2024, let's move on!

Another post to reflect on the year that has passed and having to take stock yearly of my own achievements, and the ups and downs of life is always a good habit! Let's go! 

2024 Resolutions

1. Buy a new loft - This has been on my mind since late 2021 and after 3 years, I am glad to say that I have finally done it!! It was really thanks to my boss who shared his insights about RE with me and also giving me the comfort/ confidence that I could take this bold step. After making the purchase, I was really excited about the prospect of having to do up my own home and eventually moving in. Hello, 2025 and my new home!

2. Snack less! - This has been much harder this year with me having an accomplice in the office who loves snacking as much as I do. Nevertheless, moving office has helped a lot. The urge to snack has lessensed I have to say. Let's keep going in 2025! 

3. Visit Tibet - Yes, finally made it to Tibet and EBC after so many years. Love the place! 

4. Practice the guitar more and get the electric guitar going!! Learn more songs this year as I only learnt 2-3 songs in 2023 - Not ideal but learnt 3 new songs during the year and it was thanks to a period where I had to stay home. 

5. Be happy - I think this is such an all-encompassing resolution as it permeates so many different aspects of my everyday life. I am optimistic person in general so I get back on my feet rather quickly when I am down. 

A lot happened during 2024 but one incident that hit me real hard was the medical incident that made me reflect upon life deeply. I come to the realisation that a human is like a machine too and our body can have short circuits and a loss of power any time if we overwork it or neglect its well-being without regular maintenance. That made me want to be more disciplined about who I am and also to live in the moment and not overthink about the future. 

In 2024, I also caught up with old friends a lot - the ones at UBS, GS, Master's friends, etc. Brought back lots of memories of the good old times and am glad that everyone is doing well! 

Fast forward to 2025, what would I like to achieve/strike off my bucket list? 

1. Learn Python - this has been on my mind since 2023 but I never found the motivation to get going with it. Now I feel like I could use it in my work a lot more so I am going to get myself started!

2. Learn swimming - this has been a resolution that I have pushed back from 2018 to 2023 and eventually striking it off. I feel like I should really get going. 

3. Empower others to be happy - it is so easy to say, "I want to be happy and do things that make myself happy" but when I look around me, I feel that there are too many unhappy souls and I really hope I would be able to do some things that actually make them happy too. 

4. Snack less please! 

5. Less time for gaming and READ MORE! I feel like I read too little these days. I should aim to read a book every month! 

There will be many more milestones as the year progresses but I need to constantly remind myself that I should achieve at least 1 milestone a month! 

Thank you, 2024! 2025, I am all ready. 

One post a year - 2024 bring it on!

It is unbelievable that 365 days has flown by and the only post that I wrote in 2023 was the one on the first day of the new year! Ever since coming home, I have been rather busy and haven't had the time to blog! It is the one day of the year when I looked back at the resolutions that I set out in the previous year and assess how far I have gone!   

2023 Resolutions

1. Go to Mayday Countdown concert in 2023 Didn't go to the countdown concert but went to the 2024 Noah's Ark Concert which is a replay of the 2012 concert in Jan 2024!

2. Take my guitar to the next level - exams, electric guitar! Bought my electric guitar in end 2023 and I will be embarking on my guitar electric guitar journey this 2024, first step completed!

3. Spend more time with my mom/grandma/family Have been playing mahjong with my grandma on a monthly basis and visiting her for dinner from time to time! I have also been able to spend more time with my family - having breakfast with my parents twice a month, dinner with my nieces, trips with my sister, badminton with my cousins, Genting trip with my cousins, monthly meals with Doggie and Rattie and monthly gatherings with my cuzzies

4. Keep up my exercise regime, eat more fruits and less snacks! Badminton twice a week, eating blueberries regularly but have not been able to cut down on snacks! This is definitely something that I need to work on

5. Learn swimming Why is this so difficult? LOL

6. Show more patience to my loved ones especially my nieces and be the guiding light for them - stay positive and remember the good of the people around me - 心想好意 口讲好话 手做好事 脚行好路

7. Play less games, watch less YT (OMG! the amount of time I spent on YT is scary!)

8. Go on a trip with my nieces/ family (2022 going into 2023) Am glad we went to Japan together, then Korea with parents+sis, Desaru with nieces and bro/SIL and Genting with Cuzzies! Vietnam next year! 

