Be careful what you wish for

Unknowingly, it has been 2.5 months since I have been in Spain. I have little time to write about my life here because I have a very hectic schedule and travelled twice to meet my cousin and my family. It is always good to be able to see your family when you are miles away, have them visit you and since I enjoy travelling so much, I love to share with my family all these beautiful places that I have been to.

This is our first family trip and honestly, logistics wise, it was difficult. Mom has a hand injury and she is always tasked to NOT do anything. The weather is cold and a little rainy at times and considering that this is the first time for many of them in Europe, it was a little harsh on them. Of course, there were times when we got really upset with each other and tolerance and patience were crucial. I shared with lil sis about how I feel towards mom over the last few years. Patience is wearing thin because I feel that I have grown up, experienced so much in life and in a way, I feel that my life experiences are way beyond that of my parents. I can no longer be the little girl who listens to  their hearsay from their friends or family members. Reason being that those hearsay come from their uneducated friends and family members, who know nuts about the world, in my opinion. I might sound a little self-conceited but I know everyone out there who is more educated than their parents will concur with me. It is not just about life's lessons, values and virtues but also about how to go about our daily lives. I believe in Science and knowledge and not hearsay or traditions, needless to say superstitious practices. That explains why over the years, I get frustrated when my parents try to educate me with their so-called beliefs. I do not think that I am arrogant because I was once an educator and I know what are the important values to impart to the next generation and believe in being the right role model.

My parents simply have ways to irritate my siblings and I, mom constantly nagging and giving instructions on how to deal with things and dad bragging about his fitness and knowledge every other day. I wonder if they ever look in the mirror or sit down and reflect about their lives, as to why they have achieved nothing after living all these years. I know that it is unfair to use my own yardstick to measure how much they have achieved in life because some people just want to live a serene life and not care about fighting for anything. That said, they should also give me the room to pursue my dreams and not hold me back.

After all these grouses about my parents, I then fell really sick a week after I parted ways with them. When I was sick, I woke up in the middle of the night umpteen times because of the pain. In pain and fatigue, I reflect about my relationship with my parents and there was guilt and a little remorse but I know that a strained relationship is always the fault of both, never one. With dad, I have nothing to say because he was never there when we were kids. He cannot blame us for not reciprocating the love because there was none in the first place.

With mom, the best analogy is like that of a race. When I was a kid, she was the runner in front of me, and I was always trying to play catch-up with her. Though she was in front of me, she looked back at me all the time. She encouraged me to run a little faster and eventually I gathered strength and caught up, and even overtook her as she slowed down. Now that I am ahead and look back at her, I find her no longer the gigantic figure in front of me but so tiny because she is so far behind me. I have forgotten to look back at her. I recall the times when I brought her overseas, to China, Maldives, Taiwan, etc. I love bringing mom on my adventures because she brought me to this world and I want to show her the world, and enable her to see how beautiful and vast this world is. The life lessons that she imparted to me stay with me, a selective few, even till today. Along the way, I have forgotten about making sure she did not fall too far behind me and when it happened, I simply did not look back anymore. I felt upset when I thought about these things but I believe it takes two hands to clap.

In the 6 months that I left home, I never once called home, unlike when I was on SEP. How on earth did I not miss home anymore? I have no idea but it did happen. The world is never a constant, people and mindsets change but I realised that my parents did not, in particular my mom. A friend of mine shared with me an interesting story about how he felt information asymmetry is the main reason why people have to communicate otherwise relationships with break down. I cannot agree more because I feel that this was what happened between mom and me. I no longer tell her about my plans in life because I dislike it when she goes around telling others, neighbours or her siblings, etc. I am someone who loves privacy and want to be undisturbed in my own little bubble so I hate it when people whom I am unfamiliar with come by to ask me about my plans or to a certain extent, question me because that is what some of my relatives indulge in. When this communication channel is cut off, both of us suffer. Some of my friends confide in their moms frequently and I wish I could do likewise with my mom. We used to be able to but no longer now and I do not know why. I believe things happen for a reason and let nature take its course, I guess.

