31 things to say for a month - Day 13: True Love

Day 13: If the opportunity cost of searching the "right" one is too high, what would you do? Continue the search or settle for the next best?


This was a conversation that took place between a group of my colleagues and me and it is not hard for one to detect that most of us who engaged in this conversation were Economics-trained which explains why the use of Economics terminologies.

It started with my colleague asking "Is there a price to everything in this world, including love?" So, if someone (average looking, healthy, age range suitable) is willing to pay 20 lots of Apple shares as betrothal gift (based on price at that point in time ~ US$10 million), would you agree to marry him or her even if there is no love between the two of you. Of course, we gave different answers. Some were adamant that love does not have a price and firmly said NO whereas others simply went along with it and agreed. At least for me, I said YES too with the answer that followed the "YES" as how I will make use of that money to achieve bigger things in life - save the wildlife? sponsor kids in Africa? stat a foundation, etc. My purpose here is not to transcript the entire conversation but to share bits and pieces of the conversation and how I am pondering over this conversation again recently.

So often I get the question, "what exactly do you look for in your other half?" that though I myself have thought over the question a million times, I still do not have an answer. I guess for me, a lot has gone past me. The youthful days of being in a courtship and falling in love could be something as simple as just simply having feelings for another someone are no longer things that I believe in anymore. To a certain extent, looks used to matter for me and wealth, socioeconomic status and educational background not so much. Someone I once treasured dearly told me that simply falling in love with another person and then getting together is something that a pure and innocent heart would succumb to and that should stay with me for the longest time ever in order for me to find true happiness. Unfortunately as the years go by, that someone disappeared from my life and those words dissipated too.

When I look in the mirror at myself every single day, I think of the dreams that I have dreamt and the future that I am working towards, I can only tell myself that what stands in between me and those things are only myself and unlike my family members or friends who have another half - could be their spouses or their offsprings.

I love to travel.
I want to be a global citizen.
I hope to do something for society in the bigger picture of things besides education.

Without money, intellect, and the heart to want to do the things that I envision, where will our future lie? Of course I am not saying that it is only about him having to complement me for I will be as willing to accomplish the things that his heart desires. However, I am just not willing to let go of the things that I have set out to do so I do not think I will be ready to welcome another person into my life anytime soon or even for the remaining of my lifespan because I have gotten so used to how I have governed and directed my own life by myself thus far. However, if I do want to welcome that another person, I guess he has to be financially and mentally ready to complement me. Things that did not use to matter to me have suddenly become important and once again, I will be the one standing in between that someone waiting to enter the picture and myself.

This brings me to the start of this post. The opportunity cost of searching this right match of mine is simply too high and I am not willing to settle for 2nd best - a companion that can be with me for the rest of my life but may not be able to accomplish the things that I want to do. I may end up being a housewife or a typical working mother instead. Life is full of choices. My life is filled with plenty of 3rd best, 4th best, blah blah blah which I never once considered. 2nd best - maybe 10 lots of apple shares based on 2012 share price but just hypothetical.

I used to believe in 'love at first sight' but now, no way. Someone who has only known me in the last 3 years compared to someone who has known me for the last 13 years? The latter will know the real me and the former will probably see only the tip of the iceberg as to who I really am and my desires. It is not possible for me to make a stranger know me in 3 years and accept me for who I am because I am definitely more complicated than most people think who I am. I have my emotions and my way of venting my frustrations, I stand up for what I think is the right thing to do in the heat of the moment and then stumble upon the consequences later, I like to be happy and laugh over the slightest thing because I call that pure happiness. But in my everyday life, I just choose to be easy-going, conform to social norms most of the time and hide my emotions.

So sometimes, I ask myself, "God gave me everything else in moderate to make sure I have a good balance in most aspects of my life but why did He shut the door for the other half to enter completely?" After deliberating with myself countless times, I choose to believe that He has other plans for me and if I have to accomplish what I was tasked to, I just need to be alone to prevent me from being distracted. After all, like I said earlier, it is always me myself standing in between me and the other person and unless I can make peace with myself, I can never question Him.