I moved to a new job in 2023, had lots of uncertainties when I started and was not sure if I made the right decision. However, when I looked back, it was the best decision that I made! Banking was great, made me a very meticulous person, polished and ready for the corporate but the lifestyle was taking a toll on me and I felt fatigue honestly. I needed a change, needed a spark and to continue learning! 

2023 surprised me in a lot more different ways or rather I surpised myself:

• I visited Dubai back in Feb 2023 when I was on garden leave, such a nice feeling to see old friends, play badminton with them again and watch another live badminton competition and most importantly, visited Expo 2020! It was the most talked about event during my time living in Dubai 
• I got to see cherry blossoms again; in Japan then in Korea and it was so beautiful!
• Finger pick a full mayday song: 为你写下这首情歌, it was not easy but I did it after 2 months of learning and every time I saw the guitar between my travels
• Took a first class flight for the first time!
• Struck Uzbekistan, Tasmania and Seychelles off my bucket list! Seychelles was a place that I had always wanted to visit during my time in Dubai but never did it and I am glad I finally went. Tasmania was a destination that has been on my mind for a long time but I never went about making a plan, only that I was hoping to visit by 2024 and I am glad I did it towards the end of 2023 and counting down into 2024. Climbing Cradle Mountain was a challenge and I am glad I persevere and did it! Lastly, visiting Uzbekistan and appreciating the beauty of Central Asia was definitely amazing as well... Got to catch up with an old friend and reminisce about the times during our Masters
• Chairing the Alumni Network of my Masters programme: the Masters might not have been a game changer in terms of my career or academic achievements, but it definitely brought me a new perspective and enabled me to meet friends of different cultures and many of whom shaped my values and beliefs since. I reconnected with old friends - Serhiy, Tom, NM, Stepan, etc. Although I have always been in contact with Tom and NM on and off, I spoke with Tom again over VC for the first time and saw his face after 7 years. I do not know how to describe that feeling but I am really glad I found a friend in him. As for Serhiy, the hospitality that he showed me during my time in UA was unforgettable and for that, I am always thankful! 

In my new role, I constantly assessed myself and asked what do I hope to achieve in the next stage of my career. I need to move beyond sitting behind a computer and keeping silent. In my 8th month of work, my boss told me something that really boosted my confidence and made me realised who I am truly - I know how to take risks and be different. Going into 2022, I told myself I need to be back to the business of risk taking and am really glad someone saw that attribute in me and that was the reason I landed that job. I started more networking, speaking up more during meetings, etc. which is not something that I am shy of in the first place, just that 6 years in banking kinda silenced me. 

Going into 2024, I think there are new feats to be achieved: 

1. Buy a new loft - I have been on the search in 2023 but the general economic and market environment made it difficult for me to commit financially. The thought of having to give up 5% of short term interest in a peak housing market just made the transaction seem illogical. However, I have plans for 2024 and I need to commit
2. Snack less! 
3. Visit Tibet - it has also been a destination on my bucket list for a long time and it is time to get down to action
4. Practice the guitar more and get the electric guitar going!! Learn more songs this year as I only learnt 2-3 songs in 2023
5. Be happy

There will be more milestones as I will constantly evaluate myself throughout the year. 

The one post that I will write every year!

Unknowingly, a year has past again and it is time to look back on these 365 days and ask myself, "What have I achieved?"

I am most proud of myself this year because I managed to strike off majority of my resolutions and #1 is definitely beyond my control. As for learning to swim, I really need to set my mind to doing it at some point next year! 2022 was a year that I told myself that I need to be brave again and back to taking risks and step out of my comfort zone. Although I do not read my resolutions every now and then, somehow when I do write them down, sub-consciously, I will set my mind to achieving it. I started taking risks by returning to playing badminton, restarting my globetrotting adventures and also made one of the toughest decisions to return (home)! I know my entire family is extremely happy and supportive of this move and it has been one of the most difficult decisions for me, as I am so used to living abroad and having to adapt to a tiny island again is no easy feat. However, time is running out for some of the most precious people of mine and I feel I need to grab hold of whatever that is left to create perhaps the last memories. Furthermore, I miss my nieces so much, and really hope to be there for them in every step possible as they grow up. I guess this is also considered to be part of my resolution to be brave again and take risks again. 

