Lately, I met up with a group of ex-students and those updates about their lives really made me reflect deeply upon my role as an educator.
I had this one student in my class who unfortunately did not do so well in his first year of studies, despite it being his 2nd attempt. He is definitely a smart boy but just could not find the discipline and motivation to work hard. So upon getting his promotional examinations results, we talked about his future. I remember vividly that he told me his ambition was to become an architect since only a handful of the kids in my school actually had an ambition to talk about. However, I am always very skeptical when people tell me about their ambition. Your ambition is always an occupation that you conceptualise to be something that you would like to be in but that might not be what you will enjoy doing when you eventually be in that position. How many of us actually have hands-on experiences in the field that we hope to go into, until we actually sign up for it. Lol. I would never have imagined myself to fall in love with Economics, until I actually read it in the Polytechnic. Hence, before the age of 17, I would never have considered an Economist as an ambition.
Anyway, that student eventually switched to read Architecture in my alma mater and recently, he contacted me to inform me that he has graduated and has been offered a place at the university to further his training in Architecture. Honestly, I was very impressed and also happy for him that he eventually made it, though via a longer route. It was a very heartwarming session to hear him tell me about his life in the Polytechnic and his training in Architecture. That made me reflect and wonder how would things turn out if I had tried all means and ways to get him to stay on instead, 3 years ago?
In addition to him, I also caught up with 2 other students who used to be a big headache for me in class, always not doing their work, screwing up their tests and occasionally not turning up for lessons. One of them had this affinity with me, I would say, because I taught him before I left for NIE and also gave him some advices on changing his subject combination, to focus on subjects that he had an interest in and could excel in. Who knows when I eventually returned to the school, he was in my class and became my student! At a certain point in time, I got so frustrated with his lack of commitment in his academics that my patience with him ran really thin. I was the kind of educator who was firm in the classroom but friendly outside. However, I realise that I could no longer be friendly with him outside the classroom. Our relationship became very tense and authoritarian and that was the last thing that I had hope for. My vision of my relationships with all my students must be one that is socially equal. Fortunately, we ironed out the issues that I had with his attitude in class and towards the subject and he eventually did well for the subject!
Another boy was a famous sportsperson in the school and he is one smart boy who has strong survival skills. His interpersonal skills are also good but I never agree with his white lies or lies. As an educator, I am very particular about values education and integrity is always the number 1 value that I preach about. So I clamp down on him real hard about his lies and even had to speak to his parents about it. However, deep down in the bottom of my heart, I know that he will eventually survive when he steps into society and enter adulthood. Although he managed to earn a place in the university, he decided to take a gap year and pursue a career in financial planning since his comparative advantage has always been his persuasion skills and his looks.
All 3 of them had turned out very differently, but I am glad that they have all found their own foothold in life. I then start to think about, what exactly should education be about? There is a strong emphasis on academic results in our education system - teachers feel the pressure to deliver the quality grades, parents want their children to excel, and students compete to do well to get a place in the popular courses in university. I can proudly say that I place my students' interests as the priority - their emotional well-being and also the academic results because I believe that education is the way to change their lives and facilitate social mobility. So I ploughed really hard when I was teaching them, often staying beyond what my working hours prescribed just so everyone could get a little more attention and do well for their exams. Nevertheless, a part of me wanted to prove myself as an educator and the results speak for your ability, whether in others' eyes or based on my own expectations.
After seeing so many of my ex-students doing different things in their lives now that I start to question myself. Should I have judged my own contributions as an educator based on the academic results of my students? I guess lil sis is right. I met students who managed to make it in life even without stellar academic results hence I think I might have placed a little more emphasis on academic results. How about other students who are suffering from the consequences of doing so badly academically and are struggling in life now? I would then feel remorseful about not having helped them enough academically.
Life is always about finding the balance. These kids that I used to worry so much about, I guess I have been too hard on myself. They will find their foothold in life, somehow, someday, in a way that I least expect.
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