When I was sick, my friends' concern for me was the saving grace and I thought about my mom. I know she is old and some day she will leave me for good. I have never stopped loving her in my heart but when the communication channel got cut off, this love lost its transmission channel. I told myself that my concern will be the one precious thing that I cannot be stingy with when someday, mom becomes ill. Sometimes, I want to tell her about why our relationship has become strained but some things are better left unsaid I guess. I am sick of handling her frustrated tone when I try to thrash things out with her. Maybe some day, when my mom leaves me for good or the other way round, we will both regret not having iron things out and show each other more love while we are still alive. Maybe, perhaps but I believe it takes two hands to clap and make a relationship work. I know that some day when I become old and slow, I will then be able to put myself in the shoes of my mom. Nevertheless, I hope my mom understands that I love her, no matter what happens, even if it is left unsaid.

A life like fireworks

I have always enjoyed watching fireworks, and even having watched them live and up close a million times, I still get excited over it and look forward to catching them. So while I was watching fireworks on New Year's Eve, I told myself that I hope for a life that is like fireworks. Happiness at every stage of my life can be short-lived but each journey or phase of my life must be filled with anticipation and excitement. Short but fulfilling. Some people want a life that is pretty much predictable and stable but no surprises or uncertainties or without crisis. I guess it is all about personal preferences.

One civilisation at a time

I have learnt much about the Egyptians, the Chinese, the Jews, and this time round, the Arabs in the West. My first visit in Morocco was to explore the desert and hence, I had not learnt much about the Medina. Maybe I did but my short-term memory when it comes to events made this visit to Fes, one of the most preserved Medina in the world, one that fed me so much information. I have a better understanding of the Arab or Moslem way of life and their accession to power.

The meaning of 'Medina' according to our tour guide is "independent city". I liked how he started off with the tour by saying that the Medina reflects civilisation, whereas in the world we live today, modernity speaks for everything. In ancient times, perhaps due to attacks by nomadic tribes or lack of proper sewage systems, electricity cables, etc., people live within enclosed walls. In the Medina, all buildings should take the colour of earth i.e. brown or beige. All houses in the Medina have no windows, paintings and decoration because these features reflect a person's wealth and there should be no display of richness or wealth inside the Medina. All houses look the same in the exterior, except for public buildings and palaces for the governors or Kings. Inside the Medina, you will be able to find 3 types of houses, the most basic one is a house with patio (courtyard), followed by one with a garden (riad) and lastly a casa i.e. or a palace. A casa is characterised by a big door, a balcony and likely to have windows with holes on the second floor. In Summer, the families live on the ground floor because it is cooler but in winter, it will be too cold so they sleep one floor above instead. When someone knocks, they can look through the holes in the window to identify the guest. The purpose of the patio is to allow light to shine in so that even without candles or light bulbs, the house can be lit. As these information were fed through my brain, I was processing and trying to imagine the way of life in the olden times. No light bulbs or electricity and sunlight is the only way to light up the house in the day without burning candles.

See the wooden barrel-like image on the top left corner. There are tiny holes, for the host to look through to see who their guest is.

The Medina is also divided into different neighbourhoods and connected by a door. When the sun sets, the doors are closed. The residential area is separated from the commercial ones and each trade is concentrated in a particular area inside the Medina i.e. external economies of scale in action. Whenever I used to tell my students about technological advancement, we relate to transportation tools like ships, airplanes, and cars, and also internet but at this very moment, I realised that I have neglected a small yet extremely significant invention i.e. light bulbs. Without light, there would be no way to power our homes at night and enable us to fly all day and night to all corners of the world.