In terms of my lifestyle, I am so proud and happy of myself at the same time that I started biking to work daily. That 30 minutes is my daily exercise, refreshes my mind and makes me a lot more energetic at work! In terms of being more jovial and less serious, I set out to achieve that and I joke a lot more with my colleagues and like that working environment a lot more :) 

2022 Resolutions

1. Visit Russia Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year Will have to try in 2024 maybe?

2. Go on a family trip with my nieces (C, A, N) though this is probably beyond my control Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year Heading to Japan/Taiwan next year!

3. Be brave / risk-taking Went back to playing badminton full time, started travelling again and let myself be exposed to C, but am glad I regained my pre-C lifestyle!

4. Buy my own loft and figure out my next step Will be in progress in 2023 too!

5. Be back on the road travelling (hopefully) Svalbard, Arctic, Greenland, Sicily, Lake Como/Lake Orta!

6. Continue to be jovial / less serious

7. Learn swimming? One of the most challenging resolutions that I have failed to achieve time and again

8. Improve my lifestyle a bit - sleep earlier, snack less and exercise more! Biking to work for a year!

What awaits me in 2023 and what goals do I have for myself?

I think I am set to buy my own loft and I need to actively look! As I was writing my reflections on Moments/IG, I realised that I am now at a stage in life whereby I feel that I have achieved all that I set out to achieve when I left teaching. I wanted to carve out a career for my own and I have been ploughing all these whiles. I am now living in comfort and enjoying the fruits of my labour, but at the same time, I constantly remind myself that I cannot be complacent and slack. I will always have to keep a sharp mind, constantly upgrade and improve myself and hope to be more entrepreneurial. 

This is not the first time that I am writing about music and Mayday's songs, however as I look back on the past 20+ years of listening to their music, their music has really given me so much motivation and perhaps I really will not be who I am without their music. 

It started with 疯狂世界 when you feel like you want to run away from all the hustle and bustle of life, given my family background and all the struggles that we had to go through as a kid and in our teenage years. One thing that I really am thankful/grateful to my mom is, although we were not well-off, my mom tried her best to make us feel loved and that we could afford what we needed (though not wanted). Every year, she bought us new textbooks, new shoes, new clothes and we never had to do any household chores - laundry, ironing, cleaning, cooking, etc. She gave all her salary to us as our living expenses. When I look back at my weekly pocket allowance, it really was not massive but at the same time, it was comfortable for one to eat and go out occasionally. However, that meant a lot to my mom. My mom has been frugal all her life so even though the toughest days are behind us, this frugality is engraved and she will never be luxurious. 

The song that turned me into a mayday fan was 人生海海, it talks about challenging your fate and daring yourself to be different: “手上有一个硬币 反面就决定放弃 但是啊在我心底 却完完全全不想放弃”... It was a constant source of motivation for me that I have to be in control of my feelings and decide my own fate! 

With that came 咸鱼 and that song was most inspirational for me during my polytechnic days when I had to decide my next step after graduation, and transition to university. Life is full of struggles, not just academically, but also your broader life goals, relationships, etc. and 倔强: “ 你说被火烧过才能出现凤凰” and 超人：“如果你能开心 展开披风 带你飞行/ 为什么我能飞天 也能够遁地 为什么我却没办法长驱直入你的心/ 谁要这样超人 连自己也救不起” were two of my favourite Mayday classics. It taught me that life is not a bed of roses and the importance of perseverance, and even Superman with all his super powers has his own struggles. 

By 2005, I became a Mayday fan and after my first concert in 2007, I became a die-hard fan! I liked the two albums that they released thereafter - 天使 and 后青春的诗, there were many amazing melodies in those two albums but it was the 2012 album that somewhat steered my life in a different direction. 