31 things to say for a month - Day 12: My Homeland

Day 12: One day in the longest time ever when my feelings for my country are especially strong


Source: Google "Doodle for Google Singapore" competition

It was yet another National Day Celebration for me but I realise that as I age, I love National Day celebrations more. Although it might be yet another propagandistic event for many and I do agree to a certain extent, I have to say that I enjoyed it.

As I see the images of historic Singapore being screened, I recall those times I spend as a child in Singapore in the 1990s and early 2000s. The iconic Changi Airport Control Tower, Merlion, Singapore River, etc. that used to appear in my Social Studies textbook, my scrapbook when I was in Primary 4, and my art piece in Secondary school compared to the Singapore Flyer, Esplanade, MBS that may appear in the textbooks of the next generation made me realise how much Singapore has changed over the last decade. However, me being the reminiscent kid, loves the old Singapore much much more. As a kid, I love my country and singing the nation anthem and the National Day songs to me was what I defined a sense of pride that I have for my country. Patriotic emotions overwhelm me whenever I listen or sing those songs and that I will do whatever it takes to showcase to others Singapore and everything that I love about it - positive and negative.

I really miss those things that define Singapore in the past - emphasis on racial harmony, on mixing with people of different races, health education and CME, Singapore Kindness Movement, Garden City, Nation Building, preserving our heritage such as Chinatown, Kampong Glam, Little India, Clarke Quay, etc. Though when I become much older, I found these campaigns silly at times but I appreciate the fact that they formed part of my childhood because those were the things that I found myself deeply rooted and attached to. Moreover, they definitely helped in making us more gracious Singaporeans. However, the kids these days undergo such education, no more.

Perhaps that explains why when I stared at the kids sitting in front of me, watching the celebrations unfold, putting up skits on what defines Singapore - Hello Kitty craze, foreign workers issues, haze, Malaysia Cup and football 1994, congested public transport, etc., I feel a sense of mockery towards the celebrations and seriously, is this what Singapore is to you?

Somehow, when you celebrate the Nation's birthday with someone of a different race yet was born in the same country and grew up facing the same monuments, surroundings and shared a common heritage and culture, you feel bonded and it is so much easier to instill in a person pride and love for the country. No doubt we need more babies to ensure the survival of Singapore and we need foreign workers to keep Singapore competitive to attract investments but no pain, no gain. Every choice incurs an opportunity cost. A local born and bred kid is just different from another who is not. The sense of pride that this represents your roots is not there, isn't it?

This leaves me wondering if the kids at my stage of life a decade later will feel the same way for Singapore like I do now? C'mon people, we really need to do something to make them love Singapore the way we do now. Or maybe to the people out there, it does not matter who will live in Singapore ten or twenty years down the road, might not be someone who knows and loves Singapore, so long as they continue to contribute to the nation's economic progress, they are welcome. However, in the face of disaster, would they still be the one to stay and protect our homeland?

If I could choose, I would rather not have such rapid economic progress to enable me to run away from home and face so much congestion and sometimes disdain for the people I meet on the streets. I want the old Singapore to be back - familiar faces around me and people share a similar heritage and culture, seeing kids who are born and bred in Singapore keeping each other in good company, feeling proud and singing the National Anthem and National Day songs loud and happy, feeling the excitement for various races' special occasions like Chinese New Year where time seems to literally stop, Hari Raya, Deepavali, etc. though that may mean I will have to travel less, earn less and not have the latest technological gadget to keep me company. At least I can travel in my OWN country in comfort and not in someone else's country in comfort and would want to stay here for the rest of my life instead of constantly thinking of how to break free.

p/s: My feelings in this post do not in any way represent my position and stand as an educator but it is purely my personal opinions.

31 things to say for a month - Day 11: Motivational Quotes

Day 11: 1+1 = 2 of my all-time favourite quotes

A good life is when you smile often, dream big, laugh a lot, and realise how blessed you are for what you have. ~BAKED GOODZ TUMBLR

This is my all-time favourite quote because I feel that we often focus on what we have yet to achieve rather than what we have achieved. If you do not count your blessings, how then are you gonna find the strength and motivation to continue? If happiness is a destination and the route we are taking to get to our destination is filled with misery, then do we expect ourselves to find true happiness when we eventually get there? I really do not think so. So start living happily from today! 