One other thing that the tour guide mentioned and left a deep impression on me is how recycling was actually done in the Medina, way before any marketing campaigns were being done in the developed world. Rotten vegetables were used as animal feed for horses, donkeys and mules, sawdust were used to warm the water for the public baths, hammam, olive fig and pigeon droppings were in leather tanneries, bones from slaughtered cows and camels were used to make doors or decorative items and skin to make leather. It is with modernisation and scientific revolution that brought about plastics, glass, etc that needed to be recycled. It has its pros and cons because it has enabled us to live in better comfort, convenience, and efficiently.

In addition, there used to be public bakeries where families will bring their dough to and have them baked. Households were discouraged from setting up their own fires to cook lest they burn down the house. Wood is often used to reinforce the mud and stone walls of the Medina to prevent earthquakes so they are vulnerable to fires. When I came back to the UK, my classmate cooked a type of traditional food in his country and told me that it takes approximately 2 hours to prepare it. There are many other dishes that take an even longer time to prepare. At the back of my mind, a city girl like me will never waste so much of my time on cooking. It is not about whether I enjoy cooking or not, but more of me seeing it as an inefficient allocation of my time. LOL. I will come to this topic in the future. However, in the past, people hardly have any leisure activities, needless to say time-consuming ones like social media (Facebook, instagram, etc. are way too addictive) and hence cooking was a way to socialise and they did not mind spending long hours preparing their food.

The tour guide also shared with us about his perspectives on the rich-poor gap and social mobility. He felt that in the Medina, social mobility is easily accomplished. A young man who has just gotten married will build a house with a patio and as his income increases, he is able to buy a bigger house and provide a better life for his family. Narrow streets inside the Medina often meant that the house plying these streets are huge ones. However, since the exterior looks plain, there was no comparison and less likely to evoke jealousy among the poor. I agree to a large extent on this but depending on the personality of the individual that is in the less advantaged position, the outcomes might turn out very differently. When you see your friends sharing their new car or house or new holiday destinations, you might be jealous or filled with envy at the very first instance. Next, should you see this as a form of motivation to work hard so that you can realise your dreams as well OR should you let your jealousy take control and you continue to dwell in your own misery of not having rich parents or a well-paid job that can finance your material wants or you engage in crimes and decide to rob your friend or some other rich guy. Ultimately, you always make the choice and your choices shape your future. Your destiny lies in your own hands after all.

Where you see narrow streets, you expect huge houses. We had to walk through extremely narrow streets to get to the riad that we were staying in. It is an amazing riad, beautiful and comfortable. However, the journey there was less so. It did not help that we arrived late at night and the streets were quite dark. I feared for my life honestly.

Buildings in the Medina can have two doors or one door. A house with a 2 doors have a smaller door within a larger one. If they are both open, it means that it is open to the public. With the smaller door, a guest needs to bow before he can enter a house, which is a way of showing respect to the host.

Likewise, in the entrance to all religious places such as mosques, mausoleums, etc. there is a bar seen in the picture below. This means "no entry to animals" and we also need to lower our heads before we can enter, a mark of respect.

No cars or any modern inventions is allowed in the Medina, not even bicycles I think so the way to transport items is via animals. I learnt an interesting thing about mule. They are the hybrid of a horse and a donkey. The body of a female horse (She-horse) but the head of a male donkey (small brain?). So are they dumb? They cannot reproduce among themselves. :(

Decorative items made using animal bones.