第二人生： “期待一趟旅程精彩万分 你却还在等 / 生命不是过程 而是美丽旅程 风景有亮和暗 / 如果命运注定你的诞生 如果末日始终没有发生 不要等到来生 让此时此刻能不虚此生” / 三个傻瓜：“世界如果平的 为何人们都要往上爬 活着不是赢家 就是输家 你敢输掉吗？” - At that point, I was growing a lot of disdain of my life and I really wanted to step out of SG and become a global citizen, but I did not know how? I think I am one of the three idiots. I studied hard, got my 1st and then worked hard, trying to carve out a good first career but I asked myself - am I truly happy? Is this the kind of life that I really want? If I wanted a 2nd life after my bond ends, I need to actively pursue it and not simply wait and hope for a miracle that I will suddenly LOVE my life/job. I started CFA in 2013, went through 2.5 years of completing the examinations and my preparation for my Masters. I tried my best to actively change the course of my life! 

Ups and downs and in 2016 after I embarked on my second life journey on my Masters, I had to decide where to go next? All the times that I sat at Brooklyn bridge, at the gym, it was always 顽固 / 终于结束的起点 / 如果我们不曾相遇 / 勇敢 - the strength that I drew from these songs were immense whenever I questioned myself, my own decisions and felt lost about the future. I would not have been where I am today if not for these songs I am sure! 

By the time I got to Dubai and started working full time, 最好的一天 became a regular on my playlist. I listed to that song a lot on my daily walks to the office because it was a constant reminder for me that you have to make everyday the best day of your life. As long as you are alive, healthy and kicking, you need to be thankful for what you have. That song also made me learnt to live life to the fullest and live each day as the best day of my life, whether it was a good or bad day so that when I look back some day, it will be so difficult to choose the best day of my life because I have lived my life to the fullest every single day!  

Mayday has been a part of my life since I was 14/15 and I know it will always be a part of my life. Lil Sis went to their new year eve concert last night and it struck me that maybe I should go too next year, spend 2-3 hours listening to the music that has kept me going all these whiles. 懂的人会懂 - we only live once and the music that they produce is truly amazing. 

Setting my new year resolutions in 2023: 

1. Go to Mayday Countdown concert in 2023

2. Take my guitar to the next level - exams, electric guitar! 

3. Spend more time with my mom/grandma/family

4. Keep up my exercise regime, eat more fruits and less snacks!

5. Learn swimming

6. Show more patience to my loved ones especially my nieces and be the guiding light for them - stay positive and remember the good of the people around me - 心想好意 口讲好话 手做好事 脚行好路

7. Play less games, watch less YT (OMG! the amount of time I spent on YT is scary!)

Of course there is still a lot that I have to write about, however, it is time to play some guitar/sleep. 2023, Fighting!

Dreams and where do I go next?

Recently, I received a news which shocked me as I had never expected myself to be an intended recipient of the news in addition to how sudden the news is. Nevertheless, I am glad I did receive the news and I finally got a close off to that one thing that had bugged me for a year - saying my apologies and goodbyes properly. I think I am a rather sentimental person however, I tend to be non-chalant when I actually face it because as I age, I have learnt that nothing lasts forever - every banquet comes to an end (a Chinese saying). It had been extremely difficult for me to take the leap of faith a year ago considering the circumstances back then and a part of me always felt apologetic for making that move. It was indeed great to finally catch up on these things - reminisce about the past and at the same time talking about the future. I have a huge fear for commitment and rejection all my life. This time, I made that commitment and if the chance to ever commit arises, I will jump right into it without second thought. I might not be accepted but I have no regrets in making my feelings known this time round. After all, you only live once!

What are my dreams now? Where do I go next now? I have had my closures, have taken on the dream job but now what? I found myself missing the times in London when I first arrived the most although I do know that there is no way back. I once wrote a post about the search for the most beautiful flower on the road and how one can end up with practically nothing, because one keeps thinking that the next flower will be a more suitable one. I guess I am indeed that kind of person LOL. It is not just in my work pursuits but also in majority of my life pursuits. 

Where is my final destination? 

What our world is like these days?

It has been a while and I havent been writing even though so many thoughts race through my mind each and everyday. 