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength. ~CHRIS BRADFORD 

This is my 2nd all-time favourite quote and I chance upon this quote two years ago. When I first read it, I found it to be motivating especially for people who might be experiencing failure at a particular juncture in their life. Last year, when I read it again, I found myself interpreting it from a totally different perspective. It is about not giving up even at the toughest moments in life.

I love motivation quotes. They always give me strength when I feel down and perhaps that explains why I always share them with the important people in my life. 

31 things to say for a month - Day 10: values that never go out of style

Day 10: Values that never go out of style



When I was younger, I used to comment on how outdated or old-fashioned my parents, teachers or even grandparents were whenever they preach about the values one should have. I would then tell myself back then that I shall never be like them when I grow older. Now that I have aged considerably, I start to evaluate the younger generation of kids unknowingly like how my parents used to. Unfortunately, my impression of the majority of the youths that I hang around is really what I would say "CMI to the CMI" in Singlish.

Like I always preach, times can change but certain attributes like discipline, humility and perseverance can never go out of style and these are what define success, ain't they?

I simply cannot understand why the youths I meet laugh and joke about quizzes about racial harmony celebration and are amused by such childish acts yet when the focal point of the celebration came about, they choose to talk among themselves, criticise and mock at the people who actually braved themselves to put up a performance in front of all their peers.

I also simply cannot tolerate them talking among themselves, falling asleep, dreaming and staring into blank space in lectures or tutorials when they are so damn poor in a subject matter. It is not wrong to sleep in lectures or drift off occasionally, who does not? I do that often when I was a student too. I used to sleep during my accounting lectures, chit chat with Linky during M&B lectures, colour my lecture notes in all the modules that I took, etc. but I pull my weight when it comes to my academics. I bother to download the slides and scroll through them if I do not understand a particular topic but students these days conveniently turn to their tutors and say I don't understand and I don't know and expect others to explain to them. Whose learning and whose responsibility are we talking about here? To be very crude when I put this across, it would simply mean "if you are smart and can perform then perhaps I could cut you some slack if you do not pay attention. But if you are already so damn lousy in your studies and you are not that bright to be able to absorb things quickly and eventually produce the results, then you jolly well pay attention during lessons and mug your ass off to get your academics right and do well eventually to squeeze yourself into the university by appeal or by scraping through your academic career."

To make things worst, they have the least bit of respect for others. They chat among themselves when they are uninterested in something, showing the least bit of respect for the speaker. Sometimes I do wonder, is this what a westernised culture or individualistic culture is about? Would it be the case that in America or Europe, when teachers teach or when people deliver a speech, the audiences are free to talk among themselves, make sarcastic remarks, fiddle with your tech gadgets etc. and the speaker or teacher is supposed to ignore them, in line with freedom of speech and free rights? So since Singapore is becoming more Westernised, our younger generation are following in their footsteps.  As a lecturer, you should not be expecting the full attention of all your students and if you see them talking or playing with their mobile phones, you are supposed to ignore them. I start to lose focus on what should be the norm and what should be the right value to inculcate especially when I do not see others reinforcing the same things. I even wonder if I should just ignore them and continue with my lesson even though I know that they are not paying attention but the devil inside me always never fail to give them a piece of my mind.

Call me old fashioned if you want but I simply cannot tolerate neither do I advocate such behavior. I used to be a very rebellious student and I may have certain negative feedback or comments about some lecturers or speakers that I have come across. If I feel that someone is not making sense yet I need to be present for that event, I would simply switch off by dreaming (not talking to my friends) or turn on my critical mode and start identifying the flaws in the speakers' arguments silently. My baseline is that even though I may not agree with what you are saying, I should show basic respect and not comment openly. But I cannot understand why the youths these days cannot do so. There is an apparent lack of sense of urgency and to make things worst, when they are being told off or asked to hurry, they show a non-chalant attitude. Sometimes I really feel like giving some of these people (not just youths themselves but the people who are supposed to help educate them) a few tight slaps to make them wake up from their stupid ideas or dreamland that "Don't think that the world owes you anything and that should you disappear from this world some day, the earth is not going to stop spinning for you."