The leather tanneries. Unfortunately, the place is closed for renovation until next month and we are not able to see and smell for ourselves the process of leather making. Summarised steps of making leather from hide: Wash and clean skin from slaughter house --> soak in water for 25 days to cleanse it --> Use limestone to scrub the skin so that the wool on the skin will peel off --> wash and put it into pigeon poop to soften the leather --> scrub away fats left on skin and then dry --> soak in dye. The entire process takes 5-6 weeks so this explains why hand-made leather is so expensive because it involves too much work. I am a little torn between hand-made and manufactured goods. The tour guide was very dismissive about mass production brought about by the industrial revolution. He feels that they are of lousy quality and lacks uniqueness. I think it depends on your personality. I have had this discussion with my dad before as well. In the older days, you want to buy a high quality product and use it for years until it has fully depreciated. However, these days, it is about BUY and THROW AWAY. We no longer covet high quality goods that can enable us to use it for a lifetime. Instead, we are constantly looking to change our clothes, shoes, etc. so we would rather buy something that is cheap but will not last as long. It does not matter because we would want to buy something new eventually after a few years. I guess the term "generation gap" sums it all. Yes, this is Western consumerism whereby we are always wanting to BUY and CONSUME. There are pros and cons. It helps to drive the economy but then it may deplete resources available for the future. So, what then? I find that as I age, I increasingly lose the thirst to want to buy new gadgets or items unless they have decided to retire. Perhaps it comes with age. I would rather save the money to travel and see the world.

I must say that one of my biggest takeaways from this trip is my new-found understanding of Islam as a religion. Coming from Singapore, we learnt from young that we have to respect the different religions around the world, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, etc. I grew up in a Taoist family whereby my grandmother is superstitious and attributes everything to the hand of the gods she worship. When others criticise her religion, she gets defensive and says that they do not know anything. I kind of disdain this whole finger-pointing and criticisms because I do not see how these superstitions and beliefs have in any way brought about a better life for her family i.e. my mom and her siblings. However, I fully respect that she has the right to practise her faith but I reserve my right to choose a religion.

The symbol of Islam is the 8-pointed star to represent the 8 gates of heaven in Islam. This image below has a very special explanation according to the tour guide:

The centre yellow shape represents Mecca, and the dark triangles surrounding it represent the worshippers. The black cylindrical shaped-like image with a pointed edge points toward the path to centre. The white lines represent the different paths of life that Men take and they are intertwined to represent the various ups and downs of life. The 5-pointed stars surrounding it represent the 5 pillars of Islam. The choice of colours can also be explained. Black and white represents contrast and I guess life - right or wrong, true and false, etc. Blue is the colour of the city, Fes, and green is the colour of Islam. The use of yellow is to portray tranquility and calm in our lives. The calligraphy above are verses from the Koran. The guide did explain how they are being carved but I did not quite understand it. Since I was travelling in South of Spain prior to going to Morocco and the region has a lot of Islamic influence, I saw many of such patterns and designs in the buildings but I did not understand its significance. With Fes as the last stop, I finally found the last piece of the puzzle.

Of course, I do not know how much of what the guide said is true. It is all up to our own interpretation but it is always good to have a new perspective to add on to my wealth of knowledge.

This star also has a very unique interpretation. They are made of square blocks and cylindrical ones. The squares represent women and they are meant to be static and provide stability. The cylinders are mobile, you can turn them which signify that men should be mobile and go out to work and bring bread home.

See the windows just beneath the arc. They are special windows, I cannot remember the name of it, whereby women inside the house can see out but others cannot look into nor see them.

Fes has one of the first universities in the world which is now converted into a mosque and religious schools. According to the guide, only the brightest students who are interested in religious studies can study here. They need to be well-versed in the Koran and also one other book (cannot remember the name). One interesting thing is that when you look in the direction of the arches, you are actually facing Mecca.

And I also learnt much about their disdain for the left. I used to wonder why my Malay friends always eat using their right hands even though some of them write with their left. In their culture or religion, they believe that left is evil and right is good. One should always eat with their right hand and not their left because when they do, they are sharing their food with the demon or Saturn. One should always walk on the left so that if they pass someone who they know, they can shake their hands using their right hands. Soldiers draw their swords which are placed on the left side of their body to kill their passing enemies. I vividly remember someone telling me that in ancient times, you should not be a left-handed because you might get killed. I think one left-handed man was Galileo Gallili which is why the church dismissed his findings about the Sun being the centre of the universe and not the Earth and they wanted him killed.

The guide also told us a joke about the left-handed boy whom Saturn got fed up with. Mothers usually teach their kids to eat with their right hand because if they do it with their left hands, it means that Saturn is eating with them and taking away their food. However, this is one poor boy who eats only olive and bread and always eats with his left hand. So one day, he saw Saturn's image in the bowl telling him that "Please listen to your mother. I am sick of eating your poor food, olives and bread."

With that, I have finished writing about my adventures in Fes, Morocco and I find it an especially meaningful trip because I have learnt so much more about another civilisation. This image overlooks the city of Fes and taking it at dusk makes it even more beautiful! Apparently Morocco is a word that means leather (perhaps in Latin or English) and Morocco got its name because of its fame in the leather industry. Although I find my tour guide a little extremist in his views, I was actually interested to listen to his views. It is through interactions like these that you stumble upon people with such diverse and extremist opinions and then you learnt about the world. You will never experience this if you bury yourself in books because they have no emotions and they are always moderated to reflect a more neutral standpoint. I do not subscribe to my tour guide's beliefs but I appreciate his candid sharing because it has helped me to understand the world and what is happening around it.



Life is a continuous process of discovery. I have learnt so much about the Balkans from my Balkan classmates and I would love to visit the region soon. Another civilisation that I am waiting to explore is the Inca in Machu Picchu. After that, it will be Russia and now, a new one on my list - Central Asia. Uzbekistan is my next exotic destination after hearing so much from my Uzbek classmate! I just cannot stop travelling but I only have limited time!!!


The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page. ~Augustine of Hippo

2015 going on 2016.

Unknowingly. another year has passed. I have been doing this new year reflections ever since I started blogging and honestly, it is a good way to help me develop as a person. I looked back at whatever that has happened, the positives and negatives, say my appreciation for the people and things that have happened and then set my new year resolutions. It is a simple thing to do, but how many of us actually bother to look back and see how much we have achieved rather than focus on what we are currently lacking.

Last year this time, I ended an epic 2 month trip to Europe and I gained numerous insights in life. I must say this has been a splendid year, with me achieving much more than last year and personally, I feel satiated with what I have set myself out to achieve and also with what I had gained.

Milestones:
I completed my CFA finally! A random decision 3 years ago while doing my personal reflections in 2012 made me decided to embark on the pursuit of the CFA charter. I knew that I did not have the relevant qualifications but to me, it is about disciplining and continuing to improve myself even as a grown adult. The road has not been busy, especially at the first levels, with ,e struggling to balance my work commitments with self study. I bite the bullet and I am glad I survived.

I worked in NUS and met 2 extremely kind souls, Dione and Melvin, who have indirectly influenced. They are always willing to lend a helping hand, very giving people and also tend to see the good side of others. Though we might not keep in contact forever and the time that we know each other is relatively short, they have had very positive influences on me.

Next, I am finally pursuing my Masters! I have always wanted to do a Masters overseas so as to be exposed to different learning cultures, meet new people and also enhance my knowledge in economics. Rigour wise, this might not be the toughest and although I have learnt some of the content in NUS, the application of the theories into the real world has enabled me to gain new perspectives towards economics. I am glad that I took this plunge out of my comfort zone. I met loads of new friends from different corners of the world and each of them has a different story to share with me and taught me valuable lessons and shared experiences with me. I am particularly close to a few, Mariana, Stepan, Nemanja, Tom because I spent a large part of my time with them and I am so thankful for having them in my life. We participated in the All-Nighter Entrepeneurship and honestly, I love our business idea and maybe some day I will implement it. I have learnt a lot about Brazil, Bulgaria, Serbia and the civil war and the Balkans, Russia, even new insights from Tom about China and also from Daniel, my badminton friend and mentor. I picked up new skills in badminton as well, thanks to Dan. I represented the college in the BUCS competitions and that is a fulfilment of my teenage dream to represent my school in a sports. It has not been easy, and playing in a competition really requires a cool and calm head.

Last but not least, I embark on yet another travel adventure to Andalucia, South of Spain and also to Morocco. It was good revisiting Marrakech and walking down memory lane in the Jemaa-el-fna market but even better to visit fes. I am really glad that we hired the local tour guide who shared so much about the Medina, Muslims, and Islam with us, despite his extremist views. I will blog about these adventures another time. My travel companion, Linky, also taught me a lot of life lessons, not explicitly but through our arguments, conflicts and also talks on long bus and car journeys.

Lastly, I did accomplish something an item on my 2015 New Year Resolution. I set out to learn Spanish and during the first 6 months of 2015, I diligently did my lessons everyday. I started to slack subsequently, especially in August while I prepared to move to the UK. However, I am satisfied with my progress and I am sure my Spanish will get better when I move to Spain in January and I will continue my Duolingo lessons. When I was in Spain, I could get around with some basic Spanish and this small taste of success provided motivation for me to press on to pick up Spanish since I know I am not very adept at learning new languages.

Moving on, I hope I will live a fruitful 2016 and I have some plans laid out. I do not know how many of these items on my New Year Resolution will materialise but I will definitely put my foot on the pedal and make things work out.

1. Visit South America - Brazil, Argentina, Peru, Chile, Bolivia are the 5 countries that I hope to cover.
2. Get an internship in the US in finance or apply to a finance company or an international organisation. I want to put my CFA knowledge to use and become a global citizen that contributes to the betterment of the world.
3. Visit Russia and do the Transiberian railway
4. Go to the Balkans.
5. Stay positive, be giving, and appreciative.

It seems like more than half are related to travel but this is probably the last time that I will have any long holidays to discover the world. After I finish my Masters, I will then have to embark on a second career and have less time for leisure. Many people ask me this question, "Why do you love travelling so much?" There are many reasons but for me the most compelling reason is "I enjoy it because I find myself becoming a better person after every travel adventure."

This quote sums it all up, "Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere (especially when travelling), and sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself." So many a times on my travels, I discovered new insights and outlook towards life and they have helped me to become a better person. So, I guess I will never stop travelling.

Thank you everyone who has appeared in my life in 2015 and helped me to develop and grow as a person. The most important people, nevertheless, are my siblings and parents who have ever been so supportive when I venture out to pursue my freedom. They are the most important pillars of my life, especially my siblings, because their faith in me and their presence whenever I needed someone to pour my frustrations to, give me strength and motivation to propel on. I will not trade them for anything.

On a Carousel

I know I haven't been updating as frequently as I would like to but some days I am just too tired to write. :) Nevertheless, today is a day that I should write on since I will be enjoying the last year before the turn of a new decade of my life.

It was a peaceful day for me, and I did all the things that I enjoyed right from the clock struck 12a.m. Sleeping, taking trains, travelling, shopping, gifting, getting new shoes, exercising, eating my favourite food - hazelnuts, Japanese food. They seem like usual activities in my daily life but doing it on this special day makes me feel that I am a blessed person to be able to enjoy these activities even in my daily life.

When I was 19 going on 20, I felt like I was super OLD. I was no longer a teenager and I was kinda sick of having fun. I wanted to grow up quickly, to have things that I cannot afford as a kid, to travel as much as I can to see the world, to have more freedom, etc. Now that I am in this final year before I enter into another new decade, I feel like I am 20 all over again. Maybe because I have been hanging around with kids since I graduated from university so I feel young at heart. Besides, I am studying now and I do not feel like I am not having fun in life. I have always wanted to change my environment, to change my life circumstances, to impact lives blah blah blah. I once read this quote,

Some people think that a place can save them, like if they could just be somewhere else, their lives would be totally different. They could finally be the person they always wanted to be. A place is a place. If you really want things to change, you can no matter where you are. 

Now that I have finally changed a place, I can relate to this quote even more. I realise that me being me, I know myself so well. I know my own whims and fancies but sometimes I just had to go along with social obligations. My perspective of life will not change regardless of where I am, Singapore or any part of the world. I face the same emotions because the people around me are similar but different. I continue to face different challenges when it comes to interpersonal relationships and how I handle my life. I cannot run away from dreadful affairs that I have to face in Singapore even when I am thousands of miles away from home.

The challenge for me when I get back home is to continue to be whom I am able to be while I am here. Smiling and laughing at the smallest things in life that make me happy, being who I want to be without fears of being judged. Happy B-day, Gisella, Gizelle, Gazelle, Ginnelle!

Once upon a time

Recently, one of my friends got hitched. I am writing this because I never had the courage to write about it many years back or even tell anyone about it, for fear that it will ruin my friendship with this friend of mine. However, now that I am far away in the UK and no one really reads my blog anymore, I can finally write about this.

When I entered into my 3rd year in middle school, for the first time in my life, I felt something serious about this one guy in my class. When I had to give out files for Chinese class, I saw his Chinese name and was not sure how to pronounce it but I wanted to know him better. I then turned to my pseudo good friend in class and asked. She teased me about it and knew that I was kind of into this guy. However, I denied because I did not want anyone to know about it. A secret is best kept if you are the only one who knows about it. So I insisted that I was curious about one particular Chinese character and wanted to confirm the pronunciation of the word. Somehow, fate has its own twist and this pseudo good friend of mine ended up carrying a torch for this guy a few months later and this was made known to the entire class. Eventually, they got together and now they are engaged! 

I feel happy for the both of them since they have been dating since middle school and have gone through so much ups and downs together. I do not feel like I have missed an opportunity because the 'me' a decade ago is so much different from the 'me' today. I was not a confident person back then, and often had to hide my flaws and inferiority by putting up a strong front. I was bad at expressing myself as well and seriously doubt any decent guy would take a 2nd look at me. So, I was never a choice for him to begin with. Besides, I do not think we are compatible as well. I might like his personality but he probably did not think much about my personality. For a period of time, I was really good friends with him (not because I still feel something for him) because I really admire his personality. However, I never really put in much effort to maintain this friendship and then we stopped talking much to each other.

Occasionally, I think about how my life would be different if I had made different choices while growing up but I never regret my decisions, especially when it comes to love. I once wished for a simple life, get married and settle down with kids. I do not really care about money, status, fame, wealth, etc. and had wanted someone who will walk through life with me till the end of time. However, I do not know what has happened over the years that made me decided that this is not what I want in life ultimately. Maybe I would eventually divorce that someone that I was married to if I had chosen marriage as an option. But MAYBE. Fortunately, I am a happy person now and I know that my choices have helped shape my character and made me a better person now. 

Over the years, I have fallen in love with others and also out but all these people whom I once felt something for, I hold them to my heart dearly. I hope that they will find happiness in life and be blessed. Almost all of them have moved on in life and some are even married with kids. This is really a sign of old age for me and this guy is probably one of the last. 

Love is never about who falls in love with who first, or who met first. It is always about meeting the right person at the right time. Dedicated specially to 'bestie' and I wish him happiness! :) 

对的人，或许会在错的时间去敲你的门 The right person, may appear at your door at the wrong time,

错的人，却可能是你一生最难忘的人 The wrong person, may be the most unforgettable person in your life, 

陌生人，也许会变成最亲密的爱人 The stranger, may become the dearest person to you

别以为不可能，什么都有可能，在这一场旅程 Do not think that it is impossible because anything is possible, in this journey of life. 

Perspectives

It has been almost 2 months since I last came to Stoke-on-Trent. I have met people from all walks of life in my time here and each of them has a different perspective to share with me. Perhaps it is because of my age that's why I can talk to anyone about everything under the sun, except those that are really really young.

Today, I had an interesting conversation with one of my Bulgarian friend about how it feels to grow old. She asked if I actually felt that I am different compared to when I was 10 years ago? I told her about my "What would I be story?" and she had a good laugh about it. She said she wanted to write something on "What would she be when she is 30 years old?" I think she mentioned something that really left a deep impression on me, about how as a teenager, you make a lot of harsh decisions, think that you can overcome any obstacles out there and are decisive on all kinds of matter. As you age, you start to think a little more about every little thing. I totally agree. I am a decisive person but not to the extent of being rash. Occasionally, I speak too fast and may end up hurting others but most of the time, I do not. I make decisions quickly because I hate wasting time on jumping from one decision to another but that doesn't mean I do not weigh my options carefully. That's why I feel that even though I am 28, I still continue to have fun, laugh out loud and just enjoy in every happy moment that I experience.

Then, some of my badminton friends found out that I was actually 28 and they were absolutely shocked. They thought I looked like 20! So one of the guys actually asked me why is it that I choose to reveal my age? There is nothing to hide, that's what I feel. I have lived in this world for the last 28 years and I think that I have not lived in vain. I have gained a lot of experiences on my travels, meet people from so many different countries, learnt so much about them and am still learning. I may not have a lot of money, may not have a dream career, may sometimes wonder what the hell am I doing with my life but on the overall, I think I am a happy person. I just want to be free and at this very moment of my life, I am free and I am really happy. I know the time will come when I have to start thinking about my future again, where will I go after this Master's? Sometimes, it is these thoughts that make me shiver because that is when my age works to my disadvantage.

After that, I spent 2 hours of my time chatting with this guy from China, who appears to be a rich kid and knows nuts about this highly competitive world, but turns out to be more mature for someone his age. We were talking about society, culture, economy of China, etc. and I definitely did not think he was capable of this. To a certain extent, I agree with him to a certain extent with regards to the situation in China. All those complaints about human rights, environmental pollution, etc are part of the sacrifice necessary to make China the next America or the UK. The US and UK suffered so much during the American Civil War and Industrial pollution, and that made them the two most powerful countries in the last 3 centuries. However, there was no "US" or "UK" to complain about the pollution and lives lost when the two economies underwent development. Coincidentally, I recalled the tour to the pottery factory in Stoke-on-Trent whereby they talked about how some workers in the potteries never lived beyond 40 because of them breathing huge amounts of coal and other pollutants while working in the potteries or coal mines. I also better understood the mindset of many so-called PRCs and I know why their motivation in life is MONEY.

The more people of different nationalities that I meet, the more I appreciate the fact that we are all different, motivated by different things in life and there is no need to change a person to conform to your beliefs or thinking or vice versa. Ah life, ah humans....

Frejat - Segredos

One very nice Portuguese song recommended by my Brazilian friend. Not just applying to love but to many different aspects of our lives. If you love something or have a passion for something, go get it. Chase after your dreams and never let go.


In Portuguese: 

Eu procuro um amor
Que ainda não encontrei
Diferente de todos que amei...

Nos seus olhos quero descobrir
Uma razão para viver
E as feridas dessa vida
Eu quero esquecer...

Pode ser que eu a encontre
Numa fila de cinema
Numa esquina
Ou numa mesa de bar...

Procuro um amor
Que seja bom prá mim
Vou procurar
Eu vou até o fim...

E eu vou tratá-la bem
Prá que ela não tenha medo
Quando começar a conhecer
Os meus segredos...

Hum! Hum! Huuuum!...

In English:

I'm looking for one love
One that I've never found before
One, different from all those I ever loved

In her eyes, I want to find a reason to live
And the wounds of my life, I just want to forget them

Who knows I'll find her in a queue to the theather
Or standing in the corner of a street
Or sitting at the table of some pub

I'm looking for one love
One that'd make me feel good
And I'll go on
Looking for it until the end

And I'll be very nice to her
So that she doesn't get affraid
as she learns more of my secrets

I'm looking for one love, one reason to live
And the wounds of my life, I just want to forget them

Maybe I'll stumble over the words, not knowing what to say
But I'll stand tall and won't leave there without her by my side

Source: athttp://lyricstranslate.com/en/segredos-secrets.html