The world that we are leaving in these days is not so normal. Just when we thought C endgame is finally here, markets are finally calmed and life can resume normal, we suddenly have real invasion. Whatever that I write only represents personal thoughts and not my stand on what is right or wrong because there is simply no right and wrong in these things. 

I went to read up on the two atomic bombs that were dropped in Japan in 1945, how the Manhattan project came to birth, the people involved in it, etc. and then compared it to the circumstances today. The pilot who dropped the first bomb said he never regretted what he did. Dropping the bombs was the most efficient way to end the war and reduce casaulties, given Germany had already surrendered but Japan was still holding its fort and everyday countless American, Allied and Japanese soldiers were losing their lives. That said, it is indeed a moral dilemma. How about the people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Weren't they innocent as well or were they accomplices in the brutal Japanese invasion just because they kept their heads low, kept their mouths shut and did not oppose to the war? Does killing 200,000 lives to prevent a loss of 500,000 lives then justifies the use of a weapon of mass destruction? Do the 200,000 lives not have the right to choose and why are they the chosen ones to be sacrificed? We killed innocent lives in 1945, why are we letting history repeat itself? 

Back when I was at the UN, I vividly remember the gun statue - the only way for there to be peace in this world is when everyone decides to drop their guns, destroys all MWD. Unfortunately, there is always the excuse that you have xx so I do need one as well to "defend" myself. I guess no matter how we evolve as human beings, we are still animals and there will always be a minority with predator instincts (the fighters) whilst the vast majority continue to be preys (the fleers). It is the circle of life, whether we are in the 19th or the 21st century.  

2021, the year to take a leap of faith!  

Last post of the year once again, how is it that 365 days flown by silently? 

Everyone was expecting 2021 to be better than 2020 and we were all taken by surprise. Things got out of control especially towards the second half of the year and given 18 months of C, everyone was feeling the fatigue and could not care more about restrictions, distancing etc. anymore. I shall start off with my 2021 resolutions and look back on what I have achieved in the last 365 days. 

2021 Resolutions

1. Learn swimming - I will try in 2022 again! LOL

2. Return to tennis  Returned to Singapore in Apr while on gardening and am glad I went back to Tennis! My skills and stamina have both deteriorated and I cannot run as much as I used to, but at least I picked up my racquet once again! 

3. Be happy - be less serious, joke more and relive a little bit of my 18th year old year Things always happen in the way that you least expect. I spent much of 2020 alone in isolation and come 2021, I changed an environment and returned to the office. I told myself that I shall be less serious and indeed in the office, I often cracked jokes with my new colleagues to liven up the atmosphere and found the jovial me once again. 

Besides the ones that I listed above, halfway through 2021, I reflected on my 2020 posts and asked myself - why have I become so risk averse? Hence, I told myself that I have to pluck up my courage and make bold decisions once again and be less risk averse. Although I never returned to the badminton court back in London, I took other more risky decisions and I am glad I did all of those and found back the courageous me. There were things in 2020 that I achieved but reverted to old ways once again - my lifestyle, my snacking habit, and what not. I ate more fruits in 2021 definitely but my bedtime became later in the second half of the year, from 1am to 2-3am and I know that I should do something about that. My skin condition improved a lot from 2019 to 2020 and onward to 2021 and I am so thankful for this improvement. For 2-3 years from 2016 to 2019, I have been constantly troubled by outbreaks and it does in a way affect me from time to time. 

2020 Resolutions

1. Master one song on the guitar - preferably Mayday's song  拥抱，知足

2. Visit Russia Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year

3. Go on a family trip with my nieces (C, A) though this is probably beyond my control Highly unlikely even for the next 1 year

4. Live a healthier lifestyle - sleep earlier, more fruits (twice per week?) / vegetables, less chocolates and sweets, cutting away my snacking behaviour of eating chocolates everyday HAHAHA! I thought I did well during the first lockdown, not eating chocolates for 3 weeks in a row but it did not last long before I went back to my old ways. However, I did eat more fruits - blueberries/ apples weekly

5. Figure out my next step for this new decade - where next? what next? I guess my next step is still my current step but have a bit more direction

6. Look beyond others' judgment and live life / deal with work such that I am not subjected to anyone's whims and fancies

