendezvous to Chapada, Rio, Amazonia, steak house, etc. I once wrote about a set of lyrics, that any stranger may unknowingly become a person whom you are so close with. Diego and Sergio were the first people I went to the supermarket with in the UK, and though they were not so open at the start and I tried really hard to keep conversations going, definitely not as sociable compared to Alfonso, I am so close to them these days I don't know how it happened?

I know new adventures lie ahead of me, I will make new friends along the way and these people will slowly fade out from my life. Nevertheless, the bonds that I have forged with the people here will stay with me for life. This time round, farewell is much harder than in Stockholm.

Extreme Human Behaviour

I have a classmate whom I am not particularly close to but I always find it easy to discuss with her world issues - corruption, income inequality, moral rights, life choices, etc. and over a caipirinha yesterday, we were discussing about human evolution. We came to the conclusion that mankind simply has not evolved much over the years. In the past, when war descended upon a nation or territory, it was reckless killing and raping of the women. Now, a bomb is dropped and the entire village dies. It is a matter of suffering while alive, because you had to undergo the trauma of being raped and watching your loved ones suffer, and now, simply dead with the dropping of a bomb. How different is it then? Why is the use of bombs chastised and not the invasion of the past? I would rather have a quick death than be tortured alive.

We also had a discussion about refugees and the crisis in Europe. I know that it is immoral to deny these refugees a place in Europe because they are running away from war. However, if there is an influx of refugees, more than what these camps can handle, it causes the living conditions in the refugee camps to deteriorate and everyone else suffers. Countries that take in refugees also need to know where to draw the line and say, "STOP", we are not taking in anymore. As long as refugees know that there is still hope of them escaping to Europe or some other country, they will try and keep coming. Thus, I think finding the right balance is important. We try to save as many people as we can but we cannot try to save everyone such that eventually, the entire ship sinks. My housemate told me about a story of a Lebanon family selling all their assets so as to acquire the status of a Syrian refugee and escaping to Europe. When they found that the living conditions were worse than what they had back home, they decided to return, but only to have nothing back at home. These are issues of moral hazards and shouldn't they be safeguarded against? 

Another discussion that we had was about suicide bombers. Some of them were threatened to take on this task, either to protect their families or for a compensation that will feed their family. Is it then right to take away innocent lives elsewhere, family members of other people, just so that you can protect your own family? Which life is more precious? Can we put a value to it? If suicide bombers can do that to protect their own family, then what is stopping Europeans from trying to protect their own loved ones against terrorism and controlling the influx of foreigners? 

For me, I want to stand on the side of justice and fairness and avoid putting myself in a moral dilemma as far as possible. If I had to kill someone else just to protect my family, I am sure my family will understand why I am unwilling to do it? How about if the lives that I am going to take away are people with sickness or have done bad things in life? Will my judgment be different again? 

I share this video from this stand-up comedian, George Carlin. It is one of the best videos that I have watched, talking about extreme human behaviour. It sounds cynical but it is so reflective of life. :)