Maybe only when people age then do they start understanding the importance of these values or virtues.

I wonder if you meet people with such characteristics or behaviour in your everyday life and sometimes you really feel like slapping them but you know you cannot. But these habits are formed from a young age and if the youths these days do not see the problem with such behaviour, they are going to bring with them these behaviour into adulthood and our society is definitely going downhill.

1. Not smart but want to act smart because they assume that they are on top of the world. 
My response: Please la, you think you are Einstein is it? Even Einstein also not the smartest man on earth lor. How smart can you be? One mountain higher than another mountain, you know?

2. No action, talk only 
My response: Please la, why you think God give you one pair of hands but only one mouth. Cause actions speak louder than words la. Sooner or later people will know that you are NATO and congrats lor, you just shame yourself.

3. Show people attitude when they are obviously in the wrong. 
My response: Please la, wrong then say sorry can? Still want to argue and show attitude.

4. Always saying I don't know or I don't understand 
My response: You know something call "GOOGLE", "WIKIPEDIA" or "YOUTUBE". Go and search online la. If not, then go library read encyclopedia. When you don't know something, you are supposed to use your brain to go and understand and find out, not use your mouth and say "I don't know or I don't understand".

I would only find my own responses funny or amusing when I write it in Singlish. If I were to write it in English, it would probably sound too mild. Hope that has entertain you a little but this is me. :)

31 things to say for a month - Day 9: Is Education everything?

Writing these 31 things to say for a month really makes me reflect on a certain aspect of my life on a daily basis and I have been walking down memory lane and reminiscing about the past. 

Day 9: Someone told me if you study hard, you will have a future. If you do not, you will struggle to make ends meet when you grow up. 

As I was growing up, people around me be it my grandmother, parents, school teachers, media, etc. kept emphasising on the need for one to have a good education in order to secure a good future. Those words stayed in me for the longest time ever and I plough really hard for my academics. Nevertheless, I had my fair share of fun engaging in sports, playing mahjong, chilling near Merlion Park twice or thrice every week, etc. throughout my 17 years of education. 

When I finally graduated with a good honours degree 3 years ago, I was looking forward to my supposed or assumed bright future. However, the last 3 years has been a stark contrast of what I had imagined. Not that I have been suffering or whatsoever but sometimes I wonder if I had been truly happy the last few years and had the rosy picture painted to me since young really materialize? Truth to be told, I actually enjoy studying and like I told my students, the first time I did 'A' levels invigilation, I actually found that memory to be sweet when the students were told that they could begin writing. It is that sense of satisfaction yet nerve-wrecking feeling that you have to illustrate how much revision you had done the previous day or days or weeks in that few hours that I miss I guess. 

So even if it was not for the money or that supposed bright future, I would also have want to build up my academic competency. Nevertheless, like what the economists always say, education is nothing but a signal. It is a signal of your abilities and what you study honestly may or may not be of importance to your future career. I guess times have changed and mindsets are no longer the same. Students these days do not truly have that passion to acquire knowledge anymore and the reasons as to why they are mugging so hard are parental pressure, bright future, high-paid job, etc. If a bright future and a high-paid job are what you are looking for, education may not be the way at times. I did all the things that I was told and obtained a good degree but none of those things materialized. I am still stuck on the little red dot and the bigger world outside is still waiting for me to explore. This has struck me especially hard recently when I see my close friends leaving to work overseas one by one and I definitely envy them. However, I feel happy for them at the same time for I have always wanted to be a global citizen and I was told my education would be a gateway to what or who I want to be but looks like ceteris paribus assumption was applied. You need luck, the right job and an education, but not necessarily a good one to get you what you want. 

31 things to say for a month - Day 8: Intelligence is incremental

Day 8: Something that had kept me growing and going over the years



I have been considered a high achiever for many years of my life but no one ever looked back at who I was and how I have worked in order to come so far today. I experienced academic success in primary school but my complacency ensured that failure was to come at an earlier stage in my life. Back then, I had this fixed mindset that if I were smart, I would eventually do well in my PSLE and that was the start of my downfall.