7. I hope my skin condition (face) improves - have been plagued by this acne problem ever since I left Singapore and sometimes I do not even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore :( Improved a lot during the first lockdown but back to the same old issue again in the last few months. I think it is mainly caused by stress and my snacking habit. When I was extremely occupied with work during Aug and Oct, that was when outbreaks became more common

What would I be looking to achieve in 2022: 

1. Be brave / risk-taking

2. Buy my own loft and figure out my next step 

3. Be back on the road travelling (hopefully)

4. Continue to be jovial / less serious

5. Learn swimming? 

6. Improve my lifestyle a bit - sleep earlier, snack less and exercise more! 

I guess I am that kind of person - If I do not set a target for myself, I will never try to change it. It is not that I open up my blog and read my new year resolutions every other week or month but that sub-consciously, when I write something down, I will be more inclined to work towards that target. 

This has been a year of change for me - taking the step out to take a flight home (FINALLY) after 1.5 years away from home, going through that anxiety and fear and having to overcome it, staying 21 days in a hotel alone, going through multiple swab tests and scares, etc. I changed a new environment - no doubt I miss some of the people in my old firm but change is inevitable, and I am now at a point of no return. I feel sadness sometimes because I felt like I lost a good working relationship, nevertheless, it might be one-sided thinking on my part, and for someone like me who tends to fear being on the heavier side of any relationship, I have to cut off the connection / stop myself from reminiscing about the past. I have a fear for commitment and given I have reached a certain milestone in life, it is time for me to commit into a house I guess. I need my own personal space if I were to eventually move back home. 

My story for this year's closing post is on how people stop having fun when they grow old. We used to enjoy all festives / special occasions e.g. CNY, Xmas, etc. because we have get-togethers with family and friends, do gift exchanges, spend time together, etc. As I age, I become a "no present" person not because I do not enjoy receiving gifts or gifting but that I think I am someone whom most people will struggle to buy gifts for. One, I am a rather practical person and do not want people to buy me gifts that I have no use for and end up having to think of how to dispose them - waste of money and their time and also I want to be environmental-friendly. As I age, I realised how gifting creates so much thrash and waste. Second, I can afford almost anything that I want which is why people often struggle to buy me something and I really have almost everything that I need to survive in life. It was also C that made me realised how little we need in life at times. For 18 months, I barely bought anything except food and some clothes and household necessities. As a result, I no longer do gift exchanges with most people and sometimes I wonder if not engaging in these activities makes one feel that they are losing out the fun because people love surprises and gifts. Instead, given that I spend most of my time away from home, I cherish the time spent with people, sitting together and talking about our lives, sharing our stories, etc. although not everyone enjoys that. 

I once told a dear friend that I try to keep in contact with people whom I cherish in life by writing to them, sending them postcards from time to time because I am the kind of person who struggles to strike a deep conversation with people whom I no longer talk to for a long time, no matter how close we used to be. Hence, while I make friends easily and have friends all over the world, I lost touch with most of them eventually. In the 5 years to 2020, I met a friend that related really well with me and for the first 3 years, I made an effort to keep in contact constantly but still, I lost to the fate of not being able to keep the friendship warm and distant away eventually. On one of the postcards that I sent, I wrote exactly that - that if I were to not talk to someone frequently, I will eventually struggle to keep in contact. Sometimes, I think I can really predict a part of my future and the saddest thing is even if you could foresee what will happen, you still cannot prevent yourself going down that route.

I do miss some of these friends whom I used to hang around with so much yet we are nothing but strangers now. Do I regret spending all those times with them even though I know that we will eventually become strangers? Honestly, I do not because they brought me happiness which is why I chose to spend time with them. However, I find myself less willing to actually make friends these days because I know that we will eventually become strangers too. This is why that saying came to mind as I wrote this post - we stopped not having fun not because we grew old but because we stopped having fun, that is why we grow old. 

2022, I hope it will be a good year for everyone and honestly, I truly hope that the people around me can feel happy again if I could make one wish! 

Happy Birthday to Myself!

A year has flown past and it is time to celebrate my hatch day again! This was probably the quietest birthday that I had ever had. Since young, I do not have the habit of really celebrating my birthday given it is typically school holidays. I also tend to fall sick during my birthday as far as I can recall as a kid. 

As I enter into my teenage years, I started to celebrate in the company of my buddies and I remember I also celebrated my 21st as a milestone of me stepping into adulthood officially. On that day, I made the promise to myself that from then on, I shall no longer celebrate my birthday in style in future. 

I no longer covet a celebration because one, I do not want to remind myself that I am a year older again. Two, people long for birthdays because of wishes and gifts to a certain extent, for that something that you really like to be gifted to you as a present on your birthday and I have come to a point whereby I can afford whatever that I want and have no need for any presents or gifts, I am not sure if that is a blessing or a curse? It might make you look lonely and cynical that no one bothers to buy you a gift on your birthday or not know what to buy for you because you do not like any gifts LOL. The things that I want to buy also do not come cheap and I would feel embarrassed to be receiving gifts from others who probably have to scrimp and save to buy me the gift. Third, I go through hustle and bustle 364 days a year and I would like that one day to be reserved for some peace, quietness and ME time. Thus, I try to travel during my birthday and I have been doing that since 2009 except for a few years when I could not travel due to work commitments and in the last 2 years without having to explain further - Genting, Shanghai, Maldives, Is, Turkey, UK, NY, Nepal - these are the places which I have left my footprint outside of SG. 

I did not make a single wish this year because I no longer know what to wish for - world peace, C to be over, and to be happy always? Perhaps if I had to make wishes in the past, I would wish for an extraordinary life but as I age, I just want to be happy and live an ordinary life. I want to be able to travel around the world, meet different people from different cultures, appreciate the simplest things in life, be patient towards people around me and myself, want the people around me to also be happy and healthy and be able to live the life that they want. Life only gets tougher as you age and when I look around, I often asked myself, how many people are truly happy in life? 

What makes you happy? 

You only have to be 1 dollar richer than what you need in life to be satisfied

Wise words that someone told me a while back when I was struggling. I don't feel that I am poor most days because I can afford most things that I want in life these days, except a house (I came to realise). About a year ago, I wrote about wanting to eventually return to Singapore and was checking prices for a house as I was 50/50 between returning to Singapore and not. A year later, I cannot believe I am once again at this crossroad and I am now 70/30 on going back home. This is when I realised that f me, I still cannot afford to buy the house that I want to in Singapore. Perhaps I am too greedy, I am looking for too much - freehold, decent size, decent location, etc. and given 1 set of salary, I will probably have to wipe out all my savings to afford that. What should I do? 

I am not adamant about buying it and I am not looking to buy it because of pressure from anyone or me wanting to compete with anyone. I just want to buy a place which I can call home - my own loft. I could buy a HDB honestly and make it look good too, but these days they do not come cheap either and given how hard I have worked in the last few years, I feel like I deserve to buy something decent. At the same time, I do not want to become a slave for my house because I have to fret about paying the mortgage and what if I lose my job? Basically, I do not want to wear a hat that is bigger than my head. 

I do not feel lousy as I am writing this because I feel that I have come to terms with riches / money / wealth these days. As long as you are happy with your life, it does not matter whether you live in a condo or a HDB. It does not help that I am someone who from time to time will have all these crazy thoughts of packing my bags. Well, I have been through it once and I know exactly how that feels so I will not let myself go through it again! I need to feel engaged and I will continue working no matter what. The issue is - where is that place where I can keep going without stopping? 

One thing for sure that I know is - I need to leave London if I want to be able to buy that flat because the taxes here are killing me. I guess this is perhaps one reason why Asians are so obsessed with riches because houses in Asia are so freaking expensive unlike in Europe/ US. With the price that I am paying in Singapore to buy that flat which is only 1000 sqft. I will be able to buy a huge house here and still have spare cash :p 

I live without worries these days, with a decent job, decent amount of savings and I can 说走就走 to do anything freely or go anywhere freely. The moment I put pen to paper on that house purchase, it will be the end of my 说走就走. That I can be absolutely certain. Life's choices. 

Can't believe a year has flown by and I am still writing about the same things as a year ago - it means I have not made any progress. Is happiness what we are all solving for?