Starting out as a rookie in this field, I would say that I was daring enough to try out a lot of new pedagogies to arouse my students' interest in the subject in the first year. However, I had to balance it with the rigour I need to infuse in my lessons to make sure that the kids will eventually be ready for the final battle. Indeed, completing a full cycle helps like what the old guards say. Truth to be told, my profession is one that does not help with prior job training. Everything is hands-on and you learn on the job. Needless to say, when it comes to learning, there are no boundaries and even though I have completed one cycle, I am still learning.
I am fortunate in the sense that my strength lies in my ability to build rapport with the students. It is definitely not something that is easy because I strongly believe that you can never replicate relationships in life. We take on different roles in our everyday life and because of these different roles, we have to behave differently. I am stern in some classes while I smile and laugh more often in some others. But who I am outside of the classroom defines who I am as a person outside of my profession.
Of course, I struggled with the demands of the job as well. I am generally impatient by nature and I hate having to repeat myself. I always believe that when you focus and listen to someone impart knowledge and you jot it down and revise diligently, you will understand and remember the words of wisdom. You do not need people to keep reminding you. However, I was proved otherwise repeatedly in the past 2 years. But I am working on my weaknesses. I have learnt to be more tolerant of mistakes (unforgivable and fundamental ones), develop more patience, and be more accepting of non-chalance towards learning and the betterment of oneself through education. I have learnt about the value of life and happiness, not judged based on wealth, material comfort, and intelligence alone but by character, potential, attitude, and knowing and doing what you really like. But I do not condone complete freedom. After all, it is a double-edged sword.
Not only have I matured as an adult, I think my students have matured as well. Like I told some of them, I see boys turning into men, see girls becoming women, see youths having a vision of their future and dreaming dreams and hopefully, living their dreams in the near future. Perhaps I am a more sentimental person. I always believe that the older the better and the first, the most unforgettable. I had built up such positive relationships with the students, some more of friends rather than students and we had gotten so used to each other's teaching methods and learning styles. However, come next year, I would have to start all over again. I guess my past experiences should no longer make me cringe over the fact that I had to start afresh again but you cannot hide the emotions, can you?
My vision of the classroom was one filled with intellectual debates, interest and curiousity revolving the subject matter and proactive learners who raised questions and clarified doubts. Needless to say, you need a good game master i.e. the teacher to facilitate all of these. No doubt the past two years had not been completely what I envisioned but I am someone who loves surprises. Indeed, I enjoyed the moments in the classroom and every time I seized a teachable moment outside of the classroom, I become an overjoyed kid who had just been treated to ice-cream.
In my 19 years of education, I met a few educators who touched my heart through every subtle ways and they all happened to be my professors in NUS. They gave me astute academic advices which ensued my success in the university. That made me see the importance and value of becoming an educator that MAKES A DIFFERENCE. That kept me giving selflessly in this profession because like them, I see and value the value of my role, no matter how minute the influence can be. Like what MM Lee says, "Love the woman you marry." Though I may not visit them as often as I would like to, may not express my gratitude for them in more explicit ways (not like Tuesdays with Morrie) and I think only one of them remembers me, I believe that when you truly wish for someone to be good, that person will be grateful to you from the bottom of her heart and will remember you. Not everyone needs expensive gifts or exaggerated thank-you speeches when they offer a helping hand. At least I don't.
In my life, I chase after perfection and I achieve every little dream of mine through my blood, sweat, tears, and beyond that, the support of my loved ones around me. I sense the ownership in what I have today and I am a strong believer of "You reap what you sow." However, this profession has sometimes taken me by surprise. The students have shown and given me awards that I could not have clinched based on my own effort, belief and motivation that had allowed me to paddle on in the toughest times. But having to say "thank you" has always been my soft spot and is a dangerous zone that I never dare trespass. Anyway, deep down from the bottom of my heart, I wish for a thank-you gift that is much more simpler - that they will remember the life's lessons in class and what I did to shape their character, hoping for them to become someone who finds true happiness. And of course, doing well for their 'A' levels could be one thing that can make them happy at this stage in their lives.
Life is short.As a conclusion to the splendid 2 years of 2011 and 2012, I thank all my students from the bottom of my heart for the past 2 years of memories. The laughter in the classroom, the energy on the tennis and badminton courts, the endless stacks of essays, the adrenaline rush of seeing both fantastic and blood-vomitting essays, the friendships and of course, life's lessons.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about dancing in the rain.
Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.