Going to a neighbourhood secondary school kinda made the difference in my life. Till now, I still believe that going to a secondary school can make a whole lot of difference in the way you think and how your future is going to be like. The kind of preparation, values and academic push you get in a good secondary school are the building blocks to success in what I deem as a growth mindset "brainology". I was deemed to overcome my failure at a young age in secondary school in order to turn the tides.

Failing at an earlier stage in my life meant that I had to work doubly hard in order to catch up with my primary school peers who had a comparative advantage in terms of the education that they had received in their branded secondary schools. Eventually I did so and I chose a different academic path from my peers but I did not regret to a large extent. A polytechnic education shaped up my hands-on work attitude and also necessary soft skills. It was this growth mindset that intelligence is not fixated that kept me thinking and going whereby if I continue to plough, I will someday close the gap that had arisen due to the comparatively more relaxing curriculum in a neighbourhood school. I am glad that I eventually made my mark at the Polytechnic and University.

When I became an educator, this belief continued and it was this exact tool that I used to motivate my first batch of graduating students. Yes, I have seen how underachievers push themselves to overachieving at the finishing line and all these would not have happened if they had not adopted this similar growth mindset like I did in the past. Nevertheless, like I had always told them, their journey of life has just begun when they open up choices to university.

However, having being in the industry for some time has made me slowed down a lot in terms of my own personal development and growth and IMO, if I want to continue to grow, I need a change. This is also why I had been pushing myself so hard in the first half of the year.

Readers out there, adopt a growth mindset! Believe that you can become better and some day, you will achieve your goals and fulfill your dreams. :) Love the quote by Henry Ford. :)

31 things to say for a month - Day 7: Childhood Memories

Day 7: A childhood experience that was unforgettable



Recently, I have been working with one group of students on traditional games in Singapore and memories of my childhood flooded back. I wonder why kids these days no longer hang out at void decks, outside "mama" shops, corridors to play games like hopscotch, zero point, sepak takraw no more.

I remembered when I was in primary school, I used to hang out with my friends at void decks playing hopscotch or used chalk to draw the boxes in my corridor. We will spend hours using our wallets, keys as items to mark our territory on the hopscotch boxes. Zero point was a game I used to play with my cousins, siblings, and friends in schools. Playing these games was a good way to bond and it is a good workout, at least much better than playing video games that is sedentary and makes you put on a few kilos. I recalled that when we were playing zeropoint, we will really try our best to jump across the line made by rubber-bands and if we could not, we would actually do a somersault. Also, there were times when we had to slap the line against the floor and you actually had to jump across it. All these were techniques that require a lot of practices to master. If you were stuck at a certain level, you had to keep going and that really trains you to persevere.

Has technology really eroded important aspects of one's culture and certain values that are building blocks to success when one age?

Some day, we need to relive these experiences of our childhood. Friends or cousins or siblings who read this, when will you be game for another zero point or hopscotch challenge?

31 things to say for a month - Day 6: Tennis

Day 6: One of the things I picked up as a grown-up

When I was young, people used to tell me that if I really want to learn something, I should start young because when you grow older, you somehow become "more stupid" when it comes to learning new things. About a year ago, I also read about it in National Geographic. Scientific experiment and examination of our brain suggests that as we age, there is something called a white or grey matter that forms a protective layer over our brain which prevents damage yet at the same time impede learning of new things.

Tennis is one of the few things that I have picked up as a grown-up. Come to think of it, it has been 5 years since they day I first picked up that tennis racquet and hit a ball. It is never an easy sport to learn and honestly although I am very rooted and skilled in my ground shots, I have not made much progress in other aspects of the game such as volleys, slice, and overhead serve. Two days ago, I went to look at videos a friend of mine helped record in 2009 and 2010 of my tennis training and a recreational session. It suddenly dawned upon me that it is time I take another video and see how much I have progressed over the last 3 years. The last 3 years have simply flown past me and sometimes in the middle of the night, I do wonder, have I lived my last 1000 odd days meaningfully and as though each of those days was the last?

Picking up tennis is definitely one of the best things that has happened to me in the past 5 years because it was one of the many things that I had always wanted to do and managed to do. There are still a lot of unaccomplished items on my bucket list and this post probably is a good timely reminder that it is time for me to kick my own ass and start striking those things off my bucket list.

Watch me in action: