I cannot help but wonder what would our world be like after we get a vaccine and we get some normality back into our lives. It has been 9 months since I bid farewell to CD in the office and we both felt that it would be a long time before we next see each other. Never did we think it would be 9 months and probably a year even. I really wish to go home but I just cannot get past my own conscience to take the risk and travel and risk spreading the virus. It is like if I were to get C and die, I would be absolutely fine with it, what I do not want is to risk spreading the virus to my family and friends and put them at risk. I would be guilty for the rest of my lives. Perhaps I am too conscious, perhaps I am too risk-averse but I really have the urge to just put everything down, pack my bags and go back to Singapore and never return to the UK again. A two months stay in Singapore would be great, given that I have not been back home for more than 1 month in the last 5 years. I was always back for 2-3 weeks then off to another place on Earth shortly after. No one will know the number of times I visited the SIA website to check flights, almost every other day I am on, counting the number of days that I can work from Singapore, etc. No one can really understand what I am going through, put it that way. I am not feeling awful for I know this is the price that one has to pay when one decides to uproot from home.
I thought about all the potential avenues for the virus to spread - pubs, restaurants, supermarkets, touching the same groceries, trying out the same outfit while shopping, sleeping on the same bed in the hotel (despite bedsheets being clean), sharing a uber with a stranger, airbnb - what will happen to the whole sharing economy which has had a massive boom in the last decade. Would you still be willing to share? The more I stay home, the more I have to shoulder the burden of - given that I have waited so long and persevere so long in limiting my movement so as to avoid spreading the virus, why should I be giving it all up when a vaccine is so close in sight and give up all the effort that I have put in so far to try my best to break the spread?
However, I realise that not everyone thinks like me - my colleagues who continue to socialise, have drinks together (even though some of them might already have had C) and even to the extent of disregarding rules. I really cannot concur with their behaviour and I do not see why I have to cave in to peer pressure to meet with them. I have nothing much to talk to them about because they will be making jokes about "who-who" in the office, ranting about work and making stupid lame jokes about C, about work, about people whom I at times find really superficial. I know that I can be a pretty serious person and rather geeky I would say, because I enjoy intellectual conversations on politics, economics, life in general rather than muse about the daily struggles of life. I would be very happy to go play sports with people and learn new things but I really hate just talking for the sake of talking and laughing for the sake of laughing. Getting on team calls to hear people making jokes about lockdown etc. really gets on my nerves and -_- is my favourite emoticon these days. I know that not everyone takes life as seriously as I do, particularly here in Europe but sometimes I cannot help but wonder if the best of the people in this continent is capable of only this much, and are they then worth the sacrifices of their fellow healthcare professionals (whom they probably deem as less of an equal to these so-called white collar PROFESSIONALS) to be trying to save their lives when they get hospitalised after they party and get C?
The world is a strange place and days when I want to trust in God that he will put everything in place again, I cannot help but wonder why is he letting all these selfish people scoot freely and continue to harm others? Inshallah, God will have his own verdict and judgement in due course.
*Keeping to my one blog post per month ^_^
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